How to Tell if You’re the "Biotch" [Bitch] in Your Bromance?

Perhaps one the greatest, if not the greatest
(outside of Robert and Omar, of course), bromances
ever was between V.P. Biden (left) and President Obama (right).
By Robert w. Armijo

Not unlike most modern romances today, bromances (a nonsexual relationship between two heterosexual men) often start at the office or workplace because people spend so much time there with coworkers instead of our friends, family or even spouses. The same rule applies to men involved in bromances.

Two heterosexual men (though not exclusively) often form a bromance at their location of employment, complete with parallels to that of the customary exchange of gifts held in common with all romances regardless of sexual orientation, which convey both a sentimental and meaningfulness of part and parcel of the courtship.

What is not widely known is the one giving the gift often determines, which one in the bromance is the dominate one, as opposed to the one receiving the gift is often the submissive one in the relationship.

The following is an example of such a litmus test -- To determine “Who’s on Top”, so to speak.

A transcript of such an office exchange that is to follow, occurred at the office of between two male heterosexual employees named Robert and Omar.

Background of the Male Heterosexual Couple Involved in a Bromance:

Robert wanted to express his gratitude to his coworker, Omar, for introducing him to the comedy series It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which Omar played for him after work on his smart phone.

Robert had noticed that from time to time that Omar’s smart phone would slip off whatever object Omar leaned it up against, as he did not have a stand to place the smart phone on.

So Robert bought Omar a smart phone stand and proceeded to present that as a gift to him.

Finally, here follows the transcript of that conversation between two heterosexual male coworkers and bromancers, Robert and Omar, as one attempts to present the other with the gift.

Begin Transcript:

Take it!

I don’t want to take it.

Take it!!

But I don’t want to take it.


Okay, okay, I’ll take it.

Damn right you’ll take it, biotch!

End Transcript

Here is the same conversation between Robert and Omar but with professional annotations added to give you a more in-depth psychoanalysis of a typical bromance.

Phase One of the Bromance: Initializing Gift Giving

Take it!
(Offering the gift assertively)

I don’t want to take it.
(Refusing the gift passively)

Clearly, Robert is the assertive one in the bromance for he is the first to initialized gift buying and gift offering to his partner and with an agrssive tone.

Omar obviously perceives this on a subconscious if not conscious level and refuses to accept the gift but in a passive manner and so the dance begins.

Phase Two of the Bromance: Asserting Dominance

Take it!!
(Offering the gift more assertively)

But I don’t want to take it.
(Refusing the gift non-assertively)

Here, Robert is now passed assertiveness and has begun to show his dominance over Omar by overcoming Omar’s rejection of his gift and again insisting that Omar accept his gift. Instructing him, if you will, to “Take it!!”

Omar’s attempt to explain as to the reason why he doesn’t want to take it is self-reflective i.e. “But I don’t want to take it.”  Robert picks up on this perceived weakness and enters the third phase.

Phase Three of the Bromance: All Out Domination

(Offering the gift forcefully)

Okay, okay, I’ll take it.
(Finally, accepting the gift submissively)

Robert is the dominate one in the bromance as he has just “Tea Bagged” his friend. Omar has conceded to Robert’s authority over him.

Phase Four of the Bromance: “The Money Shot!”

Damn right you’ll take it, biotch!
(Finally, metaphorically “spewing” the gift into his partner’s face)

For lack of refinement, the final phase of the bromance courtship is best described by a term barrowed from the porno industry called, “The Money Shot!”

It is a crude term but nonetheless more suitable, as all bromances are nothing if not a ersatz homosexual relationships or homosocial male bonding.

Photo(s) Courtesy of: Pete Souza [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Dedicated to my friend, Omar. Peace be with you, brother. 

Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Mr. Stuart Smalley Goes to Washington? Replacing Sen. Al Franken?

“Although I have just met the guy backstage,” said soon to be former Sen. Al Franken. “I am sure this…what’s his name again? Oh, yeah. That he will be suitable replacement and will make a great senator. Now I have to go because… I have a previously scheduled engagement to attend.”

Senator Franken then began to walk away from the podium slowly at first then in a quickened pace when someone came up to him and whispered in his ear, apparently causing him to return to the microphone.

“Oh, yeah,” said Senator Franken. “I almost forgot to introduce my replacement to the U.S. Senate, representing the great state of Minnesota, Mr. Stuart Smiley. What? I am sorry, Mr. Stuart Smalley."

The audience erupted in to a round of applause as Sen. Franken quickly ran backstage.

Several minutes passed and the applause waned several times and would have died completely if not for an assistant returning to the podium several times encouraging the audience to keep applauding for the future senator, Stuart Smalley.

Finally, a timid looking man wearing a sweater vest emerged onto the stage.  

As Stuart Smalley walked up to the podium, he tripped on a microphone cord and fell to the ground.

The audience gasped.

But Stuart Smalley quickly popped back up, appearing behind the podium.

Stuart Smalley then began to address the audience.

“Testing, testing, one, two, three,” said Mr. Smalley. “Is this thing even ON?! ON?! ON?!”

Mr. Smalley questioned, causing a feedback echo.

The audience answered a collective “Yes!” as they covered their ears. 

“Good to know. Good to know,” said Mr. Smalley. “Hello fellow Minnesotans. My name is Stuart Smalley.”

“We know!” said someone in the audience.  

Suddenly, Mr.  Smalley took notice of a red dot on one of his index speech cards.

“Oh look,” said Mr. Smalley. "Someone’s red ink pen has leaked on one of my speech index cards.”

Mr.  Smalley then realized it was not red ink.

“Oh my goodness,” said Mr. Smalley. “I am bleeding.”

Mr. Smalley then immediately fell backwards, victim of a self-inflected bloody nose.

As the future senator representing the great state of Minnesota was hauled away on a stretcher by EMTs, the index speech card with the “red ink dot” he was clutching in hand fell to the ground. 

It read:

Today's Daily Affirmation
(Now Don't Screw this One Up, Stu. It's Very Important)

“I am good enough. I am smart enough. And darn it, I deserve to be your senator.”

Photo(s) Courtesy of: Public Domain and/or protected by Parody Law

Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald Trump to Israel: “I Am Who I Am. I Am Your Deliver!”

By Robert W. Armijo

“Listen, if you think Moses delivered you from bondage,” said President Trump at a press conference, where he announced the United States of America would recognize the city of Jerusalem as Israel's state capitol by moving an embassy there. “Just wait and see what I can do for you next.”

A member of the Israeli press then asked the president what he meant by his comment.

President Trump shrugged his shoulders and added, “I am who I am. I am your deliver!”

A member of the president’s staff approached the podium in attempt to clarify the leader of the free world’s comments.

“I think what the president means,” said the staff member. “Is that he is a deliverer of his campaign promises and not literally ‘The Deliverer’ of the Children of the Light.”

“Nope,” said President Trump. “I am saying if God Jehovah himself would have appointed me to deliver you [Israel] from Egypt instead of this guy, Moses. Right now two pyramids – not just one -- would be Jewish owned – But Trump Managed – casinos.”

A member of the White House staff then rushed in to announce the conclusion of the press conference.

“And home to the second  largest Yiddish speaking retirement community outside of Miami, Florida!” added the president as he was hurriedly escorted out of the room by his staff.

Photo Courtesy of:

Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

France Officially Passes the Torch to Russia

Once upon a time in America when paranoia took control, french fries were ban from the cafeterias of the House of Representatives on Capitol Hill and re-branded "Freedom Fries".  


Is Russian salad dressing the next french fries? 

Let us have the collective courage to never ever relive those dark days ever again!

...On the other hand, is it really just a coincidence that both the French and Russian flags share the same colors? 



Photos courtesy of :

Copyright(C) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

♫Where in the World is Matt Lauer?♫

"Greek Chorus" [singing boldly and loudly]:

♫Where in the World is Matt Lauer?♫

[Mechanical sounds of an automated door lock remotely activated from behind an office desk] 

"Greek Chorus" [gagging...]

[Mechanical sound of a final click]

"Greek Chorus" [now softly singing to each other, among themselves]:

♫In his office sex dungeon!♫

"Greek Chorus" [continues to gag...]

Photo Courtesy of: 

Copyright (C) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Is Harvey Weinstein Making a Movie Based on his Life?

"Harvey? Wait a minute, Harvey. What do you think you're doing?"
"You, baby! You!"

By Robert W. Armijo

Formerly disgraced Hollywood producer, Harvey Weinstein is reportedly making a movie based on his life, casting himself in the lead role.

"Apparently, Weinstein got wind of Heather Graham’s plans to make a movie about her alleged encounter of sexual harassment  with the Hollywood producer and he is attempting to put out a movie giving his side of the story," said a movie critic.

Casting for the movie has already begun.

“It’s an open casting call to all attractive female actresses that resemble Heather Graham,” said a spokesman for Harvey Weinstein.  “All they have to do is show up at his residence scantly clad and be prepared to sign a waiver.”

Photo courtesy of:

Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Philosopher General Commits Suicide at...the Hague?

Former Bosnian Croat general (and former philosophy teacher) Slobodan Praljak drinks poison at the Hague. Socrates drank hemlock as depicted in this painting by Jacques-Louis David entitled La Mort de Socrate (The Death of Socrates). 

Philosopher General Commits Suicide at...the Hague?

Photo Courtesy

Copyright (C) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

D.C. Womyn from N.O.W. Finally Escaping from Underneath the Shadow of the Washington Monument by Vowing to Pass the ERA? Oh, Yeah. NOT!

D.C. Womyn from N.O.W. Finally Escaping from Underneath the Shadow of the Washington Monument by Vowing to Pass the ERA? Oh, Yeah. NOT!

Copyright (C) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Is this the American Equivalent of a Chinese Fortune Cookie?

Is this the American Equivalent of a 
Chinese Fortune Cookie?

Copyright (C) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

K-Mart Finally Holds Finale Fail Clearance Sale on the "Hillary Clinton Presidential Pantsuit Collection?"

K-Mart Finally Holds Finale Fail Clearance Sale on the "Hillary Clinton Presidential Pantsuit Collection?"   

Copyright (c) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.