Steve Bannon Says, “President Trump Impeached in Six Weeks and Escorted Out of the White House by Navy Seal Team Six.”

Former Senator Sends Anonymous 
Letter to Pentagon Requesting SEAL Team Six Be
Placed on Standby for Potential White House Eviction 

Washington, D.C. –

By Robert W. Armijo

According to former White House adviser, Steve Bannon, a former high-ranking member of the Senate has sent an anonymous  letter to the Pentagon, requesting that the infamous Navy SEAL Team Six be placed on standby to raid the White House and evict President Donald J. Trump.

Once the House impeaches him and the Senate convicts him of high crimes and misdemeanors, which is allegedly scheduled to occur within six weeks.

In the letter, the former Senate member goes on to advise that the SEAL Team Six be prepared for violence, providing them with top secret highly detailed blue prints of the off limits private living quarters of the second floor of the White House and heavily dart holed pictures of President Trump with hand drawn in red lipstick bull’s eye around the president’s face.

“A fire fight between the president’s secret service security detail and SEAL Team Six unfortunately can't be ruled out,” reportedly wrote the unnamed former Senate member. “So, maybe -- I am just saying is all -- they should go in hot [firing their weapons] using silencers, night vision and during the predawn hours, climbing up the trellis on the Rose Garden side of the White House. Thereby by avoiding any bad optics captured by any sympathetic members of the press – Just joking. The mainstream media hates him almost as much as I do.”

The former Senator justifies the preparation for such possible violence saying, “Remember, he still has the nuclear codes. And if he is not 'neutralized', he could start a nuclear war out of revenge; launching a missile attack in a desperate attempt to distract the country. Trust me, I know.” 

The unidentified former Senate member then asked the Pentagon to take appropriate measures to ensure all members of SEAL Team Six were loyal to the country and not Russian assets. 

“Maybe you could have them undergo ‘enhanced interrogation’ regarding their political views,” the unknown former Senator allergy wrote. “We have to rule out that they are not Russian assets like 2020 Democratic presidential candidate, Tulsi Gabbard.” 

The Pentagon sent a reply letter to the former Senator stating, "The so-called 'eviction' of President  Donald J. Trump of the United States America from the White House is a political process. Not a military one." 

Moments after a change in the personnel shift at the Pentagon, "Just kidding, [BLEEP]! SEAL Team Six is in the house [on the tarmac], [BLEEP]!"

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Sen. Mitt Romney Dispenses Advice on Twitter as “Pierre Delecto”

Washington, D.C. --

By Robert W. Armijo

Sen. Mitt Romney presently shocked the world when he disclosed that he had a secret social media account on Twitter.

While on Twitter under his nom de plume, "Pierre Delecto", Sen. Mitt Romney dispensed advice to young women, grandmothers and fellow politicians alike.

Here are just a few examples that have since been deleted from the Twitter account:

Twitter Transcript BEGINS

--

Jenny14

My training bra is causing chaffing. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto [Sen. Mitt Romney]

Switch to a sports bra. Less chaffing and better support.

Silvarfoxx74

My grandchildren do not like to come visit me. What can I do?

 Pierre Delecto

Have them carve out jack lanterns, roast the pumpkin seeds (lightly seasoned with cinnamon and powered sugar) in the oven, dispense ample amounts of lose change between the coach pillows and resist pinching them on the cheeks.

Donald J. Trump

How do I distract the country from my impending impeachment?

Pierre Delecto

Withdraw troops from Northern Syria.

Sleepy Joe [Sen. Biden]

People keep calling me “Sleepy Joe” and I don’t like it. What can I do?

Pierre Delecto

Get more sleep.

Ice Queen [Hillary Clinton]

How can I remain relevant in the upcoming 2020 presidential election? Run for office?

Pierre Delecto

No!

.

Jenny14

No!

Silvarfoxx74

No!

Donald J. Trump

Hell yes!

Polar Bear2016 [Vladimir Putin]

Da!

Sleepy Joe

What? Did I miss something again?

Donald J. Trump

Go back to sleep, Sleepy Joe.

Polar Bear2016

Da, Sleepy Joe, go back to sleep.

Sleepy Joe

Zzzzzzz…

Donald J. Trump

How are you doing, Polar Bear2016? I haven’t heard from you in a while.

Polar Bear2016

Don’t worry my orange colored friend. You will be hearing a lot from me real soon.

Donald J. Trump

Great! I can hardly wait.

Polar Bear2016

Me too…Me too...

The Almighty Oz [Sen. Bernie Sanders]

HELLO! HELLO! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? Alexandra, how do you work this thing?

--

Twitter Transcript ENDS

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

LGBTQ Expands Once More to Include Extraterrestrials on Community Center Awareness Day

"Welcome LGMs!" 

Los Angles, California --

By Robert W. Armijo 

In a press release the LGBTQ community explained that the universe is too big of a place to assume human beings are its sole inhabitants, so in keeping with their tradition of inclusiveness they announced today – LGBTQ Community Center Awareness Day -- that their organization will be reaching out to extraterrestrials or little green men (LGM) by merging initials with them.

“From this day forward, the LGBTQ community will now be known as the LGMLGBTQ community,” said a spokesman for the sexual identity progressive organization.

No changes to the Gray Pride rainbow flag will be necessary, according to one LGMLGBTQ official.

“LGMs are already represented on our rainbow flag,” they said. “The color green is the third stripe up from the bottom. Or the fourth one down from the top, if you prefer.”

LGM

Photo(s) courtesy of NASA/wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

NASA Reveals New Red, White and Blue Cape Canaveral -- “Evel Knievel” Style -- Spacesuits

-- Cape Canaveral, Florida

By Robert W. Armijo

“Three, two, one…Blastoff!” said a NASA spokesman, as an astronaut donned in the new red, white and blue environmental spacesuit broke through a paper earth onto a stage of an exact replicate of the 1969 American Apollo 11 landing site on the moon complete with lunar lander and American flag planted by the first man on the orbiting celestial surface, Neil Armstrong.

Technically known as the xEMU prototype for the Artemis programme, the new spacesuit was designed for American’s return to the moon, mission to Mars and beyond.

“The new spacesuit is light years ahead the old all-white spacesuit,” said a member of NASA Artemis design team. "Because now it has two whole new colors: red and blue."

As the announcer spoke over the public address system of the press conference, the astronaut in the xEMU environmental spacesuit took to the catwalk.

In a teapot supermodel pose, the astronaut walked down the runway, stopping several times along the way to turn showing off the suit’s flexibility as well as its durability.

Several photographers rushed the edge of the catwalk taking picture, lighting up the xEMU spacesuit with their camera flashes. 

LGM

“LGM’s everywhere will be turning their little green heads when they see our American astronauts step out of the lunar module and onto the gray barren oxygen deprived surface of the moon again,” barked the NASA spokesman, giving the event the a carnival like atmosphere. “But this tine around in a new fabulous red, white and blue Evel Kenievel inspired spacesuits.”  

Two other astronauts dressed in the same xEMU environmental spacesuit, entering from stage right and left, joined the first on the catwalk.

Then they gathered center stage of a highly detailed lunar surface replica of the first lunar landing to strike a Charlie’s Angels pose at the base of American flag before entering the lunar lander, waving good-bye to the press corps.

“Now our American astronauts can withstand the hostile environment of outer space in style,” said the NASA spokesman as the lights dimmed and the theme song to the movie 2001 began to play.

Suddenly smoke began to rise from under the lunar lander as it began its assent.

Overcome with emotion, the audience and members of the press alike began to cheer, whistle and clap as a series of pulleys and wires lifted the craft into the air deus ex machina style.

Then the lunar lander began to sway side to side, knocking down promotional banners, exposing the men at the other end of the wires, visibly struggling to regain control of the mock-up spacecraft.  

Worried faces and xEMU spacesuit gloved hands of the astronauts pressed up against the portal windows of the lunar lander as they looked out to the audience and member of the press far below. 

“That’s all folks,” said the NASA spokesman as the main curtain separating the audience from the chaos on the stage slowly begin to descend. “We’ll see you…umm…We’ll see you at the launching. Goodnight.” 

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

SNL Sues Congressman Adam Schiff for Plagiarizing Gangster Parody Skit of President Trump’s Ukrainian Alleged Quid Pro Quo Transcript

"Listen to me, see? This is how this Republic 
we so pretentiously call a Democracy is going down, see?"  

-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

Congressman Adam Schiff was served a court summons today while in a congressional bathroom rehearsing for his next performance on the select committee on intelligence in the upcoming congressional hearings in the Impeachment Inquiry of President Trump on Capitol Hill. 

SNL took the unprecedented action of suing the figurehead of state for plagiary shortly after the congressman read aloud the parts of President Trump’s portions of the Ukrainian transcript using a 1930s Hollywood gangster movie “Bugsy” style voice.

“The decision to take legal action against the congressman was not an easy one,” said an attorney for SNL. “However, we can’t afford to have anyone, including a congressman, stealing our material. Political banter peddled to the unsuspecting American public as insightful political satire is all we got going for us right now. It’s our bread and butter. Alec Baldwin can’t keep saving the show. He broke out in a severe rash. He’s allergic to the orange wig and the last time it took him almost a week to breakout of character. He called up the White House late one night after the show and demanded that the Secret Service send him Air force One to pick him at Laguardia, so he could buy a  [BLEEP] can of diet Coke.” 

The attorney went on to say that the cast of SNL had been practicing gangster parody skit all week long and were even planning to open the show with the bit when right before their eyes on CNN Congressman Adam Schiff did their skit before the whole nation.

“It’s a tragedy,” the lawyer for SNL added. “Our guy did a better Edward G. Robinson gangster impersonation than the congressman too.”

“He [Schiff] was just standing there in front of the bathroom mirror practicing his gangster voice as usual,” said an eyewitness. “When a process server walked up to him and said, ‘Excuse me, sir. Are you Congressman Adam Schiff?’”  

The congressman reportedly turned to the process server, mistaking him for a fan. 

“What’s this piece of paper?” asked Schiff. “Oh, I get it. You want my autograph. Sure. Why not? I’ll sign it. Who do I make it out to?”

“I’m not a fan, sir,” replied the process server. “I’m a process server and you just got served.”

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Sen. Bernie Sanders's Supporters Offer to Donate Their Hearts…Lungs…Kidneys…to the Recuperating 2020 Presidential Candidate from Vermont

"I am Senator Bernie Sanders 
and I do NOT approve of this message."

-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

In the aftermath of Senator Bernie Sanders’s heart attack, a hardcore group of his supporters have sent a letter to the 2020 presidential candidate, offering themselves up to the senator as living human organ donors.

Members of the group even took the liberty of marking their bodies with black sharpie markers, outlining their organs to be harvested should the need arise on the campaign trail. 

“He [Sanders] already has my heart,” said Lucy Brown as she lifted up her blouse, exposing her bare chest and pierced nipples. She then grabbed a sharpie and began to draw a perforated dotted line around her heart.

“See?” she said.

Brown then closed her eyelids and began drawing circles around her eyes.

“Now he has my eyes too,” Brown added.

“Ouch!” exclaimed Brown as she dropped the marker and grabbed her left eye.

“Well, I guess he can have just the one,” said Brown.

Other members of the group sat in a giant circle drawing on each other’s backs, indicating which organs they would donate to the senior senator from Vermont.

Suddenly a member of the group stood up and shouted.

“Wait!” said a young man in a Che Guevara style t-shirt with the image of Sanders wearing a beret instead. “Can’t you see this is all wrong?”

Members of the group looked at each other in confusion as they lowered their markers.

“He wouldn’t want us to be marking are young bodies with sharpies as to which organs we’re going to donate to him,” continued the young man. “He wouldn’t want that.”

“No?” Brown questioned as she loosely held the marker in her hand.

“No!” repeated the young man. “He would want us all to get tattoos!”

“You’re right!” echoed Brown as she tossed her sharpie to the ground.

“Because,” added the young man as he pulled a pair car keys from his pocket. “Tattoos don’t wash off with sweat or water or teargas.”

With that, the Bernie Sanders's supporters piled into a flower power decorated VW van and drove off into the sunset headed for the closest tattoo parlor.

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Ripley’s Believe It or Not Awards Special Counsel Mueller’s Russian Probe “Longest Witch Hunt Ever!”

"Told You So. No [BLEEP] Russian
Collusion. All Fun Fake News." 

-- Washington, DC

By Robert W. Armijo

Lasting 675 days, the special counsel Mueller investigation into the alleged collusion of then President-Elect Trump with Russia to win the 2016 presidential election is officially the longest witch hunt in world history. 

“By comparison, the Salem witch hunt and trials only lasted one year and three months, while special counsel Mueller’s Russian probe lasted one year, 10 months and six days,” said a spokesman for Ripley’s Believe It or Not.

Although not yet confirmed by the White House, Ripley’s Believe It or Not is planning to present the award to special counsel Mueller during a ceremony at the Rose Garden.

“There my honored [BLEEP] guests will be served magpie [crow] pies for lunch specially prepared by my personal cooking staff,” Tweeted President Trump. “That’s right magpie pie. NOT humble pie, because it’s too [BLEEP] late for that.” 

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo(s) Courtesy of wpclipart. 

Convicted Perjurer and Felon Michael Cohan Testifies Before Congress Again -- Taking a “Double Pinky-Swear” That He’s Telling the Truth This Time Around

-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

For the first time in Congressional history, a Congressional Committee heard testimony regarding alleged violations of the law by the President of the United States of American while seated in Office from his former personal attorney, Michael Cohan -- A man convicted of perjury for lying to Congress. Nevertheless, Cohan was allowed to testify before Congress for the second time, while waiting to begin his three year sentence for lying to a similar Congressional body just months before... 

“Mr. Cohan,” said the Democratic chair of the of the Democratic majority committee. “Do you hereby swear that the testimony you’re about to give here today is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

“Yes,” said Cohan.

“Sergeant-at-arms,” said the Democratic chair.  “You may administer the ‘Double Pinky-Swear’ oath to Mr. Cohan now.”

“Objection!” said a Republican member of the committee.

“Yes. The chair recognizes my esteemed colleague,” said the Democratic chair.

“‘Double Pinky-Swear’oath?” said the Republican, while shuffling through papers before him. “I don’t see that anywhere in the rules.”

“That’s because we changed the rules last night?” replied the chair.

“Why wasn’t I notified?” asked the visibly frustrated Republican.

“You weren't?” replied the chair, sincerely surprised. “It was all over CNN last night.”

“I don’t watch CNN,” said the Republican. 

“Well, maybe you should start,” said the chair. “You my proceed Sergeant-at-arms.”

After being administered the ‘Double Pinky-Swear’ oath, Cohan took questions from the committee.

“Mr. Cohan have you ever heard of the phrase ‘Liar, liar. Pants on fire, hanging from a telephone wire.’?” asked the the same Republican that objected earlier.  

“No, sir,” said Cohan.

“You're telling me right here and now while under oath that you never heard that phrase from childhood before?”

“No, sir,” repeated Cohan. “I don’t believe I have.”   

“Well, how do we know you’re not lying about that right now?” asked the Republican. “After all, it’s a common phrase from childhood.”

“Because,” replied Cohan.

“Because?” repeated the Republican with a look of bewilderment on his face.

“Yes. Because,” again repeated Cohan, while clearing his throat.

“Allow me to intervene a moment,” said the Democratic chair.  “Don’t you mean Mr. Cohan that you cross your heart and hope to die and stick a needle in your eye that you’re telling the truth here today?” 

“Yes, sir,” said Cohan. “I cross my heart. Hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye that I’m telling the truth here today.”

“All that are satisfied that Mr. Cohan is really, really telling the truth to us this time around signify by saying 'Olly olly oxen free,” said the chair.

After taking a quick vote.

“The Olly's have it,” announced the chair. “You may continue with your truthful testimony here today, Mr. Cohan.”

Meanwhile, back in Vietnam, POTUS 45 tries to turn back the arms on the Doomsday clock..

Tick-Tock...Tick-Tock...

Photo(s) Courtesy of Wikipedia and Wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Rose Parade Prometheus Themed Float Catches Fire!

"Boy. I Just Can't Seem to Catch
a Break like...EVER! Could Use a Good
Hard Drink Right About Now." 

By Robert W. Armijo

“Making a Difference’ was the theme of this year’s Rose Parade,” said a Rose Parade official.  “That’s why we approved the conditional use of controlled, confined and contained fire on the float that caught fire. After all, the Titan Prometheus certainly made a difference when he gifted fire to mankind.”

Although Rose Parade officials are activity looking for the float designer for questioning, he is no where to be found.

“He must have get wind of our intention to fine him for delaying the Rose Parade and starting an open fire without a permit,” said a Rose Parade official.

Despite the disapproval of Rose Parade officials, many spectators were entertained by the spectacle.

“Unsuspecting spectators, thought they were witnessing the latest state-of-the-art special effects of Rose Parade float technology, stood up and applauded,” said a fireman to who responded the over 20 million 911 phone calls from around the country and world.

Still other spectators run up to the float, which was fully engulfed in flames, with sticks and marshmallows.

“They sat around the burning float signing camp songs and made S’mores,” said police.   

“Most people just took off their gloves and mittens and stretched out their hands to warm them up,” said one Rose Parade spectator. 

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com 

Copyright (c) by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

"Soylent Green is [Gingerbread] People!?"

"Hey! The Shlemiel Who Stole My Schmeckel 
Made Me a Shlemazl!"

-- Hollywood, California

By Robert W. Armijo

In attempt to ride on the coattails of the latest internet and late night talk show hosts "Gingerbread People" left-wing culture war on Christmas meme, MGM who owns the intellectual property rights to the 1973 sci-fi dystopian classic "Soylent Green" movie is planing to re-release the film with an audio edit of the famous climatic big reveil ending.

"We adding the word 'gingerbread' to the final scene," said a spokesman for MGM. 

So instead of the audience hearing "Soylent Green is People!" as uttered by Detective Thorn played by Charleston Heston. They will hear, "Soylent Green is Gingerbread People!"  

Copyright @ 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of wpclipart.com