“Occupy North Pole”?

Anchorage, Alaska –

A small but militant group of Elves marched out of Santa’s Workshop today, headed to the North Pole bent on occupying it. Putting to rest any speculation in the Main Street media that “Occupy Wall Street” will not be able to weather the weather, enduring the coming chilly months.

“Not to worry,” reassured an Elf, tossing a knapsack over his shoulder. “We’ll take up the cross. And carry it till spring comes and the snow thaws in New York City.”

“I love the jolly old guy,” said another defiant Elf, justifying the actions of the group. “But let’s face it, Santa is apart of the one percent.”

Santa’s Elves recently joined the occupy movement after watching the “Occupy Wall Street” movement take root around the world on TV, realizing that their jobs had been shipped abroad to China, Mexico and India.

“I’m a craftself by trade,” said an Elf, who became emotional. “With these hands and this tiny hammer, I use to cobble toy trains out of wood. Now, all I do is unload plastic ones from China.”

The contingent of rebellious Elves revealed they have a never before tried act of civil disobedience that is teargas resistant, guaranteeing that they will not be dislodged from the North Pole.

“We plan to lick it,” an Elf disclosed. “That way our tongues will get stuck to it. And nobody will be able to move us.”

At last word, Santa threatened to dispatch some gnomes with kettles of hot water. However, the Elves are confident they will be able to convince them to join the occupy movement.

“They’ve been working without a labor contract just like us,” said an Elf, as he and the others positioned themselves in a circle around the North Pole, arms interlocked and tongues extended. “Sow weare’re phoepeasting fr em tu.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Occupy Oakland Served a Predawn Pancake Breakfast by Police; Free Speech Zone Relocated to City Jail

San Francisco, California –

In the early predawn hours today, a cadre of law enforcement officers made up of different branches from surrounding police departments in the bay area gently awoke members of Occupy Oakland encamped at Oscar Grant Plaza and Snow Park.

“Each were individually escorted by a cop who acted as a personal concierge,” said the commanding officer.

Occupy Oakland protestors were then treated to a pancake breakfast, which was prepared and served to them by police wearing aprons over their riot gear.

“We weren’t sure how they would react when they found out we forgot the maple syrup. Or being forcibly relocated to a new free speech zone situated in the metropolitan detention facility,” said the commanding officer from under his gas mask, wearing an apron which read: Complaints to the Cook Can Be Hazardous to Your Health.

So the commanding officer took the extra precaution of having his officers suit up.

Sure enough, just as one of the protestors asked for maple syrup, violence erupted.

“Hey everybody!” yelled out an ungrateful protestor gathering the attention and ire of the motley crew. “They forgot the maple syrup!”

“Yeah,” echoed another protestor with his complaint. Getting up to stand on the breakfast table to make his point. “And my eggs are runny, too!”

“That’s it,” said the commanding officer, ordering his officers to move in on the unlawful assembly. “My men and me didn’t wakeup at three o’clock in the morning to slave over a hot plate to get treated like this.”


Copyright © 2011-2008 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Mitt Romney Sends Delegation to Occupy ‘Occupy Wall Street’

New York, New York –

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney took time out of his busy schedule today to send a delegation with a single demand to the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors encamped at Zuccotti Park, New York.

“Romney delegates will camp along side ‘Occupy Wall Street’ to make his message clear,” said a spokesman for Romney. “Only they will be doing it as protesters, instead of protestors.”

“My demand is a simple and a fair one,” said Mitt Romney at a press conference. “Let corporations join! They’re people too! Folks just like me and you.”

Mitt Romney vows that his delegation will remain in Zuccotti Park with the other protestors until they recognize corporations as people, as he does.

“Since Mitt Romney’s delegate consists of human beings,” said a spokesman for ‘Occupy Wall Street’. “We’re bound by our policy of inclusiveness to bring the matter before the general assembly for a vote.”

Unfortunately for Mitt Romney, the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ general assembly reached a consensus not to allow corporations to join their movement.

The Romney delegation then voted to disband and join in with ‘Occupy Wall Street’.

Even becoming the most vocal members of the People’s Mic [microphone] -- A process of repeating the spoken word of a human being through people’s voices without the assistance of electric or other artificial amplification.

“THE DAY THAT TEXAS EXECUTES A CORPORATION,” echoed the People’s Mic. “IS THE DAY WE WILL BELIEVE CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE.”

“Wow!” Mitt Romney reacted upon hearing the rejection of his demand voiced by the People’s Mic, consisting of members of his former delegation. “Now that’s irony even I can appreciate.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.