Showing posts with label 2016 presidential election. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2016 presidential election. Show all posts

Ripley’s Believe It or Not Awards Special Counsel Mueller’s Russian Probe “Longest Witch Hunt Ever!”


"Told You So. No [BLEEP] Russian
Collusion. All Fun Fake News." 

-- Washington, DC

By Robert W. Armijo

Lasting 675 days, the special counsel Mueller investigation into the alleged collusion of then President-Elect Trump with Russia to win the 2016 presidential election is officially the longest witch hunt in world history. 

“By comparison, the Salem witch hunt and trials only lasted one year and three months, while special counsel Mueller’s Russian probe lasted one year, 10 months and six days,” said a spokesman for Ripley’s Believe It or Not.

Although not yet confirmed by the White House, Ripley’s Believe It or Not is planning to present the award to special counsel Mueller during a ceremony at the Rose Garden.

“There my honored [BLEEP] guests will be served magpie [crow] pies for lunch specially prepared by my personal cooking staff,” Tweeted President Trump. “That’s right magpie pie. NOT humble pie, because it’s too [BLEEP] late for that.” 



Copyright © 2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Photo(s) Courtesy of wpclipart




Donald Trump’s Official ‘Presidential’ Response to Hillary Clinton’s Nuclear Launch Codes Claim: “I got your nuclear launch codes right here, Hillary! Right here, if you know what I mean? And I think you do. I think you do. Am I right, folks? Or am I right?”


donald_trump_portrait.jpeg
Get Ready to Cut into the Live Feed.
By Robert W. Armijo

Standing before a stadium full of his supporters, Donald Trump addressed Hillary Clinton’s claim that the GOP nominee does not have the temperament to be trusted with the nation’s nuclear launch codes.


A haunting dead silence fell over the stadium audience as Donald Trump brought up the Hillary Clinton’s nuclear launch codes claim. 

“Now, folks,” said Trump. “I am sure all of you have heard by now what Crooked Hillary said about me in the news and my having access to the nuclear launch codes.”

The audience let out a collective, ”Boo!”

“Now, now,” replied Trump. “If I have to be presidential so do you.”

The audience cheered.

“And to prove to you how presidential I can be, here is my official presidential response to Hillary,” said Trump, turning to the teleprompter where a carefully crafted speech by political pundits was prepared for him to read aloud.

However, in that instant, Trump caught his reflection in the teleprompter glass screen. He could not see the wordsmiths' words, which slowly scrolled up for him to read. He could not find it himself to read them. 

"What's he doing?' asked one of his political adviser backstage. 

"What he does best," replied another Trump political adverser. "He's putting his foot in his mouth."

"He's going off script again," said a news director in a mobile TV control booth. "Get ready to cut into the live feed."

Turning away from the teleprompter, Trump did what he had done all his life: he spoke his mind.

“I got your nuclear codes launch right here, Hillary!” Trump said. 

Backstage, Trump's political advisers throw their hands up in the air in frustration.  

The live audience jumped to its feet with cheers, whistles and applause. 

“Right here, if you know what I mean?” continued Trump.  “And I think you do. I think you do. Am I right folks? Or am I right?”

“Speaking of codes,” continued Trump. “You know what to Hill Billy Clinton’s code name for Monica Lewd-Whisky was?” 

A wave of laughter swept over the audience.

“What?” responded a somewhat stunned and surprised Trump. 

Trump then covered the mic with his hand, as he turned to his political advisers backstage for an explanation.
  
“Hill Billy Clinton” and Monica ‘Lewd-Whisky,” they whispered back. 

“Oh, I get it now,” Trump said turning to the audience. “You think that was Monica’s  code name, ‘Lewd-Whisky’. Well it wasn’t. I just made that up. Just now. That’s right. Just made it up. Right here. Right now. Live, baby. You see, what my new so-called political consultants wrote out for me to say and I was suppose to read from the teleprompter was, ‘Deep Throat.” 

The audience echoed back to Trump, ‘Deep Throat’ in the form of a question as if they were a studio audience surprised by the game show host’s answer.

“Yeah, I know. Right,” said Trump. “My joke is much more funny. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what you can expect out of me, if you vote me into the White House come November." 

The audience cheered.

"I will have you laughing at everything I do." continued Trump. "I guarantee it. Yup, we’re really gonna have a good time, folks. A good time.” 

The audience continued cheering.

“In fact,” Trump added, now obviously no longer reading from the teleprompter, shooting straight from the hip. “My administration will make you laugh so hard…”

Trump then cupped his ear to the audience, who played along.

“How hard?!” the audience replied.

“So hard unsubsidized milk will shoot out of your nose,” Trump said in kind, as he began pacing the stage like a stand-up comedian. “Forcing you to go the hospital. There you can expect to pay the bill or file for bankruptcy, because you will no longer have medical coverage under the oppressive yoke of Obamacare!”

Once more, the live audience jumped to its feet with cheers, whistles and applause.

Until they all united in a single voice.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.

“TRUMP!” they chanted.




Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

President Obama Holds Situation Room Meeting to Prevent a Mad Man from Winning the Presidency in November Joke

Meanwhile in the White House Situation Room...


By Robert W. Armijo

“Okay, you guys,” said President Obama to his staff gathered around a conference table in the White House Situation Room. “Let’s start brainstorming this thing. Now what can I do to stop a mad man from winning the presidency in November?”

“Ah, yes, Donald Trump,” says one staff member aloud, while the others nod their heads in agreement. 

“Actually,” President Obama replies. “I was referring to Hillary.”    


Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com