Showing posts with label Twitter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twitter. Show all posts

Funfakenews.com's New 50-Character Micro Blog Joke App for the Attention Span Impair…Oh, Never Mind

The following is an excerpt of an interview conducted with the managing editor of the funfakenews.com website concerning the roll-out of its new 50-character micro blog joke app for the attention span impaired.

The interview was quite comprehensive and informative, so we have edited it down for your consideration:

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Editor (E): Would you like to hear a sample of our new 50-character micro blog joke app for the attention span impaired?

Reporter (R): Sure.

E: Remember. it’s just the punch line to a joke. There’s no setup.

R: Why not the setup too? 

E: There’s just no room for it to fit into our new 50-character micro blog joke app for the attention span impaired.

R: So all people get is the punch line of the joke? 

E: Hopefully, yes. 

R: Why not write the setup to the joke too? 

E: What would be the point? There’s not enough room. 

R: So you never write the setups to joke punch lines you write?

E: We do. But just not to the same jokes.

R: Why not?

E: Not enough room.  

R: How are people suppose to laugh at a joke when they haven’t heard the setup?

E: Here at funfakenews.com we believe that people that have an attention span impairment disorder are actually people with a highly evolved sense of humor. Unlike the rest of us, they have adapted to abbreviated forms of human conversation. And as a result, they will pretty much laugh at any thing.

R: Do you think it will really work? 

E: Our new 50-character micro blog joke app for the attention span impaired is based on proven research. So it can’t miss.

R: Some say you based it on Twitter. Is that true?

E: Twitter and Facebook both. If people can be made to believe they’re having a meaningful conversation in 140-character or less. Or a meaningfully relationship like they believe they are having on Facebook. Then why shouldn’t people be able to adapt to laugh at just the punch line of an unrelated 50-character joke?

R: Are there any drawbacks?

E: Just the one.

R: What is it?

E: Well, as the name implies, our new 50-character micro blog joke app for the attention span impaired is only intended to work on the attention span impaired. 

R: So it doesn’t work on people with a normal attention span?

E: No. But those people can still enjoy regular jokes posted at funfakenews.com. Now, how about that joke using our new 50-character micro blog joke app for the attention span impaired? 

R: Is it just the punch line?

E: Of course.

R: Well, okay. I guess. Go ahead. 

E: … So the Rabbi says, “I said mohel! Not more oil!”

R: lol 

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Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.


Twitter Traffic on the Presidential Debate:



"OMG Mitt Romney Wants to Kill Big Bird!!!"








Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Demi Divorces Ashton Over His Love Affair with…Twitter?! Ashton Responds Via Twitter

Hollywood, California –

According to divorce papers filed by Demi Moore against her husband several years her junior, Ashton Kutcher was having a Twitter love affair. Not with another woman on Twitter, however, but with IT (Information Technology). That is to say with the latest of today’s social networking and microblogging devices itself.

Not to break with new tradition, however, Ashton Kutcher replied to Demi Moore’s divorce decree allegations via his Twitter account.

“Mr. Kutcher became increasingly emotionally detached,” Demi Moore said at a press conference, as she began reading a copy of her filed court pleadings. “Choosing to spend more time Tweeting his millions of fans than with me.”

Ashton Tweeted: “That’s BS, man. Just wrong. I spent time with – Wait, excuse me. I just got to answer this Tweet.”

Demi Moore cited irreconcilable differences and alienation of affection as the cause for petitioning the court for a divorce.

Ashton Tweeted: “Typical chick move. Obsessed with planning the perfect wedding and the first one’s to file for divorce.”

Reportedly, Demi caught Ashton Tweeting at all times during the day and night.

Ashton Tweeted: “Come on, man. Cut me some slack here. It was only that once. Obama just won the election.”

“He just wouldn’t put it down,” said a desperate Demi Moore, claiming Ashton would Tweet at every opportunity possible.

Ashton Tweeted: “Oh yeah, I remember now. I was supposed to be shaving her hairy mole, lancing her boils and chucking the corns on her feet. EXCUSE MEEE!”

Allegedly, Ashton was caught Tweeting, even while making love to Demi.

Ashton Tweeted: “I guess you could say that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Like as in her Joe Camel 2-packs-a-day cigarette sounding voice.”

“When we were intimate,” Demi Moore said subtlety, as she delicately broached a sensitive subject. “Ashton would rest his BlackBerry on the small of my back.”

Ashton Tweeted: “Yeah, and when I got a Tweet, I said to her, ‘Sorry, honey. I just got to take this booty call.’ LOL.”

Demi Moore claims that she begged her husband to enter rehab, but he refused. Insisting he did not have a problem.

Ashton Tweeted: “Why should I? I’m not the one having trouble embracing the twenty-first century.”

Eventually, as is the case with all troubled relationships, communication between the two all but stopped.

Ashton Tweeted: “Yeah, she removed the batteries from her BlackBerry and started using them in other electronic devices.”

“In the end, he refused to talk to me,” said Demi Moore. “I grew tired of coming home to what had essentially become a big empty house.”

Ashton Tweeted: “That’s not true. I Tweeted her all the time from all over the place: the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom and even the bedroom.”

Demi Moore said she found it difficult to properly express herself in 140 characters or less, as Ashton demanded of her.

“Call me old fashion,” said a tearful Demi Moore. “But I need an occasional handwritten love letter. Something tactile that you can hold in your hands, and clutch to your heart.”

Ashton Tweeted: “Handwritten love letter? Try a clay tablet with hieroglyphics.”

A somber Demi Moore concluded by saying, “I guess social networking and microblogging was the one generation gap we just couldn’t fill.”

Ironically, Ashton simultaneously Tweeted the same thing:

Ashton Tweeted: “I guess social networking and microblogging was the one generation gap we just couldn’t fill.”


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

‘Occupy Wall Street’ Started as a Flash Mob Mobile Phone TV Ad? But Will It End That Way Too?

New York, New York –

Forget what you heard about the socially conscious group ‘Adbusters’ giving birth to the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ movement.

As it turns out, the whole thing got started when a director making a TV commercial for a mobile phone company hired extras to play the role of a flash mob gathered on Wall Street.

“You may remember the first TV ad with a guy in New York’s Penn Station dancing all alone, because he didn’t get a text message in time,” said James Marcus, an on scene production assistant. “This commercial was the next installment in a series of a total of three TV ads.”

That was before ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors started showing up, mixing among the extras for the shoot.

In the original script, the second installment of the TV ad, the same man is playing catch up with the flash mob, only to find himself dancing all alone again.

However, the director tossed out the script when the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors arrived.

“By the time we finished shooting the last scene,” said the production assistant. “We found ourselves surrounded by demonstrators.”

As a result of the protestors out numbering the extras, the director began re-shooting the TV commercial, incorporating the real protestors into the latest installment of the ad.

“This time,” continued the production assistant. “Instead of having the guy dancing alone on Wall Street, as originally called for in the script. Now, we’re going to have him come across the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors.”

And with an extreme close-up on the man’s face, with a bewildered look on it, the audience hears a voiceover announcing: “Don’t let this happen to you.”

Now, the only trouble is the director and crew cannot find the guy in order to finish shooting the TV commercial.

“We think he may have joined the movement,” said the production assistant.


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Lawless Londoners Observe ‘Anarchy in the U.K.’ by the ‘Sex Pistols’ on 35th Anniversary

London, England –

Much to the dissatisfaction of police and law-abiding citizens, rioting Londoners are extending their observation of “Anarchy in the U.K.” by the Sex Pistols on the 35th anniversary of the song’s original release date back in 1976.

“I don’t know about the rest of my mates,” emailed a London looter over his social network, while taking a break to make some more Molotov Cocktails out of empty plastic purified water bottles, sharing how-to photos of them over the Internet. “But I’m prepared to carry-on celebrating for a fortnight [two weeks].”

Apparently, the jubilant festivities took a turn for the worst when pictures taken with a camera phone of a wheelchair access ramp that lead down into a mosh pit at a ‘Sex Pistols Mania’ concert was cordoned off by security were posted on a Facebook account.

“It was after the dance floor was declared unsafe by the fire department for exceeding its maxim number of persons allowed limit,” stated a post on the concert hall’s webpage.

“We can’t be stopped,” texted another rioting Londoner, seconds before her Internet Service Provider (ISP) cut off her wireless service access to the web. “No one, or nothing can stop -- ”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Charlie Sheen’s ‘WINNING!’ Tweets Keeps Japanese Quake/Tsunami Victim Alive


Tokyo, Japan -

"I’m still trapped under the rubble of a 3rd story building, which was once my place of employment," calmly tweets Aki Hayashi, 39, a businessman from an unknown location somewhere in the disaster zone of lwate Prefecture in Northern Japan. That just suffered an 8.9-magantude earthquake and subsequent tsunami on Friday.

While waiting to be rescued, however, Aki passes the time following Charlie Sheen’s Twitter account updated hourly.

"If it wasn’t for Charlie’s inspirational texts," continued tweeting Aki from his entombment. "I’m certain I would have given up on being the first to be rescued long ago."

Aki and his fellow trapped co-workers have even started an office pool, wagering as to who will likely be rescued first among the group based on the celebrity they have chosen to follow on Twitter from their personal hellhole.

"I hate to say it, but the others have no chance," Aki tweeted as the rubble settles, shifting side-to-side and the water level begins to rise. "I will be the first one to be rescued because they have foolishly chosen to follow John Stamos and Rindsay Rohan."

Aki attributes his increased chances of being the first to be extracted from the debris, unlike that of his co-workers, to his keeping heart and choosing someone who is an actual celebrity, or at least is not about to be incarcerated.

"Charlie gives me hope," Aki texts, while holding his cell phone above his head, the water level now up to his chin. "Because he continues to cheat death and elude the authorities at every turn. And he will continue to do so for an indefinite period of time, or at least until I am rescued. That I am certain."

Aki claims that Charlie Sheen is his "Tiger Blood".

"I've never met him," Aki continued texting, spiting out mud and silt from his mouth. "But Charlie Sheen runs through my veins. And if I survive…What am I saying? I mean when I'm the first to be rescued, I will tweet that to him."

Suddenly, Aki gets an incoming text as the water level miraculously drops and a patch of blue sky is unearthed by a rescue worker overhead.

"See what I mean?" Aki says aloud to his co-workers in their adjacent sarcophagus-like chambers. The mud-stained smile on his face lit up by the light and message he reads off his cell phone screen, as a plastic bottle of water is lowered down to him on the end of a rope. "It’s from Charlie Sheen. He says: ‘WINNING!"

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
http://www.wpclipart.com/geography/Country_Maps/J/Japan.png

Mubarak Takes a Slow Boat Out of Cairo

Cairo, Egypt --

70 Billion Dollars, 30-Years and at the Cost of Countless of Innocent Lives Later to Support a Dictatorship in Egypt.


All Lost in 18-Days to a Non-Violent Spontaneous Youth-Oriented Pro-Democracy Uprising Using Google, FaceBook and Twitter:

Priceless.

Copyright © 2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.