Showing posts with label President Obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label President Obama. Show all posts

President Trump Makes a Joke Out of Obama Era ‘New Normal’ -- Lower Your Expectations America

Washington, D.C --

By Robert W. Armijo

Q: Whatever Happened to Obama’s Welcome to the “New NormalAmerica?

A: MAGA!!!

Make America Great Again (MAGA).

Photo(s) courtesy of

Copyright (C) 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

President Obama Holds Situation Room Meeting to Prevent a Mad Man from Winning the Presidency in November Joke

Meanwhile in the White House Situation Room...

By Robert W. Armijo

“Okay, you guys,” said President Obama to his staff gathered around a conference table in the White House Situation Room. “Let’s start brainstorming this thing. Now what can I do to stop a mad man from winning the presidency in November?”

“Ah, yes, Donald Trump,” says one staff member aloud, while the others nod their heads in agreement. 

“Actually,” President Obama replies. “I was referring to Hillary.”    

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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President Obama Evolves into Pure Energy or Taken Out by Chicom Sat?

"Listen, Val. Like I said. I had Chinese takeout the night before."
 By Robert W. Armijo

The first to take the next evolutionary step for mankind, the Whitehouse announced today that President Obama turned into a beam of translucent light.

“President Obama is now pure energy,’’ said a spokesman for the Whitehouse.

The event  happened at noon EST, while the president was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office.
“He was on the phone talking to Russian President, Vladimir Putin at the time,” said the spokesman.

The two world leaders had been discussing China’s recent observance of the 70th anniversary of the allied victory over the fascist axis forces of WWII when President Putin asked President Obama why he did not attend the event.

President Obama replied that he already had Chinese takeout the night before and therefore did not feel the need to attend. 

“That’s when it happened,” said the spokesman. “He turned into a beam of light and ascended straight to heaven.”

Meanwhile, the Secret Service is conducting its own investigation into the matter or anti-matter.

“We’re not dismissing the possibility that the president evolved,” said a spokesman for the Secret Service. “After all, he has done it before when he changed his position on same sex marriage.”

Although refusing to go on the record, it is believed by security experts that the Secret Service is looking into the more likely alternative possibility that the president was struck by a Chinese-made high energy particle beam weapon from an orbiting platform in space. 

“After all, America has lost its technical advantage to China,” said a security expert. “Having fallen behind in developing new more advanced weapon systems, due to its never ending war on terrorism.” 

“It’s a Whitehouse cover up,” said a spokesman for the GOP. “They know damn well the president was hit by a Chicom military satellite. They just don’t want to admit that America has fallen behind the Chinese. Instead, they rather have the American people believe their president evolved into a beam of light. When will this administration ever take responsibility for its mistakes? It’s Benghazi all over again.”

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Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armjo. All rights reserved.

President Obama to World: Je Suis Charlie Who?

President Obama to World: Je Suis Charlie Who?
Washington, D.C. –

During Monday’s routine cabinet meeting at the White House, a foreign affairs advisor read aloud for pending presidential approval a prepared press release.

It acknowledged that the Obama administration had dropped the ball in not sending a more senior representative to participate in the ‘Je Suis Charlie’ Paris march on Sunday, which was attended by 40 world leaders.

Reportedly, that is when President Obama leaned over to Vice President, Joe Biden and whispered into his ear, “Je Suis Charlie who?”

“You know,” Biden whispered back. “The famous general, statesman and architect of the Fifth French Republic and its first president as well, Charles de Gaulle.”

“Oh man,” sighed the president. “Did I almost make a big mistake. I thought they meant Charlie Brown.”

“Yeah, me too,” added Biden. “I had to look it up on Wikipedia.”

“Say, didn’t I shut them down?” asked President Obama.

“No,” replied Biden. “Not yet.”

Copyright © 2008-2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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White House Sends Card to France, Apologizes for Not Attending Je Suis Charlie Paris March Joke #3

“Sorry, I missed your ‘Je Suis Charlie’ march on Sunday,” wrote President Obama.

 “P.S. In my defense, I could have done worse. I could’ve sent Joe Biden.”

Copyright © 2008-2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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White House Sends Card to France, Apologizes for Not Attending Je Suis Charlie Paris March Joke #2

“Sorry, I missed your ‘Je Suis Charlie’ march on Sunday,” wrote President Obama. 

“P.S. I thought Bastille Day wasn’t until July 14th?”

Copyright © 2008-2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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White House Sends Card to France, Apologizes for Not Attending Je Suis Charlie Paris March Joke #1

“Sorry, I missed your ‘Je Suis Charlie’ march on Sunday,” wrote President Obama.

“P.S. I did not know how highly the people of France revered Charles M. Schulz. Or what ‘Peanuts’ fans you guys really are. I thought y’all were a bunch of Jerry Lewis fanatics.”

Copyright © 2008-2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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White House Responds to the CMA's President Obama Jokes

“Customarily, as it is our understanding, the person being roasted is required to be present at the event.”

GOP Midterm Election Victory Joke #2

At the White House, President Obama addresses the media...

Press Pool: "Mr. President, what do have to say about the Republicans taking over the senate?"

President Obama: "I, for one, welcome our new Republican overlords."

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Number #1 President Obama Joke Among World Leaders

Hey, Did You Hear the One About President Obama?

A flying saucer lands on the White House lawn. 

And when the alien occupants’ disembark, they find themselves surrounded by the Secret Service. 

So they say to them, “Take us to your leader.”

Surprisingly, the Secret Service complies and escorts the aliens into the Oval Office where President Obama is sitting behind his desk.

The aliens pause, look at each other and then back at the Secret Service and say, “We said leader!”

To which President Obama stands up and replies, “That would be Mr. Vladimir Putin. Take a seat. I’ll get him on the phone for you.”

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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White House Calling Romney Luncheon ‘Beer and Cookies Summit’

“No, no. I’ll be having the beer.
Gov. Romney will be having the cookies.”
Washington, D.C. –

In the wake of his re-election, President Obama has been rumored to have been both figuratively and literally ‘spiking the ball’ all around the White House, following it up with a ban NFL style victory shuffle.

“He goes from room to room tossing a small palm-sized green Nerf football in the air, catching it and spiking it into the ground,” said a White House staffer. “All while making congratulating stadium cheering noises to himself and doing a little dance.”

Reportedly, the president has gotten worse in the last few days, apparently in anticipation of his luncheon with Gov. Mitt Romney, making strange requests from the White House kitchen staff.

“He asked us if we knew of any dishes we could serve up that included crow in the recipe,” said a White House chef. 

The president addressed the White House maintenance staff as well. 

“He asked if we could change the doorbell ringer,” said the White House maintenance man. “Now it plays the theme song from ‘Rocky’ when you press it.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Last on: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire President? Joke #1

Is Anybody Really Ready to Answer
This 3 AM Phone Call?
Unlike the other two presidential debates, although advertised as unfiltered, this last one still seemed rehearsed. 

At times, it even felt as if we were watching an episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. However, instead of Regis Philbin hosting, it was Bob Schieffer.

Q: Gov. Romney, what would you do as president if you got word that the Israeli airforce was on the way to bomb Iran?

A: Bob, I’d like to phone a friend?

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Gov. Mitt Romney: Get Me Big Bird Binder Women Now!

"Where Are My Big Bird Binder Women?!"
Washington, D.C .–

One of then Governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts staff members has now stepped forward, accusing him of not asking for a binder of women to select a qualified candidate to serve in his administration.  If true, the accusation directly contradicts what he said on national TV during the second presidential debate, damaging his candidacy.

“He didn’t ask for a binder of women,” said the former staff member. “He asked for a binder of big bird women.”

Initially, Gov. Romney’s staff was baffled by the bizarre request.

“We all said, ‘What?!” the former staffer said. 

However, Gov. Romney repeated his request in writing on a Post-It note.

Gov. Romney’s staff immediately began working on putting together a binder of big bird women. 

“We made calls to the local chapter of the National Audubon Society and a paper mill,” said the ex-staffer.

Despite their calls, the staff got nowhere.

“They just kept hanging up on us,” said the former staffer.

Finally, someone got an idea.

“We got a list of qualified female candidates from the U.S. Women’s Chamber of Commerce,” said the former staffer. “And ordered a binder from the printer in bright canary yellow.” 

When the staff presented the yellow binder titled “Binder of Big Bird Women” to the governor, he opened it up and with his eyes closed, randomly picked out a name with his index finger.

“There,” reportedly said Gov. Romney, peeking through one eye. “Hire her. She looks qualified.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Sends Singing Telegram to Romney: ♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! 
No More Mr. Clean!♫
Washington, D.C.  --

On the eve of the second presidential debate, Mitt Romney reportedly received a personal message from President Barack Obama in the form of a singing telegram, delivered to the hotel where his opponent was rehearsing for the upcoming debate. 

“At first, we all thought it was a practical joke,” said a hotel waiter, who witnessed the event while filling up pitchers of ice water.

Mitt Romney was standing behind a podium as a man dressed as a professional boxer, wearing a silken red robe, gloves, shorts and laced up leather ankle boots underneath, walked into the conference room, making everybody laugh.

“Including the man of the hour, Mitt, himself,” said the debate coach. “In fact, I think he laughed the hardiest."

That was until the boxer threw off his robe and began to sing.

Pulling out a harmonica from one of his gloves, the boxer blew a few notes to tune himself up. Nervously clearing his throat, he started to sing. 

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

Mitt Romney was so taken aback by the message that he immediately began to hyperventilate. 

Seeing Romney’s reaction to the singing telegram, the Secret Service jumped on the boxer, wrestling him to the ground. 

“But that didn’t stop him from singing,” said the waiter.

As the Secret Service picked up the singing boxer, dragging him out of the room, his head would pop up from the dark suits carrying him out and he would belt out a few more melodious lines.

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

Mitt Romney had his head between his knees. 

“Fortunately, someone brought their lunch in a brown paper bag,” said the waiter.

One of Romney’s campaign managers had to presence of mind to grab it, emptying out its contents of a tuna sandwich, apple and box of Juicy-Juice.

“He placed it over Mitt’s mouth, slowing his breathing,” said the waiter. 

That was until the boxer broke free of the Secret Service agents and entered the conference room again.

“This time the boxer jumped up onto a table and sang,” said the waiter.

♫No More Mr. Nice Guy! No More Mr. Clean!♫

“Oh God,” allegedly said Mitt Romney, as he continued to breathe into the brown paper bag. “I’ll be glad when this is all over.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Obama Drinking Red Bull in Preparation for 2nd Presidential Debate?

"Yes, I'd like to Order Another Case of Red Bull."

Washington, D.C. –

Reportedly, President Obama has been preparing for the second round of the presidential debate with Mitt Romney by drinking cases of Red Bull. 

The distinct blue and silver delivery truck has even been sighted at the White House, backed up to the servant’s entrance of the kitchen. 

“They’ve been making deliveries here ever since the president lost the first debate,” confirmed a member of the White House kitchen staff.

Political pundits speculate that the president is responding to the criticism of his own campaign team that he appeared tired, listless and unfocused during the last debate.

“He can’t afford to look like that again without placing his candidacy in serious jeopardy,” said a political pundit. 

Judging by the number of empty Red Bull cans dumped in the White House recycling bin, however, the president may be overdoing it.

“If he drinks that much Red Bull on the night of the debate,” said an ardent energy drink drinker. “He’ll appear too edgy to look presidential.” 

Signs to look for include body twitches, facial ticks, sweating profusely, rapid heart rate and talking too fast.

Meanwhile, over at the Romney camp, it is rumored that they are preparing for Tuesday night’s debate by doing pre-celebratory victory body shots of tequila. 

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Nobel Peace Prize Changes Amount and Name of Award: Alfred Nobel to Alfred E. Neuman

Stockholm, Sweden –

Admitting that they are the biggest collection of eggheads on the planet and yet they still managed to mismanage their money, the Nobel Foundation voted today to change the name of their prestigious peace prize award from Alfred Nobel to Alfred E. Neuman.

The peace prize name change comes on the heels of their stunning announcement last month that they would be reducing future cash awards by some twenty percent.

Based on the belief that the name of an institution should reflect what it stands for the vote was unanimous.

“The name change more accurately represents what the award has come to represent in the eyes of the world in recent years,” said a Nobel Foundation member. “How did it come to this?”

Critics say the name change was long over due and should have been made years ago. Pointing to the nomination and awarding of President Obama years earlier, as the beginning of the institution’s decline.

“They started going downhill ever since they gave the peace prize to Obama,” spoke a critic. “I mean what was that all about? When did they start handing out Nobel prizes to people just because they’re not George W. Bush? Look at me. I’m not Bush. Where’s my [BLEEP] Nobel Peace Prize?”

No longer burdened by the hypocrisy, members of the Nobel Foundation expect the peace prize to quickly regain the glory of its former years.

“And if not, at the very least, a free lifetime subscription to Mad Magazine,” said a Nobel Foundation member.

Which, of course, will be passed on to the next Alfred E. Neuman Peace Prizewinner. Along with a villa on the French Riviera to compensate for the reduced prize numeration.

“Actually, that’s just a two week time share one of our members donated,” added the Nobel Foundation member. “And you have to pay for all your own traveling expenses there and back. And food too. But good news, all utilities are paid. Except for the trash, but I hear that’s negotiable.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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White House Correspondent’s Dinner Turns into a Secret Service Roast

Washington, D.C. –

Last night at the White House corespondent’s dinner before an audience of politicians, celebrities and members of the media, President Obama and late night TV talk show host, Jimmy Kimmel took turns tag teaming each other. As they pulled no punches, taking jabs at the Secret Service for their recent sexual escapades involving Colombian hookers.

That was until a Secret Service agent approached the two.

Removing his dark sunglasses, the young agent politely asked for equal time to address the audience on behalf of his fellow Secret Service agents.

President Obama and Jimmy Kimmel just looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and handed over the mic to the agent.

“This is last minute so,” said the nervous Secret Service agent as he reached into his breast coat pocket. The audience cowered and cringed under their tables, believing the agent was about to pull out his service weapon.

“What?” said the agent, realizing what the audience was reacting to. “Oh…This is nothing to worry about. It’s just my short list of jokes. See?”

The audience let out a sigh of relief and resumed their seats.

“I really don’t have that much marital on me,” continued the agent, waving the sheet of paper in the air.

“Yeah,” yelled out a drunken heckler in the audience. “I bet that’s what she said!”

The audience roared with laughter.

“You’re right,” calmly replied the agent, taking on the heckler. “We deserve that. After all who did we think we were sleeping round with prostitutes, elected officials?!”

President Obama laughed so hard he doubled over, slapping his knee, which earned him a scowl from the fist lady and fellow politicians.

“So we screwed a few Colombian whores,” continued the now confident Secret Service agent. “At least we don’t screw the American public.”

No body in the audience laughed, except for Jimmy Kimmel who slapped a now stiff-necked President Obama on the back.

“Why so serious commander in chief?” Jimmy Kimmel asked the president. “You know --”

“Yes, I know,” said the president, cutting off Kimmel before he could finish his sentence. “It’s funny because it’s true.”

The Secret Service agent then put back on his dark sunglasses and signed off.

“Secret Service is in the House,” said the agent. “The White House, that is.”

The Secret Service agent then dropped the mic to the floor with a thud, causing such a ringing feedback President Obama, Jimmy Kimmel and everybody in the audience had to cover their ears.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Delivers “Back to the Future” State of the Union Address

Washington, D.C. --

“I will travel through time,” said President Obama as he jumped into a modified DeLorean parked on the congressional floor. “Back to 1950s America. And once there, I will personally bring back the prosperity from that period back to the future. Wait for me here. This shouldn’t take too long.”

As everybody waited for President Obama to return, however, a librarian from the Library of Congress suddenly ran onto the floor, waving a newspaper printed in the 1950s in the air.

“President Obama has been arrested!” shouted the librarian.

As the members of Congress huddled around the librarian, she read the article out loud to them.

Black Man Breaks into Fort Knox

Louisville Kentucky –

A male Negro, approx. 50, was arrested for breaking into Fort Knox today.

“He claimed he was not stealing the gold bars he had placed in his car, but that he was merely transferring funds from the past into the future,” said the arresting officer.

According to police, the man claimed he had the authority to make the so-called “transaction” because he was the President of the United States of American.

Initially authorities paid no attention to the man’s wild assertions, however, when he provided them with proper identification papers and shared intimate knowledge of the White House interior, police placed a call to Washington, D.C.

“We’re still awaiting word from the White House,” said police. “Until then, we’ll continue to hold the suspect in custody.”

Meanwhile, in other news today, President Truman stunned everyone when he unexpectedly reversed himself, recalling his executive order integrating the Negro population among the armed forces.

“What do we do now?” asked a Congressman of the others.

However, before anyone could answer, everybody’s attention was drawn to the sound of a striking gavel.

It was Vice President Biden at the podium.

“Okay, everybody,” said President Biden. “There’s a new sheriff in town.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Promises “New Speech” on Jobs in September, Instead of “New Deal” Now!

Washington, D.C. –

President Obama announced today that he is busy working on a new speech about jobs, which he will deliver to the nation this September. “Don’t despair America,” said Obama in a radio address concerning his new speech. “Help is on the way.”

According to a spokesman for the White House, Obama has called together the best speechwriters in the country.

“He is essentially assembling the greatest brain trust of orators this nation has ever heard,” read a statement released by the White House.

The president has even purchased a new rhyming dictionary.

“In fact, he’s gently breaking-in the spine now,” said a presidential aide.

Obama bought the new rhyming dictionary during his “Listing Tour” convoy through the Midwest.

“He insisted that the bus driver pullover to the side of the road when he saw a ‘Going Out of Business’ sign hanging in the window of a Borders bookstore,” continued the aide.

Obama even had the official White House photographer take his picture, documenting the historical purchase.

Standing in front of the ‘Going Out of Business’ sign with the new rhyming dictionary in hand, Obama posed stoically for the black and white Ansel Adams style photograph.

“I want you to take my picture in front of the ‘Going Out of Business – Everything 50% Off!’ sign,” said Obama, talking to the White House photographer. “I want you to capture my commitment to reduce the national debt by saving the tax payer money whenever I can.”

The White House photographer adjusted the leans of his camera and took the picture.

“Did you get it,” asked Obama of the White House photographer.

“Yeah, I got it,” replied the photographer. Then whispering beneath his breath to himself, he added. “But do you?”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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