Showing posts with label Armageddon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Armageddon. Show all posts

President Trump Orders Upgrade of U.S. Nuclear Arsenal to Include Atomic Hand Grenades?

Vah-Vah Kah-Boom!
-- Washing, D. C.

By Robert W. Armijo

In an effort to upgrade what President Donald J. Trump considers is America’s out of date nuclear arsenal, he has ordered the military to come up with smaller nuclear devices to be used on the battlefield by individual soldiers.

In fact, the president himself offered the military an idea he came up with while in the Oval office.

“It’s a wonderful idea, Mr. President,” said a senior member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, as he glanced down at the weapon of mass destruction that was hastily sketched on a napkin; noticing a slight tremor in his hand that he attempted to consciously tried to conceal but could not control.
He passed it on to the others in the Oval Office hoping someone would object.

No one did.

Instead, all praised the president, as they passed along the design for an atomic hand grenade with the word “BOOM!” where a mushroom cloud would be, set against a field of asher blue and white bearing the official White House embalm.

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Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Wires Nuclear Button to “The Clapper”

"How do I know it works unless I test it?'"
"No, Mr. President, don't!"
-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

Declaring it a matter of national security, President Donald J. Trump ordered White House maintenance workers to wire the nuclear button on his desk in the Oval Office to “The Clapper” – an electronic device which allows a table lamp to be turned on or off by simply clapping one’s hands -- next to his bed.

“The president ordered the instillation of the device when he realized he didn’t have to walk all the way down stairs in the middle of the night to his desk in the Oval Office to push the nuclear button, should he deem it necessary,” said a White House spokesman.

White House maintenance crew wires
the nuclear button on the president's desk
to "The Clapper" at his bedside.  

“All the president has to do now to start a nuclear war is clap his hands,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists, keepers of the doomsday clock. “So we are having an emergency meeting of our members to vote on whether or not to move the big hand of the analogue doomsday clock one minute to midnight.”

Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Charles (talk) (Uploads) - Own work, Public Domain,

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Dalai Lama Shares Donald Trump End of the World Dream He Had Last Night

"The good news is we’re all coming back.
The bad news is we’re all coming back as cockroaches."
By Robert W. Armijo

In the Dalai Lama’s end of the world dream, President Donald Trump is in the Situation Room with his chief of staff, various heads of all the branches of the military are present as is a White House kitchen staff member on hand to serve coffee, donuts and finger sandwiches.

President Trump is on the hotline speakerphone with a nuclear submarine missile commander located somewhere off the coast of North Korea.

“Ready your missiles commander,” President Trump orders.

“Yes, sir,” replies the submarine missile commander. “Readying missiles now, sir.”

“Mr. President,” says President Trump’s chief of staff. “If you do that the North Korean or Chinese satellites are sure to pick up the inferred signatures of the submarine’s missiles going hot.”

“Yeah, what’s your point,” says President Trump as he reaches for a cup of coffee.

“They’ll think were getting ready to launch,” says the president’s chief of staff.

“Yeah,” replies President Trump. “And that’s exactly what I want them to think. The game is called poker. Try playing it sometime. It teaches you a few things about human nature.”

President Trump then takes sip from his cup of coffee.

“You know what?” says President Trump. 

"Yes, Mr. President," says an anxious chief of staff.

“This coffee is cold," says President Trump. "Where’s the waiter that served me this cup of crap?”

“Right here, sir,” said a young waiter as he stepped forward. “It was me. I’m sorry your coffee is cold. I’ll go to the White House kitchen and boil you a fresh pot immediately, sir.”

“That won’t be necessary," says President Trump.  "Forget about it.”

“Forget about it, sir?” the waiter replies somewhat puzzled.

“Yeah,” Repeats President Trump. “Forget about it. You know why?”
"Roger. Alpha. Tango. It’s a go-go-go.
Fire! Fire! Fire!

“No, sir,” hesitantly asks the waiter.  “Why?”

“Because you’re fired!” replies President Trump. “That’s right.  I said it. You’re fired! Fired! Fired!”

Submarine Missile Commander: “Roger. Alpha. Tango. It’s a go-go-go. Fire! Fire! Fire!”

“Huh?” says President Trump as he looks down at the speaker box located in the center of the conference table. “What?”

Submarine Missile Commander: “All birds hot and away headed for a target rich environment, sir.”

“Stop them,” Orders President Trump. “Bring them back.”

Submarine Missile Commander: “Negative. They're locked and loaded. Ready to rock-n-roll, sir.”

“Shoot them down then,” Orders President Trump.

Submarine Missile Commander: “Negative. We have no airborne assets in theater, sir.”

“Better prepare the White House Presidential Bunker,” President Trump orders.

“We can’t, sir,” replies a Secret Service agent.

“Why the hell not?” asks President Trump. His feet barley touching the ground as his Secret Service security detail rushes him off to a safe location.

"Because, sir,” replies the same Secret Service agent. “Former Vice President Dick Cheney is currently occupying it and he won’t open the door for anyone. Not even you, sir.”

“Not even for me?” rhetorically asked the President in disbelief. “Did he really say that?”

“Well, sir,” replied the Secret Service agent also talking into his sleeve while talking to the president. “His exact words were and I quote, ‘Especially, not for The Donald’.”

“That son of a…” says President Trump. “You know, I can’t hold it against him. He saw the most valuable piece of real estate on the White House grounds and he seized it. As a businessman, I can only admire and respect that.”

"Looks like we’re in for a long winter.”
“Don’t you mean a long nuclear winter, sir?”
Moments later, in a White House hallway, President Trump and his Secret Service security detail run into the same young waiter from the Situation Room. He is carrying a fresh hot pot of coffee. He holds it up in the air for the president to grab.

“Thanks kid,” says President Trump holding the fresh hot pot of coffee. “I’ll need this. Looks like we’re in for a long winter.”

“Don’t you mean a long nuclear winter, sir?” the waiter replies.

“What the?” says President Trump as he looks down and recognizes the face of the young waiter from before.  “Hey, didn’t I fire you earlier?”

“No, sir,” Politely replies the White House kitchen staff member. “In fact, you can’t fire me, ever.”

“Oh. And why is that?” asks President Trump. His voice growing fainter and fainter, as his Secret Service security detail carries him farther and farther away down the hall.
"I can laugh about it now because tragedy plus time
equals comedy. What? Too soon?"

“Because, sir!” continues to explain the young man, having to yell out so the president can hear him. “I’M A CIVIL SERVANT!”

President Trump replies but he is too far away to be understood. 

However, all of his staff agreed among themselves that it was most likely an expletive.

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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