Showing posts with label Putin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Putin. Show all posts

While Undergoing Surgery, Putin Puts His Personally Trained KGB Cat “Buttons” in Charge of the Entire Russian Nuclear Arsenal

"Buttons' -- The KGB Trained Cat -- Takes a Bathroom Break Before Re-assuming Tactical and Strategic Nuclear Command." 

 Copyright © 2022 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Sen. Mitt Romney Dispenses Advice on Twitter as “Pierre Delecto”

Washington, D.C. --

By Robert W. Armijo

Sen. Mitt Romney presently shocked the world when he disclosed that he had a secret social media account on Twitter.

While on Twitter under his nom de plume, "Pierre Delecto", Sen. Mitt Romney dispensed advice to young women, grandmothers and fellow politicians alike.

Here are just a few examples that have since been deleted from the Twitter account:

Twitter Transcript BEGINS


My training bra is causing chaffing. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto [Sen. Mitt Romney]

Switch to a sports bra. Less chaffing and better support.

My grandchildren do not like to come visit me. What can I do?

 Pierre Delecto

Have them carve out jack lanterns, roast the pumpkin seeds (lightly seasoned with cinnamon and powered sugar) in the oven, dispense ample amounts of lose change between the coach pillows and resist pinching them on the cheeks.

Donald J. Trump
How do I distract the country from my impending impeachment?

Pierre Delecto
Withdraw troops from Northern Syria.

Sleepy Joe [Sen. Biden]
People keep calling me “Sleepy Joe” and I don’t like it. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto

Get more sleep.

Ice Queen [Hillary Clinton]
How can I remain relevant in the upcoming 2020 presidential election? Run for office?

Pierre Delecto





Donald J. Trump
Hell yes!

Polar Bear2016 [Vladimir Putin]

Sleepy Joe
What? Did I miss something again?

Donald J. Trump

Go back to sleep, Sleepy Joe.

Polar Bear2016
Da, Sleepy Joe, go back to sleep.

Sleepy Joe


Donald J. Trump
How are you doing, Polar Bear2016? I haven’t heard from you in a while.

Polar Bear2016

Don’t worry my orange colored friend. You will be hearing a lot from me real soon.

Donald J. Trump
Great! I can hardly wait.

Polar Bear2016

Me too…Me too...

The Almighty Oz [Sen. Bernie Sanders]
HELLO! HELLO! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? Alexandra, how do you work this thing?


Twitter Transcript ENDS

Photo(s) courtesy of

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

"See? I Told You So."
Sarah Plain maybe the first spokesperson ever to 

Cold Warmonger for both the GOP and the DNC
By Robert W.  Armijo

“By golly wow,” said Sarah Plain, as she appeared via a conference call before a Democratic committee to investigate the alleged Russian interference with the presidential election of 2016 and in the wake of President Trump’s one-on-one Helsinki meeting with Russian President Putin.

“I can still see Russia from my house,” said Sarah Palin, while she peered through a telescope, across the Bering Straits over and out to Russia.  

“Yes. We know, Sarah,” said a Congressman. “But what are the Russians doing right now?”

The former Republican vice president candidate once mocked by SNL’s Tina Fey’s portrayal of her as a conservative caricature has now ironically become the point man for the Democratic party in their effort to single-handedly revive the Cold War.

Among growing criticism that the Democratic National Committee (DNC) is putting partisan politics above the nation’s best interests, a spokesman for the Grand Old Party (GOP) recently stated.

“I just hope we’re not too late,” said a spokesman for the GOP. “Midterm elections are just around the corner."

“What do you see, Sarah?” repeated the Congressman. “What are the Russians doing?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Sarah Palin. “They are definitely packing their bags.”

“You hear that!” proclaimed the Congressman. “Sarah Plain says, ‘The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!”

“Yeah, well, no,” said Sarah Palin. “I didn’t exactly say that. But yeah, sure. Okay. Why not?”

Copyright © 2018 by Robert W. Armijo

France Officially Passes the Torch to Russia

By Robert W. Armijo

Once upon a time in America when paranoia took control, french fries were ban from the cafeterias of the House of Representatives on Capitol Hill and re-branded "Freedom Fries".  


Is Russian salad dressing the next french fries? 

Let us have the collective courage to never ever relive those dark days ever again!

...On the other hand, is it really just a coincidence that both the French and Russian flags share the same colors? 



Photos courtesy of :

Copyright(C) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Top Five Ways Russian Hackers Influenced the American Presidential Election of 2016

♫Tomorrow, tomorrow…

You’re always a day away♫

By Robert W. Armijo

#5) Russia hacked into all the political polls (except one) projecting Hillary Clinton as the winner. Thereby luring the Clinton campaign into a false sense of security and thus loosing the election to Donald Trump. 

#4) Russia hacked into the electrical college encouraging members to defect from Donald Trump and instead cast their vote for Hillary Clinton – No. Wait. That was Hillary Clinton supporters.   

#3) Russia hacked into the Green Party server, demanding a recount in key states that Donald Trump carried. 

#2) Russia hacked into the popular vote, giving Hillary Clinton 2.9 million more votes than Donald Trump -- If they hadn't, she would have lost the popular vote as well. Donald Trump actually won the popular vote and by five million, too. 

"I got zilch here, people."

#1) Russia hacked into the Democratic National Committee (DNC) server, resulting in the 2016  nomination of Hillary Clinton for the presidency of the United States of America.  

Photo(s) courtesy of

Copyright © 2008-2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Clinton Continues to Blame Russian Hackers as Her lead in the Polls and Popular Vote Defies Convention; Holds Press Conference at Forest’s Edge

By Robert W. Armijo

With a straight face, the former Democratic Party presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton continued to blame Russian hackers for her loss in her run for the White House 2016.

Hillary Clinton renewed her accusations at a press conference she held outdoors at the edge of a forest where she had been taking walks with her husband after her defeat in November.

“If only the Russians wouldn’t have hacked into the DNC emails and exposed that my nomination as the Democratic Party’s presidential nominee was a foregone conclusion and that Bernie Sanders never had a chance from the get go, I would be standing here before you inside a building as the first woman president-elect,” Hillary Clinton  said.

Hillary Clinton then threw on a bright red parka, a deep blue backpack and garbed a walking stick made of White Birch tree she had leaned up against the podium. 

“If you will excuse me now,” said Hillary Clinton. “I have a date with Mother nature and Al Gore. He gave me this walking stick. See? Those are his initials.”

Hillary Clinton then raised the stick in the air, proudly pointing  to the initials ‘A.G.’ carved on the side.

“A.G. that stands for Al Gore,” said Hillary Clinton. “He’s my friend.” 

Former president Bill Clinton then walked behind Hillary and while giving her a pat on the shoulder whispered  into her ear, “Come on honey. It’s time to go.”

“Time to go see Al?” Hillary Clinton asked out loud. 

Bill then began to walk Hillary off the stage 

“Sure,” Bill whispered. “Why not?”

“He’s my pal, you know,” said Hillary Clinton aloud.

”Yeah,” said Bill continuing to whisper. “Sure he is.”

As Hillary Clinton readied to descend the stage, a reporter yelled out, “If the Russians are to blame for your losing the election, how do you account for your lead in the polls before the election and popular vote subsequent to it?!”

Suddenly, Hillary broke free from her husband and dashed back onto the stage. 

“What was that!?” said Hillary as she slapped the walking stick in the palm of her hand in a threatening way. “I didn’t catch that. What did you say?”

“Nothing,” said the reporter. “Never mind.”

“Yeah,” said Hillary. “I thought so.”

Once again, Bill gently placed his hand on Hillary’s shoulder, guiding her off the stage like a coach would a prized fighter out of a boxing ring after losing the match. 

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Obama Evolves into Pure Energy or Taken Out by Chicom Sat?

"Listen, Val. Like I said. I had Chinese takeout the night before."
 By Robert W. Armijo

The first to take the next evolutionary step for mankind, the Whitehouse announced today that President Obama turned into a beam of translucent light.

“President Obama is now pure energy,’’ said a spokesman for the Whitehouse.

The event  happened at noon EST, while the president was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office.
“He was on the phone talking to Russian President, Vladimir Putin at the time,” said the spokesman.

The two world leaders had been discussing China’s recent observance of the 70th anniversary of the allied victory over the fascist axis forces of WWII when President Putin asked President Obama why he did not attend the event.

President Obama replied that he already had Chinese takeout the night before and therefore did not feel the need to attend. 

“That’s when it happened,” said the spokesman. “He turned into a beam of light and ascended straight to heaven.”

Meanwhile, the Secret Service is conducting its own investigation into the matter or anti-matter.

“We’re not dismissing the possibility that the president evolved,” said a spokesman for the Secret Service. “After all, he has done it before when he changed his position on same sex marriage.”

Although refusing to go on the record, it is believed by security experts that the Secret Service is looking into the more likely alternative possibility that the president was struck by a Chinese-made high energy particle beam weapon from an orbiting platform in space. 

“After all, America has lost its technical advantage to China,” said a security expert. “Having fallen behind in developing new more advanced weapon systems, due to its never ending war on terrorism.” 

“It’s a Whitehouse cover up,” said a spokesman for the GOP. “They know damn well the president was hit by a Chicom military satellite. They just don’t want to admit that America has fallen behind the Chinese. Instead, they rather have the American people believe their president evolved into a beam of light. When will this administration ever take responsibility for its mistakes? It’s Benghazi all over again.”

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Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armjo. All rights reserved.

Number #1 President Obama Joke Among World Leaders

Hey, Did You Hear the One About President Obama?

A flying saucer lands on the White House lawn. 

And when the alien occupants’ disembark, they find themselves surrounded by the Secret Service. 

So they say to them, “Take us to your leader.”

Surprisingly, the Secret Service complies and escorts the aliens into the Oval Office where President Obama is sitting behind his desk.

The aliens pause, look at each other and then back at the Secret Service and say, “We said leader!”

To which President Obama stands up and replies, “That would be Mr. Vladimir Putin. Take a seat. I’ll get him on the phone for you.”

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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