|Aunty Em! Aunty Em!|
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
By Robert W. Armijo
Wicked Witch of the East Found Dead Under House; Illegal Alien Held for Questioning Indefinitely
Under Munchkinland’s New SB 1070 Secure Our Oz Borders Law
The badly decaying lifeless body of the infamous Wicked Witch of the East was discovered under a house yesterday.
Officials believe the death was accidental, however, police are holding a young woman named Dorothy in their custody.
“She was reportedly at the scene when the incident occurred,” said police. “So we’re holding her for questioning.”
Although police have yet to charge Dorothy with any crime, they have declared the young woman a person of interest.
“Also, she’s suspected of being an illegal alien, so were holding her on that too,” added police. “At least until the authorities at Emerald City take custody of her.”
According to initial statement by Dorothy to police, the Wicked Witch of the East was crushed to death when her house fell out of the sky, killing her instantly.
Other eyewitnesses at the scene, however, claim the house fell on the Wicked Witch of the East when she was attempting to flip it.
The Wicked Witch of the West arrived on the scene shortly after the incident.
It was reported that she was inconsolable upon hearing of the demise of her sister.
The two supernatural sisters have been engaging in real estate speculation, flipping houses in the area, which has caused much Munchkinland resentment among the locals.
“Every time they flip a house, it raises property value, taxes and rent locally,” said a Munchkin.
The Munchkinland County Recorder’s Office confirms the sisters had been flipping houses together as recent as last year.
However, due to a recent disagreement allegedly over a pair of ruby slippers, the two went their separate ways.
“So it’s plausible that Dorothy’s story checks out,” said police. “After all, flipping houses alone can be a risky venture.”
Police arrived on the scene after a phone call by neighbors, reporting two mutual combatants.
Dorothy and the Wicked Witch of the West were fully engaged in fisticuffs by the time police arrived on the scene.
"They were fighting on the front lawn over personal property," said police. "A pair of red ruby slippers that belonged to the Wicked Witch of the East.”
Later, police discovered the body of the Wicked Witch of the East under a house; her legs were sporting a pair of black and white stockings.
“Dorothy claims that a tornado, whatever that is, sucked up her house,” said police. “Transporting her from Kansas, where ever that is, to Oz.”
Only the national weather service reported clear skies over Oz that day.
“Not a cloud in the sky,” said police.
The mayor of Munchkinland believes Dorothy is seeding the ground in preparation to make a claim of political asylum.
“Good luck with that,’ said police. “She shouldn’t have made up a country called Kansas.”
“Kansas, huh,” said the second arresting officer. “Sounds made up to me, too.”
Later, after giving the Wicked Witch of the West a warning, the police released her on her recognizance.
However, police continue to hold Dorothy for questioning in the death of the Wicked Witch of the East.
In compliance with the New Secure Our Land of Oz Borders 1070 Law, which the Supreme Court of Oz recently upheld in a 5-to-4 Munchkinland Justices’ decision, ruling it to be constitutional, Dorothy can be charged with entering the Land of Oz illegally and held indefinitely before being deported back to so-called Land of Kansas.
“Munchkinland police have no authority to deport anyone out of Oz,” said an advocacy rights group for the undocumented. "Only the centralized authorities at Emerald City have that power.”
An advocacy rights group for the undocumented has also already reportedly been in contact with Dorothy, advising her of her Constitutional Rights, Bill of Rights -- and legally in a court of law not worth the parchment it is printed on -- a copy of the Declaration of Independence.
“It doesn’t matter that we never heard of a place called the Land of Kansas,” said a spokesman for the undocumented. “Or even that it sounds made up. What matters here is the rights of the individual and that those rights are not tread upon on by the state, under the lawful disguise of its draconian laws. Therefore we will use Dorothy’s case as a nexus case by presenting our pleadings to the highest court in the Land of Oz. To the Wizard of Oz himself. In order to set legal precedent in reforming immigration law, which both the legislative and executive [stopgap measures withstanding] branches of the Oz government have ignored or even neglected.”
Copyright (c) 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com