The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

"See? I Told You So."
Sarah Plain maybe the first spokesperson ever to 
Cold Warmonger for both the GOP and the DNC
By Robert W.  Armijo

“By golly wow,” said Sarah Plain, as she appeared via a conference call before a Democratic committee to investigate the alleged Russian interference with the presidential election of 2016 and in the wake of President Trump’s one-on-one Helsinki meeting with Russian President Putin.

“I can still see Russia from my house,” said Sarah Palin, while she peered through a telescope, across the Bering Straits over and out to Russia.  

“Yes. We know, Sarah,” said a Congressman. “But what are the Russians doing right now?”

The former Republican vice president candidate once mocked by SNL’s Tina Fey’s portrayal of her as a conservative caricature has now ironically become the point man for the Democratic party in their effort to single-handedly revive the Cold War.

Among growing criticism that the Democratic National Committee (DNC) is putting partisan politics above the nation’s best interests, a spokesman for the DNC recently stated.

“I just hope we’re not too late,” said a spokesman for the DNC. “Midterm elections are just around the corner."

“What do you see, Sarah?” repeated the Congressman. “What are the Russians doing?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Sarah Palin. “They are definitely packing their bags.”

“You hear that!” proclaimed the Congressman. “Sarah Plain says, ‘The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!”

“Yeah, well, no,” said Sarah Palin. “I didn’t exactly say that. But yeah, sure. Okay. Why not?”

Copyright © 2018 by Robert W. Armijo

How Black is Marvel’s New “Black Panther” Movie?

Hollywood, California --

By Robert W. Armijo

Q: How Black is Marvel’s New “Black Panther” Movie?

A: It’s so Black Spike Lee called, complaining there were too many Black people in it.

Photo(s) Courtesy of: Public Domain

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Trump Orders Upgrade of U.S. Nuclear Arsenal to Include Atomic Hand Grenades?

Vah-Vah Kah-Boom!
-- Washing, D. C.

By Robert W. Armijo

In an effort to upgrade what President Donald J. Trump considers is America’s out of date nuclear arsenal, he has ordered the military to come up with smaller nuclear devices to be used on the battlefield by individual soldiers.

In fact, the president himself offered the military an idea he came up with while in the Oval office.

“It’s a wonderful idea, Mr. President,” said a senior member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, as he glanced down at the weapon of mass destruction that was hastily sketched on a napkin; noticing a slight tremor in his hand that he attempted to consciously tried to conceal but could not control.
He passed it on to the others in the Oval Office hoping someone would object.

No one did.

Instead, all praised the president, as they passed along the design for an atomic hand grenade with the word “BOOM!” where a mushroom cloud would be, set against a field of asher blue and white bearing the official White House embalm.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Camel (Toe) Beauty Contest Controversy Breaks Out in Saudi Arabia

Camel beauty contestants head back home
after being disqualified. 

-- Saudi Arabia, Dubai

By Robert W. Armijo

Officials judging the annual camel beauty contest in Saudi Arabia surprised a number of contestants during the multi-million dollar event when they disqualified a dozen camels for allegedly cheating.

"Claudia" attempts to hide her Botox camel toes
in the sand from officals.
“We discovered during our physical inspection of the camels that there were several violations of The Standards of Camel Beauty,” said an official.

Judges of the controversial segment of the contest alleged that several of the camel’s toes were injected with Botox, to give them an artificially enhanced swollen camel toe look, reportedly said another official.

“I didn’t use this thing…this thing they call Botox,” said one contestant whose camel was suspended from the competition.

“Just look at that camel toe,” continued the Arabic man, donned in heavy white robes and turban, while holding up the hoof of his camel for voluntary inspection. 
Now that's some serious
Camel Toe going on! 

“Look how thick, puffy and fat my camel’s camel toe is?" pointed out the Arabic man. "You would think I kissed, caressed and finally sucked on that myself for hours on end as if she were one of my wives' toe to get it to look like that."

"They're definitely using Botox on their camel’s noses, lips and especially toes,” said attending veterinarian, Claudia Moore at the event. “You can tell even absent all the scientific evidence. You can tell just by the effect it has on you as a neutral observer, as you follow it as a slit at first; then ever so slowly falling down with it, until it turns into a groove, making your way through a valley; now ever flowing downwards, between two soft flesh filled hills rising on either side of you; to a destination unknown, you can’t but help find yourself on an adventure; no matter where it takes you, no matter who you thought you were before this moment, you find yourself deep down inside of yourself; questioning even who you thought, less all others, thought who you were before, and finally, you wake up; and find yourself on a journey of indeterminate self-discovery.”


Officials say the camels disqualified this year will be allowed to compete in next year’s camel beauty pageant, provided they refrain from using Botox.

Caption One: 
Camel beauty contestants head back home
after being disqualified. 

Caption Two:
"Claudia" attempts to hide her Botox camel toes
in the sand from officials.

Caption Three:
Now that's Some Serious Camel Toe going on! 

Caption Four:
All the while this, "Claudia", doesn't  bother to conceal  her Camel Toe at all.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:; Public Domain

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

One-Hundred Very, Very, So Very French Women Say “Time’s Up” for “#METOO”?

"Is that a .357 Magnum in your pocket?
Or are you just happy to see me?"
By Robert W. Armijo

Are you surprised that blow-back against the anti-sexual harassment “Time’s Up” and “#METOO” movements would originate from France?


What would you expect from the country that created the sexy French Maid uniform, legitimized mistresses, literally invented a new way of  kissing, which everyone in the world calls – what else --French kissing; the threesome and let’s not forget the one to two yards long phallic symbol baguette and French Fries -- The Irish had been boiling potatoes for a century and never, ever thought of frying them.

“We are French women! We must stand up like Joan of Arc and protect our overly sexually aggressive Latin men,” said a female signatory to the letter and spokeswoman for the group accusing the “Time’s Up” and “#METOO” anti-sexual harassment movements of going too far.  “How else will little French girls grow up, expecting one day as adult women to become French maids or mistresses? Fend off being French kissed by strangers on the Metro during rush hour? Or being crudely invited to participate in a ménage à trois?

As the spokeswoman addressed the international press core, the aforementioned symbols of France were modeled in the background. 

“Sexual harassment is deeply...Oh…so, so very, very deeply embedded in French culture,” said the spokeswoman, as she and members of the press all wiped away beads of sweat from their collective foreheads. “They are forever engaged. It is impossible to separate them!”

Then as a woman modeling a French maid uniform carrying a baguette in hand passed by the spokeswomen, the spokeswomen reached out and grabbed it.

She then began to wave the one yard-long baguette wildly in the air above her head as she spoke with an even more fervent temperament.

“And what do you expect us to do with our baguettes? Eat them?!” said the spokeswoman, as she broke the baguette in half, threw it at the feet of the reporters and stormed out of the press conference. “Vive la France! Vive la difference!”

Caption Reads:
"Is that a .357 Magnum in your pocket? 
Or are you just happy to see me?"

Photo(s) Courtesy of: Public domain  

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Is The Tide Pod “The New Suicide Pill" for Teens? Tide Pod Challenge Health Warning Ironically Leads to Suicide By Tide Pod Among Teens

Is The Tide Pod “The New Suicide Pill" for Teens?

By Robert W. Armijo

Shortly after parents around the country realized that their teen aged children were videotaping themselves putting the colorful cleaning chemical balls into their mouths (a practice commonly known as the Tide Pod Challenge) and then popping them like a zit (posting the footage to the web), mainstream media put various medical experts on camera to denounce the behavior as reckless, foolish and potentially life-threatening.

Now, as a result of that health warning, the rate of suicide by Tide pods among teens went from absolute zero to now becoming the preferred method of doing oneself in.

Further complicating the matter, as reported by suicide prevention hotlines around the nation, is the number callers who used a Tide pod to end their life, but changed their mind, is their inability to speak shortly after ingesting the lethal sphere and making a call to a suicide prevention hotline.

“We know it’s an attempted suicide by a Tide pod because the caller just chokes and gags on the other end of the phone,” said one volunteer operator.  “That and the sound of soap bubbles popping in the  background.”

All suicide prevention centers have been instructed to redirect the self-endangered callers to another outside agency for help.   

“It’s all we can do for them,” the operator continued. “After all, we are a suicide prevention center, not the  poison control center.”

Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Soulbust (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Watchmen of the Doomsday Clock Vote to Take It Digital?!

Old Analogue Doomsday Clock Going Digital? 
-- Washington, D.C. 

By Robert W. Armijo

In light of the Tweets of President Donald J. Trump about him having a bigger nuclear button on his desk than North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un and then wiring it to “The Clapper” at his bedside, the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists – keepers of the doomsday clock – voted to convert the analogue clock to a digital one.

“It’s the only way to keep up with the president’s doomsday threatening Tweets,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists.

The analogue clock was created by a group of Chicago atomic scientists after the Manhattan Project to demonstrate to the world how close we are as a species to global destruction by a preventable man-made catastrophe.

“We’re way past a minute to midnight,” the spokesmen continued. “We’re well into seconds.”

According to the spokesman the old analogue doomsday clock cannot convey the sense of urgency as accurately as a doomsday clock with a digital display.

“We’re thinking of setting the digital doomsday clock at 11:59:50,” said the spokesman. “Or borrowing the old launch countdown clock from NASA and setting it to T-10 seconds to doomsday!”

Photo(s) Courtesy of:

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Wires Nuclear Button to “The Clapper”

"How do I know it works unless I test it?'"
"No, Mr. President, don't!"
-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

Declaring it a matter of national security, President Donald J. Trump ordered White House maintenance workers to wire the nuclear button on his desk in the Oval Office to “The Clapper” – an electronic device which allows a table lamp to be turned on or off by simply clapping one’s hands -- next to his bed.

“The president ordered the instillation of the device when he realized he didn’t have to walk all the way down stairs in the middle of the night to his desk in the Oval Office to push the nuclear button, should he deem it necessary,” said a White House spokesman.

White House maintenance crew wires
the nuclear button on the president's desk
to "The Clapper" at his bedside.  

“All the president has to do now to start a nuclear war is clap his hands,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists, keepers of the doomsday clock. “So we are having an emergency meeting of our members to vote on whether or not to move the big hand of the analogue doomsday clock one minute to midnight.”

Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Charles (talk) (Uploads) - Own work, Public Domain,

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Why Cats Play Golf Joke #2

Q: Why do cats like to play golf?

A: Because they enjoy "hanging out" in the sand traps!

Photo(s) Courtesy of:

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Why Cats Play Golf Joke #1

"Come on! Don't give up now!
You're just one stroke
away from a birdie!"
By Robert W. Armijo

Q: Why did the family cat take up playing golf?

A: Because he was told that if he made a score of one stroke under par at a hole, he would have a birdie!

Caption Reads:

"Come on! Don't give up now!
You're just one stroke
away from a birdie!"

 Photo(s) Courtesy of:

Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.