 |
Perhaps one of the greatest, if not the greatest
(outside of Robert and Omar, of course), bromances
ever was between V.P. Biden (left) and President Obama (right). |
By Robert w. Armijo
Not unlike most modern romances
today, bromances (a nonsexual relationship between two heterosexual men) often start at the office or workplace because people spend so
much time there with coworkers instead of our friends, family or even spouses. The same rule applies to men involved in bromances.
Two heterosexual men (though
not exclusively) often form a bromance at their location of employment,
complete with parallels to that of the customary exchange of gifts held in common
with all romances regardless of sexual orientation, which convey both a sentimental
and meaningfulness of part and parcel of the courtship.
What is not widely known is
the one giving the gift often determines, which one in the bromance is the
dominate one, as opposed to the one receiving the gift is often the submissive
one in the relationship.
The following is an example
of such a litmus test -- To determine “Who’s on Top”, so to speak.
A transcript of such an
office exchange that is to follow, occurred at the office of funfakenews.com
between two male heterosexual employees named Robert and Omar.
Background of the Male Heterosexual Couple Involved in a Bromance:
Robert wanted to express his
gratitude to his coworker, Omar, for introducing him to the comedy series It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which
Omar played for him after work on his smart phone.
Robert had noticed that from
time to time that Omar’s smart phone would slip off whatever object Omar leaned
it up against, as he did not have a stand to place the smart phone on.
So Robert bought Omar a smart
phone stand and proceeded to present that as a gift to him.
Finally, here follows the transcript of
that conversation between two heterosexual male coworkers and bromancers,
Robert and Omar, as one attempts to present the other with the gift.
Begin Transcript:
Robert:
Take it!
Omar:
I don’t want to take it.
Robert:
Take it!!
Omar:
But I don’t want to take it.
Robert:
TAKE IT!!!
Omar:
Okay, okay, I’ll take it.
Robert:
Damn right you’ll take it, biotch!
End Transcript
Here is the same conversation
between Robert and Omar but with professional annotations added to give you a
more in-depth psychoanalysis of a typical bromance.
Phase
One of the Bromance: Initializing Gift Giving
Robert:
Take it!
(Offering the gift assertively)
Omar:
I don’t want to take it.
(Refusing the gift passively)
Clearly, Robert is the
assertive one in the bromance for he is the first to initialized gift buying
and gift offering to his partner and with an agrssive tone.
Omar obviously perceives this
on a subconscious if not conscious level and refuses to accept the gift but in a passive manner and so the dance begins.
Phase Two of the Bromance: Asserting Dominance
Robert:
Take it!!
(Offering the gift more assertively)
Omar:
But I don’t want to take it.
(Refusing the gift non-assertively)
Here, Robert is now passed
assertiveness and has begun to show his dominance over Omar by overcoming
Omar’s rejection of his gift and again insisting that Omar accept his gift.
Instructing him, if you will, to “Take it!!”
Omar’s attempt to explain as
to the reason why he doesn’t want to take it is self-reflective i.e. “But I
don’t want to take it.” Robert picks up
on this perceived weakness and enters the third phase.
Phase Three of the Bromance: All
Out Domination
Robert:
TAKE IT!!!
(Offering the gift forcefully)
Omar:
Okay, okay, I’ll take it.
(Finally, accepting the gift submissively)
Robert is the dominate one in
the bromance as he has just “Tea Bagged” his friend. Omar has conceded to
Robert’s authority over him.
Phase Four of the Bromance: “The
Money Shot!”
Robert:
Damn right you’ll take it, biotch!
(Finally, metaphorically “spewing” the gift into his
partner’s face)
For lack of refinement, the
final phase of the bromance courtship is best described by a term barrowed from
the porno industry called, “The Money Shot!”
It is a crude term but
nonetheless more suitable, as all bromances are nothing if not a ersatz
homosexual relationships or homosocial male bonding.
Photo(s) Courtesy of: Pete Souza [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Dedicated to my friend, Omar. Peace be with you, brother.
Copyright© 2017 by Robert W.
Armijo. All rights reserved.
