Showing posts with label Occupy Oakland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Occupy Oakland. Show all posts

Another “Occupy Wall Street” Joke

A conservative mother sent off her adult liberal son, a recent college graduate, to join the Occupy Wall Street movement with her blessing. Somewhat surprised, the son couldn’t resist asking his mother why she changed her mind. The mother abruptly replied, “Because, you’ve been living in the basement for over a year now. Time to go occupy someplace else.”


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Occupy Wall Street Calling: Send ‘Snuggies’ to Defy Ban on Sleeping Bags and Tents at Zuccotti Park

New York, New York –

Ironically described as the freedom blanket, the Snuggy now has a chance to live up to its commercial characterization. As Occupy Wall Street protestors are calling for hundreds of the unisex body-length sleeved coverings to be sent to them in order to be in compliance with authority’s latest attempt to squish the so-called “Anti-Wall Street” movement by prohibiting sleeping bags and tents in Zuccotti Park.

“With the Snuggies, we’ll be in compliance with the current ban on sleeping bags and tents,” said an occupier wearing a red, white and blue Snuggy, while handing out Snuggies to others. “And more importantly, we won’t freeze to death in the process.”

However, protestors are under no illusion that making the request for Snuggies will halt police and city officials from harassing them.

“It’s a stopgap measure,” said another occupier. “Designed to cover the occupiers, while exposing the hypocrisy of the police and city officials. Forcing them to come up with even more ridiculous excuses in an attempt to arrest this experiment called democracy.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Crosby and Nash Perform “♪Back in the USSR♪” at “Occupy Wall Street”

New York, New York –

Sharing a senior drug induced purple haze psychedelic groovy moment, Crosby and Nash -- the two surviving members from the 1960s rock group Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young -- performed “♪Back in the USSR♪” for “Occupy Wall Street” today, initially drawing a mixed reaction from the audience.

“Thank you, comrades,” said Crosby and Nash after they finished singing “Back in the USSR”.

The controversial song ending a set of other iconic drug songs from the 1960s, which Crosby and Nash played including: “Alice” and the “Yellow Submarine”.

Uncertain how to react, however, the folks at “Occupy Wall Street” responded with a spattering of reluctant applause and some vocal protest to the song’s obvious political overtones.

“I was with you guys right up to that last song,” shouted out an occupier dressed in a business suit and carrying an attachĂ© case.

“What do you mean?” yelled back another occupier wearing a poncho and sporting dreadlocks. “Back in the USSR’ is a Rock ’n’ Roll classic, mon.”

“Yeah, but it makes us look like we’re an anti-capitalism movement. When we’re clearly not,” replied the occupier in a suit. “Right?”

“Don’t tell me you’re for the mon, mon,” said the occupier in dreadlocks.

The argument between the two occupiers became so heated that it drew the attention of Crosby and Nash.

“Hey, dudes!” said Crosby. “Take a chill pill, man.”

“Yeah,” said Nash. “Like, what’s your problem anyway?”

The two men explained how the last song divided them along socio-economic lines, political idealism and class warfare. And requested that the two musicians end their acoustic jam on a song that would unite them instead.

“Sure,” said Nash. “We can do that.”

“Yeah, man. That’s what we’re here for, man,” said Crosby.

“What should we play?” Nash said turning to Crosby. “Like what one song would unify this diversified sea of humanity?”

Crosby looked down at the ground, as if in deep thought. His eyes suddenly catching the end of a nearly spent joint [a marijuana cigarette] he dropped earlier. Reaching down to the floor to pick it up, it spontaneously lit up at the end of his fingertips.

“I got it, mon,” said Crosby to Nash, exhaling a cloud of the hallucinogenic into Nash’s face.

“What?” replied Nash, taking in a deep breath and holding it in awhile before releasing it. “Oh yeah, right…But what about the song?”

“Just follow my led, mon,” said Crosby, handing over the marijuana cigarette butt to Nash.

“You got it,” replied Nash as he took a drag on the funny cigarette too. “You got it, mon.”

“♪Puff the Magic Dragon♪” the two spontaneously broke out singing in perfect unison, which was quickly echoed by the ‘People’s Mic’.

“♪PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON♪” sang all in Zuccotti Park as they held hands, swaying back and forth to the beat of the music. “♪LIVED BY THE SEA…”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

An “Occupy Wall Street” Joke

With so many people around the world calling in orders for all kinds of pizza pie to be delivered to the folks down at “Occupy Wall Street”, a poll was recently conducted among the protestors to find out which one was their favorite. Their answer: Occu-Pie.


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
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Hungry Muppet Starts “Occupy Sesame Street”

Sesame Street --

Lily, Sesame Street’s newest character that was introduced to the socially conscious children’s TV show this year to deal with the subject of food insecurity, has become radicalized by the “Occupy Wall Street” movement, intent on starting one of her own.

Early this morning, stagehands turned on the studio lights to find Lily (the so-called hungry Muppet) camped out on the cold floor of the Sesame Street set.

“She must have sneaked back into the studio sometime last night,” said a stagehand.

“Actually, I never left,” explained a reserved Lily from inside her tent as she counted the number of donated canned goods she has left to see her through the week. “I just hung around ‘til everybody left for home. I guess that’s one good thing about being poor. No body wants to see you.”

Taped to the outside of Lily’s tent is an official looking notice from the producers of the show, telling her she has a few days to fold up her tent and clear out.

“They say it’s for my own good,” said Lily. “Because of santa...santadiction [sanitation].”

“Oh really,” said Oscar the Grouch from his weathered garbage can. “So now they care about sanitation conditions?”

Oscar the Grouch is a longtime character on Sesame Street who has been living in a waste disposal unit for years. He fully supports Lily in her cause. And openly questions the reason producers are giving her for taking down her tent.

“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” said Oscar the Grouch, sliding his trashcan lid to the side. “I’ve been living on Sesame Street in my own filth as long as I can remember. And no body has ever mentioned the word sanitation. Not even the letter ‘S’, let alone ever trying to evict me from here.”

“Maybe that’s because you’re so poor you’re invisible,” said Lily.

“Yeah,” said Oscar the Grouch, rubbing his chin as if he had an epiphany. “Yeah, I think you're right…Say, Lily, you got any room in your tent for me?”

“What?” replied Lily. “Are you kidding? Get out of here you filthy homeless bum.”

“Gee-whiz,” said Oscar the Grouch. “You don’t have to be so nasty about it. You act as if you had a hand stuck up your [BLEEP] or something.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

“Occupy North Pole”?

Anchorage, Alaska –

A small but militant group of Elves marched out of Santa’s Workshop today, headed to the North Pole bent on occupying it. Putting to rest any speculation in the Main Street media that “Occupy Wall Street” will not be able to weather the weather, enduring the coming chilly months.

“Not to worry,” reassured an Elf, tossing a knapsack over his shoulder. “We’ll take up the cross. And carry it till spring comes and the snow thaws in New York City.”

“I love the jolly old guy,” said another defiant Elf, justifying the actions of the group. “But let’s face it, Santa is apart of the one percent.”

Santa’s Elves recently joined the occupy movement after watching the “Occupy Wall Street” movement take root around the world on TV, realizing that their jobs had been shipped abroad to China, Mexico and India.

“I’m a craftself by trade,” said an Elf, who became emotional. “With these hands and this tiny hammer, I use to cobble toy trains out of wood. Now, all I do is unload plastic ones from China.”

The contingent of rebellious Elves revealed they have a never before tried act of civil disobedience that is teargas resistant, guaranteeing that they will not be dislodged from the North Pole.

“We plan to lick it,” an Elf disclosed. “That way our tongues will get stuck to it. And nobody will be able to move us.”

At last word, Santa threatened to dispatch some gnomes with kettles of hot water. However, the Elves are confident they will be able to convince them to join the occupy movement.

“They’ve been working without a labor contract just like us,” said an Elf, as he and the others positioned themselves in a circle around the North Pole, arms interlocked and tongues extended. “Sow weare’re phoepeasting fr em tu.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Obama Asks for an “Occupy Wall Street” Style “People’s Mic Check” at a Campaign Fundraising Dinner

Los Angeles, California –

So inspired by the “Occupy Wall Street” movement’s democratic “People’s Mic” way of communicating, by having a group of people repeat what a speaker is saying, because the New York Police Department prohibited the use of bullhorns or electronic public address system in Zuccotti Park. President Barack Obama decided to try it out himself.

After briefly explaining to the posh, well-to-do businessmen and celebrities in attendance at his campaign fundraising gala what the “People Mic” phenomena is all about and how it works, President Obama began his address.

“Mic Check!” said the president, standing at a podium without a microphone attached.

“MIC CHECK!” echoed back the audience (or People’s Mic), with the sole exception of a row of tables way in the back.

Obama again called out, “Mic Check!”

Again everyone in the audience, except for the row of tables in the back, repeated after the president, “MIC CHECK!”

“Now can I get a ‘People’s Mic Check’ just from the folks in the back?” asked an impatient Obama.

Again the president could hear from everyone in the audience, except for the row of tables in the back, as the People’s Mic repeated, “NOW CAN I GET A ‘PEOPLE’S MIC CHECK’ JUST FROM THE FOLKS IN THE BACK?”

“No, no,” said the president, scolding the People’s Mic. “I just want to hear from the people in the back now.”

“NO, NO,” echoed the People’s Mic. “I JUST WANT TO HEAR FROM THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NOW.”

Obama grimaced at the People’s Mic, giving them the cut it gesture. Rapidly waving his hand across his throat.

Finally, someone from the back row of dinning tables stood up and spoke out.

“Are you addressing us?” asked a man in the back.

“Yeah,” responded the president as he paused a moment to stare down the People’s Mic, making sure it was turned off.

“That’s right,” continued Obama. “You people in the back sitting at the $1,000-a-plate cheep seat section. You’ll have to speak up, because I can hear the $7,500-a- plate section just fine. But not you guys.”

Then a man in the front row stood up and asked Obama, “What about us?”

“WHAT ABOUT US?” the People’s Mic repeated, uncertain if they spoke out of turn.

“Don’t worry,” replied the president, giving a thumbs up to the People’s Mic to be turned back on. “You folks in the $38,500-a-plate section are coming in loud and clear.”

“DON’T WORRY,” echoed the People’s Mic. “YOU FOLKS IN THE $38,500-A-PLATE SECTION ARE COMING IN LOUD AND CLEAR.”


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Egypt’s Mubarak on “Occupy [Insert City Here]” Arrests: Sanitation? Really?! Damn! Why Didn’t I think of That?!

Cairo, Egypt –

As the former Egyptian autocrat, Hosni Mubarak, flipped through channels on his satellite TV, using a remote from his prison hospital bed, he watched in shock and awe police successfully clearing out the encamped protestors at “Occupy Oakland” and other cities across America.

Turning to a former aide, he reportedly commented: “Sanitation? Really?! Damn! Why didn’t I think of that?!”

“Who knew Democracy could get that dirty,” his aide replied. “Besides, you opted for a military crackdown and henchmen on camel back with whips, remember?”

“Yes, I remember,” Mubarak replied, as he tuned to one side, allowing a nurse to change his bedpan. “I shouldn have listened to the Americans and gone with the flow. I’d probably still be in power right now.”

“You had no choice,” comforted the aide.

“I know. I know,” said Mubarak. “But why didn’t I think of it on my own?”

“Sanitation,” the aide reintroduced the subject into the conversation. “You mean?”

“Yeah,” said Mubarak. “It’s such a rational excuse to crush a peaceful opposition to oppression. Sanitation, sanitation, sanitation!”

“Like sweeping dust under the carpet?” replied the aide.

“Yeah, it even sounds noble, as if saving the martyrs from themselves,” reflected Mubarak. “Gee, I wish I would have gone with that instead.”

“Not to mention that it would have played so well in the state controlled media and polls too,” added the aide.

“Don’t remind me,” said Mubarak.

After an uncomfortable pause, Mubarak spoke again.

“I have to ask,” he said. “What do you think the end game would have been like?”

“I really don’t know,” replied the aide. “You had the state controlled media arrested and all the pollsters shot.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Mubarak. “I remember now…By the way, what were the poll results. What were the peoples’ concerns? Jobs? Falling wages? The economy? Foreclosures? Student loans? Healthcare? What?”

“Sanitation, maybe?” reluctantly answered the aide.

“Sanitation?” said Mubarak. “Really?!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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Occupy Oakland Served a Predawn Pancake Breakfast by Police; Free Speech Zone Relocated to City Jail

San Francisco, California –

In the early predawn hours today, a cadre of law enforcement officers made up of different branches from surrounding police departments in the bay area gently awoke members of Occupy Oakland encamped at Oscar Grant Plaza and Snow Park.

“Each were individually escorted by a cop who acted as a personal concierge,” said the commanding officer.

Occupy Oakland protestors were then treated to a pancake breakfast, which was prepared and served to them by police wearing aprons over their riot gear.

“We weren’t sure how they would react when they found out we forgot the maple syrup. Or being forcibly relocated to a new free speech zone situated in the metropolitan detention facility,” said the commanding officer from under his gas mask, wearing an apron which read: Complaints to the Cook Can Be Hazardous to Your Health.

So the commanding officer took the extra precaution of having his officers suit up.

Sure enough, just as one of the protestors asked for maple syrup, violence erupted.

“Hey everybody!” yelled out an ungrateful protestor gathering the attention and ire of the motley crew. “They forgot the maple syrup!”

“Yeah,” echoed another protestor with his complaint. Getting up to stand on the breakfast table to make his point. “And my eggs are runny, too!”

“That’s it,” said the commanding officer, ordering his officers to move in on the unlawful assembly. “My men and me didn’t wakeup at three o’clock in the morning to slave over a hot plate to get treated like this.”


Copyright © 2011-2008 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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