London Tower Beefeaters Go Vegetarian Now Officially “Beeteaters”

-- London, England

By Robert W. Armijo

Denying the change of diet had anything to with budget cuts, a spokesman for the British royal family announced the change in the menu is a result in advances in food science.

“With the introduction of ‘Beyond Meat’, the royal guards’ traditional all-beef diet no longer necessarily has to consist of bovine flesh and horse lips,” said the spokesman. 

“I don’t see the defiance,” said Beeteater, Mark Jones, while seated in the commons mess hall. “Our napkins are still red after we wipe our faces. See?”  

The elite guard, who sleep with their families behind London Tower walls, was created to protect the royal family from rogue Catholic pyrotechnic specialists and Jesuit priest disguised as French musketeers. 

“I just hope some traditions never change,” said Jones, pointing with his fork to a hand sketched poster of Guy Fawkes on yellow parchment riddled with dart holes and the caption, written in old English calligraphy, “Wanted Dead or Alive” above his head. 

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Copyright © 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

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