Showing posts with label Corporations are people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Corporations are people. Show all posts

Mitt Romney’s Only Visible Childhood Friend a Fast-Food Clown? Reason Why Corporations Are People to Him?

Washington, D.C. –

Apparently, as a small child, Mitt Romney had trouble making friends. “Oh, he had friends alright,” said Mitt’s grandfather, Joshua Romney, 99. “The trouble was, only he could see them. Because they were invisible.”

Concerned for the social development of their child, Mitt’s parents would drop him off at a McDonald’s restaurant to play with children there.

“But it wasn’t too long before the manager caught on to what they were doing,” continued Joshua Romney. “He even threatened to call the police, if they didn’t stop.”

Mitt Romney’s parents then made an arrangement with the manager that allowed them to continue, however.

“The manager agreed,” said Joshua Romney. “But they would have to rent the Ronald McDonald clown for the hours Mitt was there.”

Mitt and Ronald became close friends.

The young impressionable boy bonding with the iconic corporate marketing tool.

“Pretty soon, Mitt went there just to talk to Ronald,” said Joshua Romney.

One day, Ronald caught Mitt crying.

“What’s wrong, Mitt?” Ronald asked. “Did some kids bury you in the ball pit again?”

“No,” said Mitt, wiping away tears.

“What then?” Ronald asked again.

“You,” said Mitt.

“Me?” replied Ronald, somewhat shocked. “What do you mean, me?”

“One day you’re gonna leave me,” said Mitt.

“You mean, like your invisible friends?” said Ronald.

"No,” said Mitt. “I mean, like you die.”

“Oh,” replied Ronald.

Ronald sat Mitt down at a table, ordering him some fries and a shake.

“Your parents are reimbursing me for this, right?” Ronald yelled back to Mitt as he stood at the counter, paying for the order.

Mitt nodded yes.

“Listen kid,” said Ronald as he sat down with Mitt's order. “You have grandparents, right? I mean they’re still living, right?”

Mitt nodded yes as he took to the fries and shake.

“Well, one day they’re gonna die,” said Ronald.

Mitt paused a moment.

“What about you?” asked Mitt. “Won’t you die too, one day?”

“No,” said Ronald.

“Why not?” asked Mitt, sucking on his straw.

“Because I’m incorporated,” replied Ronald.

“Incorporated?” Mitt replied.

“Incorporated!” repeated Ronald.

Mitt looked confused.

“Listen, kid,” said Ronald, seeing he was having trouble getting through. “What’s my name?”

“Ronald,” replied Mitt.

“Nope,” said Ronald. “What’s my real name?”

“I…I don’t know,” said Mitt. “What is your real name?”

“I can’t tell you,” said Ronald. “You know why, kid?

Mitt shook his head no.

“Because if I told you my real name,” continued Ronald. “I’d get fired.”

“So you will leave me, one day,” said Mitt with his head down.

“No I won’t,” said Ronald. “Because even if I get fired, quit or even die, I’ll be right back here. Or somebody dressed up like me.”

Suddenly, it was as if a light shined on Mitt’s face.

“I get it,” said Mitt. “Corporations are people too. Except they don’t leave you because they can never die.”

Eventually, Ronald did leave Mitt, however. As he was fired for damaging company equipment when he permanently disfigured his hand, while trying to fetch his car keys out of a deep fryer. Though Mitt hardly even noticed Ronald’s absence.

“Not even when Ronald waved good-bye to him from the back of the ambulance with his bandaged hand,” said Joshua Romney.

Mitt just shrugged his shoulders as kids buried him in the ball pit.

“You see, he knew that his friend Ronald would be back,” explained Joshua Romney.

The very next day a new Ronald showed up.

“Mitt ran up to him to take his hand,” said Joshua Romney.

But he paused a moment before doing so.

“Say,” said Mitt, staring at the new Ronald’s uninjured hands. “Didn’t you, um…never mind.”

Over the years, there would be many more new Ronald McDonalds that would come in and go out of Mitt’s life. Molding it and shaping it along the way.

“But thanks to people like the McDonalds corporation and others like them,” said Joshua Romney. “He never knew the difference. And still doesn’t.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Mitt Romney Sends Delegation to Occupy ‘Occupy Wall Street’

New York, New York –

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney took time out of his busy schedule today to send a delegation with a single demand to the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors encamped at Zuccotti Park, New York.

“Romney delegates will camp along side ‘Occupy Wall Street’ to make his message clear,” said a spokesman for Romney. “Only they will be doing it as protesters, instead of protestors.”

“My demand is a simple and a fair one,” said Mitt Romney at a press conference. “Let corporations join! They’re people too! Folks just like me and you.”

Mitt Romney vows that his delegation will remain in Zuccotti Park with the other protestors until they recognize corporations as people, as he does.

“Since Mitt Romney’s delegate consists of human beings,” said a spokesman for ‘Occupy Wall Street’. “We’re bound by our policy of inclusiveness to bring the matter before the general assembly for a vote.”

Unfortunately for Mitt Romney, the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ general assembly reached a consensus not to allow corporations to join their movement.

The Romney delegation then voted to disband and join in with ‘Occupy Wall Street’.

Even becoming the most vocal members of the People’s Mic [microphone] -- A process of repeating the spoken word of a human being through people’s voices without the assistance of electric or other artificial amplification.


“Wow!” Mitt Romney reacted upon hearing the rejection of his demand voiced by the People’s Mic, consisting of members of his former delegation. “Now that’s irony even I can appreciate.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.