Showing posts with label Sesame Street. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sesame Street. Show all posts

Big Bird Gets Medal of Honor for Distracting Nation from Final Results of First Presidential Debate 2016

Sesame Street –

In a secret ceremony held in the alleys and byways of Sesame Street, President Barack Obama issued our nation’s highest civilian honor to Big Bird.

It was for helping to distract the nation from his loss to presidential candidate, Mitt Romney back in 2012 

Critics accuse the president of abusing the powers of his office by posthumously bestowing such a prestigious award onto an undeserving persona, whether real or a fictional composite.

“The recent release of the under eight percent (-8%) unemployment figures by the Labor Dept. deserves just as much credit for distracting the nation for his loss in Colorado as Big Bird,” said a critic. 

Nevertheless, President Obama mounted a ladder with Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog looking on. 

As he bestowed our nation’s highest honor onto Big Bird neck, Miss Piggy was observed elbowing Kermit and overheard saying to him:

“Why don’t you surprise me and bring one of those home to me someday?" said Miss Piggy. “What do you say, huh? What’s the matter, frog? Cat got your tongue?”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Hungry Muppet Starts “Occupy Sesame Street”

Sesame Street --

Lily, Sesame Street’s newest character that was introduced to the socially conscious children’s TV show this year to deal with the subject of food insecurity, has become radicalized by the “Occupy Wall Street” movement, intent on starting one of her own.

Early this morning, stagehands turned on the studio lights to find Lily (the so-called hungry Muppet) camped out on the cold floor of the Sesame Street set.

“She must have sneaked back into the studio sometime last night,” said a stagehand.

“Actually, I never left,” explained a reserved Lily from inside her tent as she counted the number of donated canned goods she has left to see her through the week. “I just hung around ‘til everybody left for home. I guess that’s one good thing about being poor. No body wants to see you.”

Taped to the outside of Lily’s tent is an official looking notice from the producers of the show, telling her she has a few days to fold up her tent and clear out.

“They say it’s for my own good,” said Lily. “Because of santa...santadiction [sanitation].”

“Oh really,” said Oscar the Grouch from his weathered garbage can. “So now they care about sanitation conditions?”

Oscar the Grouch is a longtime character on Sesame Street who has been living in a waste disposal unit for years. He fully supports Lily in her cause. And openly questions the reason producers are giving her for taking down her tent.

“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” said Oscar the Grouch, sliding his trashcan lid to the side. “I’ve been living on Sesame Street in my own filth as long as I can remember. And no body has ever mentioned the word sanitation. Not even the letter ‘S’, let alone ever trying to evict me from here.”

“Maybe that’s because you’re so poor you’re invisible,” said Lily.

“Yeah,” said Oscar the Grouch, rubbing his chin as if he had an epiphany. “Yeah, I think you're right…Say, Lily, you got any room in your tent for me?”

“What?” replied Lily. “Are you kidding? Get out of here you filthy homeless bum.”

“Gee-whiz,” said Oscar the Grouch. “You don’t have to be so nasty about it. You act as if you had a hand stuck up your [BLEEP] or something.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Katy Perry’s Elmo T-Shirt on SNL a Last Minute Backstage Gift from Elmo?

New York, New York --

Moments before going on the air during last weekend’s Saturday Night Live (SNL) to help out with a last minute thrown together comedy skit, allegedly Elmo showed up at Katy Perry’s dressing room. Bearing a gift that would not only add to the controversy of their canceled video (previously scheduled to be shown on PBS), but ultimately would result in her getting banned from ever appearing on “Sesame Street” altogether.

“Knock, knock,” said Elmo as he intermittently giggled to himself, while standing outside Katy Perry’s dressing room door holding a box wrapped in red colored paper and tied up with a velvet red bow with gold trimming. “Guess [giggle], guess who?”

Katy Perry got up from her dresser seat to open the door, immediately recognizing the voice. She was already dressed in her SNL costume, which consisted of a low button white cotton blouse, black framed eyeglasses and a provocatively short parochial plaid schoolgirl skirt.

Upon opening the door Katy Perry grabbed the present out of Elmo’s hands and ripped into it on the spot.

“Oh my God,” said Katy Paerry as she held up the contents of the tattered box in her hands: a T-shirt bearing the likeness of Elmo’s red furry face, bulbs orange nose and bug-like eyes. “You shouldn’t have.”

“It’s for you, Miss Katy,” said a seemingly anxious Elmo as he grabbed the T-shirt away from Katy Perry holding it above his head while running around the dressing room. “To wear right now. Yes, yes. To wear right now [giggle]. Right now, now.”

“But Elmo, I’m already dressed,” said Katy Perry. She could see the disappointment in Elmo’s face, which gave her pause.

“Well,” continued Katy Perry, as she reconsidered. “I guess there’s still time to change -- Here. Give it to me.”

Seconds later, Katy Perry emerged from a screened partition wearing the Elmo T-shirt. However, as she modeled it for Elmo, she caught a reflection of herself in her dresser mirror and noticed the T-shirt was two sizes too small. And that it had been altered, low cut in the middle, revealing her cleavage. Risqué even for late night TV, she thought to herself.

“Elmo, where did you get this T-shirt?” asked Katy Perry as a note of hesitation in her voice echoed from inside the truncated garment, while she fudged with it. Trying to adjust it. Trying to make herself fit into it. Then struggled just to stay in it.

Elmo did not answer right away. Instead he dithered about the room, running his scarlet mitten of a hand along the dresser top.

“I…” replied Elmo, the three-foot tall ruby red master manipulator, guilt-invoking, smooth operator. “I made it especially for you, Miss Katy. Why? Doesn’t Miss Katy like what Elmo made for her?”

Once again, a look of disappointment appeared on Elmo’s face, overwhelming Katy Perry's sense of better judgment to the point that she just could not bring herself to deny that adorable red ball of fur anything that he asked of her.

“No, no,” said Katy Perry as she continued to struggle to keep herself contained in the modified two sizes too small Elmo T-shirt. “I love what you made for me. It’s just…just that I can barely breathe in it. It’s so tight.”

“So Miss Katy will wear Elmo’s T-shirt then?” asked an opened mouth Elmo.

“Yes, Elmo…” said an all too-ready-to-please and nearly out of breath Katy Perry as she used hairpins to anchor the Elmo T-shirt to her body piercings. “Miss Katy…will wear the Elmo T-shirt.”

“Yippee!!!” said Elmo as he began running around the dressing room again, unable to contain his excitement.

Meanwhile, Katy Perry quickly discovered that the only way to keep air circulating in her lungs was if she kept jumping up and down. Soon, one of Katy Perry’s body piercings gave way, and she experienced a wardrobe malfunction.

“Oh my God!” said Katy Perry as she wrapped her arms around her exposed breasts in a futile attempt to conceal them. “You didn’t see that? Did you Elmo?”

“See what?” said Elmo in a somewhat detached monotone voice and who was no longer running around the room. But stopped dead in his tracks, standing motionlessly behind Katy Perry. “Elmo didn’t see anything. Nothing at all [forced giggle].”

“Oh good,” said a somewhat unsettled and still panting Katy Perry as she readjusted her Elmo T-shirt, tucking herself back into it.

Katy Perry then caught the image of Elmo in her mirror, still standing silently behind her. Fixated in an almost trance like state. Just staring at her, which sent a chill down her spine.

“You know, Elmo,” Katy Perry nervously spoke. “I…I, ah, think I’m going to wear the white blouse instead, okay? Hey, where did it go?”

Just then a knock came at the door. Katy Perry motioned as if she was going to get up to answer it, but Elmo beat her to it.

“One minute to air time,” said an ambiguous male voice from the other side.

“Too late, Miss Katy,” replied Elmo as he raced to the door, ready to open it for her. “You got to wear Elmo’s modified two sizes too small T-shirt now [giggle].”

“You know,” said Katy Perry to Elmo as she passed by him jumping up and down. “I’ve been meaning to tell you. The way you refer to yourself in the third-person is really beginning to creep me out.”

“Ha-ha,” laughed Elmo as he opened the door. “Miss Katy make Elmo laugh out loud.”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

‘Eclipse’ Stopped as Rob Pattinson Gets Acting Lessons from ‘The Count’ of ‘Sesame Street’ Fame

Sesame Street, New York --

“You call yourself a vampire?” asked “The Count” from ‘Sesame Street’ as he busted into Robert Pattinson’s dressing room trailer on the set of the latest installment of the ‘Twilight’ saga, ‘Eclipse’.

“What? Who are you?” rudely replied an alarmed Robert Pattinson as he sat up in his makeup chair, recoiling his legs from the floor as he took notice of a 3-foot Muppet vampire. ”What are you doing here? Security!”

As “The Count” circled Robert Pattinson, he pulled out from the breast pocket of his vest a handwritten letter of introduction form the director of the new movie.

As Robert Pattinson read the letter that instructed him to cooperate fully with the “pint-sized” vampire, “The Count” wasted no time in foraging about the dressing room trailer looking for the items he needed to transform “Edward” into a real looking vampire like himself.

“You didn’t answer my question,” said “The Count”.

“Well, actually no,” replied a now polite Pattinson as he attempted to fold up the letter and place it in his jeans, before “The Count” snatched it away from him with superhuman lightning fast reflexes. “I’m not really a vampire, you see. I just play one on the silver screen. I’m actually an actor. A proper British actor.”

“You need a widow’s peak,” replied “The Count” as he rifled through the dresser.

“What? Why?” said Pattinson as he rushed the dresser to check his look in the mirror.

“Because in ‘New Moon’, with your bushy eyebrows, a number of your loyalist fans complained that they couldn’t tell you apart from the werewolves,” replied “The Count” as he pulled out a Sharpie permanent marker he found. “Ah, this should do the trick!”

Before Pattinson could object, “The Count” was on top of him, drawing a black inverted triangular shape on his forehead.

“There!” said “The Count” as he placed the cap back onto the Sharpie, stepping back to admire his work. “Now you look more like me, a real vampire. Now for a cloak.”

“Listen,” said Pattinson as he moistened his forefinger, trying to rub off the black ink widow’s peak from his hairline. “I don’t want to look like you, or a real vampire for that matter. I have my own interpretation -- ”

“If that’s your interpretation of a vampire,” interrupted the “The Count” “Then it has been lost in translation.”

Opening up an old trunk that most have been left over from the vaudevillian days, “The Count” pulled out a canister of white pancake powder makeup, fangs, a black cloak and red diplomatic looking red sash with jewel encrusted insignia.

Quickly “The Count” threw the garments, accessories and white powder makeup onto Rob Pattinson.

The transformation was so stunning that both were taken aback by the visionary splendor.

“I can’t believe it,” said Rob Pattinson as he admired his reflection in the mirror, twirling about the dressing room trailer. Catching the air under his cloak, making it flow beneath him. “I look fantastic.”

“Not quite,” said the “The Count” as he removed his monocle, reaching up to place it over Rob Pattinson’s right eye.

“You competed me,” said Rob Pattinson as he began to tear up.

“No,” said “The Count” reaching out with one white-gloved finger, touching Rob Pattnson’s ice-cold purple lips. “Don’t cry. You’ll fog up your monocle.”

“How could I have known?” said Rob Pattinson as he continued to twirl about the room. “How can I ever hope to repay you?”

But as Rob Pattinson slowly stopped twirling, he noticed he was alone in his dressing room trailer again.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, Rob noticed a Rose water scented business card in the foreground and picked it up.

“I thought it was all dream,” Rob softly spoke to himself as he raised the card to his nose, breathing in deeply its fragrant scent. Then turning it over, he noticed some writing on the back of it.

“Rob,” read the card. “Just don’t go out there and pretend to be a vampire. Be the vampire you were meant to be. And remember, I’m counting on you.”

After stuffing the card into the breast pocket of his vest, just like “The Count”, Rob Pattinson finally responded to the knocking at his trailer door.

“Are you ready, Rob?” asked the director. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…now,” replied Rob. “Be right there.”

A resolved Rob Pattinson rose up out of his make up chair a new man, and as he walked over to the trailer door, flung it wide open, he recalled the words of his friend, “The Count”: ‘Be the vampire you were meant to be.”

“Say,” said the director as he admired Rob Pattinson’s new look. “Looks like that vampire makeover by 'The Count' was worth it.”

Stepping out into the sunshine, Rob Pattinson suddenly yelled out: “It burns! It burns! The sun burns!”

Still hissing, Rob Pattinson covered his face with his cloak, before retreating back inside his trailer and into the old vaudevillian trunk.

“I hate working with method actors,” mumbled the director to himself, as he placed a speed dial call on his cell phone to “The Count”. “Come on, Rob. Kristen is waiting…I got some sun block?”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Dr. Phil Blames 40 Years of Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster for Kid Obesity

Burbank, California --

"You do realize that some critics hold you solely responsible for the current epidemic of obesity in American children today," said Dr. Phil as he spoke with Sesame Street's 'Cookie Monster'. "Now I wouldn't go that far as to blame just you. Diet and heredity has a lot to do with kids gaining weight, too. But, and that's a big but, no pun intended, I do hold your eating disorder and obsession with cookies in particular partially responsible. After all you have been on TV for 40 years influencing and shaping young minds."

Dr. Phil then went on to show a montage of video footage of The Cookie Monster eating cookies throughout the years, while on Sesame Street. Including a few PSA spots the Cookie Monster did trying to reverse the negative impact he had on children’s diets and improve his own health as well. That is before he fell off the wagon. Returning to his eating disorder and obsession with cookies.

Dr. Phil then paused the video.

“Now here is what I’m talking about when I say eating disorder,” said Dr. Phil. “You’re not even eating those cookies, you’re just wolfing those suckers down your throat. In fact, most of them are not even being eaten. They’re just ending up as crumbs on the floor. Yet you continue to eat like there is no tomorrow. And guess what today is? Tomorrow. And yesterday is over. I’m going to help you Cookie Monster. I’m going help you from you.”

Dr. Phil then handed the Cookie Monster a copy of his latest diet book, “How to Stop Your Inner Child from Raiding the Cookie Jar”.

“For me?” said the Cookie Monster, as he held it in front of him examining it closely. “No one ever gave book to Cookie Monster, only cookies and letters from alphabet. Never words all together in book.”

“Yes,” said Dr. Phil. “It's all for you.”

“Too bad Cookie Monster never learned how to read in over 40 years on show,” said the Cookie Monster as he began to sniff the book. “Otherwise, Cookie Monster would sit down in front of fireplace and snuggle up with book, instead of just milk and cookies.”

“My God,” said Dr. Phil. “You mean to say you’re illiterate too?”

“What mean the word you say, 'illiterate?” asked the Cookie Monster as he began to rip the pages out of the book and eat them.

“Never mind that,” said Dr. Phil as he reached over trying to take away the book from the Cookie Monster. “Stop eating my book. You stupid beast!”

“You just like the rest on Sesame Street,” said the Cookie Monster, while continuing to eat pages from Dr. Phil’s diet book. “They never teach Cookie Monster how to read. That make Cookie Monster nervous. And when Cookie Monster gets nervous. Cookie Monster needs to eat cookies!”

As Dr. Phil got up to chase the Cookie Monster around the studio, the Cookie Monster would momentarily pause pointing to signs asking what they meant.

“What that sign say?” asked the Cookie Monster of himself staring at an applause sign. “Cooke Monster don’t know. That make Cookie Monster nervous. So Cookie Monster eat another cookie!”

Click Here for More Dr. Phil

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo