Sen. Mitt Romney Dispenses Advice on Twitter as “Pierre Delecto”

Washington, D.C. --

By Robert W. Armijo

Sen. Mitt Romney presently shocked the world when he disclosed that he had a secret social media account on Twitter.

While on Twitter under his nom de plume, "Pierre Delecto", Sen. Mitt Romney dispensed advice to young women, grandmothers and fellow politicians alike.

Here are just a few examples that have since been deleted from the Twitter account:

Twitter Transcript BEGINS

--

Jenny14

My training bra is causing chaffing. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto [Sen. Mitt Romney]

Switch to a sports bra. Less chaffing and better support.

Silvarfoxx74

My grandchildren do not like to come visit me. What can I do?

 Pierre Delecto

Have them carve out jack lanterns, roast the pumpkin seeds (lightly seasoned with cinnamon and powered sugar) in the oven, dispense ample amounts of lose change between the coach pillows and resist pinching them on the cheeks.

Donald J. Trump

How do I distract the country from my impending impeachment?

Pierre Delecto

Withdraw troops from Northern Syria.

Sleepy Joe [Sen. Biden]

People keep calling me “Sleepy Joe” and I don’t like it. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto

Get more sleep.

Ice Queen [Hillary Clinton]

How can I remain relevant in the upcoming 2020 presidential election? Run for office?

Pierre Delecto

No!

.

Jenny14

No!

Silvarfoxx74

No!

Donald J. Trump

Hell yes!

Polar Bear2016 [Vladimir Putin]

Da!

Sleepy Joe

What? Did I miss something again?

Donald J. Trump

Go back to sleep, Sleepy Joe.

Polar Bear2016

Da, Sleepy Joe, go back to sleep.

Sleepy Joe

Zzzzzzz…

Donald J. Trump

How are you doing, Polar Bear2016? I haven’t heard from you in a while.

Polar Bear2016

Don’t worry my orange colored friend. You will be hearing a lot from me real soon.

Donald J. Trump

Great! I can hardly wait.

Polar Bear2016

Me too…Me too...

The Almighty Oz [Sen. Bernie Sanders]

HELLO! HELLO! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? Alexandra, how do you work this thing?

--

Twitter Transcript ENDS

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Sen. Bernie Sanders's Supporters Offer to Donate Their Hearts…Lungs…Kidneys…to the Recuperating 2020 Presidential Candidate from Vermont

"I am Senator Bernie Sanders 
and I do NOT approve of this message."

-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

In the aftermath of Senator Bernie Sanders’s heart attack, a hardcore group of his supporters have sent a letter to the 2020 presidential candidate, offering themselves up to the senator as living human organ donors.

Members of the group even took the liberty of marking their bodies with black sharpie markers, outlining their organs to be harvested should the need arise on the campaign trail. 

“He [Sanders] already has my heart,” said Lucy Brown as she lifted up her blouse, exposing her bare chest and pierced nipples. She then grabbed a sharpie and began to draw a perforated dotted line around her heart.

“See?” she said.

Brown then closed her eyelids and began drawing circles around her eyes.

“Now he has my eyes too,” Brown added.

“Ouch!” exclaimed Brown as she dropped the marker and grabbed her left eye.

“Well, I guess he can have just the one,” said Brown.

Other members of the group sat in a giant circle drawing on each other’s backs, indicating which organs they would donate to the senior senator from Vermont.

Suddenly a member of the group stood up and shouted.

“Wait!” said a young man in a Che Guevara style t-shirt with the image of Sanders wearing a beret instead. “Can’t you see this is all wrong?”

Members of the group looked at each other in confusion as they lowered their markers.

“He wouldn’t want us to be marking are young bodies with sharpies as to which organs we’re going to donate to him,” continued the young man. “He wouldn’t want that.”

“No?” Brown questioned as she loosely held the marker in her hand.

“No!” repeated the young man. “He would want us all to get tattoos!”

“You’re right!” echoed Brown as she tossed her sharpie to the ground.

“Because,” added the young man as he pulled a pair car keys from his pocket. “Tattoos don’t wash off with sweat or water or teargas.”

With that, the Bernie Sanders's supporters piled into a flower power decorated VW van and drove off into the sunset headed for the closest tattoo parlor.

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Low Turnout at Bernie Sanders (BS) Rallies for Hillary Clinton Causes PBS to Change Title of BS Documentary

"Pay no attention to the man 
or the woman behind the curtain!"

Robert W. Armijo

After a poor turnout of supporters at a couple of Bernie Sanders rallies for Hillary Clinton in Ohio this past weekend (300 at one venue, 150 at another and the unexplained cancellation of a third), PBS announced it would be changing the title of the documentary it plans to air on election night on the phenomenal rise and fall of the popularity of the Bernie Sanders movement among millennials.

“In light of Bernie Sanders conceding to the establishment by throwing in the towel, becoming a carnival barker for Hillary and the recent failing attendance by millennials at his pro Clinton rallies, the original title of ‘Bernie Sanders Electrifies the Electric: The Political Force of Millennials Awakens’ somehow now seems contrived,” said a spokesperson for PBS. “So were changing it to something more realistic like ‘My Weekend at Bernie Sanders’, which we feel is more reflective of the situation. After all, it is a documentary on American politics and not some grand Hollywood production.”

Copyright © 2008-2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo courtesy of: wpclipart.com