Mitt Romney Shares a Lake Wobegon Moment: “All the Trees Are the Right Height”???

Lake Wobegon, Michigan --

“I love Michigan,” said a nostalgic Mitt Romney as he stood before an audience consisting of members of his former childhood residential state. “Because it’s where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, all the children are above average and all the trees are the right height. I know that about trees because when I was a little boy I spent a lot of time up and inside them.”

In an excerpt from his upcoming memoir titled My Lazy Daze at Lake Wobegon, Michigan, Mitt Romney’s reflects on his childhood, dedicating an entire chapter to his closeness with Mother Nature, fondly reminiscing how all the squirrels in the neighborhood inexplicably followed him around one summer.

“For some odd reason, a few chose to follow me around,” Mitt wrote.

“It was more like a few dozens,” said a former neighbor of Mitt Romney, who asked not to be identified.

“Being so close to Mother Nature and loving the outdoors like I do, what else could you expect?” wrote Mitt. “I didn’t mind. Really I didn’t”

“Oh he minded alright,” continued the neighbor. “The boy was terrified to leave his house.”

Eventually, Mitt’s parents tried of having him inside the house all day. So they threw him outside and told him not to come back until dusk.

As Mitt walked through the neighborhood, the squirrels would gather in the trees above his head, watching and following him closely. Then when their numbers were sufficient, they all ran down the trees and pursued him on the ground.

“You never saw a boy run so fast,” said the neighbor.

Soon the four footed wonders would catch-up to Mitt and surround him.

“They’d gather around me,” wrote Mitt. “And I’d toss them a treat from my pocket and be on my merry way, whistling a tune on my lips.”

“Actually, he’d be kicking and screaming as they dragged him off up into the trees,” said the neighbor.

“However, I admit, a few were persistent little creatures,” Mitt wrote. “So, on occasion, I’d climb up a tree and play with their nuts with them.”

“They’d stuff him down a tree hollow,” said the neighbor. “Their nut cache.”

And there burrowed deep in a tree hollow, the fire department would find Mitt buried up to his neck in squirrel nuts.

“It was a very curious thing to have witnessed,” said Fire Chief, Adam Taylor (ret.), who personally conducted a number of the rescue operations, extracting Mitt from trees that summer.

While the boy was trapped in the tree hollow, effectively immobilized, the squirrels would gather around his head.

"And with little rocks and pebbles in their tiny paws, they would repeatedly strike Mitt in the head," continued Chief Smith. “You know, it was as if they thought his head was a giant coconut or something. And they were trying to open it up.”

Mitt’s parents finally resolved the issue by paying a bounty to any kid on the block who turned in a squirrel pelt.

Later, they paid to have all the trees chopped down too.

“Yup,” Mitt wrote. “Those were the days.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

No comments: