 |
Day After the DNC Virtual Convention, Punxsutawney Phil
Moves Out of Democratic Presidential Candidate, Joe Biden's
Basement. |
-- Washington, DC
By Robert W. Armijo
In the early morning hours, to the sound of a slamming door, Punxsutawney Phil was seen walking up the stairs of Biden’s basement carrying a suitcase in each of his paws.
Standing curbside awaiting his Lyft, Punxsutawney Phil was soon surrounded by a cluster of weary eyed reporters camped outside Biden’s home in their news vans and trucks.
“Are you leaving Joe Biden?” Asked one reporter.
“Is that way your bags are packed?” Asked another.
With a frown on his face, folded brow and his chin buried in his chest, Punxsutawney Phil just stood there with suitcases on the ground beside him occasionally taking a glace at his sundial wristwatch.
Finally a reporter asked, “Does your leaving have anything to do with Biden picking Kamala Harris for his vice president?”
Suddenly there was a flurry of photo flashes as Punxsutawney Phil slowly lifted up his chin from his chest; his jaws clinching and his eyes widening.
The air filled with wave after wave of chirps and squeals as Punxsutawney Phil movements became so animated photographers begged him to slow down so they could take a shot.
“Punxsutawney Phil!” Shouted a reporter. “English, please. We don’t speak Groundhog.”
“Right,” said Punxsutawney Phil. “I forgot.”
“Tell us, Phil,” asked a reporter. “In your words, why are you leaving?”
Punxsutawney Phil let out a deep sigh.
“Joe promised me I would be his running mate in the 2020 presidential campaign,” said Punxsutawney Phil. “And like a fool, I believed him. I wasted all this time in that basement. I saw my shadow way back in March, but I lied to him and myself, so the guy wouldn’t feel bad. After all, as a groundhog, I know firsthand what it is like to wait for the Sun to come up all Winter, Spring and, umm, Summer, just so you can see your shadow? Give me a [BLEEP] break already. You know what I regret the most? That I handed him the entire groundhog delegate vote, which was not easy. Trust me. By August we're already preparing to hibernate. Now he picks her over me?"
Just then Punxsutawney Phil’s ride pulled up.
The driver exited the vehicle, briskly walked around the car and placed one of Punxsutawney Phil’s luggage in the trunk.
As Punxsutawney Phil opened the car door through in his other suitcase, a reporter shouted out one final question, causing the defeated groundhog to pause.
“What will you do now, Phil?!”
The groundhog deeply sighed again and then reached into the car, pulling out a red MAGA hat and placed it on his head before turning to face the press.
“What do you [BLEEPING] think?!” yelled out Punxsutawney Phil.
Punxsutawney Phil then got into the car and pulled away to a flood of camera flashes trailing in his wake.
Photo(s) courtesy of
wpclipart.com
Copyright (c) 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
