Showing posts with label Mitt Romney. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mitt Romney. Show all posts

Sen. Mitt Romney Dispenses Advice on Twitter as “Pierre Delecto”

Washington, D.C. --

By Robert W. Armijo

Sen. Mitt Romney presently shocked the world when he disclosed that he had a secret social media account on Twitter.

While on Twitter under his nom de plume, "Pierre Delecto", Sen. Mitt Romney dispensed advice to young women, grandmothers and fellow politicians alike.

Here are just a few examples that have since been deleted from the Twitter account:

Twitter Transcript BEGINS


My training bra is causing chaffing. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto [Sen. Mitt Romney]

Switch to a sports bra. Less chaffing and better support.

My grandchildren do not like to come visit me. What can I do?

 Pierre Delecto

Have them carve out jack lanterns, roast the pumpkin seeds (lightly seasoned with cinnamon and powered sugar) in the oven, dispense ample amounts of lose change between the coach pillows and resist pinching them on the cheeks.

Donald J. Trump
How do I distract the country from my impending impeachment?

Pierre Delecto
Withdraw troops from Northern Syria.

Sleepy Joe [Sen. Biden]
People keep calling me “Sleepy Joe” and I don’t like it. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto

Get more sleep.

Ice Queen [Hillary Clinton]
How can I remain relevant in the upcoming 2020 presidential election? Run for office?

Pierre Delecto





Donald J. Trump
Hell yes!

Polar Bear2016 [Vladimir Putin]

Sleepy Joe
What? Did I miss something again?

Donald J. Trump

Go back to sleep, Sleepy Joe.

Polar Bear2016
Da, Sleepy Joe, go back to sleep.

Sleepy Joe


Donald J. Trump
How are you doing, Polar Bear2016? I haven’t heard from you in a while.

Polar Bear2016

Don’t worry my orange colored friend. You will be hearing a lot from me real soon.

Donald J. Trump
Great! I can hardly wait.

Polar Bear2016

Me too…Me too...

The Almighty Oz [Sen. Bernie Sanders]
HELLO! HELLO! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? Alexandra, how do you work this thing?


Twitter Transcript ENDS

Photo(s) courtesy of

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Top 10 Obama Inauguration Parade Float Rejects for 2013

I want those floats gone now! 
10) Hope and Change Float – The old ragtag Hope and Change float with the letters H and C missing and now being towed away.

9) “All-Solar” Powered Float – Ironically, the all-solar powered float is no longer powdered by sunbeams. But by the good intentions (some say hot air) generated whenever the president opens his mouth to deliver one of his speeches (some say give lip service) on climate change. 

8) Path to Citizenship Float – A reenactment of the president (who holds the record for the most deportations ever) signing an executive order that temporally suspends the deportation of illegal aliens -- just in time to secure the Latino vote for his 2012 reelection campaign.

7) Mitt Romney’s Congratulatory Phone Call to the President Float – A reenactment of Mitt Romney calling the president, conceding to him the election (only to reach the White House answering machine). 

6) National Debt Counter Float – An electronic billboard counting down the national debt. Except it is blank because there is no power. No money to pay the electric bill.

5) The Cutting of the Last Inauguration Balls from 12 Down to Just Two Float – Six bulls riding a float with 5 about to be…[Censored by PETA].

4) Uncle Sam Kicking the Can Down the Road Float – Literally, Uncle Sam kicking a can down the road from Wall Street to Main Street until he hits Skid Row, ignoring foreclosure signs and homeless encampments all along the way. 

3) The “Bipartisan” Float – Members of Congress from both sides of the aisle sitting with their backs to each other, arms folded across their chests and faces grimaced.  

2) The Silence of the Leftist Lambs Float – Leftist Lambs look on silently as the president continues shredding the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights. A tradition started by the last right-wing administration and much criticized then by the left, but now silent.

1) The Presidential Darwinian Float – Watch the president slowly evolve his position against same sex marriage until he favors it. He starts out as a Darwin 'Jesus fish' walking ashore. Then he evolves through several primate stages until he is a fully erect Homo sapiens. Then he hunches over, rubs his hands together and evolves into a full-fledged politician – Oh wait, that’s de-evolution

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

White House Calling Romney Luncheon ‘Beer and Cookies Summit’

“No, no. I’ll be having the beer.
Gov. Romney will be having the cookies.”
Washington, D.C. –

In the wake of his re-election, President Obama has been rumored to have been both figuratively and literally ‘spiking the ball’ all around the White House, following it up with a ban NFL style victory shuffle.

“He goes from room to room tossing a small palm-sized green Nerf football in the air, catching it and spiking it into the ground,” said a White House staffer. “All while making congratulating stadium cheering noises to himself and doing a little dance.”

Reportedly, the president has gotten worse in the last few days, apparently in anticipation of his luncheon with Gov. Mitt Romney, making strange requests from the White House kitchen staff.

“He asked us if we knew of any dishes we could serve up that included crow in the recipe,” said a White House chef. 

The president addressed the White House maintenance staff as well. 

“He asked if we could change the doorbell ringer,” said the White House maintenance man. “Now it plays the theme song from ‘Rocky’ when you press it.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Last on: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire President? Joke #1

Is Anybody Really Ready to Answer
This 3 AM Phone Call?
Unlike the other two presidential debates, although advertised as unfiltered, this last one still seemed rehearsed. 

At times, it even felt as if we were watching an episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. However, instead of Regis Philbin hosting, it was Bob Schieffer.

Q: Gov. Romney, what would you do as president if you got word that the Israeli airforce was on the way to bomb Iran?

A: Bob, I’d like to phone a friend?

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Gov. Mitt Romney: Get Me Big Bird Binder Women Now!

"Where Are My Big Bird Binder Women?!"
Washington, D.C .–

One of then Governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts staff members has now stepped forward, accusing him of not asking for a binder of women to select a qualified candidate to serve in his administration.  If true, the accusation directly contradicts what he said on national TV during the second presidential debate, damaging his candidacy.

“He didn’t ask for a binder of women,” said the former staff member. “He asked for a binder of big bird women.”

Initially, Gov. Romney’s staff was baffled by the bizarre request.

“We all said, ‘What?!” the former staffer said. 

However, Gov. Romney repeated his request in writing on a Post-It note.

Gov. Romney’s staff immediately began working on putting together a binder of big bird women. 

“We made calls to the local chapter of the National Audubon Society and a paper mill,” said the ex-staffer.

Despite their calls, the staff got nowhere.

“They just kept hanging up on us,” said the former staffer.

Finally, someone got an idea.

“We got a list of qualified female candidates from the U.S. Women’s Chamber of Commerce,” said the former staffer. “And ordered a binder from the printer in bright canary yellow.” 

When the staff presented the yellow binder titled “Binder of Big Bird Women” to the governor, he opened it up and with his eyes closed, randomly picked out a name with his index finger.

“There,” reportedly said Gov. Romney, peeking through one eye. “Hire her. She looks qualified.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Sends Singing Telegram to Romney: ♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! 
No More Mr. Clean!♫
Washington, D.C.  --

On the eve of the second presidential debate, Mitt Romney reportedly received a personal message from President Barack Obama in the form of a singing telegram, delivered to the hotel where his opponent was rehearsing for the upcoming debate. 

“At first, we all thought it was a practical joke,” said a hotel waiter, who witnessed the event while filling up pitchers of ice water.

Mitt Romney was standing behind a podium as a man dressed as a professional boxer, wearing a silken red robe, gloves, shorts and laced up leather ankle boots underneath, walked into the conference room, making everybody laugh.

“Including the man of the hour, Mitt, himself,” said the debate coach. “In fact, I think he laughed the hardiest."

That was until the boxer threw off his robe and began to sing.

Pulling out a harmonica from one of his gloves, the boxer blew a few notes to tune himself up. Nervously clearing his throat, he started to sing. 

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

Mitt Romney was so taken aback by the message that he immediately began to hyperventilate. 

Seeing Romney’s reaction to the singing telegram, the Secret Service jumped on the boxer, wrestling him to the ground. 

“But that didn’t stop him from singing,” said the waiter.

As the Secret Service picked up the singing boxer, dragging him out of the room, his head would pop up from the dark suits carrying him out and he would belt out a few more melodious lines.

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

Mitt Romney had his head between his knees. 

“Fortunately, someone brought their lunch in a brown paper bag,” said the waiter.

One of Romney’s campaign managers had to presence of mind to grab it, emptying out its contents of a tuna sandwich, apple and box of Juicy-Juice.

“He placed it over Mitt’s mouth, slowing his breathing,” said the waiter. 

That was until the boxer broke free of the Secret Service agents and entered the conference room again.

“This time the boxer jumped up onto a table and sang,” said the waiter.

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

“Oh God,” allegedly said Mitt Romney, as he continued to breathe into the brown paper bag. “I’ll be glad when this is all over.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Obama Drinking Red Bull in Preparation for 2nd Presidential Debate?

"Yes, I'd like to Order Another Case of Red Bull."

Washington, D.C. –

Reportedly, President Obama has been preparing for the second round of the presidential debate with Mitt Romney by drinking cases of Red Bull. 

The distinct blue and silver delivery truck has even been sighted at the White House, backed up to the servant’s entrance of the kitchen. 

“They’ve been making deliveries here ever since the president lost the first debate,” confirmed a member of the White House kitchen staff.

Political pundits speculate that the president is responding to the criticism of his own campaign team that he appeared tired, listless and unfocused during the last debate.

“He can’t afford to look like that again without placing his candidacy in serious jeopardy,” said a political pundit. 

Judging by the number of empty Red Bull cans dumped in the White House recycling bin, however, the president may be overdoing it.

“If he drinks that much Red Bull on the night of the debate,” said an ardent energy drink drinker. “He’ll appear too edgy to look presidential.” 

Signs to look for include body twitches, facial ticks, sweating profusely, rapid heart rate and talking too fast.

Meanwhile, over at the Romney camp, it is rumored that they are preparing for Tuesday night’s debate by doing pre-celebratory victory body shots of tequila. 

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Big Bird Gets Medal of Honor for Distracting Nation from Final Results of First Presidential Debate 2016

Sesame Street –

In a secret ceremony held in the alleys and byways of Sesame Street, President Barack Obama issued our nation’s highest civilian honor to Big Bird.

It was for helping to distract the nation from his loss to presidential candidate, Mitt Romney back in 2012 

Critics accuse the president of abusing the powers of his office by posthumously bestowing such a prestigious award onto an undeserving persona, whether real or a fictional composite.

“The recent release of the under eight percent (-8%) unemployment figures by the Labor Dept. deserves just as much credit for distracting the nation for his loss in Colorado as Big Bird,” said a critic. 

Nevertheless, President Obama mounted a ladder with Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog looking on. 

As he bestowed our nation’s highest honor onto Big Bird neck, Miss Piggy was observed elbowing Kermit and overheard saying to him:

“Why don’t you surprise me and bring one of those home to me someday?" said Miss Piggy. “What do you say, huh? What’s the matter, frog? Cat got your tongue?”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Mitt Romney’s Really, Really Bad Big Bird Joke #5

Q: You know why Big Bird never joined the NBA, despite being over eight feet tall?

A: Because instead of trying to make a basket, he kept trying to make a birdie.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo Courtesy of: 

Mitt Romney’s Really, Really Bad Big Bird Joke #4

Q: You know why Big Bird never joined the NBA, despite being over eight feet tall?

A: Because he likes traveling...south for the winter.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo Courtesy of:

Mitt Romney’s Really, Really Bad Big Bird Joke #3

Q: You know why Big Bird ingests all his food intravenously?

A: Because he doesn’t like to swallow.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo Courtesy of:

Mitt Romney’s Really, Really Bad Big Bird Joke #2

Q: You know why Big Bird never joined the NBA, despite being over eight feet tall?

A: Because during halftime he kept nesting in the basketball nets.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo Courtesy of:

A Gentleman’s Arrangement: What Obama and Romney Agreed to Leave Out of Their Presidential Debate

Hey, Mitt. You’re Suppose to Keep It Under Your Top Hat.
Aurora, Colorado --

As we all know but what our politicians will not admit to us is that behind closed doors in cigar smoke-filled rooms, the real wheeling and dealing is the place where things really get done. Especially, deals brokered between gentlemen. 

And so such arrangements are made before every Presidential Debate between the candidates as to what not to mention during their debate. This list of taboo topics, subjects or skeletons in the closet is rarely violated. And certainly never made public, until now. 

The gentlemen’s agreement between President Barack H. Obama and Mitt Romney is no exception. What makes it unique, however, is that it has been vetted here in transcript form by, which it purchased for a dollar from some guy wearing a tan trench coat and gray fedora, standing in a darkened alleyway. Enjoy.  

Transcript Begins:

Obama: I won’t mention what you did to your family dog, while on vacation. You know the time you placed him in a cage on top of the roof of your car, driving down the highway at top speed for hundreds of miles. Stopping along the way to wash off the [BLEEP] you scared out of him.

Romney: Thank you very much, Mr. President. And in exchange, I won’t mention you’d like to eat him.

Obama: That’s fair. Fair enough. By the way, how is Fido doing?

Romney: We just recently lost him.

Obama: Oh really. I’m sorry to hear that. How did he go?

Romney: Well, we were booked on a flight here to Colorado, you see. When my wife turned to me while standing in line at the ticket counter and asked me to check in the dog. We were running a little late, so I thought why not  –

Obama: Never mind. Never mind. I don’t what to know. Let’s just move on.

Romney: Okay.

Obama: Now about this gaffe about airplanes.

Romney: What gaffe about airplanes?

Obama: You know the one you made a couple of weeks ago about airplanes not having windows that open. It’s too tempting to pass up. Really, airplanes with windows that open? What won’t you say next?

Romney: What gaffe about airplanes?

Obama: I see...Let’s keep moving on.

Romney: No! Wait a minute. That’s how I just lost, Fido.

Obama: What?

Romney: Yeah, that’s how I lost Fido on the way over here. You see, if airplanes did have windows that could open, I could have opened one up and hung onto Fido’s leash, while he ran along side the plane.  Instead, I had to tie his leash to the --

Obama: I don’t want to hear it. Moving on. Moving on.

Romney: Okay.

Obama: Now what about this speech you made in Jerusalem a couple of months ago when you said Israelis are superior to their Palestinian neighbors?

Romney: It’s true. My son read it in a book about the Middle East. And that’s what it said.

Obama: I see. And what’s the name of this book.

Romney: The Bible.

Obama: Okay. And what will you agree not to bring up about me during the debate in exchange for me not mentioning that?

Romney: How about the last four years of your administration?

Obama: That’s fair. Fair enough.

Transcript Ends

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo Courtesy of:

Mitt Romney Denies Giving Israel ‘Green Light’ to Bomb Iran Joke #1

For the record, Mitt Romney didn’t give Israel the green light to bomb Iran. He merely "outsourced" U.S. foreign policy decision making to them that's all.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Presidential Election 2012 Riddle #2

Q: Who rules like a Liberal but runs like a Conservative?

A: Mitt Romney!

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Presidential Election 2012 Riddle #1

Q: Who runs like a Liberal but rules like a Conservative?

A: Barack Obama!

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Mitt Romney Shares a Lake Wobegon Moment: “All the Trees Are the Right Height”???

Lake Wobegon, Michigan --

“I love Michigan,” said a nostalgic Mitt Romney as he stood before an audience consisting of members of his former childhood residential state. “Because it’s where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, all the children are above average and all the trees are the right height. I know that about trees because when I was a little boy I spent a lot of time up and inside them.”

In an excerpt from his upcoming memoir titled My Lazy Daze at Lake Wobegon, Michigan, Mitt Romney’s reflects on his childhood, dedicating an entire chapter to his closeness with Mother Nature, fondly reminiscing how all the squirrels in the neighborhood inexplicably followed him around one summer.

“For some odd reason, a few chose to follow me around,” Mitt wrote.

“It was more like a few dozens,” said a former neighbor of Mitt Romney, who asked not to be identified.

“Being so close to Mother Nature and loving the outdoors like I do, what else could you expect?” wrote Mitt. “I didn’t mind. Really I didn’t”

“Oh he minded alright,” continued the neighbor. “The boy was terrified to leave his house.”

Eventually, Mitt’s parents tried of having him inside the house all day. So they threw him outside and told him not to come back until dusk.

As Mitt walked through the neighborhood, the squirrels would gather in the trees above his head, watching and following him closely. Then when their numbers were sufficient, they all ran down the trees and pursued him on the ground.

“You never saw a boy run so fast,” said the neighbor.

Soon the four footed wonders would catch-up to Mitt and surround him.

“They’d gather around me,” wrote Mitt. “And I’d toss them a treat from my pocket and be on my merry way, whistling a tune on my lips.”

“Actually, he’d be kicking and screaming as they dragged him off up into the trees,” said the neighbor.

“However, I admit, a few were persistent little creatures,” Mitt wrote. “So, on occasion, I’d climb up a tree and play with their nuts with them.”

“They’d stuff him down a tree hollow,” said the neighbor. “Their nut cache.”

And there burrowed deep in a tree hollow, the fire department would find Mitt buried up to his neck in squirrel nuts.

“It was a very curious thing to have witnessed,” said Fire Chief, Adam Taylor (ret.), who personally conducted a number of the rescue operations, extracting Mitt from trees that summer.

While the boy was trapped in the tree hollow, effectively immobilized, the squirrels would gather around his head.

"And with little rocks and pebbles in their tiny paws, they would repeatedly strike Mitt in the head," continued Chief Smith. “You know, it was as if they thought his head was a giant coconut or something. And they were trying to open it up.”

Mitt’s parents finally resolved the issue by paying a bounty to any kid on the block who turned in a squirrel pelt.

Later, they paid to have all the trees chopped down too.

“Yup,” Mitt wrote. “Those were the days.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Mitt Romney’s “$10,000 Bet” Exposes Secret Gambling Lives of Mormons

Las Vegas, Nevada --

Once a month from Salt Lake City, Utah, Mormons leave their homes undercover of darkness to board unmarked buses headed for Las Vegas, Nevada. Along the way they change their clothes. Their constitutions, chemically. And cosmetically their appearance as well. Hours later, they arrive in Sin City. Disembarking from their motor coaches disguised as slightly inebriated Chinese tourists.

“It’s part of the transition they undergo,” said the bus driver. “You know, like grasshoppers into locusts.”

Free to roam the neon lit city, dressed in straw hats, brightly colored Hawaiian shirts and cameras dangling from their necks, the Mormons draw little attention to themselves as they hit every casino in town. Gambling away their hard earnings at whimsical games of chance.

“We work hard,” said “Mr. Chang”, intermittently pausing to sip on a mini umbrella mixed drink, while throwing a pair of dice. “And we play harder still.”

However, since Mitt Romney’s ‘$10,000’ slip of the tongue, which may have inadvertently exposed the secret gambling lives of Mormons, some in the church, working for change, fear a backlash from fellow churchgoers, as well as religious intolerance from outsiders.

One such man is Aaron Johnson (a.k.a. Mr. Yen), a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and veteran Vegas tour guide.

“People actually expect something from us, Mormons. Not like those lazy Catholics,” Mr. Yen says, glancing from side to side. As he cautiously walks the casino floor, wary that he will be recognized despite his disguise.

Mr. Yen says Mormons are locked into a stereotype. Held captive to a reputation only a few have rightly so earned.

Suddenly, Mr. Yen notices a young couple staring at him from across the room.

“Excuse me,” says Mr. Yen, as he steps aside to snap a few photos of the casino’s interior flora: a decorative arrangement of potted plastic plants. Causally, he drops a few coins into a nearby slot machine as well. It pays off almost immediately.

The young couple shrugs their shoulders, as they proceed on their way.

“Boy, that was a close one,” says Mr. Yen. “Too close. Been like that ever since you know who announced a little wager on national TV.”

From within the church, Mr. Yen helps run an Underground Railroad of sorts.

“One that works to liberate Mormons from the stereotype of the faithful spouse, hard working laymen and shrewd businessmen,” says Mr. Yen as he boards the bus along with the fellow members of his congregation headed back to Salt Lake City.

In the back, a drunken brawl breaks out over the disputed results of a game of craps.

“Excuse me,” Mr. Yen says again. Only this time, he does not reach for his camera or the lever of a slot machine. Rather, he pulls out a blackjack from under his tropical patterned Hawaiian shirt instead. “Looks like I have to breakup another unauthorized ‘Bible Study’.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Mitt Romney’s Only Visible Childhood Friend a Fast-Food Clown? Reason Why Corporations Are People to Him?

Washington, D.C. –

Apparently, as a small child, Mitt Romney had trouble making friends. “Oh, he had friends alright,” said Mitt’s grandfather, Joshua Romney, 99. “The trouble was, only he could see them. Because they were invisible.”

Concerned for the social development of their child, Mitt’s parents would drop him off at a McDonald’s restaurant to play with children there.

“But it wasn’t too long before the manager caught on to what they were doing,” continued Joshua Romney. “He even threatened to call the police, if they didn’t stop.”

Mitt Romney’s parents then made an arrangement with the manager that allowed them to continue, however.

“The manager agreed,” said Joshua Romney. “But they would have to rent the Ronald McDonald clown for the hours Mitt was there.”

Mitt and Ronald became close friends.

The young impressionable boy bonding with the iconic corporate marketing tool.

“Pretty soon, Mitt went there just to talk to Ronald,” said Joshua Romney.

One day, Ronald caught Mitt crying.

“What’s wrong, Mitt?” Ronald asked. “Did some kids bury you in the ball pit again?”

“No,” said Mitt, wiping away tears.

“What then?” Ronald asked again.

“You,” said Mitt.

“Me?” replied Ronald, somewhat shocked. “What do you mean, me?”

“One day you’re gonna leave me,” said Mitt.

“You mean, like your invisible friends?” said Ronald.

"No,” said Mitt. “I mean, like you die.”

“Oh,” replied Ronald.

Ronald sat Mitt down at a table, ordering him some fries and a shake.

“Your parents are reimbursing me for this, right?” Ronald yelled back to Mitt as he stood at the counter, paying for the order.

Mitt nodded yes.

“Listen kid,” said Ronald as he sat down with Mitt's order. “You have grandparents, right? I mean they’re still living, right?”

Mitt nodded yes as he took to the fries and shake.

“Well, one day they’re gonna die,” said Ronald.

Mitt paused a moment.

“What about you?” asked Mitt. “Won’t you die too, one day?”

“No,” said Ronald.

“Why not?” asked Mitt, sucking on his straw.

“Because I’m incorporated,” replied Ronald.

“Incorporated?” Mitt replied.

“Incorporated!” repeated Ronald.

Mitt looked confused.

“Listen, kid,” said Ronald, seeing he was having trouble getting through. “What’s my name?”

“Ronald,” replied Mitt.

“Nope,” said Ronald. “What’s my real name?”

“I…I don’t know,” said Mitt. “What is your real name?”

“I can’t tell you,” said Ronald. “You know why, kid?

Mitt shook his head no.

“Because if I told you my real name,” continued Ronald. “I’d get fired.”

“So you will leave me, one day,” said Mitt with his head down.

“No I won’t,” said Ronald. “Because even if I get fired, quit or even die, I’ll be right back here. Or somebody dressed up like me.”

Suddenly, it was as if a light shined on Mitt’s face.

“I get it,” said Mitt. “Corporations are people too. Except they don’t leave you because they can never die.”

Eventually, Ronald did leave Mitt, however. As he was fired for damaging company equipment when he permanently disfigured his hand, while trying to fetch his car keys out of a deep fryer. Though Mitt hardly even noticed Ronald’s absence.

“Not even when Ronald waved good-bye to him from the back of the ambulance with his bandaged hand,” said Joshua Romney.

Mitt just shrugged his shoulders as kids buried him in the ball pit.

“You see, he knew that his friend Ronald would be back,” explained Joshua Romney.

The very next day a new Ronald showed up.

“Mitt ran up to him to take his hand,” said Joshua Romney.

But he paused a moment before doing so.

“Say,” said Mitt, staring at the new Ronald’s uninjured hands. “Didn’t you, um…never mind.”

Over the years, there would be many more new Ronald McDonalds that would come in and go out of Mitt’s life. Molding it and shaping it along the way.

“But thanks to people like the McDonalds corporation and others like them,” said Joshua Romney. “He never knew the difference. And still doesn’t.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Mitt Romney Sends Delegation to Occupy ‘Occupy Wall Street’

New York, New York –

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney took time out of his busy schedule today to send a delegation with a single demand to the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors encamped at Zuccotti Park, New York.

“Romney delegates will camp along side ‘Occupy Wall Street’ to make his message clear,” said a spokesman for Romney. “Only they will be doing it as protesters, instead of protestors.”

“My demand is a simple and a fair one,” said Mitt Romney at a press conference. “Let corporations join! They’re people too! Folks just like me and you.”

Mitt Romney vows that his delegation will remain in Zuccotti Park with the other protestors until they recognize corporations as people, as he does.

“Since Mitt Romney’s delegate consists of human beings,” said a spokesman for ‘Occupy Wall Street’. “We’re bound by our policy of inclusiveness to bring the matter before the general assembly for a vote.”

Unfortunately for Mitt Romney, the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ general assembly reached a consensus not to allow corporations to join their movement.

The Romney delegation then voted to disband and join in with ‘Occupy Wall Street’.

Even becoming the most vocal members of the People’s Mic [microphone] -- A process of repeating the spoken word of a human being through people’s voices without the assistance of electric or other artificial amplification.


“Wow!” Mitt Romney reacted upon hearing the rejection of his demand voiced by the People’s Mic, consisting of members of his former delegation. “Now that’s irony even I can appreciate.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.