Mr. Stuart Smalley Goes to Washington? Replacing Sen. Al Franken?

By Robert W. Armijo

“Although I have just met the guy backstage,” said soon to be former Sen. Al Franken. “I am sure this…what’s his name again? Oh, yeah. That he will be suitable replacement and will make a great senator. Now I have to go because… I have a previously scheduled engagement to attend.”

Senator Franken then began to walk away from the podium slowly at first then in a quickened pace when someone came up to him and whispered in his ear, apparently causing him to return to the microphone.

“Oh, yeah,” said Senator Franken. “I almost forgot to introduce my replacement to the U.S. Senate, representing the great state of Minnesota, Mr. Stuart Smiley. What? I am sorry, Mr. Stuart Smalley."

The audience erupted in to a round of applause as Sen. Franken quickly ran backstage.

Several minutes passed and the applause waned several times and would have died completely if not for an assistant returning to the podium several times encouraging the audience to keep applauding for the future senator, Stuart Smalley.

Finally, a timid looking man wearing a sweater vest emerged onto the stage.  

As Stuart Smalley walked up to the podium, he tripped on a microphone cord and fell to the ground.

The audience gasped.

But Stuart Smalley quickly popped back up, appearing behind the podium.

Stuart Smalley then began to address the audience.

“Testing, testing, one, two, three,” said Mr. Smalley. “Is this thing even ON?! ON?! ON?!”

Mr. Smalley questioned, causing a feedback echo.

The audience answered a collective “Yes!” as they covered their ears. 

“Good to know. Good to know,” said Mr. Smalley. “Hello fellow Minnesotans. My name is Stuart Smalley.”

“We know!” said someone in the audience.  

Suddenly, Mr.  Smalley took notice of a red dot on one of his index speech cards.

“Oh look,” said Mr. Smalley. "Someone’s red ink pen has leaked on one of my speech index cards.”

Mr.  Smalley then realized it was not red ink.

“Oh my goodness,” said Mr. Smalley. “I am bleeding.”

Mr. Smalley then immediately fell backwards, victim of a self-inflected bloody nose.

As the future senator representing the great state of Minnesota was hauled away on a stretcher by EMTs, the index speech card with the “red ink dot” he was clutching in hand fell to the ground. 

It read:

Today's Daily Affirmation
(Now Don't Screw this One Up, Stu. It's Very Important)

“I am good enough. I am smart enough. And darn it, I deserve to be your senator.”

Photo(s) Courtesy of: Public Domain and/or protected by Parody Law

Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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