Showing posts with label doomsday clock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doomsday clock. Show all posts

Convicted Perjurer and Felon Michael Cohan Testifies Before Congress Again -- Taking a “Double Pinky-Swear” That He’s Telling the Truth This Time Around

-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

For the first time in Congressional history, a Congressional Committee heard testimony regarding alleged violations of the law by the President of the United States of American while seated in Office from his former personal attorney, Michael Cohan -- A man convicted of perjury for lying to Congress. Nevertheless, Cohan was allowed to testify before Congress for the second time, while waiting to begin his three year sentence for lying to a similar Congressional body just months before... 

“Mr. Cohan,” said the Democratic chair of the of the Democratic majority committee. “Do you hereby swear that the testimony you’re about to give here today is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

“Yes,” said Cohan.

“Sergeant-at-arms,” said the Democratic chair.  “You may administer the ‘Double Pinky-Swear’ oath to Mr. Cohan now.”

“Objection!” said a Republican member of the committee.

“Yes. The chair recognizes my esteemed colleague,” said the Democratic chair.

“‘Double Pinky-Swear’oath?” said the Republican, while shuffling through papers before him. “I don’t see that anywhere in the rules.”

“That’s because we changed the rules last night?” replied the chair.

“Why wasn’t I notified?” asked the visibly frustrated Republican.

“You weren't?” replied the chair, sincerely surprised. “It was all over CNN last night.”

“I don’t watch CNN,” said the Republican. 

“Well, maybe you should start,” said the chair. “You my proceed Sergeant-at-arms.”

After being administered the ‘Double Pinky-Swear’ oath, Cohan took questions from the committee.

“Mr. Cohan have you ever heard of the phrase ‘Liar, liar. Pants on fire, hanging from a telephone wire.’?” asked the the same Republican that objected earlier.  

“No, sir,” said Cohan.

“You're telling me right here and now while under oath that you never heard that phrase from childhood before?”

“No, sir,” repeated Cohan. “I don’t believe I have.”   

“Well, how do we know you’re not lying about that right now?” asked the Republican. “After all, it’s a common phrase from childhood.”

“Because,” replied Cohan.

“Because?” repeated the Republican with a look of bewilderment on his face.

“Yes. Because,” again repeated Cohan, while clearing his throat.

“Allow me to intervene a moment,” said the Democratic chair.  “Don’t you mean Mr. Cohan that you cross your heart and hope to die and stick a needle in your eye that you’re telling the truth here today?” 

“Yes, sir,” said Cohan. “I cross my heart. Hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye that I’m telling the truth here today.”

“All that are satisfied that Mr. Cohan is really, really telling the truth to us this time around signify by saying 'Olly olly oxen free,” said the chair.

After taking a quick vote.

“The Olly's have it,” announced the chair. “You may continue with your truthful testimony here today, Mr. Cohan.”

Meanwhile, back in Vietnam, POTUS 45 tries to turn back the arms on the Doomsday clock..


Photo(s) Courtesy of Wikipedia and

Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Watchmen of the Doomsday Clock Vote to Take It Digital?!

Old Analogue Doomsday Clock Going Digital? 
-- Washington, D.C. 

By Robert W. Armijo

In light of the Tweets of President Donald J. Trump about him having a bigger nuclear button on his desk than North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un and then wiring it to “The Clapper” at his bedside, the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists – keepers of the doomsday clock – voted to convert the analogue clock to a digital one.

“It’s the only way to keep up with the president’s doomsday threatening Tweets,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists.

The analogue clock was created by a group of Chicago atomic scientists after the Manhattan Project to demonstrate to the world how close we are as a species to global destruction by a preventable man-made catastrophe.

“We’re way past a minute to midnight,” the spokesmen continued. “We’re well into seconds.”

According to the spokesman the old analogue doomsday clock cannot convey the sense of urgency as accurately as a doomsday clock with a digital display.

“We’re thinking of setting the digital doomsday clock at 11:59:50,” said the spokesman. “Or borrowing the old launch countdown clock from NASA and setting it to T-10 seconds to doomsday!”

Photo(s) Courtesy of:

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Wires Nuclear Button to “The Clapper”

"How do I know it works unless I test it?'"
"No, Mr. President, don't!"
-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

Declaring it a matter of national security, President Donald J. Trump ordered White House maintenance workers to wire the nuclear button on his desk in the Oval Office to “The Clapper” – an electronic device which allows a table lamp to be turned on or off by simply clapping one’s hands -- next to his bed.

“The president ordered the instillation of the device when he realized he didn’t have to walk all the way down stairs in the middle of the night to his desk in the Oval Office to push the nuclear button, should he deem it necessary,” said a White House spokesman.

White House maintenance crew wires
the nuclear button on the president's desk
to "The Clapper" at his bedside.  

“All the president has to do now to start a nuclear war is clap his hands,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists, keepers of the doomsday clock. “So we are having an emergency meeting of our members to vote on whether or not to move the big hand of the analogue doomsday clock one minute to midnight.”

Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Charles (talk) (Uploads) - Own work, Public Domain,

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.