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| "Listen, Val. Like I said. I had Chinese takeout the night before." |
The first to take the next evolutionary step
for mankind, the Whitehouse announced today that President Obama turned into a beam
of translucent light.
“President Obama is now pure energy,’’ said a
spokesman for the Whitehouse.
The event
happened at noon EST, while the president was sitting at his desk in the
Oval Office.
“He was on the phone talking to Russian
President, Vladimir Putin at the time,” said the spokesman.
The two world leaders had been discussing
China’s recent observance of the 70th anniversary of the allied victory over
the fascist axis forces of WWII when President Putin asked President Obama why
he did not attend the event.
President Obama replied that he already had
Chinese takeout the night before and therefore did not feel the need to attend.
“That’s when it happened,” said the spokesman.
“He turned into a beam of light and ascended straight to heaven.”
Meanwhile, the Secret Service is conducting
its own investigation into the matter or anti-matter.
“We’re not dismissing the possibility that the
president evolved,” said a spokesman for the Secret Service. “After all, he has
done it before when he changed his position on same sex marriage.”
Although refusing to go on the record, it is believed
by security experts that the Secret Service is looking into the more likely alternative
possibility that the president was struck by a Chinese-made high energy
particle beam weapon from an orbiting platform in space.
“After all, America has lost its technical advantage
to China,” said a security expert. “Having fallen behind in developing new more
advanced weapon systems, due to its never ending war on terrorism.”
“It’s a Whitehouse cover up,” said a
spokesman for the GOP. “They know damn well the president was hit by a Chicom
military satellite. They just don’t want to admit that America has fallen
behind the Chinese. Instead, they rather have the American people believe their
president evolved into a beam of light. When will this administration ever take responsibility
for its mistakes? It’s Benghazi all over again.”
Photo Courtesy of wpclipart.com
Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armjo. All
rights reserved.
