Showing posts with label President Donald J. Trump. Show all posts
Showing posts with label President Donald J. Trump. Show all posts

Watchmen of the Doomsday Clock Vote to Take It Digital?!

Old Analogue Doomsday Clock Going Digital? 
-- Washington, D.C. 

By Robert W. Armijo

In light of the Tweets of President Donald J. Trump about him having a bigger nuclear button on his desk than North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un and then wiring it to “The Clapper” at his bedside, the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists – keepers of the doomsday clock – voted to convert the analogue clock to a digital one.

“It’s the only way to keep up with the president’s doomsday threatening Tweets,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists.

The analogue clock was created by a group of Chicago atomic scientists after the Manhattan Project to demonstrate to the world how close we are as a species to global destruction by a preventable man-made catastrophe.

“We’re way past a minute to midnight,” the spokesmen continued. “We’re well into seconds.”

According to the spokesman the old analogue doomsday clock cannot convey the sense of urgency as accurately as a doomsday clock with a digital display.

“We’re thinking of setting the digital doomsday clock at 11:59:50,” said the spokesman. “Or borrowing the old launch countdown clock from NASA and setting it to T-10 seconds to doomsday!”


Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.



President Donald J. Trump Wires Nuclear Button to “The Clapper”


"How do I know it works unless I test it?'"
"No, Mr. President, don't!"
-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

Declaring it a matter of national security, President Donald J. Trump ordered White House maintenance workers to wire the nuclear button on his desk in the Oval Office to “The Clapper” – an electronic device which allows a table lamp to be turned on or off by simply clapping one’s hands -- next to his bed.

“The president ordered the instillation of the device when he realized he didn’t have to walk all the way down stairs in the middle of the night to his desk in the Oval Office to push the nuclear button, should he deem it necessary,” said a White House spokesman.

White House maintenance crew wires
the nuclear button on the president's desk
to "The Clapper" at his bedside.  
 

“All the president has to do now to start a nuclear war is clap his hands,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists, keepers of the doomsday clock. “So we are having an emergency meeting of our members to vote on whether or not to move the big hand of the analogue doomsday clock one minute to midnight.”


Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Charles (talk) (Uploads) - Own work, Public Domain, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=11738617


Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #2

By Robert W. Armijo





 Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?







A: A Cuckoo birdie!



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Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #3

By Robert W. Armijo





Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?







A: A Mocking birdie!



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Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #4

By Robert W. Armijo




Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?







A: A Lyre birdie!



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Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Creates Life!!! Holds Xmas Vacation Press Conference at Mar-a-Lago To Explain New God-Like Power of Creation

"Help me! I am a freak of nature. Created somewhere 
around the 16th hole by many who consider a mad man 
who thinks he possesses god-like powers. And the scary 
thing is: He's right! He has god-like powers to destroy 
the world and everything in it! Help me! Actually,
forget about me. Help yourselves! I'll just sit here
on this tree branch and hold my breath until I turn
blue and pass out cold.
 By Robert W. Armijo

We now join the press conference live at the International Golf Club at Mar-a-Lago already in progress…

“I know it came as a shocker to me too,” said President Donald J. Trump, while leaning on a nine iron from behind a podium bearing the presidential seal. “I mean I’ve always known I had the power to take life, but create it, too? Who would've guess that? Right?”

The president was then asked by a reporter when and how the incident occurred.

“Just this afternoon,” replied the president. “Some guy told me I made a birdie, while I was playing a round of golf. And the funny thing is I wasn’t even trying. Sometimes I even amaze myself. So I turned to the guy and asked him, ‘Really? What kind of a birdie?’ But he didn’t say. He just stood there with a look of awe and wonderment on his face -- Yeah, just like that look you all are giving me right now. No doubt dumbstruck by my awesomeness at my new God-like powers of creation. Gotta go now. Got to get back to my game and finish it.  I’ll let you know if I create anything else other than an another birdie. I don’t know maybe a Unicorn this time. I heard those things went extinct under the previous administration -- And by that I mean the Obama administration! So it may take awhile. So don’t hold your breath, because I haven’t tested out my powers of resurrection yet.”

Just like that the president still adorned in full golf regatta walked away from the podium and back onto the green, disappearing into a sand trap somewhere near the 17th hole.


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Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.


President Donald J. Trump Tweets Parents on What Kind of Present to Give to Their Children This Christmas



"What Did You Get, Jack?"
"Same as You: A Lump of Coal."
By Robert W. Armijo

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump


“Coal! Give them a lump of coal. They will thank you for it. And guess who else will thank you? Coal miners! Bring back America’s coal industry! MAGA!!!"

Needless to say, White House officials quickly denied that the president’s Tweet advising parents to give their children a lump of coal this Christmas was an attempt to generate demand for coal; thereby reviving the coal mining industry.  


“”No,” said a White House spokesman. “Of course that’s not the president’s plan to bring back America's coal mining industry. We think. Actually, we will have to get back to you on that one, too.”


Caption Reads: 
 "What Did You Get, Jack?"
"Same as You: A Lump of Coal."



Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.


President Donald J. Trump’s 2017 "Traditional" Fireplace Xmas Eve "Greeting" to the Nation from "The White House"


President Donald J. Trump’s 2017 Traditional
Fireplace Xmas Eve Chat  Tweet to the Nation
from The 
White House his International
Golf Club at Mar-a-Lago, Florida
By Robert W. Armijo

While sitting in front of a fireplace, its mantel adorned with seasonal ornaments, bright red Christmas stockings and opulent trappings, the president Tweeted the following traditional official White House  Xmas greeting to the nation... only from his international golf club at Mar-a-Lago, Florida:

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

“You’re welcome, America. MAGA!!!”


Caption Reads:
President Donald J. Trump’s 2017 Traditional 

Fireplace Xmas Eve Chat  Tweet to the Nation 
from The White House his International 
Golf Club at Mar-a-Lago, Florida



Photo(s) Courtesy of: Public Domain


Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.








President Donald J. Trump, Russian Collusion Joke #1

By Robert W. Armijo



When asked by reporters if he was worried about the possibly of being charged with the crime of collusion with the Russians, President Donald J. Trump simply replied:

“No,” said POTUS 45, while shrugging his shoulders. “Why should I? My car insurance covers that.”









Photo(s) Courtesy of: Public Domain

Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Omarosa Forcefully Removed from the White House Kicking and Screaming

“Only he can fire me!” repeatedly shouted Omarosa.
“He hired me! He has to fire me!”
-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

As members of the Secret Service and White House security guards, struggled to subdue former The Apprentice star and recent White House staff member, Omarosa Manigault, other staff members ran out of the Oval Office throwing papers in the air as they fled.

“Only he can fire me!” repeatedly shouted Omarosa. “He hired me! He has to fire me!”

Omarosa clung to the side of a couch as two Secret Service agents (a man and a woman) each pulling one of her legs. 

After a call was made by a Secret Service agent who stepped from behind a curtain; speaking softly into his wrist did the president’s voice finally boom over the White House intercom.

“Is thing on?” said the president. “It is? Okay...Listen. Omarosa, baby. My boys with the shades on tell me you’re giving them a hard time. Is that true?”

“Yes, Mr. President,” Omarosa answered as she released the couch and arose to her feet.

“Why?” asked the president. “You’re a bright, attractive and still fairly young -- I mean to other men. Not me. -- woman. Why put yourself through this ordeal?”

“Because, Mr. President,” said Omarosa, staring into empty space but as if she were addressing the president directly. “I need to hear you say it…Say it one last time before I go.”

“Then you’ll leave peacefully, right?” asked the president.

“Yes,” replied Omarosa. “You just give the word, Mr. President.”

“Very well then,” said President Donald J. Trump. “The word is given: You're FIRED! FIRED!! FIRED!!!”

The president’s voice was so loud it caused the walls of the White House to vibrate and shake. 

Pictures and presidential portraits fell to the floor.

Omarosa’s hair flowed in the air as if caught up a gale strength gust of wind.

Secret Service men hugged each other for support as their shades blew off their faces.

As the echo of the president’s voice slowly died down, Omarosa brushed the dust off her skirt and with head held up high, she walked out of the Oval Office, loosely followed from behind by a security detail of a dozen or Secret Service agents and White House security guards. 



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Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.