Showing posts with label Democrats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Democrats. Show all posts

Presidential Election 2012 Riddle #2

Q: Who rules like a Liberal but runs like a Conservative?

A: Mitt Romney!

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Presidential Election 2012 Riddle #1

Q: Who runs like a Liberal but rules like a Conservative?

A: Barack Obama!

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Florida Straw Poll Explained: Herman Cain Mistaken for John McCain

South Beach, Florida –

“Who?” asked Mrs. Beatrice Bernstine, 83, into her phone to a straw poll conducted by the Republican Party in Florida. “Did you say, McCain?”

“No, ma’am,” answered Todd Hogan, a pollster for the GOP. “I said, ‘Cain.”

“Who?” again repeated, Mrs. Bernstine.

“Cain,” replied Mr. Hogan before losing his cool. “Cain!!! Cain!!! Cain!!!”

A long pause came from the other end of Mr. Hogan’s telephone line.

Mr. Hogan's guilt for yelling at an old lady, as well as concern for her well being, quickly replaced his frustration and anger.

“Maybe I scared the old gal to death,” the pollster thought to himself.

Finally, the silence was broken.

“McCain?” again repeated, Mrs. Bernstine.

“Whatever,” said Mr. Hogan as he slammed down the phone.

“Yes,” replied Mrs. Bernstine to a dial tone. “I’d vote for McCain.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

John Boehner Calling Obama “Lip [Service] Gate” Reason Enough to Hold Congressional Hearings -- Possible Impeachment Proceedings Begin?

"What? Me worry? I'll
compromise my way out
of this one, like always.
But what about you?"
Washington, D.C. --

Speaking as the incoming Speaker of the House and on behalf of his fellow Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats, John Boehner stood before a press conference today. Crying out for a Congressional Hearing into what he is calling “Lip Gate” to investigate how Barack Obama received an injury requiring 12 stitches to his lip during a basketball game last Friday. Even demanding that he voluntarily steps down now or face impeachment proceeding to force him from the Office as the duly elected President of the United States of America.

“I want to assure the country that this Congressional Hearing will be conducted in accordance with the rule of law and will not be turned into a witch hunt for personal or political party gain,” said Boehner.

However, used for the purpose for which it was intended, as a legitimate probe into a possible impeachment proceeding, according to Boehner.

“After all," Boehner continued. "It’s important for the American people to know in a time of crisis such as this when their leader suffers a life threatening injury, under what can only be described as suspicious circumstances at best, that we politicians know when its time to put away petty partisanship. And stand united behind their president. Therefore, I am demanding that since Obama is not a U.S. citizen but a Kenyan, that the Department of Justice charges the alleged assailant with assault on a foreign dignitary. And do so without delay. Let us not forget that we are a nation of laws, not just men. And justice delayed, is justice denied.”

Boehner then expressed concern over the president’s state of mental health, suggesting the injuries were more extensive then first reported.

“You know, in order to get 12 stitches, Obama must have sustained a tremendous amount for blunt force trauma to his head,” said Boehner. “Enough even to generate a concussion, I bet. Therefore, I have also asked the Surgeon General to declare Obama unfit to serve in office, pending a full medical examination of the president to assure the nation that he’s still physically and mentally capable of leading our Republic.”

Meanwhile, in a totally unrelated issue, while awaiting action on behalf of the Department of Justice and the office of the Surgeon General, Boehner managed to reinstate the ‘Death Panel’ provision back into the ‘Obama Health-Care’ legislation, during a rare midnight emergency secession of the so-called lame duck Congress.

“Death Panel’ is such an awful sounding phrase to describe a ‘Death Panel’ here folks,” said Boehner into the Congressional record. “So what do you say we use a more euphemistic term instead. Something more upbeat like, ‘Health Insurance Medical Review and Final Appeals Board’, okay?”

Boehner then concluded his second press conference as incoming Speaker of the House in which he managed not to shed a tear, although he did seem to be getting a little verklempt toward the end.

“I, umm,” said Boehner hesitating for a moment, sniffling overheard between pregnant pauses. “I, umm, want to…thank…y’all for coming today. That’s all. I just wanted to say…thanks.”

Copyright © 2010 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Tries Building “A Coalition of the Willing” of His Own

Washington, D.C. --

After two years of disappointing his base of Liberals, Progressives, Independents, some elderly and especially young voters, President Barack Obama announced today, after a failed rally attempt held at an undisclosed stadium at a college back east for a taped political TV commercial to be aired at a later date, that he is building “A Coalition of the Willing” of his own to save what is left of his super majority in both Houses of Congress, come this November’s midterm elections.

“Listen,” said Obama, while addressing a dwindling crowd of mostly youthful supporters. “Not too long ago you people were fainting at my rallies. Now, now you hardly swoon. What’s up with that?”

“In the not too distant past, those people would have broken out into laughter,” later noted an Obama’s staff member. “Now, not even a smile was seen on a single face in the crowd.”

As a somber and awkward silence seized the audience, a heckler spoke up to respond to the President, who once promised he would bring hope and change to the nation.

“What’s up with breaking your campaign promise not to sign a healthcare bill that didn’t have a public option?” the heckler answered the President's rhetorical question. “Let’s start with that!”

The crowd cheered the heckler.

“Look America,” replied Obama as he walked away from his podium and prepared speech on his teleprompter, rolling up his sleeves as he walked across the stage. “I never promised you a rose garden. And I know this may shock some of you out there, but I can’t walk on water, either.”

The crowd broke out into laughter, Obama smiled.

“Now what do you say, America,” continued Obama satisfied he regenerated the faithful as he walked back up to his podium and teleprompter. “What about we start over? And you help me build what I call ‘A Coalition of the Willing’ to restore hope and change to Washington?”

The crowd fell silent once more.

“Now you maybe asking yourself what’s this ‘Coalition of the Willing’ all about?” said Obama as he clearly began reading off his teleprompter again. Not noticing that his audience fell silent once again. “Well, you can breathe a sigh of relief; I’m not going to send you to invade a country. Not like, like that other guy.”

Obama paused and looked out to the crowd from behind his podium and teleprompter, waiting for them to react with laughter. But no one laughed. In fact, people resumed leaving the rally, quietly shuffling out in droves; heads hung low as before. 

Looking puzzled, Obama signaled to someone in his entourage to roll back his speech on the teleprompter.

“I said…,” Obama spoke picking up where he left off as he reread his speech from the teleprompter again, but this time with more emphasis on the punch line. “Well, you can breathe a sigh of relief; I’m not going to send you to invade a country. Not like, like that other guy -- The other guy, get it? Come on, people. That’s funny.”

“Not as funny as your administration,” yelled out the heckler as the crowd continued their exodus.

“Do you really want the other guy back?” said Obama, departing from his prepared speech as he nervously looked out at the people continuing to leave the rally. “Because that’s what is going to happen if you don’t vote for the Democrats in November. It’s either me or the other guy. It’s your choice. It’s that simple.”

The people did not respond to Obama’s threat. And soon all left the rally. Except for one man, the heckler, who sat up front.

“What are you still hanging around here for?” asked Obama, acknowledging the heckler.

"I don’t know,” replied the heckler. “New material?”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo