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Aunty Em! Aunty Em! |
By Robert W. Armijo
Wicked Witch
of the East Found Dead Under House; Illegal Alien Held for Questioning Indefinitely
Under Munchkinland’s New SB 1070 Secure Our Oz Borders Law
The badly
decaying lifeless body of the infamous Wicked Witch of the East was discovered
under a house yesterday.
Officials
believe the death was accidental, however, police are holding a young woman
named Dorothy in their custody.
“She was reportedly
at the scene when the incident occurred,” said police. “So we’re holding her for
questioning.”
Although
police have yet to charge Dorothy with any crime, they have declared the young
woman a person of interest.
“Also, she’s
suspected of being an illegal alien, so were holding her on that too,” added
police. “At least until the authorities at Emerald City take custody of her.”
According to
initial statement by Dorothy to police, the Wicked Witch of the East was crushed
to death when her house fell out of the sky, killing her instantly.
Other
eyewitnesses at the scene, however, claim the house fell on the Wicked Witch of
the East when she was attempting to flip it.
The Wicked
Witch of the West arrived on the scene shortly after the incident.
It was
reported that she was inconsolable upon hearing of the demise of her sister.
The two
supernatural sisters have been engaging in real estate speculation, flipping
houses in the area, which has caused much Munchkinland resentment among the
locals.
“Every time
they flip a house, it raises property value, taxes and rent locally,” said a Munchkin.
The Munchkinland
County Recorder’s Office confirms the sisters had been flipping houses together
as recent as last year.
However, due
to a recent disagreement allegedly over a pair of ruby slippers, the two went
their separate ways.
“So it’s plausible
that Dorothy’s story checks out,” said police. “After all, flipping houses
alone can be a risky venture.”
Police
arrived on the scene after a phone call by neighbors, reporting two mutual
combatants.
Dorothy and
the Wicked Witch of the West were fully engaged in fisticuffs by the time police arrived on the scene.
"They were fighting on the front lawn over personal property," said police. "A pair of red ruby
slippers that belonged to the Wicked Witch of the East.”
Later,
police discovered the body of the Wicked Witch of the East under a house; her legs were sporting a pair of black and white stockings.
“Dorothy
claims that a tornado, whatever that is, sucked up her house,” said police. “Transporting
her from Kansas, where ever that is, to Oz.”
Only the national
weather service reported clear skies over Oz that day.
“Not a cloud
in the sky,” said police.
The mayor of
Munchkinland believes Dorothy is seeding the ground in preparation to make a
claim of political asylum.
“Good luck
with that,’ said police. “She shouldn’t have made up a country called Kansas.”
“Kansas,
huh,” said the second arresting officer. “Sounds made up to me, too.”
Later, after
giving the Wicked Witch of the West a warning, the police released her on her
recognizance.
However, police
continue to hold Dorothy for questioning in the death of the Wicked Witch of
the East.
In
compliance with the New Secure Our Land of Oz Borders 1070 Law, which the Supreme Court of Oz recently upheld in a 5-to-4 Munchkinland Justices’ decision, ruling
it to be constitutional, Dorothy can be charged with entering the Land of Oz
illegally and held indefinitely before being deported back to so-called Land of Kansas.
“Munchkinland
police have no authority to deport anyone out of Oz,” said an advocacy rights
group for the undocumented. "Only the centralized authorities at Emerald City
have that power.”
An
advocacy rights group for the undocumented has also already reportedly been in
contact with Dorothy, advising her of her Constitutional Rights, Bill of Rights
-- and legally in a court of law not worth the parchment it is printed on -- a
copy of the Declaration of Independence.
“It doesn’t
matter that we never heard of a place called the Land of Kansas,” said a
spokesman for the undocumented. “Or even that it sounds made up. What matters
here is the rights of the individual and that those rights are not tread upon on by the state, under the
lawful disguise of its draconian laws. Therefore we will use Dorothy’s case as
a nexus case by presenting our pleadings to the highest court in the Land of Oz. To the Wizard of Oz himself. In order to set legal precedent in reforming immigration law, which
both the legislative and executive [stopgap measures withstanding] branches of
the Oz government have ignored or even neglected.”
Copyright (c) 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com
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