Showing posts with label space. Show all posts
Showing posts with label space. Show all posts

NASA Reveals New Red, White and Blue Cape Canaveral -- “Evel Knievel” Style -- Spacesuits

-- Cape Canaveral, Florida

By Robert W. Armijo

“Three, two, one…Blastoff!” said a NASA spokesman, as an astronaut donned in the new red, white and blue environmental spacesuit broke through a paper earth onto a stage of an exact replicate of the 1969 American Apollo 11 landing site on the moon complete with lunar lander and American flag planted by the first man on the orbiting celestial surface, Neil Armstrong.

Technically known as the xEMU prototype for the Artemis programme, the new spacesuit was designed for American’s return to the moon, mission to Mars and beyond.

“The new spacesuit is light years ahead the old all-white spacesuit,” said a member of NASA Artemis design team. "Because now it has two whole new colors: red and blue."

As the announcer spoke over the public address system of the press conference, the astronaut in the xEMU environmental spacesuit took to the catwalk.

In a teapot supermodel pose, the astronaut walked down the runway, stopping several times along the way to turn showing off the suit’s flexibility as well as its durability.

Several photographers rushed the edge of the catwalk taking picture, lighting up the xEMU spacesuit with their camera flashes. 

“LGM’s everywhere will be turning their little green heads when they see our American astronauts step out of the lunar module and onto the gray barren oxygen deprived surface of the moon again,” barked the NASA spokesman, giving the event the a carnival like atmosphere. “But this tine around in a new fabulous red, white and blue Evel Kenievel inspired spacesuits.”  

Two other astronauts dressed in the same xEMU environmental spacesuit, entering from stage right and left, joined the first on the catwalk.

Then they gathered center stage of a highly detailed lunar surface replica of the first lunar landing to strike a Charlie’s Angels pose at the base of American flag before entering the lunar lander, waving good-bye to the press corps.

“Now our American astronauts can withstand the hostile environment of outer space in style,” said the NASA spokesman as the lights dimmed and the theme song to the movie 2001 began to play.

Suddenly smoke began to rise from under the lunar lander as it began its assent.

Overcome with emotion, the audience and members of the press alike began to cheer, whistle and clap as a series of pulleys and wires lifted the craft into the air deus ex machina style.

Then the lunar lander began to sway side to side, knocking down promotional banners, exposing the men at the other end of the wires, visibly struggling to regain control of the mock-up spacecraft.  

Worried faces and xEMU spacesuit gloved hands of the astronauts pressed up against the portal windows of the lunar lander as they looked out to the audience and member of the press far below. 

“That’s all folks,” said the NASA spokesman as the main curtain separating the audience from the chaos on the stage slowly begin to descend. “We’ll see you…umm…We’ll see you at the launching. Goodnight.” 

Photo(s) courtesy of

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved

NASA to Get People on Mars by 2030s Using New Experimental Dehydration, Re-hydration Process

Once on the surface of Mars, astronauts will be able to find water.

By Robert W. Armijo

“We got the dehydration process down pat,” said a NASA spokesman. “It’s the re-hydration process that we’re having trouble with.” 


 If proven successful, astronauts will be dehydrated while on earth, launched into space and then re-hydrated as they approach the red planet.

 With water being such a precious commodity aboard the spacecraft, only one astronaut will be permitted to remain awake during the journey to Mars.

The Ship Orion Expected to Take Man to Mars

 “All calculations prove the ship Orion (see photo on left) can only carry enough water on-board to sustain one person for the long flight to Mars,” said NASA.

The duty to re-hydrate the fellow crew members will fall to that one lone astronaut.


"That’s not the problem though,” said NASA, explaining the situation. “The problem is finding an astronaut with a big enough bladder, as they will be required to re-hydrate the entire crew with their own urine."

NASA diagram depicting the astronaut-to-astronaut urine re-hydration process. 

“If it works, it will be as if they were in suspended animation,” said NASA. “Hey, maybe we should give that a try first?”




NASA is also said to be experimenting with a freeze dried process.


However, that is not going as well.


“You know, it works and everything,” said NASA. “But our astronauts keep complaining about the freezer burn.”

 Photo courtesy of
 Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

How to Survive a Solar Flare

Los Angeles, California --

With the largest solar flare ever-recorded hurling through space headed straight toward earth, astronomers at the Griffith Park Observatory issued a press release titled ‘How to Survive a Solar Flare’, which caused a panic among the local population before it was recanted.

“Wrap yourself (and your pets) up in aluminum foil, covering yourself from head to toe," the press release read. “But before you do, make certain you rub yourself all over with lemon juice, adding some parsley as a garnish on the side.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Jodie Foster Funds SETI – Is She ‘In Search of…’ A ‘Contact’ Movie Sequel?

Hollywood, California –

Ironically, in the movie Contact, which was based on a sci-fi novel of the same name written by Carl Sagan, the Oscar award- wining actress Jodie Foster portrayed a character that criticized Hollywood for milking space aliens like a cash cow and giving nothing back.

Well, today Foster lifted a line right off the pages of the Contact screenplay and putting her money where her mouth is, she coughed up a wad of cash for the continuing Search for Extraterrestrial-Intelligence (SETI) program in California.

SETI scientists say that if it was not for Foster’s donation, they were going to throw in the towel on the search for extraterrestrial intelligent life and lease out their 42 radio telescope dishes to Dish TV.

“I’m sure glad it didn’t come to that,” said a scientist. “Because I’m a cable man myself.”

According to Foster’s conditions, the amount of the donation is to remain a secret.

“Her only other condition was that we continue to selflessly dedicate ourselves to the SETI program,” said a scientist. “Oh yeah. And that she owns the movie rights when we make contact, too.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.