Showing posts with label Clinton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Clinton. Show all posts

Clinton Continues to Blame Russian Hackers as Her lead in the Polls and Popular Vote Defies Convention; Holds Press Conference at Forest’s Edge

By Robert W. Armijo

With a straight face, the former Democratic Party presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton continued to blame Russian hackers for her loss in her run for the White House 2016.

Hillary Clinton renewed her accusations at a press conference she held outdoors at the edge of a forest where she had been taking walks with her husband after her defeat in November.

“If only the Russians wouldn’t have hacked into the DNC emails and exposed that my nomination as the Democratic Party’s presidential nominee was a foregone conclusion and that Bernie Sanders never had a chance from the get go, I would be standing here before you inside a building as the first woman president-elect,” Hillary Clinton  said.

Hillary Clinton then threw on a bright red parka, a deep blue backpack and garbed a walking stick made of White Birch tree she had leaned up against the podium. 

“If you will excuse me now,” said Hillary Clinton. “I have a date with Mother nature and Al Gore. He gave me this walking stick. See? Those are his initials.”

Hillary Clinton then raised the stick in the air, proudly pointing  to the initials ‘A.G.’ carved on the side.

“A.G. that stands for Al Gore,” said Hillary Clinton. “He’s my friend.” 

Former president Bill Clinton then walked behind Hillary and while giving her a pat on the shoulder whispered  into her ear, “Come on honey. It’s time to go.”

“Time to go see Al?” Hillary Clinton asked out loud. 

Bill then began to walk Hillary off the stage 

“Sure,” Bill whispered. “Why not?”

“He’s my pal, you know,” said Hillary Clinton aloud.

”Yeah,” said Bill continuing to whisper. “Sure he is.”

As Hillary Clinton readied to descend the stage, a reporter yelled out, “If the Russians are to blame for your losing the election, how do you account for your lead in the polls before the election and popular vote subsequent to it?!”

Suddenly, Hillary broke free from her husband and dashed back onto the stage. 

“What was that!?” said Hillary as she slapped the walking stick in the palm of her hand in a threatening way. “I didn’t catch that. What did you say?”

“Nothing,” said the reporter. “Never mind.”

“Yeah,” said Hillary. “I thought so.”

Once again, Bill gently placed his hand on Hillary’s shoulder, guiding her off the stage like a coach would a prized fighter out of a boxing ring after losing the match. 

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Obama Evolves into Pure Energy or Taken Out by Chicom Sat?

"Listen, Val. Like I said. I had Chinese takeout the night before."
 By Robert W. Armijo

The first to take the next evolutionary step for mankind, the Whitehouse announced today that President Obama turned into a beam of translucent light.

“President Obama is now pure energy,’’ said a spokesman for the Whitehouse.

The event  happened at noon EST, while the president was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office.
“He was on the phone talking to Russian President, Vladimir Putin at the time,” said the spokesman.

The two world leaders had been discussing China’s recent observance of the 70th anniversary of the allied victory over the fascist axis forces of WWII when President Putin asked President Obama why he did not attend the event.

President Obama replied that he already had Chinese takeout the night before and therefore did not feel the need to attend. 

“That’s when it happened,” said the spokesman. “He turned into a beam of light and ascended straight to heaven.”

Meanwhile, the Secret Service is conducting its own investigation into the matter or anti-matter.

“We’re not dismissing the possibility that the president evolved,” said a spokesman for the Secret Service. “After all, he has done it before when he changed his position on same sex marriage.”

Although refusing to go on the record, it is believed by security experts that the Secret Service is looking into the more likely alternative possibility that the president was struck by a Chinese-made high energy particle beam weapon from an orbiting platform in space. 

“After all, America has lost its technical advantage to China,” said a security expert. “Having fallen behind in developing new more advanced weapon systems, due to its never ending war on terrorism.” 

“It’s a Whitehouse cover up,” said a spokesman for the GOP. “They know damn well the president was hit by a Chicom military satellite. They just don’t want to admit that America has fallen behind the Chinese. Instead, they rather have the American people believe their president evolved into a beam of light. When will this administration ever take responsibility for its mistakes? It’s Benghazi all over again.”

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Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armjo. All rights reserved.