Showing posts with label Free Speech. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Free Speech. Show all posts

CNN Reporter Accuses White House of Weaponizing His Press Pass -- “Funny, It Never Smelled This Funky Before,” Says Jim Acosta

Has the White House Weaponized Press Passes?

Washington DC --

By Robert W. Armijo


"Jim Acosta is happy that the Trump administration has chosen to comply with the court ordered return of his press pass," said spokesmen for CNN. 

However, the distressed reporter has reportedly filed yet another complaint with the White House, asking that a new press pass be issued, as his old one has allegedly been compromised.

“Funny, it [press pass] never smelled this funky before,” said Jim Acosta, who filed a lawsuit against the Trump administration for allegedly breaching his First Amendment Rights when his press pass was revoked after he challenged the president’s authority by refusing to yield a press core microphone to a White House intern and take a seat.

Jim Acosta claims his press pass smells so bad that other reporters cannot remain in the same room with him for too long of a period.

“I can’t stand it myself,” Jim Acosta acknowledged, while wearing a clothespin on his nose. “However, I have no choice. I have to wear it. Or White House security won’t let me into the press room to ask President Trump my followup question at his next press conference: if he still thinks his anti-caravan rhetoric isn't divisive and racists?”

“Look. We [the press] all support Jim standing up for his First Amendment Right to ask President Trump loaded questions and all that jazz,” said a fellow colleague, who asked to remain anonymous.  “But if he walks into the press room wearing that stinky press pass, we’re filing for a restraining order, keeping him one-hundred yards downwind of us.”


Copyright © 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) courtesy of wpclipart.com

CNN's Jim Acosta Played by George Clooney in New “George Clooney Defends the First Amendment Against President Trump” the Movie

George Clooney Saves Free Speech

By Robert W. Armijo

Movie star actor turned political activist, George Clooney, announced today that he will be writing, directing, executive producing and playing the lead role of CNN reporter, Jim Acosta, in a new movie he is making on defending free speech in American under the Trump Administration.

“Nothing," said George Clooney at a press conference.  "I repeat. Nothing is more important to me than defending free speech in America.” 

A reporter then questioned George Clooney about his seemingly feigning  interest in Darfur.

“Of course, that’s still important to me,” George Clooney replied, as he rolled back his eyes. "That's why I married Amal. She's got my back."

Another reporter then questioned George Clooney about his personal war on the paparazzi.

“Really?” replied a visibly upset George Clooney. “You guys are going to bring that [BLEEP] up? You guys are disgusting. Aren't you guys ever going to let that go? I thought you’d have more relevant questions for me. Like how uncanny it is that Jim and I look so much alike. In fact, that’s what gave me the idea for the movie.”

George Clooney then called Jim Acosta up to the podium.

“Come up here, Jim,” said George Clooney.

“But I have several questions to ask you, George," said a bewildered looking, Jim Acosta.

"Hey, what did I tell you?" rhetorically asked George Clooney of Jim Acosta.

"Yes, Mr. Clooney," answered, Jim Acosta. "But what about my questions?" 

“You can ask them later,” said George Clooney. 

George Clooney then ran down the aisle, grabbing Jim Acosta's arm, leading him back to the podium. 

However, Jim Acosta resisted for a moment, refusing to relinquish the microphone.

"Really, Jim?" said a frustrated, George Clooney. "You want to try this crap on me? I'm not the [BLEEPING] President of the United States, you know. I'm [BLEEPING] George [BLEEPING] Clooney."

“See?” said George Clooney as he posed cheek-to-cheek next to Jim Acosta back at the podium. “We look like twins.”

George Clooney then pulled his cell phone out from his pants and held it out in front of himself and Jim Acosta.

“I’m taking a selfie of this [BLEEP],” said George Clooney. “It's [BLEEPING] uncanny.”


Copyright © 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.


Photo(s) Courtesy of wpclipart.com


Egypt’s Mubarak on “Occupy [Insert City Here]” Arrests: Sanitation? Really?! Damn! Why Didn’t I think of That?!

Cairo, Egypt –

As the former Egyptian autocrat, Hosni Mubarak, flipped through channels on his satellite TV, using a remote from his prison hospital bed, he watched in shock and awe police successfully clearing out the encamped protestors at “Occupy Oakland” and other cities across America.

Turning to a former aide, he reportedly commented: “Sanitation? Really?! Damn! Why didn’t I think of that?!”

“Who knew Democracy could get that dirty,” his aide replied. “Besides, you opted for a military crackdown and henchmen on camel back with whips, remember?”

“Yes, I remember,” Mubarak replied, as he tuned to one side, allowing a nurse to change his bedpan. “I shouldn have listened to the Americans and gone with the flow. I’d probably still be in power right now.”

“You had no choice,” comforted the aide.

“I know. I know,” said Mubarak. “But why didn’t I think of it on my own?”

“Sanitation,” the aide reintroduced the subject into the conversation. “You mean?”

“Yeah,” said Mubarak. “It’s such a rational excuse to crush a peaceful opposition to oppression. Sanitation, sanitation, sanitation!”

“Like sweeping dust under the carpet?” replied the aide.

“Yeah, it even sounds noble, as if saving the martyrs from themselves,” reflected Mubarak. “Gee, I wish I would have gone with that instead.”

“Not to mention that it would have played so well in the state controlled media and polls too,” added the aide.

“Don’t remind me,” said Mubarak.

After an uncomfortable pause, Mubarak spoke again.

“I have to ask,” he said. “What do you think the end game would have been like?”

“I really don’t know,” replied the aide. “You had the state controlled media arrested and all the pollsters shot.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Mubarak. “I remember now…By the way, what were the poll results. What were the peoples’ concerns? Jobs? Falling wages? The economy? Foreclosures? Student loans? Healthcare? What?”

“Sanitation, maybe?” reluctantly answered the aide.

“Sanitation?” said Mubarak. “Really?!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
wpclipart.com

Lawless Londoners Observe ‘Anarchy in the U.K.’ by the ‘Sex Pistols’ on 35th Anniversary

London, England –

Much to the dissatisfaction of police and law-abiding citizens, rioting Londoners are extending their observation of “Anarchy in the U.K.” by the Sex Pistols on the 35th anniversary of the song’s original release date back in 1976.

“I don’t know about the rest of my mates,” emailed a London looter over his social network, while taking a break to make some more Molotov Cocktails out of empty plastic purified water bottles, sharing how-to photos of them over the Internet. “But I’m prepared to carry-on celebrating for a fortnight [two weeks].”

Apparently, the jubilant festivities took a turn for the worst when pictures taken with a camera phone of a wheelchair access ramp that lead down into a mosh pit at a ‘Sex Pistols Mania’ concert was cordoned off by security were posted on a Facebook account.

“It was after the dance floor was declared unsafe by the fire department for exceeding its maxim number of persons allowed limit,” stated a post on the concert hall’s webpage.

“We can’t be stopped,” texted another rioting Londoner, seconds before her Internet Service Provider (ISP) cut off her wireless service access to the web. “No one, or nothing can stop -- ”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.