Showing posts with label Biden. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Biden. Show all posts

Punxsutawney Phil Moves Out of Biden’s Basement on News of Kamala Harris VP Pick


Day After the DNC Virtual Convention, Punxsutawney Phil
Moves Out of Democratic Presidential Candidate, Joe Biden's
Basement. 
-- Washington, DC

By Robert W. Armijo


In the early morning hours, to the sound of a slamming door, Punxsutawney Phil was seen walking up the stairs of Biden’s basement carrying a suitcase in each of his paws.

Standing curbside awaiting his Lyft, Punxsutawney Phil was soon surrounded by a cluster of weary eyed reporters camped outside Biden’s home in their news vans and trucks.  

“Are you leaving Joe Biden?” Asked one reporter. 

“Is that way your bags are packed?” Asked another. 

With a frown on his face, folded brow and his chin buried in his chest, Punxsutawney Phil just stood there with suitcases on the ground beside him occasionally taking a glace at his sundial wristwatch. 

Finally a reporter asked, “Does your leaving have anything to do with Biden picking Kamala Harris for his vice president?” 

Suddenly there was a flurry of photo flashes as Punxsutawney Phil slowly lifted up his chin from his chest; his jaws clinching and his eyes widening. 

The air filled with wave after wave of chirps and squeals as Punxsutawney Phil movements became so animated photographers begged him to slow down so they could take a shot. 

“Punxsutawney Phil!” Shouted a reporter. “English, please. We don’t speak Groundhog.” 

“Right,” said Punxsutawney Phil. “I forgot.”

“Tell us, Phil,” asked a reporter. “In your words, why are you leaving?” 

Punxsutawney Phil let out a deep sigh.

“Joe promised me I would be his running mate in the 2020 presidential campaign,” said Punxsutawney Phil. “And like a fool, I believed him. I wasted all this time in that basement. I saw my shadow way back in March, but I lied to him and myself, so the guy wouldn’t feel bad. After all, as a groundhog, I know firsthand what it is like to wait for the Sun to come up all Winter, Spring and, umm, Summer, just so you can see your shadow? Give me a [BLEEP] break already. You know what I regret the most? That I handed him the entire groundhog delegate vote, which was not easy. Trust me. By August we're already preparing to hibernate. Now he picks her over me?"

Just then Punxsutawney Phil’s ride pulled up. 

The driver exited the vehicle, briskly walked around the car and placed one of Punxsutawney Phil’s luggage in the trunk.

As Punxsutawney Phil opened the car door through in his other suitcase, a reporter shouted out one final question, causing the defeated groundhog to pause. 

“What will you do now, Phil?!” 

The groundhog deeply sighed again and then reached into the car, pulling out a red MAGA hat and placed it on his head before turning to face the press.

“What do you [BLEEPING] think?!” yelled out Punxsutawney Phil.

Punxsutawney Phil then got into the car and pulled away to a flood of camera flashes trailing in his wake. 



Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright (c) 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Obama Delivers “Back to the Future” State of the Union Address

Washington, D.C. --

“I will travel through time,” said President Obama as he jumped into a modified DeLorean parked on the congressional floor. “Back to 1950s America. And once there, I will personally bring back the prosperity from that period back to the future. Wait for me here. This shouldn’t take too long.”

As everybody waited for President Obama to return, however, a librarian from the Library of Congress suddenly ran onto the floor, waving a newspaper printed in the 1950s in the air.

“President Obama has been arrested!” shouted the librarian.

As the members of Congress huddled around the librarian, she read the article out loud to them.

Black Man Breaks into Fort Knox

Louisville Kentucky –

A male Negro, approx. 50, was arrested for breaking into Fort Knox today.

“He claimed he was not stealing the gold bars he had placed in his car, but that he was merely transferring funds from the past into the future,” said the arresting officer.

According to police, the man claimed he had the authority to make the so-called “transaction” because he was the President of the United States of American.

Initially authorities paid no attention to the man’s wild assertions, however, when he provided them with proper identification papers and shared intimate knowledge of the White House interior, police placed a call to Washington, D.C.

“We’re still awaiting word from the White House,” said police. “Until then, we’ll continue to hold the suspect in custody.”

Meanwhile, in other news today, President Truman stunned everyone when he unexpectedly reversed himself, recalling his executive order integrating the Negro population among the armed forces.



“What do we do now?” asked a Congressman of the others.

However, before anyone could answer, everybody’s attention was drawn to the sound of a striking gavel.

It was Vice President Biden at the podium.

“Okay, everybody,” said President Biden. “There’s a new sheriff in town.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.