Much can be said about the fine art and craft of that high society intellectual snooty Satire…I see. I’ve lost you already. Well, you can rest assured that you will not find any of that nonsense here, just Fun Fake News (FFN). WARNING: THIS IS NOT REAL NEWS, ONLY A VERY REAL PARODY OF IT. All characters and places named here are fictitious. Any similarity of person(s) living or dead is purely coincidental. Copyright © 2022 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
President Trump Orders Upgrade of U.S. Nuclear Arsenal to Include Atomic Hand Grenades?
Vah-Vah Kah-Boom! |
-- Washing, D. C.
By Robert W. Armijo
In an effort to upgrade what
President Donald J. Trump considers is America’s out of date nuclear arsenal,
he has ordered the military to come up with smaller nuclear devices to be used
on the battlefield by individual soldiers.
In fact, the president
himself offered the military an idea he came up with while in the Oval office.
“It’s a wonderful idea, Mr.
President,” said a senior member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, as he glanced
down at the weapon of mass destruction that was hastily sketched on a napkin; noticing
a slight tremor in his hand that he attempted to consciously tried to conceal
but could not control.
He passed it on to the others
in the Oval Office hoping someone would object.
No one did.
Instead, all praised the
president, as they passed along the design for an atomic hand grenade with the
word “BOOM!” where a mushroom cloud would be, set against a field of asher blue
and white bearing the official White House embalm.
Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com
Copyright© 2018 by Robert W.
Armijo. All rights reserved.
Labels:
Armageddon,
North Korea,
Nuclear war,
President Trump
Camel (Toe) Beauty Contest Controversy Breaks Out in Saudi Arabia
-- Saudi
Arabia , Dubai
By Robert W. Armijo
Officials judging the annual
camel beauty contest in Saudi
Arabia surprised a number of contestants during
the multi-million dollar event when they disqualified a dozen camels for allegedly
cheating.
"Claudia" attempts to hide her Botox camel toes in the sand from officals. |
Judges of the controversial segment
of the contest alleged that several of the camel’s toes were injected with
Botox, to give them an artificially enhanced swollen camel toe look, reportedly
said another official.
“I didn’t use this thing…this
thing they call Botox,” said one contestant whose camel was suspended from the
competition.
“Just look at that camel
toe,” continued the Arabic man, donned in heavy white robes and turban, while holding
up the hoof of his camel for voluntary inspection.
“Look how thick, puffy and
fat my camel’s camel toe is?" pointed out the Arabic man. "You would think I kissed, caressed and finally sucked on that myself for
hours on end as if she were one of my wives' toe to get it to look like that."
"They're definitely using
Botox on their camel’s noses, lips and especially toes,” said attending
veterinarian, Claudia Moore at the event. “You can tell even absent all the scientific
evidence. You can tell just by the affect it has on you as a neutral observer, as you follow it as a slit at first; then ever so slowly falling down with it, until
it turns into a groove, making your way through a valley; now ever flowing downwards, between two soft flesh filled hills rising on either side of you; to a
destination unknown, you can’t but help find yourself on an adventure; no
matter where it takes you, no matter who you thought you were before this
moment, you find yourself deep down inside of yourself; questioning even who you
thought, less all others, thought who you were before, and finally, you wake up; and find yourself on a journey of indeterminate self-discovery.”
Umm…Huh?
Officials say the camels
disqualified this year will be allowed to compete in next year’s camel beauty pageant, provided they refrain from using Botox.
Caption One:
Camel beauty contestants head back home
after being disqualified.
Caption Two:
"Claudia" attempts to hide her Botox camel toes
in the sand from officials.
Caption Three:
Now that's Some Serious Camel Toe going on!
Caption Four:
All the while this, "Claudia", doesn't bother to conceal her Camel Toe at all.
Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com; Public Domain
Labels:
camel toe,
camel's toe,
cameltoe
One-Hundred Very, Very, So Very French Women Say “Time’s Up” for “#METOO”?
"Is that a .357 Magnum in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?" |
Are you surprised that blow-back against the anti-sexual harassment “Time’s Up” and “#METOO” movements
would originate from France ?
Really?!
What would you expect from
the country that created the sexy French Maid uniform, legitimized mistresses, literally
invented a new way of kissing, which
everyone in the world calls – what else --French kissing; the threesome and
let’s not forget the one to two yards long phallic symbol baguette and French Fries
-- The Irish had been boiling potatoes for a century and never, ever thought of
frying them.
“We are French women! We must
stand up like Joan of Arc and protect our overly sexually aggressive Latin men,” said a
female signatory to the letter and spokeswoman for the group accusing the
“Time’s Up” and “#METOO” anti-sexual harassment movements of going too
far. “How else will little French girls
grow up, expecting one day as adult women to become French maids or mistresses?
Fend off being French kissed by strangers on the Metro during rush hour? Or being
crudely invited to participate in a ménage à trois?”
As the spokeswoman addressed
the international press core, the aforementioned symbols of France were
modeled in the background.
“Sexual harassment is deeply...Oh…so,
so very, very deeply embedded in French culture,” said the spokeswoman, as she
and members of the press all wiped away beads of sweat from their collective
foreheads. “They are forever engaged. It is impossible to separate them!”
Then as a woman modeling a
French maid uniform carrying a baguette in hand passed by the spokeswomen, the
spokeswomen reached out and grabbed it.
She then began to wave the one yard-long baguette
wildly in the air above her head as she spoke with an even more fervent
temperament.
“And what do you expect us to
do with our baguettes? Eat them?!” said the spokeswoman, as she broke the baguette
in half, threw it at the feet of the reporters and stormed out of the press
conference. “Vive la France !
Vive la difference!”
Caption Reads:
"Is that a .357 Magnum in your pocket?
Or are you just happy to see me?"
Photo(s) Courtesy of: Public domain
Copyright© 2018 by Robert W.
Armijo. All rights reserved.
Labels:
#metoo,
baguette,
France,
French culture,
sexual assault,
sexual harassment,
Time's Up
Is The Tide Pod “The New Suicide Pill" for Teens? Tide Pod Challenge Health Warning Ironically Leads to Suicide By Tide Pod Among Teens
Is The Tide Pod “The New Suicide Pill" for Teens? |
By Robert W. Armijo
Shortly after parents around
the country realized that their teen aged children were videotaping themselves
putting the colorful cleaning chemical balls into their mouths (a practice commonly known as the Tide Pod Challenge) and then popping
them like a zit (posting the footage to the web), mainstream media put various
medical experts on camera to denounce the behavior as reckless, foolish and potentially life-threatening.
Now, as a result of that health
warning, the rate of suicide by Tide pods among teens went from absolute zero
to now becoming the preferred method of doing oneself in.
Further complicating the
matter, as reported by suicide prevention hotlines around the nation, is the
number callers who used a Tide pod to end their life, but changed their mind,
is their inability to speak shortly after ingesting the lethal sphere and
making a call to a suicide prevention hotline.
“We know it’s an attempted
suicide by a Tide pod because the caller just chokes and gags on the other end
of the phone,” said one volunteer operator.
“That and the sound of soap bubbles popping in the background.”
All suicide prevention centers
have been instructed to redirect the self-endangered callers to another outside
agency for help.
“It’s all we can do for
them,” the operator continued. “After all, we are a suicide prevention center,
not the poison control center.”
Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Soulbust (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Copyright© 2018 by Robert W.
Armijo. All rights reserved.
Labels:
suicide,
Teenager,
Tide Pod,
Tide Pod Challenge
Watchmen of the Doomsday Clock Vote to Take It Digital?!
Old Analogue Doomsday Clock Going Digital? |
-- Washington, D.C.
By Robert W. Armijo
In light of the Tweets of
President Donald J. Trump about him having a bigger nuclear button on his desk than North
Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un and then wiring it to “The Clapper” at his bedside,
the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists – keepers of the doomsday clock – voted to
convert the analogue clock to a digital one.
“It’s the only way to keep up with the president’s doomsday threatening Tweets,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists.
The analogue clock was
created by a group of Chicago
atomic scientists after the Manhattan Project to demonstrate to the world how close we are as a species to
global destruction by a preventable man-made catastrophe.
“We’re way past a minute to
midnight,” the spokesmen continued. “We’re well into seconds.”
According to the spokesman the old analogue doomsday clock cannot convey the sense of urgency as accurately as a doomsday clock
with a digital display.
“We’re thinking of setting
the digital doomsday clock at 11:59:50,” said the spokesman. “Or borrowing the old
launch countdown clock from NASA and setting it to T-10 seconds to doomsday!”
Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
Labels:
Doomsday,
doomsday clock,
President Donald J. Trump
President Donald J. Trump Wires Nuclear Button to “The Clapper”
"How do I know it works unless I test it?'" "No, Mr. President, don't!" |
By Robert W. Armijo
Declaring it a matter of
national security, President Donald J. Trump ordered White House maintenance
workers to wire the nuclear button on his desk in the Oval Office to “The Clapper” – an electronic
device which allows a table lamp to be turned on or off by simply clapping one’s
hands -- next to his bed.
“The president ordered the instillation
of the device when he realized he didn’t have to walk all the way down stairs in the middle of the night to his
desk in the Oval Office to push the nuclear button, should he deem it necessary,” said a White House spokesman.
White House maintenance crew wires the nuclear button on the president's desk to "The Clapper" at his bedside. |
“All the president has to do
now to start a nuclear war is clap his hands,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin
of The Atomic Scientists, keepers of the doomsday clock. “So we are having an emergency meeting of our members to
vote on whether or not to move the big hand of the analogue doomsday clock one minute to midnight.”
Photo(s) Courtesy of: By
Charles (talk) (Uploads) - Own work, Public Domain, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=11738617
Copyright© 2018 by Robert W.
Armijo. All rights reserved.
Why Cats Play Golf Joke #2
Q: Why do cats like to play golf?
A: Because they enjoy "hanging out" in the sand traps!
Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com
Copyright© 2018 by Robert W.
Armijo. All rights reserved.
Why Cats Play Golf Joke #1
"Come on! Don't give up now! You're just one stroke away from a birdie!" |
By Robert W. Armijo
Q: Why did the family cat
take up playing golf?
A: Because he was told that
if he made a score of one stroke under par at a hole, he would have a birdie!
Caption Reads:
"Come on! Don't give up now!
You're just one stroke
away from a birdie!"
You're just one stroke
away from a birdie!"
Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo.
All rights reserved.
Labels:
cat jokes,
cats,
Golf,
golf jokes,
International Golf Club
President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #1
By Robert W. Armijo
Q: What kind of birdie did
President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?
A: A Dodo birdie!
Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
Copyright© 2017 by Robert W.
Armijo. All rights reserved.
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