Showing posts with label Hillary Clinton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hillary Clinton. Show all posts

Steve Bannon Says, “President Trump Impeached in Six Weeks and Escorted Out of the White House by Navy Seal Team Six.”

Former Senator Sends Anonymous 
Letter to Pentagon Requesting SEAL Team Six Be
Placed on Standby for 
Potential White House Eviction 
Washington, D.C. –

By Robert W. Armijo

According to former White House adviser, Steve Bannon, a former high-ranking member of the Senate has sent an anonymous  letter to the Pentagon, requesting that the infamous Navy SEAL Team Six be placed on standby to raid the White House and evict President Donald J. Trump.

Once the House impeaches him and the Senate convicts him of high crimes and misdemeanors, which is allegedly scheduled to occur within six weeks.

In the letter, the former Senate member goes on to advise that the SEAL Team Six be prepared for violence, providing them with top secret highly detailed blue prints of the off limits private living quarters of the second floor of the White House and heavily dart holed pictures of President Trump with hand drawn in red lipstick bull’s eye around the president’s face.

“A fire fight between the president’s secret service security detail and SEAL Team Six unfortunately can't be ruled out,” reportedly wrote the unnamed former Senate member. “So, maybe -- I am just saying is all -- they should go in hot [firing their weapons] using silencers, night vision and during the predawn hours, climbing up the trellis on the Rose Garden side of the White House. Thereby by avoiding any bad optics captured by any sympathetic members of the press – Just joking. The mainstream media hates him almost as much as I do.”

The former Senator justifies the preparation for such possible violence saying, “Remember, he still has the nuclear codes. And if he is not 'neutralized', he could start a nuclear war out of revenge; launching a missile attack in a desperate attempt to distract the country. Trust me, I know.” 

The unidentified former Senate member then asked the Pentagon to take appropriate measures to ensure all members of SEAL Team Six were loyal to the country and not Russian assets. 

“Maybe you could have them undergo ‘enhanced interrogation’ regarding their political views,” the unknown former Senator allergy wrote. “We have to rule out that they are not Russian assets like 2020 Democratic presidential candidate, Tulsi Gabbard.” 

The Pentagon sent a reply letter to the former Senator stating, "The so-called 'eviction' of President  Donald J. Trump of the United States America from the White House is a political process. Not a military one." 

Moments after a change in the personnel shift at the Pentagon, "Just kidding, [BLEEP]! SEAL Team Six is in the house [on the tarmac], [BLEEP]!"

Photo(s) courtesy of

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Sen. Mitt Romney Dispenses Advice on Twitter as “Pierre Delecto”

Washington, D.C. --

By Robert W. Armijo

Sen. Mitt Romney presently shocked the world when he disclosed that he had a secret social media account on Twitter.

While on Twitter under his nom de plume, "Pierre Delecto", Sen. Mitt Romney dispensed advice to young women, grandmothers and fellow politicians alike.

Here are just a few examples that have since been deleted from the Twitter account:

Twitter Transcript BEGINS


My training bra is causing chaffing. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto [Sen. Mitt Romney]

Switch to a sports bra. Less chaffing and better support.

My grandchildren do not like to come visit me. What can I do?

 Pierre Delecto

Have them carve out jack lanterns, roast the pumpkin seeds (lightly seasoned with cinnamon and powered sugar) in the oven, dispense ample amounts of lose change between the coach pillows and resist pinching them on the cheeks.

Donald J. Trump
How do I distract the country from my impending impeachment?

Pierre Delecto
Withdraw troops from Northern Syria.

Sleepy Joe [Sen. Biden]
People keep calling me “Sleepy Joe” and I don’t like it. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto

Get more sleep.

Ice Queen [Hillary Clinton]
How can I remain relevant in the upcoming 2020 presidential election? Run for office?

Pierre Delecto





Donald J. Trump
Hell yes!

Polar Bear2016 [Vladimir Putin]

Sleepy Joe
What? Did I miss something again?

Donald J. Trump

Go back to sleep, Sleepy Joe.

Polar Bear2016
Da, Sleepy Joe, go back to sleep.

Sleepy Joe


Donald J. Trump
How are you doing, Polar Bear2016? I haven’t heard from you in a while.

Polar Bear2016

Don’t worry my orange colored friend. You will be hearing a lot from me real soon.

Donald J. Trump
Great! I can hardly wait.

Polar Bear2016

Me too…Me too...

The Almighty Oz [Sen. Bernie Sanders]
HELLO! HELLO! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? Alexandra, how do you work this thing?


Twitter Transcript ENDS

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Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

K-Mart Finally Holds Finale Fail Clearance Sale on the "Hillary Clinton Presidential Pantsuit Collection?"

By Robert W. Armijo

K-Mart Finally Holds Finale Fail Clearance Sale on the "Hillary Clinton Presidential Pantsuit Collection?"   

Copyright (c) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

How Donald Trump Smashed the ‘Blue Wall’?

By Robert W. Armijo

Easy, the night of the election Donald Trump supporters handed out cans of red paint to voters trapped beyond the Blue Wall and told them to go out and paint the town red.

Photo courtesy of

Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

The Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton Caption Contest Winner Is?

"Quick, take the damn picture 

before the Botox wears off."

The winner of the Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton Caption Contest has requested to remain anonymous and asked to be identified simply by his initials instead.

So congratulations goes out to you “D.T.”, because you just won the Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton caption contest!

Caption Reads: "Quick, take the damn picture before the Botox wears off."

Photo courtesy of

Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Hillary Clinton Vows More Transparency; Orders Stealth Pantsuit


By Robert W. Armijo

Hillary Clinton’s latest leaked emails allegedly show her continued lack of transparency and apparent credibility. 

“She is going to have trouble explaining this one away,” said a political pundit. 

Evidently, her leaked GPS and time-stamp equipped emails place her on stage at a political rally before her supporters, promising more transparency. 

“The trouble is that while she was delivering her transparency speech to the audience,” said a political pundit. “She was tweeting her secret service security detail, asking them for updates on the progress they were making on the stealth pantsuit she ordered to make for her.”

Begin transcript:

Hillary: Where’s my high-tech optic refracting garment? 

Secret Service: You mean your stealth pantsuit?

Hillary: Yes.

Secret Service: You weren't joking? You were serious?

Hillary: Yeah. 

Secret Service: Um, we’ll get working on it right of way.

Hillary: Make sure you do. I practically feel naked up here with all these people able to see me. I’m going to stand behind the podium for a while. 

End transcript.

Former President William Clinton immediately came to the defense of the democratic prudential candidate. 

“Look,” said Mr. Clinton. “She simply misunderstood what the American people meant by the word transparency. She obviously took it literally.”

Stealth technology experts confirm that if Hillary Clinton were to don such a high-tech pantsuit, people would not only not be able to see she her, but they would be able to see right through her as well.

“That’s what the American people should take away from this,” said Mr. Clinton. “Hillary ordered that stealth pantsuit so people could see right through her.”

Copyright © 2008-2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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Donald Trump’s Official ‘Presidential’ Response to Hillary Clinton’s Nuclear Launch Codes Claim: “I got your nuclear launch codes right here, Hillary! Right here, if you know what I mean? And I think you do. I think you do. Am I right, folks? Or am I right?”

Get Ready to Cut into the Live Feed.
By Robert W. Armijo

Standing before a stadium full of his supporters, Donald Trump addressed Hillary Clinton’s claim that the GOP nominee does not have the temperament to be trusted with the nation’s nuclear launch codes.

A haunting dead silence fell over the stadium audience as Donald Trump brought up the Hillary Clinton’s nuclear launch codes claim. 

“Now, folks,” said Trump. “I am sure all of you have heard by now what Crooked Hillary said about me in the news and my having access to the nuclear launch codes.”

The audience let out a collective, ”Boo!”

“Now, now,” replied Trump. “If I have to be presidential so do you.”

The audience cheered.

“And to prove to you how presidential I can be, here is my official presidential response to Hillary,” said Trump, turning to the teleprompter where a carefully crafted speech by political pundits was prepared for him to read aloud.

However, in that instant, Trump caught his reflection in the teleprompter glass screen. He could not see the wordsmiths' words, which slowly scrolled up for him to read. He could not find it himself to read them. 

"What's he doing?' asked one of his political adviser backstage. 

"What he does best," replied another Trump political adverser. "He's putting his foot in his mouth."

"He's going off script again," said a news director in a mobile TV control booth. "Get ready to cut into the live feed."

Turning away from the teleprompter, Trump did what he had done all his life: he spoke his mind.

“I got your nuclear codes launch right here, Hillary!” Trump said. 

Backstage, Trump's political advisers throw their hands up in the air in frustration.  

The live audience jumped to its feet with cheers, whistles and applause. 

“Right here, if you know what I mean?” continued Trump.  “And I think you do. I think you do. Am I right folks? Or am I right?”

“Speaking of codes,” continued Trump. “You know what to Hill Billy Clinton’s code name for Monica Lewd-Whisky was?” 

A wave of laughter swept over the audience.

“What?” responded a somewhat stunned and surprised Trump. 

Trump then covered the mic with his hand, as he turned to his political advisers backstage for an explanation.
“Hill Billy Clinton” and Monica ‘Lewd-Whisky,” they whispered back. 

“Oh, I get it now,” Trump said turning to the audience. “You think that was Monica’s  code name, ‘Lewd-Whisky’. Well it wasn’t. I just made that up. Just now. That’s right. Just made it up. Right here. Right now. Live, baby. You see, what my new so-called political consultants wrote out for me to say and I was suppose to read from the teleprompter was, ‘Deep Throat.” 

The audience echoed back to Trump, ‘Deep Throat’ in the form of a question as if they were a studio audience surprised by the game show host’s answer.

“Yeah, I know. Right,” said Trump. “My joke is much more funny. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what you can expect out of me, if you vote me into the White House come November." 

The audience cheered.

"I will have you laughing at everything I do." continued Trump. "I guarantee it. Yup, we’re really gonna have a good time, folks. A good time.” 

The audience continued cheering.

“In fact,” Trump added, now obviously no longer reading from the teleprompter, shooting straight from the hip. “My administration will make you laugh so hard…”

Trump then cupped his ear to the audience, who played along.

“How hard?!” the audience replied.

“So hard unsubsidized milk will shoot out of your nose,” Trump said in kind, as he began pacing the stage like a stand-up comedian. “Forcing you to go the hospital. There you can expect to pay the bill or file for bankruptcy, because you will no longer have medical coverage under the oppressive yoke of Obamacare!”

Once more, the live audience jumped to its feet with cheers, whistles and applause.

Until they all united in a single voice.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Donald Trump Secretly Offers Monica Lewinsky 1 Million Dollars for Her Presidential Stained Blue Dress

"I just got to get my hands on that blue dress."
By Robert W. Armijo

It has been leaked to the media that Donald Trump has offered former Clinton White House intern, Monica Lewinsky a million of dollars for her blue dress, which is stained with President Clinton’s DNA. 

The blue dress became the focus of a politically motivated investigation against President Clinton in the late 1990s, which eventually lead to his impeachment and disbarment.  

All these years, it is believed Monica Lewinsky never had the blue dress cleaned after it had been stained with president’s sperm and seamen, during one of their many sexual encounters they had in the White House Oval Room, Situation Room and Rose Garden.   

However, she turned down the offer, stating she simply wanted to put that part of her life behind her and move on.

It has been reported that the museum had planned to publicly display the stained blue dress, using to somehow promote the city’s advertising slogan, “What Happens in Vegas. Stays in Vegas.”  

No reason was given as to why Donald Trump has not offered more then the museum’s offer for the blue dress. Except that it is believed that Trump is following the standard business practice of low balling the initial offer.

Political pundits are speculating that Donald Trump wants to acquire the blue dress stained with President Bill Clinton’s DNA to use t against is arch rival, Hillary Clinton, in his presidential bid for the White House. 

However they admit they are at a loss as to how he will use it against Hillary Clinton.  

“I can’t say with any certainty exactly what Donald Trump is planning,” said a political pundit. “However, a definite pattern is beginning to emerge.”

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Dennis Miller Performs a Neoconservative Version of ‘The Aristocrats’ at Comedy Clubs Across the Nation

"I simply deplore our class
being reduced to a punchline."
By Robert W. Armijo

The following is a transcript of new stand-up comedy material  that Dennis Miller is testing at various comedy clubs across the nation, possibly in preparation for the upcoming (Post Obama) 2016 presidential election. 

It is a snap shot taken of his neoconservative politics, which he willingly serves as a court jester and icon to the clearly under represented conservative comedy movement that he has recently currently come to represent. 

So, unlike the liberal version of ‘The Aristocrats’, which involves a heterosexual nuclear family unit, engaging in morally deplorable and unlawful acts of incest, rape and bestiality. 

Miller’s version of 'The Aristocrats' involves all that as well ,only he uses a homosexual nuclear family unit instead.

Warning! It is strongly advised that you click the link ‘The Aristocrats’ before proceeding to see if you can stomach this very blue type of comedy or free speech.   

Begin transcript:


So this guy walks into a talent agency and says, Do I got an act for you.

I’m sorry with the passage of same sex marriage, legalization of marijuana and now transgender bathroom stalls, I’m only accepting family acts. You know, to deal with all the blowback. 

But this is a family act. 

Okay, you got my attention. What do you got?

Well, it starts like this. Two gay men walk onto the stage completely nude and holding hands. 

Hold it right there, buddy. Two gay men? I thought you said it was a family act?

It is. It’s modern family act. 

Yeah, but --

But what?

Well, it’s just that I don’t what to be accused of being homophobic.

Don’t worry. You won’t. Trust me, it’s a classy act.

Okay, go on. I guess.

So, while the gay guy on the floor is getting tea bagged by the other gay man, two teenage boys walk on stage just like their gay fathers.

Hold it. 


Are they naked too? 


Holding hands?


And they’re related to the two gay men?


Okay, let me save us both sometime here. Let me guess. The two gay men end up having sex with the two teenage boys in every disgusting and illegal manner possible. Right? 


Now, I’m a little confused here.

About what?

Well, it’s just that earlier you said the act was classy. How is it classy for two adult men to rape two teenage boys? Their sons, no less.

Oh, that. They’re not related to the teenage boys by blood. You see, they’re adopted. 

Oh, I see. And let me guess, you call your act The Aristocrats, right?


No?! What then?!

The Democrats!!!


End transcript.

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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President Obama Holds Situation Room Meeting to Prevent a Mad Man from Winning the Presidency in November Joke

Meanwhile in the White House Situation Room...

By Robert W. Armijo

“Okay, you guys,” said President Obama to his staff gathered around a conference table in the White House Situation Room. “Let’s start brainstorming this thing. Now what can I do to stop a mad man from winning the presidency in November?”

“Ah, yes, Donald Trump,” says one staff member aloud, while the others nod their heads in agreement. 

“Actually,” President Obama replies. “I was referring to Hillary.”    

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Top 10 List That Best Describes Donald Trump's Loss in Iowa

Donald Trump Defeated by His Kryptonite:
The Iowa caucus
By Robert W. Armijo

10) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Kryptonite is to ‘Superman’.

9) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Pearl Harbor is to Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

8) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Waterloo is to Napoleon Bonaparte.

7) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Little Bighorn is to George Armstrong Custer.

6) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Vietnam is to Lyndon Baines Johnson.

5) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Benghazi is to former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.

4) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Obamacare is to President Obama.

3) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like a court-ordered anger management course is to ‘The Hulk’.

2) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Bernie Sanders’ ‘Democratic Socialism’ is to Bruce Wayne’s [Batman] and Tony Stark’s [Ironman] 20th Century American capitalism.

1) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like ‘Star Wars Episode VII : The Force Awakens’ is to the movie's director, “Jar Jar” Abrams.

Bonus: Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is to Donald Trump. 

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Blind Chinese Dissident Escapes House Arrest Assisted Only by His White Red-Striped Walking Cane!

Beijing, China –

Operating under the premise that children, the elderly and the handicapped are an invisible segment of our population in today’s modern society, a blind Chinese dissident escaped house arrest yesterday by recording and then looping the tapping sound he makes while walking with his white red-striped cane.

After making a few passes through his house, the visually impaired dissident then turned on the recording of the tapping noise, playing it for his unsuspecting captors.

As the bodyguards went about their daily routine of reading the newspaper, eating lunch and even engaging in light housekeeping, the blind man walked right out the front door to freedom.

“We’re so accustomed to ignoring the physically challenged,” said a clinical psychologist. “And those other two groups…um, that’s funny. Their names momentarily escape me. Any ways, they might as well be invisible, too.”

Apparently the dissident used his second-class social status of invisibility to his advantage, as he successfully escaped house arrest. Made his way down the driveway, walking right pass the armed guards stationed at their posts at the front gate of his home.

Then, once outside the compound, the blind man safely negotiated a pathway through downtown Beijing during the height of rush hour traffic. Which presented a greater danger to his life then his entire years under the watchful eye of the Chinese government.

Traffic cameras showed several close calls and near misses. However, the dissident persisted and emerged unscathed.

Finally reaching the sanctuary of the American embassy, the blind dissident tapped his way right passed the U.S. Marines guarding the embassy.

“We didn’t even know he was here,” said a spokesman for the U.S. envoy.

Not until the Chinese government informed the U.S. embassy of their missing dissident.

A quick search of the embassy grounds by American personnel initially turned up nothing, however.

“Until we checked our security cameras,” said the U.S. envoy spokesman. “And sure enough, there he was in the lobby. Just sitting there. Tapping away with his cane.”

Later, forensic analysis of the tapping determined the dissident was sending out a desperate plea in Morse Code: “WTF is wrong with you people? I want to defect. Can’t you see that? Are you blind or something? Holy [BLEEP] don’t tell me you’re hearing impaired too?”

Moments before embassy security cameras captured the blind man walking back-and-forth in front of the receptionist’s desk, asking to speak with a high ranking official. But he was completely ignored.

“She looked up from her magazine for a second,” explained the U.S. envoy spokesman. “But she didn’t see anything -- Just some blind guy mumbling to himself as he paced the floor.”

By that time, the dissident had tired. So he found a seat and sat down, waiting for the authorities to notice him by tapping out a message with his white red-striped cane.

Although the fate of the dissident is uncertain at this time, as to whether he will be returned to the Chinese government or remain in the protective custody of the U.S., who can say.

It is brinkmanship on the brink as to who will blink first: The Chinese or the Americans.

One thing is certain, however: Like the political stance he has taken, the blind dissident is no longer invisible.

“On the other hand, we’re in a presidential election year,” said an Obama White House official, asking not to be identified. “So either way, we’re screwed.”

No matter what course of action the Obama administration takes, the unidentified Obama official says he can read tomorrow’s GOP newspaper headlines today:

’Obama’s Failed Foreign Policy Fails to Protect Free Speech in China!’” said the Obama White House official. “Or worse yet, ‘Obama’s Foreign Policy in China Literally Lead by Blind Man!

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Bill Clinton to Lady Gaga: Where’s the Beef?!

Hollywood, California –

Ex-President Bill Clinton had been looking forward to meeting Lady Gaga ever since she announced she would be performing at his belated 65th birthday party and foundation fundraising event at the Hollywood Bowl last Saturday night.

However, friends close to Mr. Clinton say he was disappointed when Lady Gaga came out signing “Happy Birthday Mr. President” to him dressed up somewhat like a modern Marilyn Monroe. Instead of in her shocking raw steak gown she wore at the MTV Music Awards.

“Mr. Clinton recent conversion to vegetarianism hasn’t been going so well,” initially explained a Clinton aide, regarding an incident that occurred between the two backstage.

However, both parties have subsequently denied an incident ever occurred.

According to rumor, however, immediately after the show, Mr. Clinton had an opportunity to meet with Lady Gaga backstage, where he allegedly forcefully took her aside by the arm for a private conversation.

“Why didn’t you wear your meat dress tonight?” asked the ex-president of Lady Gaga with his security detail blocking the view of the couple from the other guests.

“Stop it,” said Lady Gaga. “You’re hurting me.”

“I thought you would be wearing it to night,” Mr. Clinton continued.

“I sent it out to be cleaned,” Lady Gaga sarcastically replied.

“You think that’s funny? If I had a nickel for every time I heard that line,” replied Mr. Clinton as he led Lady Gaga down a corridor into an empty dressing room.

Locking the door behind them, the former president then pinned Lady Gaga up against the wall. Slowly he began sniffing up and down her neck. His security detail standing guard, just outside.

“What are you doing?” asked a frightened Lady Gaga, as she reached down for her one of her dildo high heels, unscrewing one to use as a weapon in her defense.

“I can smell it,” said Mr. Clinton with his eyes closed.

“What?” said Lady Gaga, slowly lifting up her hand with the dildo to strike Bill.

All of a sudden, the Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, broke down the door with her foot and entered the room.

“Whom in the hell do you think you are doing?” yelled the Secretary of State as she dragged the ex-president off Lady Gaga by his ear.

“Nothing, Hilly,” replied Mr. Clinton. “I, I swear.”

“What pickup line did use on you, honey?” asked Mrs. Clinton to Lady Gaga.

But before Lady Gaga could answer, Mrs. Clinton cut her off.

“Don’t tell me,” said Mrs. Clinton, looking at her husband. “Let me guess. The old, ‘Why didn’t you wear that dress tonight?’ line?”

“Something like that,” said Lady Gaga, reattaching the dildo heel to her shoe.

“By the way,” said Mrs. Clinton to Lady Gaga as she exited the room with her husband in tow. “I love your shoes. I got a pair just like them back home.”

“Don’t be mad at me, Hilly,” said Bill from down the hall. “Baby, I was born this way.”

The ex-president’s security detail followed helplessly behind, as the Secretary of State’s security detail waved them off.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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