Stealth Bomber Commanded by Nancy Pelosi Manned by All-Female Crew from the 2020 Rose Parade Flies Over the Capitol in Holding Pattern, Carrying Articles of Impeachment, the Whistle Blower and Hunter Biden

Nancy Pelosi Commands an All-Female Flight Crew of a Stealth Bomber
Flying Over Capitol Hill with the Two Articles of Impeachment,
the Whistle Blower and Hunter Biden On-board

Washington, D.C. –

By Robert W. Armijo

“It’s the safest place I could think of storing them,” said Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. “After all, President Trump has made threats to subpoena the whistle blower. Who knows, he may attempt to subpoena the articles of impeachment and Hunter Biden as well for his upcoming trial in the Senate. I don’t know yet. We’ll see. Maybe.”  

“You okay up there, my boy?” asked Joe Biden in a ground to air radio call to his son, Hunter Biden. 

“Yeah, I am okay pop,” Hunter replied.

“Are they feeding you enough, son?” asked Joe. 

“Oh yeah,” Hunter replied “I just got a big salary.”

“Celery?” said Joe. “Why that’s not enough to eat, boy. You know it takes more calories to consume that God [BLEEP] vegetable then you can get any nutrition out of it.”   

“No, dad,” replied Hunter. “Salary! Not Celery. I’m taking in six figures every time this big bird buzzes the White House.” 

“Oh,” said Joe. “Okay. So long as you’re getting enough to eat.”  

“And how, pop,” said Hunter. “You can say that again.”

 “Oh,” said Joe. “Okay. So long as you’re getting enough to eat.”  

“Huh?” replied Hunter. 

“I will circle the skies over the Capitol in my stealth bomber with an empowering all-female crew fresh from the 2020 Rose Parade like the sword hanging over the head of Damocles until the Senate can assure me that President Donald J. Trump will be given a fair and impartial trial without a lawyer present, any evidence presented or ability to call any witnesses in his defense,” said Pelosi. 

Photo(s) Courtesy of wpclipart.com 

Copyright (C) 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Rose Parade Prometheus Themed Float Catches Fire!

"Boy. I Just Can't Seem to Catch
a Break like...EVER! Could Use a Good
Hard Drink Right About Now." 

By Robert W. Armijo

“Making a Difference’ was the theme of this year’s Rose Parade,” said a Rose Parade official.  “That’s why we approved the conditional use of controlled, confined and contained fire on the float that caught fire. After all, the Titan Prometheus certainly made a difference when he gifted fire to mankind.”

Although Rose Parade officials are activity looking for the float designer for questioning, he is no where to be found.

“He must have get wind of our intention to fine him for delaying the Rose Parade and starting an open fire without a permit,” said a Rose Parade official.

Despite the disapproval of Rose Parade officials, many spectators were entertained by the spectacle.

“Unsuspecting spectators, thought they were witnessing the latest state-of-the-art special effects of Rose Parade float technology, stood up and applauded,” said a fireman to who responded the over 20 million 911 phone calls from around the country and world.

Still other spectators run up to the float, which was fully engulfed in flames, with sticks and marshmallows.

“They sat around the burning float signing camp songs and made S’mores,” said police.   

“Most people just took off their gloves and mittens and stretched out their hands to warm them up,” said one Rose Parade spectator. 

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com 

Copyright (c) by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Rose Parade Marijuana Float from Colorado Catches Fire Along Route

Pasadena, California –

A special tributary ‘Dreams Come True’ float made entirely of cannabis and hemp celebrating the state of Colorado’s passage of a new law this year allowing for the recreational use of marijuana mysteriously caught fire along the Rose Parade route while being towed. 

Colorado is the first state ever to pass such a law legalizing the consumption of pot simply for a good time. 

“You don’t need a doctor’s note to light up a doobie anymore,” said a member of the Colorado State legislature. 

As the all-cannabis and hemp float made its way down Colorado Blvd., parade watches along the route were engulfed in purple haze of mellowing marijuana smoke.

People joined hands singing John Denver’s ‘Rocky Mountain High’ as the Mary Jane float meandered down the parade route. Until it disappeared in its very own fogbank.  

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

One Last Really, Really Bad Rose Parade Joke for 2013

Q: What did Tarzan say to the Grand Marshal of the 124th Rose Parade?









A: Me, Tarzan. You, Jane [Goodall].

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Jane Goodall, King Kong Rose Parade Float Rejected

King Kong expresses his rage at being
excluded from the Rose Parade

Pasadena, California –

Only now, after the 124th Rose Parade is officially in the books, is the story coming out about how Rose Parade officials were seriously contemplating building a giant King Kong float. And placing the Grand Marshal, Jane Goodall, British ethologist and authority on wild chimpanzees, in its huge mechanical hands.

“Jane Goodall would have been completely safe,” said a Rose Parade official. “She would’ve been placed in a harness secured in the giant monkey paw.” 

“It was never a question of safety,” insisted a spokesman for Jane Goodall. “Rather, it was a matter of maintaining good taste and more importantly principle.”

The float was to depict the climatic cinematic scene when King Kong was scaling the Empire State Building with Fay Wray in hand and biplanes of the period buzzing about his head.

Reportedly, Jane Goodall was so deeply offended by the proposal that she threatened to withdraw from the Rose Parade all together by resigning her position as the Grand Marshal. 

“Having her assume the role of a dangling damsel in distress, caught in the clutches of an oversized so-called savage beast from the Dark Continent is exactly what Jane Goodall’s lifetime work with chimpanzees stands against,” said a spokesman for Jane Goodall. “Good God what’s wrong with you Americans? Is that all you can think of is crass commercialism and gimmicks?”

“It would have been in keeping with this year’s Rose Parade’s theme of ‘Oh the Places You’ll Go!’ by Dr. Seuss,” replied a Rose Parade official. 

After receiving Jane Goodall’s rejection to the King Kong float, Rose Parade officials had no choice but to resort to having another wedding take place along the parade route to boost ratings. 

“Boring,” said one Rose Parade official as he scoffed at the fallback idea behind closed doors. “Hey, I got it. Maybe next year we can spice it up a bit by making it a same sex marriage? And this time, they can be atop a giant cake float designed by Wolfgang Puck.”

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

wpclipart.com

Top 10 Rose Parade Float Rejects for 2013

10) The Gov. Chris Christie Float – Just Chris sitting on a float, waving to a cheering crowd. 

9) The Penn State Homecoming Float of Shame Float – A giant mock-up of the childhood football board game made of a sheet of metal with magnet figurines that “move” about the field when the current is turned on. Except in this version, as the football players vibrate about the board, assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, leaves the field to chase near naked boys in the shower with a rolled up wet towel. 

8) The Dick Clark DNA Float – Scientists dressed in their lab coats all still very busy running around trying to clone Dick Clark in time to host Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2013, while a giant clock strikes midnight…Oh well, maybe next year.  

7) The ♫Gangnam Style♫ Float – A float depicting Rose Parade float decorators (pedal pushers) dancing to the tune of ♫Gangnam Style♫ instead of gluing flowers to a float. In the background, the rusted metallic frame of an unfinished float. Later, the video goes viral and is awarded by Rose Parade judges the first-ever, Virtual Viral Float Award (rust qualifying as an all-natural material).   

6) The Gen. David Petraeus Tunnel of Love Float – Petraeus enters the tunnel of love as a General with his wife and mistress on both arms, but he exits all alone as a Private.   

5) The Re-Election of President Obama Float – The same “Hope and Change” campaign slogan float he first entered back in 2008. Only this time with the words “Change and Hope” switched places.  

4) The Fiscal Cliff Float – A yellow school minibus filled with members of Congress, the Senate and the White House. As they fight and throw spitballs at each other, the distracted driver (Ben Bernanke) begs them to sit down and behave, as he drives off the fiscal cliff.     

3) The Supreme Court Musical Chairs Float – While the theme song from the ‘Three Stooges’ plays in the background, Conservative Supreme Court Justice, John Roberts, attempts to switch chairs with the liberal justices on the bench before the music ends.

2) The Super Storm Sandy Float – Two palm trees swaying in the wind with the caption: “Better Hold on to Your Coconuts. It Looks Like We’re in for Quite a Blow Job.”  

1) The Great Recession Float – The same rag tag float running since 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and now…2013? 

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

wpclipart.com