Showing posts with label Tina Fey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tina Fey. Show all posts

The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

"See? I Told You So."
Sarah Plain maybe the first spokesperson ever to 

Cold Warmonger for both the GOP and the DNC
By Robert W.  Armijo


“By golly wow,” said Sarah Plain, as she appeared via a conference call before a Democratic committee to investigate the alleged Russian interference with the presidential election of 2016 and in the wake of President Trump’s one-on-one Helsinki meeting with Russian President Putin.

“I can still see Russia from my house,” said Sarah Palin, while she peered through a telescope, across the Bering Straits over and out to Russia.  

“Yes. We know, Sarah,” said a Congressman. “But what are the Russians doing right now?”

The former Republican vice president candidate once mocked by SNL’s Tina Fey’s portrayal of her as a conservative caricature has now ironically become the point man for the Democratic party in their effort to single-handedly revive the Cold War.

Among growing criticism that the Democratic National Committee (DNC) is putting partisan politics above the nation’s best interests, a spokesman for the Grand Old Party (GOP) recently stated.

“I just hope we’re not too late,” said a spokesman for the GOP. “Midterm elections are just around the corner."

“What do you see, Sarah?” repeated the Congressman. “What are the Russians doing?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Sarah Palin. “They are definitely packing their bags.”

“You hear that!” proclaimed the Congressman. “Sarah Plain says, ‘The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!”

“Yeah, well, no,” said Sarah Palin. “I didn’t exactly say that. But yeah, sure. Okay. Why not?”



Copyright © 2018 by Robert W. Armijo

Tina Fey Stands By Justin Bieber in Paternity Suit

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin

New York, New York –

Comedian and actress, Tina Fey, stunned everyone today when at a press conference that she called for, announced her support for the teenaged singing sensation, Justin Bieber in his paternity suit filed against him by a 20-year-old woman, alleging that he is the father of her 3-month-old child.

“Listen everybody,” said Tina Fey as she stood at the podium, her hand shaking a little. “This is not easy for me. I’m a mother for God's sake.”

Tina Fey then stepped back from the podium, asking for a glass of water.

After a few minutes, she regained her composure and continued with the press conference.

“And it’s because I’m a mother,” Tina Fey continued right from where she left off. “That I cannot stand idly by and watch…”

Tina Fey stepped back from the podium again. But this time to signal her assistant to bring out a giant poster of a smiling Justin Bieber, placing it on a stand beside her.

“And watch this fine young man be attacked by that 20-year-old [BLEEP]!” said Tina Fey. “I’m sorry. I’m a little upset.”

Tina Fey paused a moment as she asked for another drink of water, quickly spiting it out.

“Who put water in there?” Tina Fey asked her assistant. “Never mind.”

Once again, after regaining her composer, Tina Fey resumed her position at the podium, addressing the media.

“I guess there’s no other way to say what I’m about to say to you, except just to come right out and say it,” said Tina Fey with a nervous giggle. “Now, what I’m about to say to you will shock you, but I have to say it. I just hope you won’t think any less of me afterwards. It was a one-time thing. Believe me, I’m no slut.”

Tina Fey then pulled out a copy of the Bieber paternity court documents.

“Now, I know for a fact that, that [BLEEP] is lying,” said an obviously obsessed Tina Fey, waving the court pleadings in the air. “See? Right here, she claims Justin Bieber told her she was his first. And that’s impossible, because he told me I was his first.”

Tina Fey paused, nodding her head before continuing.

“That’s right,” said Tina Fey. “I was Justin Bieber’s first. Eat your hearts out, girls. I, Tina Fey, took away his virginity. One Saturday night, live. Now for the rest of his love life, he’ll be comparing y'all hoes to me.”

A reporter then stood up interrupting Tina Fey’s fist pumping with a question.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Fey,” said the reporter. “Mrs. Fey! Mrs. Fey!”

“What?” replied an irritated Tina Fey, as if rudely awoken from a trance.

“Isn’t it possible that Justin Bieber was feeding you and the young lady in the paternity suit a pickup line?” asked the reporter. “You know, just to get older women to sleep with him?”

Tina Fey’s demeanor changed almost immediately.

“Damn that lying little piece of [BLEEP],” said Tina Fey turning to the giant poster of the smiling Bieber, grabbing it off its stand and ripping it up. “I can’t believe I fell for that line, again. When will I ever learn?!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Tracy Morgan’s Tell-All Book: Tina Fey’s feet smell like feet!

Tracy Morgan at his book signing
event in New York city 
New York, New York --

“I’m not the least bit gun shy when it comes to unloading all the dirty laundry of my fellow former SNL cast members,”’ said Tracy Morgan on his recent promotional tour for his book '‘I Am the New Black'’ about his rise from the mean streets of New York City to an Emmy Award nominated actor in Hollywood for his performance on "30 Rock’'. In which some argue he pretty much continues to play himself.

“Why the hell not? They’d do it to me in a New York second, too,” continued Morgan. “Pop a cap in my ass, if I wasn’t looking. I know they would. I just happened to be the one to do it first, which makes me look like the bad guy? But I’m not too worried about that.”

Turning his head from side-to-side, checking to see if no else is looking, Tracy Morgan makes a gun gesture, using his index finger and thumb, adding with a wink, “Tracy Morgan takes care of Tracy Morgan. You know what I mean?”

Insisting that his story is more than a story of rags to riches, Tracy Morgan says, “My story is a story about going from hags to bitches.”

In his new tell-all book, which comes with a special introduction by Maya Angelou in which she dedicates a new poem to him entitled: ‘I Fall’; Tracy Morgan begins his sortie claiming Tina Fey of all things has a chronic foot odor problem.

“Tina Fey’s feet smell like feet!” said Tracy Morgan. “And all the time, too.”

Tracy Morgan writes that during SNL read-throughs, Tina Fey would often kickoff her stiletto heels. Only for him to threaten Lorne Michaels that he would walkout, if he did not get her to put her shoes back on.

“Don’t get me wrong I love women’s feet. And believe me Tina has some fine looking feet. But you got to sneak up on them, holding your nose just to get a peek,” writes Morgan, dedicating an entire chapter to the subject. “Women’s feet shouldn’t smell like feet. Only men’s feet should smell like feet.”

Morgan goes on to profess his love for Tina Fey as well, especially for writing him a permanent role on ‘30 Rock’ as the other adorable self-centered insensitive stereotypical male chauvinist pig, opposite Alec Baldwin’s character.

“I love you Tina,” continues Morgan. “You know you’re my girl. And I got your back, but you got to get your smelly feet some medical attention. Go to the ER, girl. Or go see a Catholic priest or something. Maybe even get them amputated.”

Later, Tracy Morgan prided himself on curing Tina Fey’s alleged foot odor problem on the set of ’30 Rock’ at least temporarily, claiming the condition is a lot like the hiccups.

“So one night, when the crew all went home,” confessed Morgan. “And Tina Fey was alone working late, I went down stairs to the underground parking lot and waited for her there.”

Wearing a black ski mask and carrying a rubber knife he barrowed from the prop department, Tracy Morgan hid behind Tina Fey’s car, waiting for her to come down stairs. And when she did, he jumped up behind her, causing her to faint.

“Now Tina doesn’t have smelly feet no more,” said Tracy Morgan. “Although she does have to go to the bathroom every time she sees me. Oh, and sometimes she cries, too. But I can live with that.”

Tracy Morgan’s tell-all book is not just about the shortcomings of his fellow 'Not Ready for Primetime Players', however. He takes a few chapters to remove the rafter from his own eye as well.

While on SNL, Morgan enjoyed dressing up like Maya Angelou.

“It felt good to walk in the high heel shoes of a powerful Black woman,” Morgan said. “It empowered me as a Black man, though I didn’t like it when Lorne hit on me while I was in character. I would have punched him or said something at the time, but I didn’t want to lose my job.”

After that, Tracy Morgan was always made to feel as if he was invisible by some of his fellow SNL cast members.

“I don’t know how they found out I had superpowers of invisibility,” said Tracy Morgan. “But they did.”

Tracy Morgan says that he did not mind his fellow SNL cast members knowing that he had the power of invisibility, only that they used it against him.

“They’d ignore me even when I wasn’t invisible,” said Morgan. “And that hurt me in the heart sometimes. But most of the time, it just pissed me off, making me [BLEEP] mad.”

Tracy Morgan’s book would be incomplete if he did not have a few words to say about his mentor, Lorne Michaels.

“Lorne Michaels is cool,” said Morgan. “For a Canadian. Believe it or not, he smells like bacon and [BLEEP]. I love [BLEEP], so he’s okay.”




Photo Courtesy of: By David Shankbone - Photographer's blog post about photo and event, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=8204274

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo