London Tower Beefeaters Go Vegetarian Now Officially “Beeteaters”

-- London, England

By Robert W. Armijo

Denying the change of diet had anything to with budget cuts, a spokesman for the British royal family announced the change in the menu is a result in advances in food science.

“With the introduction of ‘Beyond Meat’, the royal guards’ traditional all-beef diet no longer necessarily has to consist of bovine flesh and horse lips,” said the spokesman. 

“I don’t see the defiance,” said Beeteater, Mark Jones, while seated in the commons mess hall. “Our napkins are still red after we wipe our faces. See?”  

The elite guard, who sleep with their families behind London Tower walls, was created to protect the royal family from rogue Catholic pyrotechnic specialists and Jesuit priest disguised as French musketeers. 

“I just hope some traditions never change,” said Jones, pointing with his fork to a hand sketched poster of Guy Fawkes on yellow parchment riddled with dart holes and the caption, written in old English calligraphy, “Wanted Dead or Alive” above his head. 

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Covid-19 Joke #3

No football! No basketball! No baseball!
Oh, my!

By Robert W. Armijo



This covid-19 virus has really taken a turn for the worse. ESPN just announced it's merging with The History Channel. 







Copyright (c) 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Joke #2

Q: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?















A: Because it was there. 





Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

copyright (c) 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Q: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? 













A: Because it saw a light and wanted to walk towards it. 

copyright (c) 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Punxsutawney Phil Appointed to Head White House Council to Reopen America

"WTF Is Going On?!"

Washington, D.C. --

By Robert W. Armijo

Overshadowed by the news of President Trump  appointing Ivanka and Jared Kushner to the White House Council to Reopen America, the mainstream media missed the other news of the  appointment of Punxsutawney Phil to head the controversial advisory body to the president. 

The White House denies the appointment of the world famous weather predicting groundhog is a political one. 

“Punxsutawney Phil has been predicting an early or late spring since 1887 by whether or not he could see or not see his shadow,” said a White House spokesman. “The president believes the groundhog’s credentials speak for themselves and are unimpeachable.”

Critics maintain, however, that the appointment had everything to do with Punxsutawney Phil declaring an early spring earlier this year on February 2. 

“By nature, the president is an optimist,” said a White House spokesman. “So it is only natural  that he would want a fellow optimist to lead the council to reopen America. After all, the decision to reopen America is just as much an art as it is a science.”

Photo(s) courtesy of Wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Covid-19 Joke #2

Q: What's Oprah Winfrey's Social Distancing Book of the Covid-19 Month Club Pick?













A: Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.






Copyright © 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Kingdom of Sussex Throne Thrown into Chaos as Leaderless Countryside Somberly Awaits the Onslaught of the Literary Device of "The Fisher King " -- [♫Ton -Ton - Ton♫]

-- Sussex, UK

By Robert W. Armijo

Amidst rumors of sheep herding dogs, cows  milking themselves and locals driving on the right side of the road, resulting head-on collisions with out of towners, a number of Sussexians gather at a local pub to discuss the series of strange events since the removal of their Duke Harry from the throne by the queen.

“Hedgehogs have stopped hedging,” said Jones, born and raised in Sussex all his life. “Now they just hangout by the roadside; waiting for a car to drive by, so they can step out in front and get smashed.”

“Yes,” confirmed a fellow Sussexian, holding a pint of ale under his nose. “I have noticed that too.”

“I’ve seen them politely queue up first then one by one step out in front of cars with a glazed look in their eyes,” another Sussexian added, holding a pint of ale under his nose.

“Unless it’s a lorry,” said an out of town truck driver as he entered the pub, removing his coat and cap covered in blood, fur and tinny little hedgehog bones. “Then they rush you all at once like some kind of dance of the lemmings -- Hey, what’s up with you all suddenly driving on the wrong side of the road, I had to dodge three of you just this morning. Almost hit head-on, that I almost did. I almost did.”    

“What do you ever mean?” Jones questioned, now holding a pint of ale under his nose. “We’ve always driven that way.” 

[♫Ton - Ton - Ton♫]

To Be Continued…?

wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Biden Gets Lost During a Friendly Game of Peek-A-Boo at the Airport

Unfortunately, Biden's attempt to entertain the child failed
as the presidential candidate suddenly vanished into thin air
right before the child's eyes. 

-- Washington, DC

By Robert W. Armijo

Joe Biden had been engaged in a game of Peek-A-Boo with a small child while waiting to disembark from his flight in South Carolina today when the 2020 presidential candidate suddenly became confused, disoriented and disappeared from the sight of his staff.  

“Peek-A-Boo,” said Biden to the small child as he held up his two hands to his face. “I see you -- Hey, where [BLEEP] did everybody go?” 

"It was weird," said the father of the small child Biden had been playing the game of Peek-A-Boo. "One second he was there and the next he was gone."  

Biden was later found by airport security sitting on an unclaimed baggage carousel. Going round and round.  

Reportedly, airport security had to tell Mr. Biden to stop putting his hands up to his face, as each time that he would, he would wonder off back to the unclaimed baggage carousel. 

Finally, after several attempts, Biden was eventually reunited with his staff.

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright (C) 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Iowa Caucus Denies Plausible Deniability or Errors of Omission by DNC Election Server Still Located in Ukraine

"And I Thought I Was Fast""

Iowa’s Delayed Final Caucus Results Just In: Anyone But Senator Bernie Sanders!

Photo(s) Courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright (c) 2020 by Robert W, Armijo. All rights reserved.  

Top 10 Animals on the Exotic Meat Market List

                       By Robert W. Armijo

"What Smells Sooo Good?
Me!!!"

      10) Peacock Pecan Pie

9) Wolfgang Pup Hot Pockets

8) Bear Claw (Not the Donut Kind)

7) Bambi Burgers

6) Miss Piggy in a Blanket

5) Kermit’s French Fried Frog Legs

4) Infinity and Beyond Burger (?)

3) Camel Toe (Yeah, That Kind)

2) Unicorn Fetus Served a la carte

1)  Dragon, Tiger *Phoenix Soup  

*Note: Some customers have reported indigestion, complaining that they just cannot seem keep this portion of the soup down.

Photo(s) Courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2020 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.