Showing posts with label Presidential Debate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Presidential Debate. Show all posts

Last on: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire President? Joke #1

Is Anybody Really Ready to Answer
This 3 AM Phone Call?
Unlike the other two presidential debates, although advertised as unfiltered, this last one still seemed rehearsed. 

At times, it even felt as if we were watching an episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. However, instead of Regis Philbin hosting, it was Bob Schieffer.

Q: Gov. Romney, what would you do as president if you got word that the Israeli airforce was on the way to bomb Iran?

A: Bob, I’d like to phone a friend?

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Obama Sends Singing Telegram to Romney: ♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! 
No More Mr. Clean!♫
Washington, D.C.  --

On the eve of the second presidential debate, Mitt Romney reportedly received a personal message from President Barack Obama in the form of a singing telegram, delivered to the hotel where his opponent was rehearsing for the upcoming debate. 

“At first, we all thought it was a practical joke,” said a hotel waiter, who witnessed the event while filling up pitchers of ice water.

Mitt Romney was standing behind a podium as a man dressed as a professional boxer, wearing a silken red robe, gloves, shorts and laced up leather ankle boots underneath, walked into the conference room, making everybody laugh.

“Including the man of the hour, Mitt, himself,” said the debate coach. “In fact, I think he laughed the hardiest."

That was until the boxer threw off his robe and began to sing.

Pulling out a harmonica from one of his gloves, the boxer blew a few notes to tune himself up. Nervously clearing his throat, he started to sing. 

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

Mitt Romney was so taken aback by the message that he immediately began to hyperventilate. 

Seeing Romney’s reaction to the singing telegram, the Secret Service jumped on the boxer, wrestling him to the ground. 

“But that didn’t stop him from singing,” said the waiter.

As the Secret Service picked up the singing boxer, dragging him out of the room, his head would pop up from the dark suits carrying him out and he would belt out a few more melodious lines.

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

Mitt Romney had his head between his knees. 

“Fortunately, someone brought their lunch in a brown paper bag,” said the waiter.

One of Romney’s campaign managers had to presence of mind to grab it, emptying out its contents of a tuna sandwich, apple and box of Juicy-Juice.

“He placed it over Mitt’s mouth, slowing his breathing,” said the waiter. 

That was until the boxer broke free of the Secret Service agents and entered the conference room again.

“This time the boxer jumped up onto a table and sang,” said the waiter.

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

“Oh God,” allegedly said Mitt Romney, as he continued to breathe into the brown paper bag. “I’ll be glad when this is all over.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

A Gentleman’s Arrangement: What Obama and Romney Agreed to Leave Out of Their Presidential Debate

Hey, Mitt. You’re Suppose to Keep It Under Your Top Hat.
Aurora, Colorado --

As we all know but what our politicians will not admit to us is that behind closed doors in cigar smoke-filled rooms, the real wheeling and dealing is the place where things really get done. Especially, deals brokered between gentlemen. 

And so such arrangements are made before every Presidential Debate between the candidates as to what not to mention during their debate. This list of taboo topics, subjects or skeletons in the closet is rarely violated. And certainly never made public, until now. 

The gentlemen’s agreement between President Barack H. Obama and Mitt Romney is no exception. What makes it unique, however, is that it has been vetted here in transcript form by, which it purchased for a dollar from some guy wearing a tan trench coat and gray fedora, standing in a darkened alleyway. Enjoy.  

Transcript Begins:

Obama: I won’t mention what you did to your family dog, while on vacation. You know the time you placed him in a cage on top of the roof of your car, driving down the highway at top speed for hundreds of miles. Stopping along the way to wash off the [BLEEP] you scared out of him.

Romney: Thank you very much, Mr. President. And in exchange, I won’t mention you’d like to eat him.

Obama: That’s fair. Fair enough. By the way, how is Fido doing?

Romney: We just recently lost him.

Obama: Oh really. I’m sorry to hear that. How did he go?

Romney: Well, we were booked on a flight here to Colorado, you see. When my wife turned to me while standing in line at the ticket counter and asked me to check in the dog. We were running a little late, so I thought why not  –

Obama: Never mind. Never mind. I don’t what to know. Let’s just move on.

Romney: Okay.

Obama: Now about this gaffe about airplanes.

Romney: What gaffe about airplanes?

Obama: You know the one you made a couple of weeks ago about airplanes not having windows that open. It’s too tempting to pass up. Really, airplanes with windows that open? What won’t you say next?

Romney: What gaffe about airplanes?

Obama: I see...Let’s keep moving on.

Romney: No! Wait a minute. That’s how I just lost, Fido.

Obama: What?

Romney: Yeah, that’s how I lost Fido on the way over here. You see, if airplanes did have windows that could open, I could have opened one up and hung onto Fido’s leash, while he ran along side the plane.  Instead, I had to tie his leash to the --

Obama: I don’t want to hear it. Moving on. Moving on.

Romney: Okay.

Obama: Now what about this speech you made in Jerusalem a couple of months ago when you said Israelis are superior to their Palestinian neighbors?

Romney: It’s true. My son read it in a book about the Middle East. And that’s what it said.

Obama: I see. And what’s the name of this book.

Romney: The Bible.

Obama: Okay. And what will you agree not to bring up about me during the debate in exchange for me not mentioning that?

Romney: How about the last four years of your administration?

Obama: That’s fair. Fair enough.

Transcript Ends

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo Courtesy of:

Twitter Traffic on the Presidential Debate:

"OMG Mitt Romney Wants to Kill Big Bird!!!"

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.