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By Robert W. Armijo
K-Mart Finally Holds Finale Fail Clearance Sale on the "Hillary Clinton Presidential Pantsuit Collection?" |
Copyright (c) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Showing posts with label Donald Trump. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Donald Trump. Show all posts
K-Mart Finally Holds Finale Fail Clearance Sale on the "Hillary Clinton Presidential Pantsuit Collection?"
Copyright (c) 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
How Donald Trump Smashed the ‘Blue Wall’?
Easy, the night of the election Donald Trump supporters handed out cans of red paint to voters trapped beyond the Blue Wall and told them to go out and paint the town red.
Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com
Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Donald Trump’s 10-Year-Old Grandson Tweets for His Grandpa Trump
Donald Trump confirmed that he does not actually type out his Tweets for his Twitter account.
“He dictates them to an aide who then types them out on the Twitter platform for him,” said spokesman for Trump.
However, someone from the Trump camp leaked out that the so-called aide that is doing the typing is actually Trump’s 10-year-old grandson.
“That would explain the adolescent colloquial diction,” said Prof. Peter Johnson, a linguist who teaches at the University of Cassandra and who was a movie consultant on the Hollywood blockbuster, 'Arrival'".
According to Prof. Johnson, Trump’s Tweets are not merely being type out by his grandson, but they are being translated by the immature mind of a prepubescent a 10-year-old boy.
“It is obvious the boy is translating his grandfather’s adult diction into the vocabulary his knows best and that is one of a minor,” said Prof. Johnson.
Prof. Johnson points the over use of monosyllable sarcastic words as well like “Wow”, “Nice” and “Really???’
“Note the use of over punctuation in the use of the question mark with the use of the ‘Really,” said Prof. Johnson. “It is an added infection to denote extreme sarcasm.”
According to Prof. Johnson, children often resort to sarcasm and extreme sacrum as a coping mechanism or tool to convey their frustration with a topic or subject that they really, really do not grasp or understand.
Prof. Johnson says he is surprised that Trump’s grandson has not yet used emoji's as a new form of self expression.
“Perhaps he has not discovered that feature on his smart phone. Or he has not figured out how to override the parental lock on them just yet,” said Prof. Johnson. “And for good reason, too. You do not want a 10-year-old boy anywhere near the bomb emoji Tweeting for someone who has direct access to our nation’s nuclear codes. That could prove most disastrous in the end.”
Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com
Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
The Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton Caption Contest Winner Is?
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"Quick, take the damn picturebefore the Botox wears off." |
The winner of the Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton Caption Contest has requested to remain anonymous and asked to be identified simply by his initials instead.
So congratulations goes out to you “D.T.”, because you just won the Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton caption contest!
Caption Reads: "Quick, take the damn picture before the Botox wears off."
Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com
Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Donald Trump’s Official ‘Presidential’ Response to Hillary Clinton’s Nuclear Launch Codes Claim: “I got your nuclear launch codes right here, Hillary! Right here, if you know what I mean? And I think you do. I think you do. Am I right, folks? Or am I right?”
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| Get Ready to Cut into the Live Feed. |
By Robert W. Armijo
Standing before a stadium full of his supporters, Donald Trump addressed Hillary Clinton’s claim that the GOP nominee does not have the temperament to be trusted with the nation’s nuclear launch codes.
A haunting dead silence fell over the stadium audience as Donald Trump brought up the Hillary Clinton’s nuclear launch codes claim.
“Now, folks,” said Trump. “I am sure all of you have heard by now what Crooked Hillary said about me in the news and my having access to the nuclear launch codes.”
The audience let out a collective, ”Boo!”
“Now, now,” replied Trump. “If I have to be presidential so do you.”
The audience cheered.
“And to prove to you how presidential I can be, here is my official presidential response to Hillary,” said Trump, turning to the teleprompter where a carefully crafted speech by political pundits was prepared for him to read aloud.
However, in that instant, Trump caught his reflection in the teleprompter glass screen. He could not see the wordsmiths' words, which slowly scrolled up for him to read. He could not find it himself to read them.
"What's he doing?' asked one of his political adviser backstage.
"What he does best," replied another Trump political adverser. "He's putting his foot in his mouth."
"He's going off script again," said a news director in a mobile TV control booth. "Get ready to cut into the live feed."
Turning away from the teleprompter, Trump did what he had done all his life: he spoke his mind.
“I got your nuclear codes launch right here, Hillary!” Trump said.
Backstage, Trump's political advisers throw their hands up in the air in frustration.
The live audience jumped to its feet with cheers, whistles and applause.
“Right here, if you know what I mean?” continued Trump. “And I think you do. I think you do. Am I right folks? Or am I right?”
“Speaking of codes,” continued Trump. “You know what to Hill Billy Clinton’s code name for Monica Lewd-Whisky was?”
A wave of laughter swept over the audience.
“What?” responded a somewhat stunned and surprised Trump.
Trump then covered the mic with his hand, as he turned to his political advisers backstage for an explanation.
“Hill Billy Clinton” and Monica ‘Lewd-Whisky,” they whispered back.
“Oh, I get it now,” Trump said turning to the audience. “You think that was Monica’s code name, ‘Lewd-Whisky’. Well it wasn’t. I just made that up. Just now. That’s right. Just made it up. Right here. Right now. Live, baby. You see, what my new so-called political consultants wrote out for me to say and I was suppose to read from the teleprompter was, ‘Deep Throat.”
The audience echoed back to Trump, ‘Deep Throat’ in the form of a question as if they were a studio audience surprised by the game show host’s answer.
“Yeah, I know. Right,” said Trump. “My joke is much more funny. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what you can expect out of me, if you vote me into the White House come November."
The audience cheered.
"I will have you laughing at everything I do." continued Trump. "I guarantee it. Yup, we’re really gonna have a good time, folks. A good time.”
The audience continued cheering.
“In fact,” Trump added, now obviously no longer reading from the teleprompter, shooting straight from the hip. “My administration will make you laugh so hard…”
Trump then cupped his ear to the audience, who played along.
“How hard?!” the audience replied.
“So hard unsubsidized milk will shoot out of your nose,” Trump said in kind, as he began pacing the stage like a stand-up comedian. “Forcing you to go the hospital. There you can expect to pay the bill or file for bankruptcy, because you will no longer have medical coverage under the oppressive yoke of Obamacare!”
Once more, the live audience jumped to its feet with cheers, whistles and applause.
Until they all united in a single voice.
“TRUMP!” they chanted.
“TRUMP!” they chanted.
“TRUMP!” they chanted.
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo Courtesy of: wpclipart.com
Donald Trump Secretly Offers Monica Lewinsky 1 Million Dollars for Her Presidential Stained Blue Dress
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| "I just got to get my hands on that blue dress." |
It has been leaked to the media that Donald Trump has offered former Clinton White House intern, Monica Lewinsky a million of dollars for her blue dress, which is stained with President Clinton’s DNA.
The blue dress became the focus of a politically motivated investigation against President Clinton in the late 1990s, which eventually lead to his impeachment and disbarment.
All these years, it is believed Monica Lewinsky never had the blue dress cleaned after it had been stained with president’s sperm and seamen, during one of their many sexual encounters they had in the White House Oval Room, Situation Room and Rose Garden.
However, she turned down the offer, stating she simply wanted to put that part of her life behind her and move on.
It has been reported that the museum had planned to publicly display the stained blue dress, using to somehow promote the city’s advertising slogan, “What Happens in Vegas. Stays in Vegas.”
No reason was given as to why Donald Trump has not offered more then the museum’s offer for the blue dress. Except that it is believed that Trump is following the standard business practice of low balling the initial offer.
Political pundits are speculating that Donald Trump wants to acquire the blue dress stained with President Bill Clinton’s DNA to use t against is arch rival, Hillary Clinton, in his presidential bid for the White House.
However they admit they are at a loss as to how he will use it against Hillary Clinton.
“I can’t say with any certainty exactly what Donald Trump is planning,” said a political pundit. “However, a definite pattern is beginning to emerge.”
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
Dennis Miller Performs a Neoconservative Version of ‘The Aristocrats’ at Comedy Clubs Across the Nation
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| "I simply deplore our class being reduced to a punchline." |
The following is a transcript of new stand-up comedy material that Dennis Miller is testing at various comedy clubs across the nation, possibly in preparation for the upcoming (Post Obama) 2016 presidential election.
It is a snap shot taken of his neoconservative politics, which he willingly serves as a court jester and icon to the clearly under represented conservative comedy movement that he has recently currently come to represent.
So, unlike the liberal version of ‘The Aristocrats’, which involves a heterosexual nuclear family unit, engaging in morally deplorable and unlawful acts of incest, rape and bestiality.
Miller’s version of 'The Aristocrats' involves all that as well ,only he uses a homosexual nuclear family unit instead.
So, unlike the liberal version of ‘The Aristocrats’, which involves a heterosexual nuclear family unit, engaging in morally deplorable and unlawful acts of incest, rape and bestiality.
Miller’s version of 'The Aristocrats' involves all that as well ,only he uses a homosexual nuclear family unit instead.
Warning! It is strongly advised that you click the link ‘The Aristocrats’ before proceeding to see if you can stomach this very blue type of comedy or free speech.
Begin transcript:
------
So this guy walks into a talent agency and says, Do I got an act for you.
I’m sorry with the passage of same sex marriage, legalization of marijuana and now transgender bathroom stalls, I’m only accepting family acts. You know, to deal with all the blowback.
But this is a family act.
Okay, you got my attention. What do you got?
Well, it starts like this. Two gay men walk onto the stage completely nude and holding hands.
Hold it right there, buddy. Two gay men? I thought you said it was a family act?
It is. It’s modern family act.
Yeah, but --
But what?
Well, it’s just that I don’t what to be accused of being homophobic.
Don’t worry. You won’t. Trust me, it’s a classy act.
Okay, go on. I guess.
So, while the gay guy on the floor is getting tea bagged by the other gay man, two teenage boys walk on stage just like their gay fathers.
Hold it.
Yeah.
Are they naked too?
Yup.
Holding hands?
Yup.
And they’re related to the two gay men?
Yup.
Okay, let me save us both sometime here. Let me guess. The two gay men end up having sex with the two teenage boys in every disgusting and illegal manner possible. Right?
Right.
Now, I’m a little confused here.
About what?
Well, it’s just that earlier you said the act was classy. How is it classy for two adult men to rape two teenage boys? Their sons, no less.
Oh, that. They’re not related to the teenage boys by blood. You see, they’re adopted.
Oh, I see. And let me guess, you call your act The Aristocrats, right?
Nope.
No?! What then?!
The Democrats!!!
---
End transcript.
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
Dalai Lama Shares Donald Trump End of the World Dream He Had Last Night
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| "The good news is we’re all coming back. The bad news is we’re all coming back as cockroaches." |
In the Dalai Lama’s end of the world dream, President Donald Trump is in the Situation Room with his chief of staff, various heads of all the branches of the military are present as is a White House kitchen staff member on hand to serve coffee, donuts and finger sandwiches.
President Trump is on the hotline speakerphone with a nuclear submarine missile commander located somewhere off the coast of North Korea.
“Ready your missiles commander,” President Trump orders.
“Yes, sir,” replies the submarine missile commander. “Readying missiles now, sir.”
“Mr. President,” says President Trump’s chief of staff. “If you do that the North Korean or Chinese satellites are sure to pick up the inferred signatures of the submarine’s missiles going hot.”
“Yeah, what’s your point,” says President Trump as he reaches for a cup of coffee.
“They’ll think were getting ready to launch,” says the president’s chief of staff.
“Yeah,” replies President Trump. “And that’s exactly what I want them to think. The game is called poker. Try playing it sometime. It teaches you a few things about human nature.”
President Trump then takes sip from his cup of coffee.
“You know what?” says President Trump.
"Yes, Mr. President," says an anxious chief of staff.
“This coffee is cold," says President Trump. "Where’s the waiter that served me this cup of crap?”
“Right here, sir,” said a young waiter as he stepped forward. “It was me. I’m sorry your coffee is cold. I’ll go to the White House kitchen and boil you a fresh pot immediately, sir.”
“That won’t be necessary," says President Trump. "Forget about it.”
“Forget about it, sir?” the waiter replies somewhat puzzled.
“Yeah,” Repeats President Trump. “Forget about it. You know why?”
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| "Roger. Alpha. Tango. It’s a go-go-go. Fire! Fire! Fire!" |
“No, sir,” hesitantly asks the waiter. “Why?”
“Because you’re fired!” replies President Trump. “That’s right. I said it. You’re fired! Fired! Fired!”
Submarine Missile Commander: “Roger. Alpha. Tango. It’s a go-go-go. Fire! Fire! Fire!”
“Huh?” says President Trump as he looks down at the speaker box located in the center of the conference table. “What?”
Submarine Missile Commander: “All birds hot and away headed for a target rich environment, sir.”
“Stop them,” Orders President Trump. “Bring them back.”
Submarine Missile Commander: “Negative. They're locked and loaded. Ready to rock-n-roll, sir.”
“Shoot them down then,” Orders President Trump.
Submarine Missile Commander: “Negative. We have no airborne assets in theater, sir.”
“Better prepare the White House Presidential Bunker,” President Trump orders.
“We can’t, sir,” replies a Secret Service agent.
“Why the hell not?” asks President Trump. His feet barley touching the ground as his Secret Service security detail rushes him off to a safe location.
"Because, sir,” replies the same Secret Service agent. “Former Vice President Dick Cheney is currently occupying it and he won’t open the door for anyone. Not even you, sir.”
“Not even for me?” rhetorically asked the President in disbelief. “Did he really say that?”
“Well, sir,” replied the Secret Service agent also talking into his sleeve while talking to the president. “His exact words were and I quote, ‘Especially, not for The Donald’.”
“That son of a…” says President Trump. “You know, I can’t hold it against him. He saw the most valuable piece of real estate on the White House grounds and he seized it. As a businessman, I can only admire and respect that.”
 |
"Looks like we’re in for a long winter.”
“Don’t you mean a long nuclear winter, sir?”
|
“Thanks kid,” says President Trump holding the fresh hot pot of coffee. “I’ll need this. Looks like we’re in for a long winter.”
“Don’t you mean a long nuclear winter, sir?” the waiter replies.
“What the?” says President Trump as he looks down and recognizes the face of the young waiter from before. “Hey, didn’t I fire you earlier?”
“No, sir,” Politely replies the White House kitchen staff member. “In fact, you can’t fire me, ever.”
“Oh. And why is that?” asks President Trump. His voice growing fainter and fainter, as his Secret Service security detail carries him farther and farther away down the hall.
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| "I can laugh about it now because tragedy plus time equals comedy. What? Too soon?" |
“Because, sir!” continues to explain the young man, having to yell out so the president can hear him. “I’M A CIVIL SERVANT!”
President Trump replies but he is too far away to be understood.
However, all of his staff agreed among themselves that it was most likely an expletive.
However, all of his staff agreed among themselves that it was most likely an expletive.
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
President Obama Holds Situation Room Meeting to Prevent a Mad Man from Winning the Presidency in November Joke
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| Meanwhile in the White House Situation Room... |
By Robert W. Armijo
“Okay, you guys,” said President Obama to his staff gathered around a conference table in the White House Situation Room. “Let’s start brainstorming this thing. Now what can I do to stop a mad man from winning the presidency in November?”
“Ah, yes, Donald Trump,” says one staff member aloud, while the others nod their heads in agreement.
“Actually,” President Obama replies. “I was referring to Hillary.”
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
Donald Trump Supporter Joke
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| "You think that's funny, Punk?! Well, just remember. He who laughs first. Laughs last." |
Did you hear the one about the Donald Trump supporter that went to a hockey game?
No. What happened?
A Trump rally broke out.
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
Will Ferrell Denies Kim Jong-un Convinced Him to Turndown 'The Interview 2: Reagan' Movie
By Robert W. Armijo
“Apparently, the North Korean dictator is a fan of The Old Gipper,” explained Will Ferrell’s agent at a press conference, while awaiting the comedian/actor to take the podium.
Will Ferrell called the press conference to dispel the rumor that he dropped the controversial political satire movie because of a threat to the movie star's life by Kim Jong-un.
Kim Jong-un was roasted himself in a political satire called 'The Interview' and is now overly sensitive to any world leader being the target of any comedy.
Reportedly, only after receiving a personal note from the North Korean dictator, Will Ferrell changed his mind about playing the conservative commander-in-chief during his second term when he was believed to be first stricken with Alzheimer.
According to Will Ferrell’s agent, the note simply read: “By the time I’m finished with you, Sony will look like a Sunday drive in the park.”
In press releases, Will Ferrell has consistently denied he drooped out of the movie deal because of any threats coming out of North Korea.
“That would be un-American,” said Will Ferrell, as he took the stage. “I’m not dropping out of the movie 'The Interview 2: Reagan' to please the whimsy of a foreign dictator. Nor because I dare not risk offending the political correctness sensibilities of the mental health community.. After all, I am a comedian. It’s my job to offend. I mean, if I didn’t offend a few people along the way, I wouldn’t be doing my job properly.”
A wave of laughter rolled through the room and washed over the reporters.
“After all, it’s my right as an American to express myself without any fear of reprisal,” said Will Ferrell. “It’s in the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.”
No one laughed.
“Come on, people,” said Will Ferrell. “That’s funny.”
Will Ferrell then paused a moment to take a drink of water from a glass.
His eyes nervously dotting back-and-fourth scanning the room of reporters as if he were watching a tennis match.
“Seriously now,” said Will Ferrell. “I dropped out because I thought, upon reflection, that it was tasteless….About as tasteless as that glass of water I just drank from.”
Again, a wave of laughter rolled through the room and washed over the reporters.
“That and I fear what the conservatives will do to me personally,” said Will Ferrell beneath his breath and as he began to walk off the stage.
However, after the reporters begged Will Ferrell to elaborate, he reluctantly returned to the podium.
One reporter asked Will Ferrell if he his statement meant that he was fearful of his life.
“What?! Are you kidding me?” replied Will Ferrell. “Haven’t you people been watching the news lately?”
Again, a wave of laughter rolled through the room and washed over the reporters.
“Have you seen those Trump supporters in action?” said Will Ferrell. “Watching a Trump rally is like watching a lucha libre match [Mexican wrestling]. Screw North Korea, man. I’m keeping an eye out for Trump supporters.”
Will Ferrell then paused again to take another drink of water before continuing.
“And I’m too proud of myself for admitting this,” said Will Ferrell. “But when I see a Trump supporter walking down the street, coming my way. I cross to the other side of the street. Now, I know that’s prejudice of me, but I’m really afraid of those conservatives. I know they’re not all Trump supporters. But I just can’t take that chance, if you know what I mean.”
No word as to who will play the role of Ronald Reagan or if the movie 'The Interview 2: Reagan' will ever be made.
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
Donald Trump in Negotiations with Beijing to Buy the Great Wall of China -- Relocating It to US/Mexico Int’l Border?
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| Is Donald Trump Really Talking with the Chinese to Buy the Great Wall? |
By Robert W. Armijo
When asked by reporters if there was any truth to the rumor that he was involved in secret negotiations with the Chinese government to buy a section of the Great Wall of China for the purpose of deploying it along the US/Mexico Int’l boarder, the Republican presidential candidate, Donald Trump, replied:
“I can neither confirm or deny that I’m engaged in talks with the Chicoms [Chinese Communist],” said Donald Trump.
Donald Trump then quickly added:
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| "So, we got deal then?" |
“And another thing,” continued the real estate mogul, Donald Trump. “If I were in negations with the Chicoms it wouldn’t be to buy a section of the Great Wall of China and place it on the Mexican border."
Donald Trump then paused a moment to brush his hair over his forehead with his hand before continuing to speak.
"I’d be in negations with the Chicoms to buy the whole entire wall," said the current Republican front-runner, Donald Trump. "And I’d place it all around the continental United States. Sorry Alaska. Sorry Hawaii. You’re on your own.”
Donald Trump then paused a moment to brush his hair over his forehead with his hand before continuing to speak.
"I’d be in negations with the Chicoms to buy the whole entire wall," said the current Republican front-runner, Donald Trump. "And I’d place it all around the continental United States. Sorry Alaska. Sorry Hawaii. You’re on your own.”
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo Courtesy of: wpclipart.com
Top 10 List That Best Describes Donald Trump's Loss in Iowa
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| Donald Trump Defeated by His Kryptonite: The Iowa caucus |
10) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Kryptonite is to ‘Superman’.
9) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Pearl Harbor is to Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
8) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Waterloo is to Napoleon Bonaparte.
7) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Little Bighorn is to George Armstrong Custer.
6) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Vietnam is to Lyndon Baines Johnson.
5) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Benghazi is to former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.
4) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Obamacare is to President Obama.
3) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like a court-ordered anger management course is to ‘The Hulk’.
2) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Bernie Sanders’ ‘Democratic Socialism’ is to Bruce Wayne’s [Batman] and Tony Stark’s [Ironman] 20th Century American capitalism.
1) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like ‘Star Wars Episode VII : The Force Awakens’ is to the movie's director, “Jar Jar” Abrams.
Bonus: Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is to Donald Trump.
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Donald Trump’s Mastermind Plan to Mine the US/Mexico Int'l Border
By Robert W. Armijo
After hearing that Mexico refuses to pay for the building of a fence on the US/Mexico international border, Donald Trump quickly called for a press conference where he would announcing his plan b.
“Listen, America,” said Trump at his press conference . “Mexico said no to my plan to have them pay for the fence at the border. But not to worry, because I have a backup plan.”
Trump then pauses as he reaches under the podium where he is standing, obviously struggling to grab something underneath.
“Say hello to my little…” says Trump in a false start as he pauses again, still struggling with the object.
Then judging by the expression on his face, Trump finally grabs hold of whatever it is, lifting it up in the air above his head.
“Say hello to my little friend, Claymore,” Trump proudly announces.
At first people and members of the media are puzzled by the object held up in the hands of the GOP's leading 2016 presidential candidate.
Until a war correspondent recognizes and identifies the object through the viewfinder of his camera lens.
“He’s got a mine!” yells out the war correspondent. “He’s holding a mine!”
Suddenly, people and members of the media begin running for the exits.
Photojournalists and cameramen periodically pausing momentarily to take a picture of Donald Trump standing on stage, holding the Claymore mine above his head.
“What?” says Trump, as several policemen rush the stage with their guns drawn. “It’s not activated…yet.”
Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com
Copyright (C) 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Donald Trump's Economic Plan for American Joke #1
By Robert W. Armijo
When asked by a pool of reporters after the second (Trump's first) GOP presidential candidate debate Thursday night on Fox what was his economic plan for the nation, if he is elected president in 2016, Donald Trump casually replied: "Flip the White House."
The Munchkin Daily Chronicle Takes on Donald Trump’s Undocumented Anti-Mexican Rhetoric
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| Aunty Em! Aunty Em! |
By Robert W. Armijo
Wicked Witch
of the East Found Dead Under House; Illegal Alien Held for Questioning Indefinitely
Under Munchkinland’s New SB 1070 Secure Our Oz Borders Law
The badly
decaying lifeless body of the infamous Wicked Witch of the East was discovered
under a house yesterday.
Officials
believe the death was accidental, however, police are holding a young woman
named Dorothy in their custody.
“She was reportedly
at the scene when the incident occurred,” said police. “So we’re holding her for
questioning.”
Although
police have yet to charge Dorothy with any crime, they have declared the young
woman a person of interest.
“Also, she’s
suspected of being an illegal alien, so were holding her on that too,” added
police. “At least until the authorities at Emerald City take custody of her.”
According to
initial statement by Dorothy to police, the Wicked Witch of the East was crushed
to death when her house fell out of the sky, killing her instantly.
Other
eyewitnesses at the scene, however, claim the house fell on the Wicked Witch of
the East when she was attempting to flip it.
The Wicked
Witch of the West arrived on the scene shortly after the incident.
It was
reported that she was inconsolable upon hearing of the demise of her sister.
The two
supernatural sisters have been engaging in real estate speculation, flipping
houses in the area, which has caused much Munchkinland resentment among the
locals.
“Every time
they flip a house, it raises property value, taxes and rent locally,” said a Munchkin.
The Munchkinland
County Recorder’s Office confirms the sisters had been flipping houses together
as recent as last year.
However, due
to a recent disagreement allegedly over a pair of ruby slippers, the two went
their separate ways.
“So it’s plausible
that Dorothy’s story checks out,” said police. “After all, flipping houses
alone can be a risky venture.”
Police
arrived on the scene after a phone call by neighbors, reporting two mutual
combatants.
Dorothy and
the Wicked Witch of the West were fully engaged in fisticuffs by the time police arrived on the scene.
"They were fighting on the front lawn over personal property," said police. "A pair of red ruby
slippers that belonged to the Wicked Witch of the East.”
Later,
police discovered the body of the Wicked Witch of the East under a house; her legs were sporting a pair of black and white stockings.
“Dorothy
claims that a tornado, whatever that is, sucked up her house,” said police. “Transporting
her from Kansas, where ever that is, to Oz.”
Only the national
weather service reported clear skies over Oz that day.
“Not a cloud
in the sky,” said police.
The mayor of
Munchkinland believes Dorothy is seeding the ground in preparation to make a
claim of political asylum.
“Good luck
with that,’ said police. “She shouldn’t have made up a country called Kansas.”
“Kansas,
huh,” said the second arresting officer. “Sounds made up to me, too.”
Later, after
giving the Wicked Witch of the West a warning, the police released her on her
recognizance.
However, police
continue to hold Dorothy for questioning in the death of the Wicked Witch of
the East.
In
compliance with the New Secure Our Land of Oz Borders 1070 Law, which the Supreme Court of Oz recently upheld in a 5-to-4 Munchkinland Justices’ decision, ruling
it to be constitutional, Dorothy can be charged with entering the Land of Oz
illegally and held indefinitely before being deported back to so-called Land of Kansas.
“Munchkinland
police have no authority to deport anyone out of Oz,” said an advocacy rights
group for the undocumented. "Only the centralized authorities at Emerald City
have that power.”
An
advocacy rights group for the undocumented has also already reportedly been in
contact with Dorothy, advising her of her Constitutional Rights, Bill of Rights
-- and legally in a court of law not worth the parchment it is printed on -- a
copy of the Declaration of Independence.
“It doesn’t
matter that we never heard of a place called the Land of Kansas,” said a
spokesman for the undocumented. “Or even that it sounds made up. What matters
here is the rights of the individual and that those rights are not tread upon on by the state, under the
lawful disguise of its draconian laws. Therefore we will use Dorothy’s case as
a nexus case by presenting our pleadings to the highest court in the Land of Oz. To the Wizard of Oz himself. In order to set legal precedent in reforming immigration law, which
both the legislative and executive [stopgap measures withstanding] branches of
the Oz government have ignored or even neglected.”
Copyright (c) 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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