Moments before going on the air during last weekend’s Saturday Night Live (SNL) to help out with a last minute thrown together comedy skit, allegedly Elmo showed up at Katy Perry’s dressing room. Bearing a gift that would not only add to the controversy of their canceled video (previously scheduled to be shown on PBS), but ultimately would result in her getting banned from ever appearing on “Sesame Street” altogether.
“Knock, knock,” said Elmo as he intermittently giggled to himself, while standing outside Katy Perry’s dressing room door holding a box wrapped in red colored paper and tied up with a velvet red bow with gold trimming. “Guess [giggle], guess who?”
Katy Perry got up from her dresser seat to open the door, immediately recognizing the voice. She was already dressed in her SNL costume, which consisted of a low button white cotton blouse, black framed eyeglasses and a provocatively short parochial plaid schoolgirl skirt.
Upon opening the door Katy Perry grabbed the present out of Elmo’s hands and ripped into it on the spot.
“Oh my God,” said Katy Paerry as she held up the contents of the tattered box in her hands: a T-shirt bearing the likeness of Elmo’s red furry face, bulbs orange nose and bug-like eyes. “You shouldn’t have.”
“It’s for you, Miss Katy,” said a seemingly anxious Elmo as he grabbed the T-shirt away from Katy Perry holding it above his head while running around the dressing room. “To wear right now. Yes, yes. To wear right now [giggle]. Right now, now.”
“But Elmo, I’m already dressed,” said Katy Perry. She could see the disappointment in Elmo’s face, which gave her pause.
“Well,” continued Katy Perry, as she reconsidered. “I guess there’s still time to change -- Here. Give it to me.”
Seconds later, Katy Perry emerged from a screened partition wearing the Elmo T-shirt. However, as she modeled it for Elmo, she caught a reflection of herself in her dresser mirror and noticed the T-shirt was two sizes too small. And that it had been altered, low cut in the middle, revealing her cleavage. Risqué even for late night TV, she thought to herself.
“Elmo, where did you get this T-shirt?” asked Katy Perry as a note of hesitation in her voice echoed from inside the truncated garment, while she fudged with it. Trying to adjust it. Trying to make herself fit into it. Then struggled just to stay in it.
Elmo did not answer right away. Instead he dithered about the room, running his scarlet mitten of a hand along the dresser top.
“I…” replied Elmo, the three-foot tall ruby red master manipulator, guilt-invoking, smooth operator. “I made it especially for you, Miss Katy. Why? Doesn’t Miss Katy like what Elmo made for her?”
Once again, a look of disappointment appeared on Elmo’s face, overwhelming Katy Perry's sense of better judgment to the point that she just could not bring herself to deny that adorable red ball of fur anything that he asked of her.
“No, no,” said Katy Perry as she continued to struggle to keep herself contained in the modified two sizes too small Elmo T-shirt. “I love what you made for me. It’s just…just that I can barely breathe in it. It’s so tight.”
“So Miss Katy will wear Elmo’s T-shirt then?” asked an opened mouth Elmo.
“Yes, Elmo…” said an all too-ready-to-please and nearly out of breath Katy Perry as she used hairpins to anchor the Elmo T-shirt to her body piercings. “Miss Katy…will wear the Elmo T-shirt.”
“Yippee!!!” said Elmo as he began running around the dressing room again, unable to contain his excitement.
Meanwhile, Katy Perry quickly discovered that the only way to keep air circulating in her lungs was if she kept jumping up and down. Soon, one of Katy Perry’s body piercings gave way, and she experienced a wardrobe malfunction.
“Oh my God!” said Katy Perry as she wrapped her arms around her exposed breasts in a futile attempt to conceal them. “You didn’t see that? Did you Elmo?”
“See what?” said Elmo in a somewhat detached monotone voice and who was no longer running around the room. But stopped dead in his tracks, standing motionlessly behind Katy Perry. “Elmo didn’t see anything. Nothing at all [forced giggle].”
“Oh good,” said a somewhat unsettled and still panting Katy Perry as she readjusted her Elmo T-shirt, tucking herself back into it.
Katy Perry then caught the image of Elmo in her mirror, still standing silently behind her. Fixated in an almost trance like state. Just staring at her, which sent a chill down her spine.
“You know, Elmo,” Katy Perry nervously spoke. “I…I, ah, think I’m going to wear the white blouse instead, okay? Hey, where did it go?”
Just then a knock came at the door. Katy Perry motioned as if she was going to get up to answer it, but Elmo beat her to it.
“One minute to air time,” said an ambiguous male voice from the other side.
“Too late, Miss Katy,” replied Elmo as he raced to the door, ready to open it for her. “You got to wear Elmo’s modified two sizes too small T-shirt now [giggle].”
“You know,” said Katy Perry to Elmo as she passed by him jumping up and down. “I’ve been meaning to tell you. The way you refer to yourself in the third-person is really beginning to creep me out.”
“Ha-ha,” laughed Elmo as he opened the door. “Miss Katy make Elmo laugh out loud.”
Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo
