Showing posts with label 53%. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 53%. Show all posts

Another “Occupy Wall Street” Joke

A conservative mother sent off her adult liberal son, a recent college graduate, to join the Occupy Wall Street movement with her blessing. Somewhat surprised, the son couldn’t resist asking his mother why she changed her mind. The mother abruptly replied, “Because, you’ve been living in the basement for over a year now. Time to go occupy someplace else.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Occupy Wall Street Calling: Send ‘Snuggies’ to Defy Ban on Sleeping Bags and Tents at Zuccotti Park

New York, New York –

Ironically described as the freedom blanket, the Snuggy now has a chance to live up to its commercial characterization. As Occupy Wall Street protestors are calling for hundreds of the unisex body-length sleeved coverings to be sent to them in order to be in compliance with authority’s latest attempt to squish the so-called “Anti-Wall Street” movement by prohibiting sleeping bags and tents in Zuccotti Park.

“With the Snuggies, we’ll be in compliance with the current ban on sleeping bags and tents,” said an occupier wearing a red, white and blue Snuggy, while handing out Snuggies to others. “And more importantly, we won’t freeze to death in the process.”

However, protestors are under no illusion that making the request for Snuggies will halt police and city officials from harassing them.

“It’s a stopgap measure,” said another occupier. “Designed to cover the occupiers, while exposing the hypocrisy of the police and city officials. Forcing them to come up with even more ridiculous excuses in an attempt to arrest this experiment called democracy.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Crosby and Nash Perform “♪Back in the USSR♪” at “Occupy Wall Street”

New York, New York –

Sharing a senior drug induced purple haze psychedelic groovy moment, Crosby and Nash -- the two surviving members from the 1960s rock group Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young -- performed “♪Back in the USSR♪” for “Occupy Wall Street” today, initially drawing a mixed reaction from the audience.

“Thank you, comrades,” said Crosby and Nash after they finished singing “Back in the USSR”.

The controversial song ending a set of other iconic drug songs from the 1960s, which Crosby and Nash played including: “Alice” and the “Yellow Submarine”.

Uncertain how to react, however, the folks at “Occupy Wall Street” responded with a spattering of reluctant applause and some vocal protest to the song’s obvious political overtones.

“I was with you guys right up to that last song,” shouted out an occupier dressed in a business suit and carrying an attaché case.

“What do you mean?” yelled back another occupier wearing a poncho and sporting dreadlocks. “Back in the USSR’ is a Rock ’n’ Roll classic, mon.”

“Yeah, but it makes us look like we’re an anti-capitalism movement. When we’re clearly not,” replied the occupier in a suit. “Right?”

“Don’t tell me you’re for the mon, mon,” said the occupier in dreadlocks.

The argument between the two occupiers became so heated that it drew the attention of Crosby and Nash.

“Hey, dudes!” said Crosby. “Take a chill pill, man.”

“Yeah,” said Nash. “Like, what’s your problem anyway?”

The two men explained how the last song divided them along socio-economic lines, political idealism and class warfare. And requested that the two musicians end their acoustic jam on a song that would unite them instead.

“Sure,” said Nash. “We can do that.”

“Yeah, man. That’s what we’re here for, man,” said Crosby.

“What should we play?” Nash said turning to Crosby. “Like what one song would unify this diversified sea of humanity?”

Crosby looked down at the ground, as if in deep thought. His eyes suddenly catching the end of a nearly spent joint [a marijuana cigarette] he dropped earlier. Reaching down to the floor to pick it up, it spontaneously lit up at the end of his fingertips.

“I got it, mon,” said Crosby to Nash, exhaling a cloud of the hallucinogenic into Nash’s face.

“What?” replied Nash, taking in a deep breath and holding it in awhile before releasing it. “Oh yeah, right…But what about the song?”

“Just follow my led, mon,” said Crosby, handing over the marijuana cigarette butt to Nash.

“You got it,” replied Nash as he took a drag on the funny cigarette too. “You got it, mon.”

“♪Puff the Magic Dragon♪” the two spontaneously broke out singing in perfect unison, which was quickly echoed by the ‘People’s Mic’.

“♪PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON♪” sang all in Zuccotti Park as they held hands, swaying back and forth to the beat of the music. “♪LIVED BY THE SEA…”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Egypt’s Mubarak on “Occupy [Insert City Here]” Arrests: Sanitation? Really?! Damn! Why Didn’t I think of That?!

Cairo, Egypt –

As the former Egyptian autocrat, Hosni Mubarak, flipped through channels on his satellite TV, using a remote from his prison hospital bed, he watched in shock and awe police successfully clearing out the encamped protestors at “Occupy Oakland” and other cities across America.

Turning to a former aide, he reportedly commented: “Sanitation? Really?! Damn! Why didn’t I think of that?!”

“Who knew Democracy could get that dirty,” his aide replied. “Besides, you opted for a military crackdown and henchmen on camel back with whips, remember?”

“Yes, I remember,” Mubarak replied, as he tuned to one side, allowing a nurse to change his bedpan. “I shouldn have listened to the Americans and gone with the flow. I’d probably still be in power right now.”

“You had no choice,” comforted the aide.

“I know. I know,” said Mubarak. “But why didn’t I think of it on my own?”

“Sanitation,” the aide reintroduced the subject into the conversation. “You mean?”

“Yeah,” said Mubarak. “It’s such a rational excuse to crush a peaceful opposition to oppression. Sanitation, sanitation, sanitation!”

“Like sweeping dust under the carpet?” replied the aide.

“Yeah, it even sounds noble, as if saving the martyrs from themselves,” reflected Mubarak. “Gee, I wish I would have gone with that instead.”

“Not to mention that it would have played so well in the state controlled media and polls too,” added the aide.

“Don’t remind me,” said Mubarak.

After an uncomfortable pause, Mubarak spoke again.

“I have to ask,” he said. “What do you think the end game would have been like?”

“I really don’t know,” replied the aide. “You had the state controlled media arrested and all the pollsters shot.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Mubarak. “I remember now…By the way, what were the poll results. What were the peoples’ concerns? Jobs? Falling wages? The economy? Foreclosures? Student loans? Healthcare? What?”

“Sanitation, maybe?” reluctantly answered the aide.

“Sanitation?” said Mubarak. “Really?!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Zuccotti Park’s Homeless Evicted by ‘Occupy Wall Street’

New York, New York –

A group of homeless people from Zuccotti Park (ground zero of the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ movement) showed up at a New York City police precinct today, demanding justice.

“They said they wanted us to arrest the protestors in Zuccotti Park for illegally evicting them from their home,” said police.

“I miss my bench!” read one of the signs held up by the homeless.

“Who’s feeding the pigeons?” read another.

“Who’s watering the gardenias?” read still another.

Turned away by police, the homeless decided to take matters into their own hands, holding a general assembly of their own. After a few minutes, they came to a consensus.

Standing on the sidewalk opposite Zuccotti Park, the homeless marched in a demonstration of their very own. Holding up signs which read: “Occupy, Occupy Wall Street Now!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

‘Occupy Wall Street’ Infiltrated By Agent Provocateur ‘V’; Short-Circuits the ‘People’s Mic’

New York, New York –

Prohibited by police from using an electronic public address system, ‘Occupy Wall Street’ has devised a clever way to spread the word among the protestors. It is called: the “People’s Microphone”, or the “People’s Mic” for short.

“We repeat aloud what the speaker is saying to the general assembly,” explained a protestor.

And it was during a general assembly held daily, using the “People’s Mic” that the group was awakened to the realization that an agent provocateur was amongst them.

“We were in the middle of reading the previous day’s minutes when we caught ourselves voting to disband,” said a member of the general assembly, who found he was standing next to the agent provocateur, but did not know it. “He waited for the speaker to pause before speaking out.”

“He looked legitimate to me,” said another member of the general assembly, describing the physical appearance of the agent provocateur. “He was wearing a Guy Fawkes mask, black boots, gloves, cape and hat. Just like ‘V’ in that movie, V for Vendetta.”

Slowly, agent provocateur V rose up amongst the crowd, ready to spread his chaos.

“All those that are in favor of calling it quits, please signal now by waving your fingers in the air,” said the agent provocateur V, which was immediately echoed by the People’s Mic. Believing it was the general assembly’s speaker speaking.

The People’s Mic Repeated in Chorus:

“All those that are in favor of calling it quits, please signal now by waving your fingers in the air.”

Members of the general assembly just looked at each other bewildered by the announcement.

“What, wait?” said the general assembly speaker. “I didn’t say that.”

The People’s Mic Repeated in Chorus:

“What, wait? I didn’t say that.”

As everybody looked around trying to see who misspoke, the agent provocateur V ducked down temporally disappearing in the crowd.

“Apparently somebody misspoke,” said the general assembly speaker. “So please disregard that call for a vote to disband, okay?”

The People’s Mic Repeated in Chorus:

“Apparently somebody misspoke. So please disregard that call for a vote to disband, okay?”

Once again, the general assembly attempted to read aloud the minutes from the pervious day when the agent provocateur V struck again.

“Say,” said agent provocateur V. “Why don’t we all pull our pants down and take a dump on a cop car?”

The People’s Mic Repeated in Chorus:

“Say, why don’t we all pull our pants down and take a dump on a cop car?”

“Hey,” said the general assembly speaker. “Stop that.”

The People’s Mic Repeated in Chorus:

“Hey, stop that.”

Again, agent provocateur V disappeared into the crowd.

As the general assembly was readying to resume business again, suddenly, someone in the crowd spotted the black cloaked agent provocateur V far off in the distance.

“Look!” said a protestor, calling everyone’s attention to the direction his finger was pointing. “He’s over there. Atop that cop car taking a dump!”

The People’s Mic Repeated in Chorus:

“Look! He’s over there. Atop that cop car taking a dump!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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