Showing posts with label economy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label economy. Show all posts

Another “Occupy Wall Street” Joke

A conservative mother sent off her adult liberal son, a recent college graduate, to join the Occupy Wall Street movement with her blessing. Somewhat surprised, the son couldn’t resist asking his mother why she changed her mind. The mother abruptly replied, “Because, you’ve been living in the basement for over a year now. Time to go occupy someplace else.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Occupy Wall Street Calling: Send ‘Snuggies’ to Defy Ban on Sleeping Bags and Tents at Zuccotti Park

New York, New York –

Ironically described as the freedom blanket, the Snuggy now has a chance to live up to its commercial characterization. As Occupy Wall Street protestors are calling for hundreds of the unisex body-length sleeved coverings to be sent to them in order to be in compliance with authority’s latest attempt to squish the so-called “Anti-Wall Street” movement by prohibiting sleeping bags and tents in Zuccotti Park.

“With the Snuggies, we’ll be in compliance with the current ban on sleeping bags and tents,” said an occupier wearing a red, white and blue Snuggy, while handing out Snuggies to others. “And more importantly, we won’t freeze to death in the process.”

However, protestors are under no illusion that making the request for Snuggies will halt police and city officials from harassing them.

“It’s a stopgap measure,” said another occupier. “Designed to cover the occupiers, while exposing the hypocrisy of the police and city officials. Forcing them to come up with even more ridiculous excuses in an attempt to arrest this experiment called democracy.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

“Occupy North Pole”?

Anchorage, Alaska –

A small but militant group of Elves marched out of Santa’s Workshop today, headed to the North Pole bent on occupying it. Putting to rest any speculation in the Main Street media that “Occupy Wall Street” will not be able to weather the weather, enduring the coming chilly months.

“Not to worry,” reassured an Elf, tossing a knapsack over his shoulder. “We’ll take up the cross. And carry it till spring comes and the snow thaws in New York City.”

“I love the jolly old guy,” said another defiant Elf, justifying the actions of the group. “But let’s face it, Santa is apart of the one percent.”

Santa’s Elves recently joined the occupy movement after watching the “Occupy Wall Street” movement take root around the world on TV, realizing that their jobs had been shipped abroad to China, Mexico and India.

“I’m a craftself by trade,” said an Elf, who became emotional. “With these hands and this tiny hammer, I use to cobble toy trains out of wood. Now, all I do is unload plastic ones from China.”

The contingent of rebellious Elves revealed they have a never before tried act of civil disobedience that is teargas resistant, guaranteeing that they will not be dislodged from the North Pole.

“We plan to lick it,” an Elf disclosed. “That way our tongues will get stuck to it. And nobody will be able to move us.”

At last word, Santa threatened to dispatch some gnomes with kettles of hot water. However, the Elves are confident they will be able to convince them to join the occupy movement.

“They’ve been working without a labor contract just like us,” said an Elf, as he and the others positioned themselves in a circle around the North Pole, arms interlocked and tongues extended. “Sow weare’re phoepeasting fr em tu.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Egypt’s Mubarak on “Occupy [Insert City Here]” Arrests: Sanitation? Really?! Damn! Why Didn’t I think of That?!

Cairo, Egypt –

As the former Egyptian autocrat, Hosni Mubarak, flipped through channels on his satellite TV, using a remote from his prison hospital bed, he watched in shock and awe police successfully clearing out the encamped protestors at “Occupy Oakland” and other cities across America.

Turning to a former aide, he reportedly commented: “Sanitation? Really?! Damn! Why didn’t I think of that?!”

“Who knew Democracy could get that dirty,” his aide replied. “Besides, you opted for a military crackdown and henchmen on camel back with whips, remember?”

“Yes, I remember,” Mubarak replied, as he tuned to one side, allowing a nurse to change his bedpan. “I shouldn have listened to the Americans and gone with the flow. I’d probably still be in power right now.”

“You had no choice,” comforted the aide.

“I know. I know,” said Mubarak. “But why didn’t I think of it on my own?”

“Sanitation,” the aide reintroduced the subject into the conversation. “You mean?”

“Yeah,” said Mubarak. “It’s such a rational excuse to crush a peaceful opposition to oppression. Sanitation, sanitation, sanitation!”

“Like sweeping dust under the carpet?” replied the aide.

“Yeah, it even sounds noble, as if saving the martyrs from themselves,” reflected Mubarak. “Gee, I wish I would have gone with that instead.”

“Not to mention that it would have played so well in the state controlled media and polls too,” added the aide.

“Don’t remind me,” said Mubarak.

After an uncomfortable pause, Mubarak spoke again.

“I have to ask,” he said. “What do you think the end game would have been like?”

“I really don’t know,” replied the aide. “You had the state controlled media arrested and all the pollsters shot.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Mubarak. “I remember now…By the way, what were the poll results. What were the peoples’ concerns? Jobs? Falling wages? The economy? Foreclosures? Student loans? Healthcare? What?”

“Sanitation, maybe?” reluctantly answered the aide.

“Sanitation?” said Mubarak. “Really?!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

‘Occupy Wall Street’ Started as a Flash Mob Mobile Phone TV Ad? But Will It End That Way Too?

New York, New York –

Forget what you heard about the socially conscious group ‘Adbusters’ giving birth to the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ movement.

As it turns out, the whole thing got started when a director making a TV commercial for a mobile phone company hired extras to play the role of a flash mob gathered on Wall Street.

“You may remember the first TV ad with a guy in New York’s Penn Station dancing all alone, because he didn’t get a text message in time,” said James Marcus, an on scene production assistant. “This commercial was the next installment in a series of a total of three TV ads.”

That was before ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors started showing up, mixing among the extras for the shoot.

In the original script, the second installment of the TV ad, the same man is playing catch up with the flash mob, only to find himself dancing all alone again.

However, the director tossed out the script when the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors arrived.

“By the time we finished shooting the last scene,” said the production assistant. “We found ourselves surrounded by demonstrators.”

As a result of the protestors out numbering the extras, the director began re-shooting the TV commercial, incorporating the real protestors into the latest installment of the ad.

“This time,” continued the production assistant. “Instead of having the guy dancing alone on Wall Street, as originally called for in the script. Now, we’re going to have him come across the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors.”

And with an extreme close-up on the man’s face, with a bewildered look on it, the audience hears a voiceover announcing: “Don’t let this happen to you.”

Now, the only trouble is the director and crew cannot find the guy in order to finish shooting the TV commercial.

“We think he may have joined the movement,” said the production assistant.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Promises “New Speech” on Jobs in September, Instead of “New Deal” Now!

Washington, D.C. –

President Obama announced today that he is busy working on a new speech about jobs, which he will deliver to the nation this September. “Don’t despair America,” said Obama in a radio address concerning his new speech. “Help is on the way.”

According to a spokesman for the White House, Obama has called together the best speechwriters in the country.

“He is essentially assembling the greatest brain trust of orators this nation has ever heard,” read a statement released by the White House.

The president has even purchased a new rhyming dictionary.

“In fact, he’s gently breaking-in the spine now,” said a presidential aide.

Obama bought the new rhyming dictionary during his “Listing Tour” convoy through the Midwest.

“He insisted that the bus driver pullover to the side of the road when he saw a ‘Going Out of Business’ sign hanging in the window of a Borders bookstore,” continued the aide.

Obama even had the official White House photographer take his picture, documenting the historical purchase.

Standing in front of the ‘Going Out of Business’ sign with the new rhyming dictionary in hand, Obama posed stoically for the black and white Ansel Adams style photograph.

“I want you to take my picture in front of the ‘Going Out of Business – Everything 50% Off!’ sign,” said Obama, talking to the White House photographer. “I want you to capture my commitment to reduce the national debt by saving the tax payer money whenever I can.”

The White House photographer adjusted the leans of his camera and took the picture.

“Did you get it,” asked Obama of the White House photographer.

“Yeah, I got it,” replied the photographer. Then whispering beneath his breath to himself, he added. “But do you?”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

President Barack Obama’s ‘Shovel-Ready’ Economy Finally Getting Busy…Digging ‘U.S.’ Out from His Bull --

Washington, D.C. --

The White House confirmed that Obama’s stimulus package is working, citing a round the clock team of ‘shove-ready’ men the president has on standby 24 hours, 7 days a week to clean up after him whenever he makes one of his emotionally charged purple prose political do nothing speeches.

“There’s so much of it in just one of his speeches,” said a member of the ‘shovel-ready’ cleanup crew. “I have to wear hip boots just to wade through it so I can get close enough to clean it up.”

In fact, White House staff members have begun wearing hip boots as well.

“The president often paces up and down the hallways of the White House while practicing his speeches,” explains a White House staff member. “So he tends to leave a trail of his bull [BLEEP] behind him. We try not to step in it, but sometimes it’s unavoidable so the hip boots really help.”

So popular are the hip boots at the White House that they have become a fashion tread of sorts among the staff.

“Oh yeah,” confirmed another White House staff member. “Hip boots are quite trendy in the Obama White House. But really they’re a common sense combination of function and form.”

Reportedly, Obama even has several pairs on hand for visiting foreign dignitaries to wear, so they can feel like they fit right in.

“Of course, we don’t have to worry about visiting members of Congress,” said the White House Press Secretary. “They have their own. Only you could never tell because they wear them under their suits. We don’t, because Obama wants his administration to be transparent.”

“Good thing I didn’t throw mine away from the last administration,” said a member of the press core.

“I had to buy a new pair,” said another reporter. “Because I actually believed his change campaign promise.”

Ironically, all this purchasing of hip boots is helping to grow the economy, stimulating American manufacturing in a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of way.

“If Obama keeps dishing it out at this rate,” said an economist. “He could single-handedly pull the country out of a recession as the nation reaches for their pair of hip boots every time he speaks.”

“At least that’s what I’ll be telling the president this afternoon. So I hope he’s wearing his pair,” said an Obama adviser, pausing a moment while slipping on his own pair of hip boots reading for the first time the manufacturing label attached. “Made in China’. Huh, I wonder what that could mean?”

“Excuse me Mr. President,” said Obama’s personal secretary over the intercom. “The cleaning crew is here.”

“What? Already? I just started practicing my speech,” replied the president.

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo

Cash Cow WaMu runs out of MOOLAH!

Seattle, Washington

Fearing that Washington Mutual corporate executives wishing to avoid an FBI investigation by escaping their mortal coils, Seattle police had to surround the Space Needle in Seattle, Washington with nets as precautionary measure as news of the JPMorgan Chase takeover of the once largest bank in the history of the United States of America collapsed today.

“We haven’t had any jumpers yet,” said Settle Police Captain Bryan Copper as he stands on a suicide watch. “And with the nets all around the Space Needle, we expect to catch any that do.”

Captain Copper has standing orders to protect the safety of the public, placing his personal feelings on the matter aside.

“If it wasn’t that their falling bodies posing danger to public safety, I would let them jump,” said Captain Copper. “I know its too merciful of a death for the damage that they have caused, but I really can’t afford to pay anymore in taxes for their upkeep in jail if they are ever convicted for the fraud they committed on the public.”

Unfortunately, a number of the nets Captain Copper and his unit are using have holes in them and are not expected to be very effective in breaking the fall of any WaMu executives.

“It’s the sea air,” said Captain Copper. “It has a very corrosive effect on the nets. Just like all those unregulated Wall Street investment banker on the economy. I just hope the one in Washington, D.C. doesn’t have as many holes, or we’ll all slip through.”

Copyright 2008 Robert W. Armijo