Showing posts with label Hollywood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hollywood. Show all posts

Is Harvey Weinstein Making a Movie Based on his Life?

"Harvey? Wait a minute, Harvey. What do you think you're doing?"
"You, baby! You!"

By Robert W. Armijo

Formerly disgraced Hollywood producer, Harvey Weinstein is reportedly making a movie based on his life, casting himself in the lead role.

"Apparently, Weinstein got wind of Heather Graham’s plans to make a movie about her alleged encounter of sexual harassment  with the Hollywood producer and he is attempting to put out a movie giving his side of the story," said a movie critic.

Casting for the movie has already begun.

“It’s an open casting call to all attractive female actresses that resemble Heather Graham,” said a spokesman for Harvey Weinstein.  “All they have to do is show up at his residence scantly clad and be prepared to sign a waiver.”

Photo courtesy of:

Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Hollywood’s Worst of the Worst Movie Pitches...EVER!!! Later Made into an Actual Movie

By Robert W. Armijo

Mr. Big Shot Movie Studio Executive: 

“Tell me what you got in 30 seconds or less.”


“It’s a story about a young Hassidic Jewish girl struggling to understand the wondrous almost mystical world of horticulture, 
while considering converting to vegetarianism out of 
pure frustration...But really it’s a universal story that has been tested and proven to have broad demographic popular appeal.”

Mr. Big Shot Movie Studio Executive: 

“Ooo'kaay. So who’s the antagonist?”


“Ignorance and prejudice.”

Mr. Big Shot Movie Studio Executive: 

“Ignorance and prejudice? You got me hooked. 


“However, no matter how hard she studies she just can’t seem to understand horticulture. So one day she decides to penetrate the mysterious green world of photosynthesis by going undercover, disguised as organic matter, or a seed.”

Mr. Big Shot Movie Studio Executive: 

“Wait a minute. A seed?”


“A seed.”

Mr. Big Shot Movie Studio Executive: 

“Well, I guess with today’s computer generated imagery (CGI) technology anything is possible. Tell me what is the title of your movie?”



Later, after several rewrites, the movie was made and released. 
However, it was also re-titled as Yentl (circa 1983)

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Billy Crystal to Host Academy Awards from a Cryogenic Chamber

Hollywood, California –

Move over Walt, HERE COMES BILLY!...AGAIN!

That’s right, Billy Crystal is literally being taken out of cold storage to host the Academy Awards this year.

“It’s the only thing he could think of to explain his absence from the Oscars all these years,” said a publicist for Mr. Crystal. “And the loss of his eyebrows, due to the freezer burn.”

The plan, or the joke, is to have Billy Crystal entombed in a stainless steel cryogenic chamber rolled out onto the stage riding on a dolly, accompanied by three lovely-looking female assistants dressed up as scientists.

“They’ll be wearing black framed eyeglasses, black rubber gloves, black stiletto heels and lab coats that will only reach their knees,” continued the publicist.

The “scientists” will then attempt to awaken Billy Crystal from his cryogenic induced sleep to once again host the Oscars.

After turning a series of knobs and flipping a few toggles on some nearby electronic equipment, however, they open the cryogenic chamber only to find it is empty.

“We asked Geraldo Rivera if he would open it up, but he said no,” said a production assistant who worked on the set during rehearsals.

Back on stage, all the house lights go out, while a few moments later a single spotlight shines up on the rafters.

A masked figure in a cape looms far above the heads of the audience.

“It’s Billy Crystal dressed as the phantom from Phantom of the Opera,” said another production assistant.

Billy Crystal then swings down from the scuffling onto the stage, saying: “I’ve returned, you say? How can I return if I never left?”

Billy Crystal then takes the audience for a tour (via a remote camera) of his underground labyrinth.

“As you can see, I’ve been living here right under your feet the whole time,” Crystal says as he walks through several hidden passageways cluttered with empty soup cans, newspapers, soiled mattresses and Occupy L.A. tents.

“Pay no attention to them,” says Billy Crystal referring to the tents. “They just got here a few months ago, I’ve been here for years. I’m the original Occupier. ”

One-by-one famous movie stars that have not been seen at the Oscars for years begin to emerge from the Occupy tents. Each of them holding a script in hand, begging Billy Crystal to take it upstairs to some producer to read.

“No,” replies Billy Crystal. “You know I can’t do that. It would be unprofessional of me if I did.”

Billy Crystal then turns to make his way back to the surface.

On the way back up, a script falls out from Billy Crystal’s cape. It is one he wrote, “When Harry Leaves Sally”.

Crystal picks it up. And holding it to his lips, he kisses it. Saying to himself: “This is it. This is your chance, Billy. Blow it now, and they’ll never invite you back. Not for another ten years. ‘Til then, it’s back to the ice crypt with you know who.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.