Showing posts with label Presidential election 2016. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Presidential election 2016. Show all posts

The Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton Caption Contest Winner Is?

"Quick, take the damn picture 

before the Botox wears off."


The winner of the Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton Caption Contest has requested to remain anonymous and asked to be identified simply by his initials instead.

So congratulations goes out to you “D.T.”, because you just won the Fun Fake News Hillary Clinton caption contest!





Caption Reads: "Quick, take the damn picture before the Botox wears off."

Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.



Dr. Phil Psychoanalyzes Bernie Sanders’ Appeal to the Nation’s Young, Using Carl Jung’s Archetype Old Man Theory


"Soon, the old man will be
long gone. I mean like, forever."
By Robert W. Armijo

“Look,” said a confident Dr. Phil to an unusually young TV studio audience. 

“I know I’m breaking with social conventions here by lending my celebrity to endorse a political candidate for public office, especially during an election year,” said Dr. Phil. 

“But hear me out first,” continued Dr. Phil. 

“Because, Bernie and Hillary are the winning ticket for the presidency come November 2016!” he said.   

Cheers arose from Dr. Phil’s youthful studio audience. 

“Settle down,” quickly added a somewhat irate Dr. Phil. “I support a Bernie and Hillary ticket rather than a Hillary and Bernie ticket, but not for the reason y’all are thinking. Now hear me out of this one first. Before you pass judgement, okay?”


The studio audience complied and silently focused their attention on Dr. Phil. 

Dr. Phil then went on to explain in complex professional conclave terms Carl Jung’s psychological concept of the archetype old man, which has constantly reappeared throughout mankind’s history regardless of time, distance, culture or religion during his entire occupation of the planet earth. 

“The way I see it,” continued Dr. Phil. “Even if he is elected president, Sanders has only got what? One or two years tops? To live, I mean. Before he dies in office."

“So why not vote for a Bernie and Hillary ticket in the fall? “ said Dr. Phil. “Hillary will be in charge in a year or two. May be even in a matter of months, if we're lucky. At least according to my calculations and most life insurance actuary tables.”

Boos, hisses and fight fights broke out among members of the youthful studio audience.    

“Think about it, folks,” Dr. Phil shouted above the fray, melee and mayhem. “We got nothing to lose. The old man will soon be long gone and out of our lives. I mean like, forever!”


Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Dennis Miller Performs a Neoconservative Version of ‘The Aristocrats’ at Comedy Clubs Across the Nation


"I simply deplore our class
being reduced to a punchline."
By Robert W. Armijo

The following is a transcript of new stand-up comedy material  that Dennis Miller is testing at various comedy clubs across the nation, possibly in preparation for the upcoming (Post Obama) 2016 presidential election. 

It is a snap shot taken of his neoconservative politics, which he willingly serves as a court jester and icon to the clearly under represented conservative comedy movement that he has recently currently come to represent. 

So, unlike the liberal version of ‘The Aristocrats’, which involves a heterosexual nuclear family unit, engaging in morally deplorable and unlawful acts of incest, rape and bestiality. 

Miller’s version of 'The Aristocrats' involves all that as well ,only he uses a homosexual nuclear family unit instead.

Warning! It is strongly advised that you click the link ‘The Aristocrats’ before proceeding to see if you can stomach this very blue type of comedy or free speech.   

Begin transcript:

------ 

So this guy walks into a talent agency and says, Do I got an act for you.

I’m sorry with the passage of same sex marriage, legalization of marijuana and now transgender bathroom stalls, I’m only accepting family acts. You know, to deal with all the blowback. 

But this is a family act. 

Okay, you got my attention. What do you got?

Well, it starts like this. Two gay men walk onto the stage completely nude and holding hands. 

Hold it right there, buddy. Two gay men? I thought you said it was a family act?

It is. It’s modern family act. 

Yeah, but --

But what?

Well, it’s just that I don’t what to be accused of being homophobic.

Don’t worry. You won’t. Trust me, it’s a classy act.

Okay, go on. I guess.

So, while the gay guy on the floor is getting tea bagged by the other gay man, two teenage boys walk on stage just like their gay fathers.

Hold it. 

Yeah.

Are they naked too? 

Yup. 

Holding hands?

Yup.

And they’re related to the two gay men?

Yup.

Okay, let me save us both sometime here. Let me guess. The two gay men end up having sex with the two teenage boys in every disgusting and illegal manner possible. Right? 

Right.

Now, I’m a little confused here.

About what?

Well, it’s just that earlier you said the act was classy. How is it classy for two adult men to rape two teenage boys? Their sons, no less.

Oh, that. They’re not related to the teenage boys by blood. You see, they’re adopted. 

Oh, I see. And let me guess, you call your act The Aristocrats, right?

Nope.

No?! What then?!

The Democrats!!!

---

End transcript.

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Donald Trump in Negotiations with Beijing to Buy the Great Wall of China -- Relocating It to US/Mexico Int’l Border?

Is Donald Trump Really Talking with the Chinese
to Buy the Great Wall?
-- Beijing, China

By Robert W. Armijo

When asked by reporters if there was any truth to the rumor that he was involved in secret negotiations with the Chinese government to buy a section of the Great Wall of China for the purpose of deploying it along the US/Mexico Int’l boarder, the Republican presidential candidate, Donald Trump, replied:

“I can neither confirm or deny that I’m engaged in talks with the Chicoms [Chinese Communist],” said Donald Trump.

Donald Trump then quickly added:

"So, we got deal then?"
“But I’ll tell you what,” said Donald Trump the former host of The Apprentice TV show. “It [The Great Wall of China] helped keep the Mongols out of China. It can help keep the Mexicans out of the USA too.”

“And another thing,” continued the real estate mogul, Donald Trump. “If I were in negations with the Chicoms it wouldn’t be to buy a section of the Great Wall of China and place it on the Mexican border."

Donald Trump then paused a moment to brush his hair over his forehead with his hand before continuing to speak.

"I’d be in negations with the Chicoms to buy the whole entire wall," said the current Republican front-runner, Donald Trump. "And I’d place it all around the continental United States. Sorry Alaska. Sorry Hawaii. You’re on your own.”



Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

Top 10 List That Best Describes Donald Trump's Loss in Iowa


Donald Trump Defeated by His Kryptonite:
The Iowa caucus
By Robert W. Armijo

10) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Kryptonite is to ‘Superman’.

9) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Pearl Harbor is to Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

8) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Waterloo is to Napoleon Bonaparte.

7) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Little Bighorn is to George Armstrong Custer.

6) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Vietnam is to Lyndon Baines Johnson.

5) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Benghazi is to former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.

4) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Obamacare is to President Obama.

3) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like a court-ordered anger management course is to ‘The Hulk’.

2) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Bernie Sanders’ ‘Democratic Socialism’ is to Bruce Wayne’s [Batman] and Tony Stark’s [Ironman] 20th Century American capitalism.

1) Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like ‘Star Wars Episode VII : The Force Awakens’ is to the movie's director, “Jar Jar” Abrams.

Bonus: Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is like Donald Trump’s Iowa caucus loss is to Donald Trump. 

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.