Dr. Phil Psychoanalyzes Chris Brown Down at the YMCA

Burbank, California --

“Now y’all maybe wondering, along with the rest of my studio audience, why I’m wearing these bright red gloves, colorful shorts and tightly laced up shoes standing opposite of Chris Brown in this Olympic sized boxing ring here at the Burbank YMCA,” said Dr. Phil “While the answer is simple enough, I’m going to kick Mr. Brown’s ass.”

“What? Wait a minute,” said Chris Brown as he stood in the center of the ring face-to-face with Dr. Phil and a referee. “Is this what all this is…a bout? Is this why you had me dress up in this getup?”

As the referee officiated, relaying the rules of the match, Chris Brown noticed something peculiar about the referee’s line of sight.

“Hey, man. Why are you staring out into space like that?” asked Chris Brown of the referee. “Oh man! You’re blind, aren’t you?”

Dr. Phil then inserted his mouthpiece, gave a nod to a man sitting ringside that rang a bell, signaling the beginning of the first round.

Waving his gloved hands up in the air in disbelief, Chris Brown was unprepared as Dr. Phil landed the first punch. An upper cut right to Brown’s chin. Surprisingly, it had little to no effect.

Dr. Phil then circled Chris Brown with his head down low behind his gloves, bobbing and weaving.

A giant plasma screen above both their heads began to play a prerecorded message from Dr. Phil.

“If you look around the arena, Chris, you’ll notice that I have all my studio audience cheering me on in my section of the stands,” said Dr. Phil wearing a suit in the video. “While all you got some homeless man that just happened to wonder in to take a nap and that we promised to give a warm meal to, just to sit on your side of the arena and cheer you on.”

A homeless man rose to his feet and let out a cheer before coughing excessively and having to sit back down rubbing his back.

“So you think you can take me on?” said a defiant Chris Brown as he began shuffle his feet like a boxer and throw out punches inches away from Dr. Phil’s nose. “Well, what are you waiting for old man? Retirement? Bring it on!”

Chris Brown suddenly let loose a barrage of punches taking Dr. Phil and his studio audience by surprise.

Soon Dr. Phil was on the ropes by the end of the first round.

As the bell finally rang, the round girl came out holding up a sign indicating the number of rounds competed in the match so far – ‘ONE’ – on it, when Chris Brown struck her on the jaw with a knock out punch he intended for Dr. Phil, sending her flying into the arms of the homeless guy.

“Damn! Not again,” yelled out Chris Brown. “The judge is never gonna believe this one.”

“What?” said a semiconscious Dr. Phil still hanging onto the ropes in a daze. “You had enough already, punk?”

As Chris Brown exited the ring, jumping over the ropes, to attend to the young attractive lady he knocked out, the blind referee quickly felt his way to Dr. Phil by the sound his gowns and moans. Grabbing his arm and raising it up in the air declared him the winner by default for Chris Brown having left the ring.

“Let that be a lesson to you, Chris,” tried to moralize a punch drunk Dr. Phil with a swollen eye, cut lip and slurred speech. “Next time you hit a woman, you’ll have me to contend with…Contend with me. Ha, I just made a funny. Oh, I don’t feel so good. Can I lie down right here? Just for a moment?”

“I’m so sorry baby,” Chris Brown said to the still unconscious woman. “But you walked into it, baby…Just like --

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