Sunday, September 18, 2016

Low Turnout at Bernie Sanders (BS) Rallies for Hillary Clinton Causes PBS to Change Title of BS Documentary

"Pay no attention to the man 
or the woman behind the curtain!"

Robert W. Armijo

After a poor turnout of supporters at a couple of Bernie Sanders rallies for Hillary Clinton in Ohio this past weekend (300 at one venue, 150 at another and the unexplained cancellation of a third), PBS announced it would be changing the title of the documentary it plans to air on election night on the phenomenal rise and fall of the popularity of the Bernie Sanders movement among millennials.

“In light of Bernie Sanders conceding to the establishment by throwing in the towel, becoming a carnival barker for Hillary and the recent failing attendance by millennials at his pro Clinton rallies, the original title of ‘Bernie Sanders Electrifies the Electric: The Political Force of Millennials Awakens’ somehow now seems contrived,” said a spokesperson for PBS. “So were changing it to something more realistic like ‘My Weekend at Bernie Sanders’, which we feel is more reflective of the situation. After all, it is a documentary on American politics and not some grand Hollywood production.”

Copyright © 2008-2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Hillary Clinton Vows More Transparency; Orders Stealth Pantsuit


By Robert W. Armijo

Hillary Clinton’s latest leaked emails allegedly show her continued lack of transparency and apparent credibility. 

“She is going to have trouble explaining this one away,” said a political pundit. 

Evidently, her leaked GPS and time-stamp equipped emails place her on stage at a political rally before her supporters, promising more transparency. 

“The trouble is that while she was delivering her transparency speech to the audience,” said a political pundit. “She was tweeting her secret service security detail, asking them for updates on the progress they were making on the stealth pantsuit she ordered to make for her.”

Begin transcript:

Hillary: Where’s my high-tech optic refracting garment? 

Secret Service: You mean your stealth pantsuit?

Hillary: Yes.

Secret Service: You weren't joking? You were serious?

Hillary: Yeah. 

Secret Service: Um, we’ll get working on it right of way.

Hillary: Make sure you do. I practically feel naked up here with all these people able to see me. I’m going to stand behind the podium for a while. 

End transcript.

Former President William Clinton immediately came to the defense of the democratic prudential candidate. 

“Look,” said Mr. Clinton. “She simply misunderstood what the American people meant by the word transparency. She obviously took it literally.”

Stealth technology experts confirm that if Hillary Clinton were to don such a high-tech pantsuit, people would not only not be able to see she her, but they would be able to see right through her as well.

“That’s what the American people should take away from this,” said Mr. Clinton. “Hillary ordered that stealth pantsuit so people could see right through her.”

Copyright © 2008-2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo courtesy of:

Saturday, August 20, 2016

IOC Certifies Shaunae ‘Claim-Jumper’ Miller’s Claim for Olympic Gold

And the Winner is...

By Robert W. Armijo

“Shaunae Miller may not be the only Olympian to throw herself or himself across the finish line for the gold,” explained a commissioner for the International Olympic Committee (IOC).

The IOC called for a press conference to explain their controversial ruling that Miller’s dive across the finish line was  legal under their current IOC regulations. 

...What Does It Matter? 
Something Stinks Around Here.
I Can Tell, Because a Fish Always
Rots from the Head Down.

“In fact," continued the IOC commissioner. "Shaunae Miller may not be the only Olympian to require a photo finish to determine the winner either.”

“However,” said the IOC commissioner, standing up to unveil a giant blowup photograph of Shaunae Miller, taken at the moment she crossed the finish line, taking the gold. “She is certainly the first Olympian to win by a nose!”

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Donald Trump’s Official ‘Presidential’ Response to Hillary Clinton’s Nuclear Launch Codes Claim: “I got your nuclear launch codes right here, Hillary! Right here, if you know what I mean? And I think you do. I think you do. Am I right, folks? Or am I right?”

Get Ready to Cut into the Live Feed.
By Robert W. Armijo

Standing before a stadium full of his supporters, Donald Trump addressed Hillary Clinton’s claim that the GOP nominee does not have the temperament to be trusted with the nation’s nuclear launch codes.

A haunting dead silence fell over the stadium audience as Donald Trump brought up the Hillary Clinton’s nuclear launch codes claim. 

“Now, folks,” said Trump. “I am sure all of you have heard by now what Crooked Hillary said about me in the news and my having access to the nuclear launch codes.”

The audience let out a collective, ”Boo!”

“Now, now,” replied Trump. “If I have to be presidential so do you.”

The audience cheered.

“And to prove to you how presidential I can be, here is my official presidential response to Hillary,” said Trump, turning to the teleprompter where a carefully crafted speech by political pundits was prepared for him to read aloud.

However, in that instant, Trump caught his reflection in the teleprompter glass screen. He could not see the wordsmiths' words, which slowly scrolled up for him to read. He could not find it himself to read them. 

"What's he doing?' asked one of his political adviser backstage. 

"What he does best," replied another Trump political adverser. "He's putting his foot in his mouth."

"He's going off script again," said a news director in a mobile TV control booth. "Get ready to cut into the live feed."

Turning away from the teleprompter, Trump did what he had done all his life: he spoke his mind.

“I got your nuclear codes launch right here, Hillary!” Trump said. 

Backstage, Trump's political advisers throw their hands up in the air in frustration.  

The live audience jumped to its feet with cheers, whistles and applause. 

“Right here, if you know what I mean?” continued Trump.  “And I think you do. I think you do. Am I right folks? Or am I right?”

“Speaking of codes,” continued Trump. “You know what to Hill Billy Clinton’s code name for Monica Lewd-Whisky was?” 

A wave of laughter swept over the audience.

“What?” responded a somewhat stunned and surprised Trump. 

Trump then covered the mic with his hand, as he turned to his political advisers backstage for an explanation.
“Hill Billy Clinton” and Monica ‘Lewd-Whisky,” they whispered back. 

“Oh, I get it now,” Trump said turning to the audience. “You think that was Monica’s  code name, ‘Lewd-Whisky’. Well it wasn’t. I just made that up. Just now. That’s right. Just made it up. Right here. Right now. Live, baby. You see, what my new so-called political consultants wrote out for me to say and I was suppose to read from the teleprompter was, ‘Deep Throat.” 

The audience echoed back to Trump, ‘Deep Throat’ in the form of a question as if they were a studio audience surprised by the game show host’s answer.

“Yeah, I know. Right,” said Trump. “My joke is much more funny. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what you can expect out of me, if you vote me into the White House come November." 

The audience cheered.

"I will have you laughing at everything I do." continued Trump. "I guarantee it. Yup, we’re really gonna have a good time, folks. A good time.” 

The audience continued cheering.

“In fact,” Trump added, now obviously no longer reading from the teleprompter, shooting straight from the hip. “My administration will make you laugh so hard…”

Trump then cupped his ear to the audience, who played along.

“How hard?!” the audience replied.

“So hard unsubsidized milk will shoot out of your nose,” Trump said in kind, as he began pacing the stage like a stand-up comedian. “Forcing you to go the hospital. There you can expect to pay the bill or file for bankruptcy, because you will no longer have medical coverage under the oppressive yoke of Obamacare!”

Once more, the live audience jumped to its feet with cheers, whistles and applause.

Until they all united in a single voice.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Brexit: Top 10 Revenge Ideas the EU is Considering Post Breakaway Vote

"Only Britain Soldiers On!”

By Robert W. Armijo

10) Prohibit British films from participating in the Cannes Film Festival.

9) Impose a French cheese embargo.

8) Reduce to the British pound by 12 ounces.

7) Ban fine British Cuisine from the European contentment.

6) Flood Channel Tunnel with cheap wine.

5) Ban British tourist from gawking at beautiful French women frequenting topless beaches.

4) Jam Benny Hill reruns. 

3) Rename ‘fish and chips’ ‘fish with French fries’.

2) Don’t invite England to the next World War.

1) Register all anglophiles as sex offenders with Interpol.

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Father's Day Joke #1: What Do You Call Male Menopause?

"Cheer up, Mr. ED.
Things will turn up soon." 

A: Erectile Dysfunction [ED]!

Caption: "Cheer up, Mr. ED. Things will turn up soon."

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of: