Showing posts with label SNL. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SNL. Show all posts

SNL Sues Congressman Adam Schiff for Plagiarizing Gangster Parody Skit of President Trump’s Ukrainian Alleged Quid Pro Quo Transcript

"Listen to me, see? This is how this Republic 
we so pretentiously call a Democracy is going down, see?"  

-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

Congressman Adam Schiff was served a court summons today while in a congressional bathroom rehearsing for his next performance on the select committee on intelligence in the upcoming congressional hearings in the Impeachment Inquiry of President Trump on Capitol Hill. 

SNL took the unprecedented action of suing the figurehead of state for plagiary shortly after the congressman read aloud the parts of President Trump’s portions of the Ukrainian transcript using a 1930s Hollywood gangster movie “Bugsy” style voice.

“The decision to take legal action against the congressman was not an easy one,” said an attorney for SNL. “However, we can’t afford to have anyone, including a congressman, stealing our material. Political banter peddled to the unsuspecting American public as insightful political satire is all we got going for us right now. It’s our bread and butter. Alec Baldwin can’t keep saving the show. He broke out in a severe rash. He’s allergic to the orange wig and the last time it took him almost a week to breakout of character. He called up the White House late one night after the show and demanded that the Secret Service send him Air force One to pick him at Laguardia, so he could buy a  [BLEEP] can of diet Coke.” 

The attorney went on to say that the cast of SNL had been practicing gangster parody skit all week long and were even planning to open the show with the bit when right before their eyes on CNN Congressman Adam Schiff did their skit before the whole nation.

“It’s a tragedy,” the lawyer for SNL added. “Our guy did a better Edward G. Robinson gangster impersonation than the congressman too.”

“He [Schiff] was just standing there in front of the bathroom mirror practicing his gangster voice as usual,” said an eyewitness. “When a process server walked up to him and said, ‘Excuse me, sir. Are you Congressman Adam Schiff?’”  

The congressman reportedly turned to the process server, mistaking him for a fan. 

“What’s this piece of paper?” asked Schiff. “Oh, I get it. You want my autograph. Sure. Why not? I’ll sign it. Who do I make it out to?”

“I’m not a fan, sir,” replied the process server. “I’m a process server and you just got served.”

Photo(s) courtesy of

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Tracy Morgan Criticizes SLN’s Mockery of Wounded Vet

Tracy Morgan puts his foot
in his mouth...again?
New York, New York --

By Robert W. Armijo

“I personally wouldn’t have made such an insensitive  joke,” said Tracy Morgan during a TV interview on a morning talk show regarding a fellow SNL cast member, Pete Davidson,  who came under fire for having made fun at the expense of wounded veteran, Dan Crenshaw,  who lost an eye in the service of his country.

“I would have said something more classy like, ‘Why are you wearing an eye patch?” said Tracy Morgan. “’Is it because you’re gay?’"

“What!?” exclaimed the interviewer, as they spit out their coffee.  

“Yeah," replied Tracy Morgan. "Everybody knows eye patches are so gay." 

In fact, Tracy Morgan's son tried dressing up as a pirate this Halloween before he was grounded.

"But I didn’t let him," said Tracy Morgan. "Because I told him only gay people wear eye patches.”

“Why would you say that?” asked the perplexed interviewer, as they soaked up the coffee from their clothes with a paper towel. 

“Because everybody knows pirates are gay,” said Tracy Morgan, sighing as he  explained. “Why else would they always be talking about booty?”

The TV camera quickly cut to a commercial break as another plume of brown mist once again filled the studio air.

Copyright © 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

SNL’s Pete Davidson Apologizes to Male Porn Stars -- Not Wounded GOP War Vets!

-- New York, New York

By Robert W. Armijo

Kowtowing to the mounting pressure from the porno industry, SNL’s Pete Davidson apologized to male porn star performers everywhere for comparing them to GOP congressional candidate and wounded Afghanistan war veteran, Dan Crenshaw, who lost an eye in the service of his country.  

“It was never my intent to make a mockery of one-eyed eye patch wearing male porn stars and their fine service to the pornography industry,” said Pete Davidson at a press conference held at the very same ‘Weekend Update’ desk on the set of SNL.

“I mean how would men or women know when to get off if, it weren’t for the ‘money shot’ generously and self-sacrificingly provided by male porn stars?” said Pete Davidson. “I mean with women, you don’t know. They could be faking it. But with guys, you know. Because of the ‘money shot’. You know?”

Pete Davidson seemed to acknowledge his folly right from the get go.

“As soon as those words left my mouth,” said Pete Davidson. “I knew I would regret them.”

Reportedly, Pete Davidson had somewhat of a near death experience, while he spoke those hurtful words of hate speech.

“It was like I was in a war zone and IED exploded in my face,” said a remorseful Pete Davidson. “I saw every porn movie I ever watched flash right before my eyes.”

A visibly shaken Pete Davidson paused a moment before continuing.

“All that jizz flowing through the air as thick as bullets,” said a verklempt Pete Davidson. "It brought tears to my eyes." 

Copyright © 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo courtesy of

Gov. Chris Christie on SNL: What? Too Soon?

Who Knew Gov. Christie Was a Care Bear?
New York, New York --

“For all of those in the disaster zone that are lucky enough to still have electricity…” said Governor Chris Christie, during an appearance on Saturday Night Live (SNL). “Live from New York, it's Saturday night!” 

No one laughed. It was completely silent except for the sound of a single cough coming from somewhere in the studio audience.

“What?” quipped Gov. Christie. “Too soon?”

Again, silence. And the single cough.

“Wow,” said Gov. Christie as beads of perspiration gathered on his forehead. “Tough crowd.”

Gov. Christie looked over to Lorne Michaels, the comedy TV show’s creator and executive producer, for moral support. 

Lorne gave the governor the okay hand sign. Saying to him, “Don’t worry about it. We’ll add a laugh track to it later.”

Gov. Christie continued. 

“I see we have a full house tonight,” said Gov. Christie obviously reading from a teleprompter. “What? Is it raining outside?” 

Gov. Christie looked up from the teleprompter with a smile on his face. 

“Hey that’s kinda funny,” he said. “Get it? Raining outside? You know because of hurricane Sandy and all?”

Again, Gov. Christie’s monologue was greeted with silence broken only by the coughing audience member.

“Maybe we should’ve added the word: again? You know like is it raining outside…again?” said Gov. Christie looking over to Lorne. But he just shrugged his shoulders in response. 

The person in the audience continued to cough but now louder.

“Who keeps coughing out there,” asked the governor as stepped off the stage and into the studio audience. “Come on now. Stand up.” 

A woman hesitantly stood up. She wore a T-shirt that read: I ♥ Staten Island.  

Gov. Christie walked up to he woman and gave her a hug, telling her: “You know. You should get that looked at. With all the mildew and mold in the disaster area, you could get really sick.”

Slowly, one by one, members of the studio audience began to clap their hands, coming to a standing ovation for the governor. 

With his arms raised in the air, Gov. Christie returned to the stage to continue his monologue like a champion boxer after nearly receiving the full count.

“Oh, here’s one I know you’ll like,” said Gov. Christie now reading from his hand. “What did the palm tree say to the other one when they saw hurricane Sandy coming their way? Better to hold on to your coconuts. Looks like we’re in for quite a blow job.”

With that, the audience busted into laughter except for the woman with the nasty cough. She just continued to cough. 

Among the din of laughter Gov. Christie looked out to her and lipped: “Are you alright? Or do you need another hug?”

While still coughing, the woman shook her head no and gave the governor the thumbs up sign indicating she was okay.   

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Lindsay Lohan Does SNL Clean, Sober and Fully Clothed?!

New York, New York --

Much to the disappointment of millions of her fans, Lindsay Lohan hosted Saturday Night Live (SNL) this weekend clean, sober and fully clothed. In fact, she was so unlike her old self that she had trouble getting pass security, who refused her admittance into the Rockefeller building despite her presenting proper identification.

“You guys are going to make me late,” said Lohan.

Frustrated, Lindsay went to the local bar to get sinking drunk.

“She sat at the end of the bar and ordered Tequila shots,” said the bartender.

Approximately 20 minutes later, a combative Lohan returned to the building ready to give security a piece of her mind.

Visibly intoxicated and flashing her "beaver" as she stumbled out of her limousine, security immediately rushed Lindsay Lohan into the building.

“Where have you been Miss Lohan?” asked security, as they lifted her up by her sides and carried her into the elevator. “We missed you.”

Unfortunately for fans of Lindsay Lohan, the Tequila shots wore off on the elevator ride up to Studio 8H where she was able to host SNL clean, sober and fully clothed.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Tina Fey Stands By Justin Bieber in Paternity Suit

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin

New York, New York –

Comedian and actress, Tina Fey, stunned everyone today when at a press conference that she called for, announced her support for the teenaged singing sensation, Justin Bieber in his paternity suit filed against him by a 20-year-old woman, alleging that he is the father of her 3-month-old child.

“Listen everybody,” said Tina Fey as she stood at the podium, her hand shaking a little. “This is not easy for me. I’m a mother for God's sake.”

Tina Fey then stepped back from the podium, asking for a glass of water.

After a few minutes, she regained her composure and continued with the press conference.

“And it’s because I’m a mother,” Tina Fey continued right from where she left off. “That I cannot stand idly by and watch…”

Tina Fey stepped back from the podium again. But this time to signal her assistant to bring out a giant poster of a smiling Justin Bieber, placing it on a stand beside her.

“And watch this fine young man be attacked by that 20-year-old [BLEEP]!” said Tina Fey. “I’m sorry. I’m a little upset.”

Tina Fey paused a moment as she asked for another drink of water, quickly spiting it out.

“Who put water in there?” Tina Fey asked her assistant. “Never mind.”

Once again, after regaining her composer, Tina Fey resumed her position at the podium, addressing the media.

“I guess there’s no other way to say what I’m about to say to you, except just to come right out and say it,” said Tina Fey with a nervous giggle. “Now, what I’m about to say to you will shock you, but I have to say it. I just hope you won’t think any less of me afterwards. It was a one-time thing. Believe me, I’m no slut.”

Tina Fey then pulled out a copy of the Bieber paternity court documents.

“Now, I know for a fact that, that [BLEEP] is lying,” said an obviously obsessed Tina Fey, waving the court pleadings in the air. “See? Right here, she claims Justin Bieber told her she was his first. And that’s impossible, because he told me I was his first.”

Tina Fey paused, nodding her head before continuing.

“That’s right,” said Tina Fey. “I was Justin Bieber’s first. Eat your hearts out, girls. I, Tina Fey, took away his virginity. One Saturday night, live. Now for the rest of his love life, he’ll be comparing y'all hoes to me.”

A reporter then stood up interrupting Tina Fey’s fist pumping with a question.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Fey,” said the reporter. “Mrs. Fey! Mrs. Fey!”

“What?” replied an irritated Tina Fey, as if rudely awoken from a trance.

“Isn’t it possible that Justin Bieber was feeding you and the young lady in the paternity suit a pickup line?” asked the reporter. “You know, just to get older women to sleep with him?”

Tina Fey’s demeanor changed almost immediately.

“Damn that lying little piece of [BLEEP],” said Tina Fey turning to the giant poster of the smiling Bieber, grabbing it off its stand and ripping it up. “I can’t believe I fell for that line, again. When will I ever learn?!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Occupy Wall Street Joined by Crazy Old Lady Who Accused Obama of Being a Muslim

New York, New York --

Fox News has located that crazy old lady who accused Obama of being a Muslim at a John McCain’s presidential rally back in 2008. Now she is at the Occupy Wall Street protest.

“If you do not remember who she is,” said the Fox News reporter, refreshing the memory of the viewing audience. “Then maybe you’ll recall that SNL Weekend Update episode with a mumbling, bumbling old lady walking on and off the set. And between the TV cameras wearing a McCain/Palin 2008 T-shirt. Well, that caricature was based on her.”

Since her first controversial appearance on TV three years ago, however, Bertha Whitehead, 79, has kept herself busy by becoming a full-fledged member of the ultra conservative Tea Party.

“Do you still think Obama is a Muslim?” asked the Fox News reporter with tongue-in-cheek.

“No,” replied the crazy old lady. “I know he is.”

“Why have you joined Occupy Wall Street today?” asked the Fox reporter, winking into the camera. “After all, it doesn’t seem like you would have anything in common with these people.”

“Because,” replied the crazy old lady. “Wall Street has been taken over by Muslims.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Tracy Morgan: I Should’ve Stuck with My Tsunami Jokes

New York, New York --

Tracy Morgan, star of ’30 Rock’ and former SNL alumni, has recently come under fire from what Gay Rights groups and the mainstream media alike for what is being described as an Anti-Gay rant, during his comedy act in Nashville. But Morgan's friends are standing by him, claming that he expressed regret. Way before his controversial routine hit the fan and subsequently the Internet.

"I heard him say beneath his breath right after he got off stage," said a close friend of Morgan. "He said, ‘I should’ve stuck with my Japanese Tsunami jokes.' Just as if he sensed for himself that his gay jokes did not come off as well has he expected."

Backstage, Tracy Morgan then reportedly yelled out loud enough for audience members in the front row to hear, "Get goddamn Gottfried back on the f***ing phone! Now!"

Unlike fellow comedian, Gilbert Gottfried, who was fired from his voiceover gig as a spokesman duck for an insurance company (that is heavily vested in Japan) for making tasteless jokes about the Japanese Tsunami, Tracy Morgan felt enough time passed that he could safely perform a like-minded comedy stand-up set.

"One that involved insulting, insensitive and tasteless jokes on the same subject, only without getting him into trouble," said Morgan's friend.

However, Tracy Morgan was persuaded not to do that set of prepared jokes, but instead do another.

"Just minutes before Tracy was to go on stage he got a phone call from Gilbert Gottfried, cautioning him to say away from any Japanese Tsunami jokes," explained Morgan's friend.

"Don’t do any Japanese Tsunami jokes," Gilbert Gottfried advised Tracy on the cell phone. "The audience is just not ready for it yet. Trust me. I know. Stick to some tried and true material."

"Like what?" asked Tracy Morgan.

"I don’t know…" said Gilbert Gottfried. "Wait a minute! I got it! Do gay jokes!"

"All gay jokes?" Tracy Morgan questioned.

"Well, not all gay jokes," said Gilbert Gottfried. "Throw in a few N-words and say something violent against women or children involving knives or guns. Anything but tsunamis. Stay away from the tsunamis."

"You think that will work?" asked Morgan.

"For me, as a Jewish comedian, no," replied Gilbert Gottfried. "But you, as a member of a suppressed minority group…I mean a big tough Black guy, sadly, yes. It’s a bit formulaic, but the stuff works."

"Thanks, Gilbert," Tracy Morgan said.

"Think nothing of it," said Gilbert Gottfried before hanging up. "That’s what friends are for. Now remember tragedy plus time equals comedy. Sure, it's all about knowing you're audience, too. But above all, tragedy is what happens to you and comedy is what happens to the other guy. That's what I've had to learn the hard way."

"Or how about taking your new material out for private test drive around the block with a group of your most trusted and diverse friends as possible to help you exercise sound judgment before going public?" asked Tracy Morgan.

"What? No way," said Gilbert Gottfried. "Who has time for that? I sure don't. Besides this comedy, not brain surgery."

"I guess you're right," said Tracy Morgan.

"Of course I am," said Gilbert Gottfried. "I just hope no one in the audience is recording your act and later posts it up on the Internet. Or else, you'll end up like me for sure, screwed!"

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

SNL’s Season Finale: Lady Gaga Goes Gaga Over Justin Timberlake’s “Junk in a Box” Song

New York, New York --

"Knock! Knock!"

Lady Gaga opened her Saturday Night (SNL) dressing room door to catch Justin Timberlake adjusting a colorfully wrapped box with a bow attached on top, which he held at waist level.

"What’s that?" asked Lady Gaga. "Is it for me?"

"Yes, yes it is," replied Justin Timberlake as he paused to catch his breath.

"Well, what is it?" asked Lady Gaga.

"It’s just a box," replied Justin Timberlake.

"I know that, silly," said Lady Gaga as she returned to her seat in front of her dresser. "But what’s in it?"

"My Grammy award winning song from SNL: ‘Junk in a Box,’," said Justin Timberlake.

"Oh, that’s so nice of you," said Lady Gaga as she prepared to take the stage. "But aren’t CDs a little old school these days?"

"Well, you might say this is an original version...uncut," said Justin Timberlake. "In fact, you might want to open it right now. Or…"

"Or what?" said Lady Gaga as she stood on her feet, staring down at the box still attached to Justin Timberlake's waist.

"Or you’ll have to dive me to the hospital, because it’s been a little more than four hours since I slipped on the box. You see, I was born this way too -- Where’s Andy? He was supposed to be here?"

Copyright © 2008-20011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Osama bin Laden Falls Victim to SNL’s "Land Shark" Comedy Skit

Around The World --

Initial reports are still kind of sketchy at this time, however, it is rumored that Osama bin Laden spent his last breath laughing himself to death when he opened his bedroom door at his million dollar Pakistani compound hideout, a victim basically to an old modified knock-knock joke.

Apparently, Osama arose from his mattress to answer his bedroom door only to find a U.S. Special Forces Navy SEAL dressed in an old "Land Shark" costume from a Saturday Night (SNL) comedy skit of the same name, aiming the business end of a barrel of a machinegun at his head.

"Finger on a hairline trigger, ready to fire at close range a ‘Double Tap’ shot: one to the head and the other to the chest," said a spokesman from the State Department.

"You guys are really great," Osama reportedly said in a familiar and relaxed tone as he turned his back, reaching under his mattress pulling out wads of cash. "The best yet, ever! You know, you guys really had me fooled this time. If it weren’t for your silly ‘Land Shark’ suits, I really would’ve thought you were really Americans, finally coming to get me. Now here, take this money and leave your report on how I can improve my compound security on the living room table on your way out. I’ll review it first thing in the morning."

However, when the SEAL repeated his orders for Osama to surrender, suddenly he realized something was wrong and instinctively reached for his AK-47.

Just then, the SEAL enveloped the head and upper torso of Osama, using the mouth of his SNL "Land Shark" costume to consume him.

Later, the body was disposed at sea.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:">

Katy Perry’s Elmo T-Shirt on SNL a Last Minute Backstage Gift from Elmo?

New York, New York --

Moments before going on the air during last weekend’s Saturday Night Live (SNL) to help out with a last minute thrown together comedy skit, allegedly Elmo showed up at Katy Perry’s dressing room. Bearing a gift that would not only add to the controversy of their canceled video (previously scheduled to be shown on PBS), but ultimately would result in her getting banned from ever appearing on “Sesame Street” altogether.

“Knock, knock,” said Elmo as he intermittently giggled to himself, while standing outside Katy Perry’s dressing room door holding a box wrapped in red colored paper and tied up with a velvet red bow with gold trimming. “Guess [giggle], guess who?”

Katy Perry got up from her dresser seat to open the door, immediately recognizing the voice. She was already dressed in her SNL costume, which consisted of a low button white cotton blouse, black framed eyeglasses and a provocatively short parochial plaid schoolgirl skirt.

Upon opening the door Katy Perry grabbed the present out of Elmo’s hands and ripped into it on the spot.

“Oh my God,” said Katy Paerry as she held up the contents of the tattered box in her hands: a T-shirt bearing the likeness of Elmo’s red furry face, bulbs orange nose and bug-like eyes. “You shouldn’t have.”

“It’s for you, Miss Katy,” said a seemingly anxious Elmo as he grabbed the T-shirt away from Katy Perry holding it above his head while running around the dressing room. “To wear right now. Yes, yes. To wear right now [giggle]. Right now, now.”

“But Elmo, I’m already dressed,” said Katy Perry. She could see the disappointment in Elmo’s face, which gave her pause.

“Well,” continued Katy Perry, as she reconsidered. “I guess there’s still time to change -- Here. Give it to me.”

Seconds later, Katy Perry emerged from a screened partition wearing the Elmo T-shirt. However, as she modeled it for Elmo, she caught a reflection of herself in her dresser mirror and noticed the T-shirt was two sizes too small. And that it had been altered, low cut in the middle, revealing her cleavage. Risqué even for late night TV, she thought to herself.

“Elmo, where did you get this T-shirt?” asked Katy Perry as a note of hesitation in her voice echoed from inside the truncated garment, while she fudged with it. Trying to adjust it. Trying to make herself fit into it. Then struggled just to stay in it.

Elmo did not answer right away. Instead he dithered about the room, running his scarlet mitten of a hand along the dresser top.

“I…” replied Elmo, the three-foot tall ruby red master manipulator, guilt-invoking, smooth operator. “I made it especially for you, Miss Katy. Why? Doesn’t Miss Katy like what Elmo made for her?”

Once again, a look of disappointment appeared on Elmo’s face, overwhelming Katy Perry's sense of better judgment to the point that she just could not bring herself to deny that adorable red ball of fur anything that he asked of her.

“No, no,” said Katy Perry as she continued to struggle to keep herself contained in the modified two sizes too small Elmo T-shirt. “I love what you made for me. It’s just…just that I can barely breathe in it. It’s so tight.”

“So Miss Katy will wear Elmo’s T-shirt then?” asked an opened mouth Elmo.

“Yes, Elmo…” said an all too-ready-to-please and nearly out of breath Katy Perry as she used hairpins to anchor the Elmo T-shirt to her body piercings. “Miss Katy…will wear the Elmo T-shirt.”

“Yippee!!!” said Elmo as he began running around the dressing room again, unable to contain his excitement.

Meanwhile, Katy Perry quickly discovered that the only way to keep air circulating in her lungs was if she kept jumping up and down. Soon, one of Katy Perry’s body piercings gave way, and she experienced a wardrobe malfunction.

“Oh my God!” said Katy Perry as she wrapped her arms around her exposed breasts in a futile attempt to conceal them. “You didn’t see that? Did you Elmo?”

“See what?” said Elmo in a somewhat detached monotone voice and who was no longer running around the room. But stopped dead in his tracks, standing motionlessly behind Katy Perry. “Elmo didn’t see anything. Nothing at all [forced giggle].”

“Oh good,” said a somewhat unsettled and still panting Katy Perry as she readjusted her Elmo T-shirt, tucking herself back into it.

Katy Perry then caught the image of Elmo in her mirror, still standing silently behind her. Fixated in an almost trance like state. Just staring at her, which sent a chill down her spine.

“You know, Elmo,” Katy Perry nervously spoke. “I…I, ah, think I’m going to wear the white blouse instead, okay? Hey, where did it go?”

Just then a knock came at the door. Katy Perry motioned as if she was going to get up to answer it, but Elmo beat her to it.

“One minute to air time,” said an ambiguous male voice from the other side.

“Too late, Miss Katy,” replied Elmo as he raced to the door, ready to open it for her. “You got to wear Elmo’s modified two sizes too small T-shirt now [giggle].”

“You know,” said Katy Perry to Elmo as she passed by him jumping up and down. “I’ve been meaning to tell you. The way you refer to yourself in the third-person is really beginning to creep me out.”

“Ha-ha,” laughed Elmo as he opened the door. “Miss Katy make Elmo laugh out loud.”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

SNL’s Amy Carter Skit Criticized for Setting Controversial Precedent (i.e. Fast Forward: ‘Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?’)

New York, New York --

Saturday Night Live (SNL) has fallen under heavy criticism for its ‘Amy Carter Goes to Public School’ skit, which has been characterized by critics as insensitive, inappropriate, if not disrespectful, and should have never been aired.

“We’re talking about the President’s daughter here,” said one displeased SNL viewer calling into 30 Rockefeller Plaza to complain along with thousands of others. “She’s just a child. And no child deserves be used as either the butt or punch line of someone’s joke. No matter how much of a public figure the child’s father is.”

NBC says it never received so many complaints from their viewing audience before.

“Not since we took ‘Star Trek’ off the air nearly ten years ago,” said one concerned NBC executive.

“President Carter’s decision to send his daughter to a public school guarded by the Secret Service was the inspiration behind the comedy sketch,” explained an NBC spokesman. “His critics contend that it was an unjustified expense of taxpayers’ dollars and an intrusion into Amy Carter’s life as well as that of her classmates.”

In the comedy skit drawing all the fire, Amy Carter (Laraine Newman) is accompanied by two daunting Secret Service Agents (Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd) wearing dark suits, eyeshades and hidden walkie-talkie earpieces, standing at both sides of her desk in a classroom filled with other children after her father, President Jimmy Carter, insists that she attend public school instead of a private one.

Outraged by the complaints received for the skit, a protective Lorne Michaels, the executive producer of the late night scripted comedy TV show, vowed he would not allow anybody to intimidate his SNL writers.

“That’s my job,” said Lorne Michaels.

NBC’s legal department confirmed the controversial skit had been cleared for airing through its censor in advance, all according to policy and without incident.

“That should be enough, man,” said a SNL writer who collaborated on the creative work. “Beside, who knows, maybe one day there will be a Blackman in the White House who has kids. Can you dig that? And not placing an antic disposition on them like we did with little Amy Carter would be hypocritical, man.”

“If that day ever comes, I don’t mind risk having to place my SNL writers in the awkward position of being misperceived as racists,” said Lorne Michaels. “Better them than me.”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Tracy Morgan’s Tell-All Book: Tina Fey’s feet smell like feet!

Tracy Morgan at his book signing
event in New York city 
New York, New York --

“I’m not the least bit gun shy when it comes to unloading all the dirty laundry of my fellow former SNL cast members,”’ said Tracy Morgan on his recent promotional tour for his book '‘I Am the New Black'’ about his rise from the mean streets of New York City to an Emmy Award nominated actor in Hollywood for his performance on "30 Rock’'. In which some argue he pretty much continues to play himself.

“Why the hell not? They’d do it to me in a New York second, too,” continued Morgan. “Pop a cap in my ass, if I wasn’t looking. I know they would. I just happened to be the one to do it first, which makes me look like the bad guy? But I’m not too worried about that.”

Turning his head from side-to-side, checking to see if no else is looking, Tracy Morgan makes a gun gesture, using his index finger and thumb, adding with a wink, “Tracy Morgan takes care of Tracy Morgan. You know what I mean?”

Insisting that his story is more than a story of rags to riches, Tracy Morgan says, “My story is a story about going from hags to bitches.”

In his new tell-all book, which comes with a special introduction by Maya Angelou in which she dedicates a new poem to him entitled: ‘I Fall’; Tracy Morgan begins his sortie claiming Tina Fey of all things has a chronic foot odor problem.

“Tina Fey’s feet smell like feet!” said Tracy Morgan. “And all the time, too.”

Tracy Morgan writes that during SNL read-throughs, Tina Fey would often kickoff her stiletto heels. Only for him to threaten Lorne Michaels that he would walkout, if he did not get her to put her shoes back on.

“Don’t get me wrong I love women’s feet. And believe me Tina has some fine looking feet. But you got to sneak up on them, holding your nose just to get a peek,” writes Morgan, dedicating an entire chapter to the subject. “Women’s feet shouldn’t smell like feet. Only men’s feet should smell like feet.”

Morgan goes on to profess his love for Tina Fey as well, especially for writing him a permanent role on ‘30 Rock’ as the other adorable self-centered insensitive stereotypical male chauvinist pig, opposite Alec Baldwin’s character.

“I love you Tina,” continues Morgan. “You know you’re my girl. And I got your back, but you got to get your smelly feet some medical attention. Go to the ER, girl. Or go see a Catholic priest or something. Maybe even get them amputated.”

Later, Tracy Morgan prided himself on curing Tina Fey’s alleged foot odor problem on the set of ’30 Rock’ at least temporarily, claiming the condition is a lot like the hiccups.

“So one night, when the crew all went home,” confessed Morgan. “And Tina Fey was alone working late, I went down stairs to the underground parking lot and waited for her there.”

Wearing a black ski mask and carrying a rubber knife he barrowed from the prop department, Tracy Morgan hid behind Tina Fey’s car, waiting for her to come down stairs. And when she did, he jumped up behind her, causing her to faint.

“Now Tina doesn’t have smelly feet no more,” said Tracy Morgan. “Although she does have to go to the bathroom every time she sees me. Oh, and sometimes she cries, too. But I can live with that.”

Tracy Morgan’s tell-all book is not just about the shortcomings of his fellow 'Not Ready for Primetime Players', however. He takes a few chapters to remove the rafter from his own eye as well.

While on SNL, Morgan enjoyed dressing up like Maya Angelou.

“It felt good to walk in the high heel shoes of a powerful Black woman,” Morgan said. “It empowered me as a Black man, though I didn’t like it when Lorne hit on me while I was in character. I would have punched him or said something at the time, but I didn’t want to lose my job.”

After that, Tracy Morgan was always made to feel as if he was invisible by some of his fellow SNL cast members.

“I don’t know how they found out I had superpowers of invisibility,” said Tracy Morgan. “But they did.”

Tracy Morgan says that he did not mind his fellow SNL cast members knowing that he had the power of invisibility, only that they used it against him.

“They’d ignore me even when I wasn’t invisible,” said Morgan. “And that hurt me in the heart sometimes. But most of the time, it just pissed me off, making me [BLEEP] mad.”

Tracy Morgan’s book would be incomplete if he did not have a few words to say about his mentor, Lorne Michaels.

“Lorne Michaels is cool,” said Morgan. “For a Canadian. Believe it or not, he smells like bacon and [BLEEP]. I love [BLEEP], so he’s okay.”

Photo Courtesy of: By David Shankbone - Photographer's blog post about photo and event, CC BY 3.0,

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo