Showing posts with label Moon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moon. Show all posts

NASA Reveals New Red, White and Blue Cape Canaveral -- “Evel Knievel” Style -- Spacesuits

-- Cape Canaveral, Florida

By Robert W. Armijo

“Three, two, one…Blastoff!” said a NASA spokesman, as an astronaut donned in the new red, white and blue environmental spacesuit broke through a paper earth onto a stage of an exact replicate of the 1969 American Apollo 11 landing site on the moon complete with lunar lander and American flag planted by the first man on the orbiting celestial surface, Neil Armstrong.

Technically known as the xEMU prototype for the Artemis programme, the new spacesuit was designed for American’s return to the moon, mission to Mars and beyond.

“The new spacesuit is light years ahead the old all-white spacesuit,” said a member of NASA Artemis design team. "Because now it has two whole new colors: red and blue."

As the announcer spoke over the public address system of the press conference, the astronaut in the xEMU environmental spacesuit took to the catwalk.

In a teapot supermodel pose, the astronaut walked down the runway, stopping several times along the way to turn showing off the suit’s flexibility as well as its durability.

Several photographers rushed the edge of the catwalk taking picture, lighting up the xEMU spacesuit with their camera flashes. 

“LGM’s everywhere will be turning their little green heads when they see our American astronauts step out of the lunar module and onto the gray barren oxygen deprived surface of the moon again,” barked the NASA spokesman, giving the event the a carnival like atmosphere. “But this tine around in a new fabulous red, white and blue Evel Kenievel inspired spacesuits.”  

Two other astronauts dressed in the same xEMU environmental spacesuit, entering from stage right and left, joined the first on the catwalk.

Then they gathered center stage of a highly detailed lunar surface replica of the first lunar landing to strike a Charlie’s Angels pose at the base of American flag before entering the lunar lander, waving good-bye to the press corps.

“Now our American astronauts can withstand the hostile environment of outer space in style,” said the NASA spokesman as the lights dimmed and the theme song to the movie 2001 began to play.

Suddenly smoke began to rise from under the lunar lander as it began its assent.

Overcome with emotion, the audience and members of the press alike began to cheer, whistle and clap as a series of pulleys and wires lifted the craft into the air deus ex machina style.

Then the lunar lander began to sway side to side, knocking down promotional banners, exposing the men at the other end of the wires, visibly struggling to regain control of the mock-up spacecraft.  

Worried faces and xEMU spacesuit gloved hands of the astronauts pressed up against the portal windows of the lunar lander as they looked out to the audience and member of the press far below. 

“That’s all folks,” said the NASA spokesman as the main curtain separating the audience from the chaos on the stage slowly begin to descend. “We’ll see you…umm…We’ll see you at the launching. Goodnight.” 

Photo(s) courtesy of

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved

Apollo 10’s Space Turd Stored at Area 51

Are You ready for Alien Autopsy "Number 2"?
Las Vegas, Nevada –

As the NASA transcript of the space turd incident aboard the Apollo 10 flight to the moon in 1969 documented, all three astronauts deny they made the unvacuum-packed space

“The incident nearly cost us the dress rehearsal mission to the moon,” said a NASA official.

Upon Apollo 10’s safe return home, NASA quickly confiscated the interstellar poop and questioned the crewmembers extensively while still in quarantine. All to no avail. 

Unable to identify the party responsible (DNA testing still decades away), NASA kept the brown log in cold storage all these years at the Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral, Florida.

“Hoping one day to solve the mystery of the in-flight dump of Apollo 10, finally identifying its owner,” said Fredrick Thompson, a UFO expert.

However, after conducting DNA testing early this year in preparation of releasing the Apollo 10 transcript, NASA quickly removed the scat under armed guard from the Kennedy Space Center -- Though they refused to say where it was being relocated.

“It was moved to a top-secret facility known as Area 51,” claims Thompson. 

Area 51 is located in a remote part of the Nevada desert and troops stationed there are under orders to shoot any trespassers. 

“Which can only mean one thing,” continued Thompson. “We’re dealing with an E.T.E. (extra terrestrial excrement).” 

Thompson believes the out of this world feces is undergoing a series of testing at Area 51 in expectation of confirming that the crewmembers of Apollo 10 were not alone. 

“They must have picked up a galactic gastric hitchhiker along the way,” said Thompson. “Right now, NASA is testing the [BLEEP] out of that little piece of [BLEEP], conducting an alien duce dropping autopsy of their own.”

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo Courtesy of:

Apollo 10’s In-flight Space Turd: “Houston, we have a problem here”

Houston, Texas –

Everyone believes the famous words “Houston, we have a problem here” were first spoken by the crew of the technically troubled flight of Apollo 13. However, that is not true, according to a recent 500-page transcript released by NASA today. 

According to that transcript, those famous words were in fact first uttered by the crew of Apollo 10 in June 1969. When during their dress rehearsal of the lunar landing while on their way to orbit the moon, they encountered not an unidentified flying object (a UFO), but an unidentified floating object (a UFO) in the command capsule.

UFO experts that have analyzed the transcript say it is proof positive of NASA’s culture of denial when it comes to the confirmation of the existence of UFOs, or even UFOs. 

The following is an excerpt from that over four decades old transcript. So you can make up your own mind:

APOLLO 10: Houston, we have a problem here.

HOUSTON: What is it, Apollo 10?

APOLLO 10: We’re not sure…But we may be witnessing a bogie [UFO].

HOUSTON: How far away is the bogie from your craft, Apollo 10?

APOLLO 10: Negative, Houston. It’s not outside our craft…Ah…it’s inside our craft.

HOUSTON: Can you repeat that, Apollo 10?

APOLLO 10: Um…it’s inside our craft, Houston.


HOUSTON: Can you describe it, Apollo 10?

APOLLO 10: Well, it’s cylindrical in shape. Brown in color…and it smells like…It smells like…Oh my God! It’s a turd!

[Crew Members Screaming]

HOUSTON: Would you like to officially report the sighting of a UFO, Apollo 10? Come in Apollo 10…Are you still there?

APOLLO 10: Please repeat, Houston.

[Crew Members Screaming]

HOUSTON: Would you like to officially report the sighting of a UFO at this time?

APOLLO 10: Ah…negative, Houston. Not at this time.

[Crew Members Screaming]

HOUSTON:  Roger, Apollo 10. Continue with your flight plan to the moon.

APOLLO 10: We copy, Houston. Apollo 10 continuing with [the] flight plan to the moon.

[Crew Members Still Screaming]

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Apollo 10’s Toilet-Challenged Joke #2

Q: What is the UFO terminology for an alleged encounter between astronauts and human waste in outer space. 

A: Close Encounter of the Turd Kind. 

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Apollo 10’s Toilet-Challenged Joke #1

Q: What did the “F” in UFO stand for aboard the toilet-challenged Apollo 10 space flight to the moon? 

A: Unidentified “Floating” Object! 

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.