Brazil Officially Changes Its Olympic 2016 Mascot to the Zika Virus

"Ciao, Zika! Welcomes You to Rio!
Feel Free to Take a Little Bit of Me...
...I Mean...Brazil Back Home with You."

- Rio, Brazil

By Robert W. Armijo

Brazil has decided to co-opt (own the fact) that it is officially the ground zero for the Zika virus, which causes birth defects in pregnant woman and can live in the male scrotum for weeks after it is undetectable in the blood stream. 

Brazilian Olympic officials believe that in dropping its current mascot Vinicius (a hypoallergenic cat) for Zika (a deadly virus) as its new official 2016 Olympic mascot that they will be able to defuse the building international concern and tension of a pandemic outbreak going deadly virus species ending like in the movie ''Children of Men' kind of going global; and thereby ending the international call for a boycott of the games. 

"WTF"?!

“Just think of Zika as having more tentacles…um, I mean arms to hug you with,” said a Brazilian Olympic official. “So please, feel free to embrace it.”

No need to to worry about Vinicius,
because after personally congratulating Zika
as his replacement, he got a gig driving for Uber. 

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Dennis Miller Performs a Neoconservative Version of ‘The Aristocrats’ at Comedy Clubs Across the Nation

"I simply deplore our class
being reduced to a punchline."

By Robert W. Armijo

The following is a transcript of new stand-up comedy material  that Dennis Miller is testing at various comedy clubs across the nation, possibly in preparation for the upcoming (Post Obama) 2016 presidential election. 

It is a snap shot taken of his neoconservative politics, which he willingly serves as a court jester and icon to the clearly under represented conservative comedy movement that he has recently currently come to represent. 

So, unlike the liberal version of ‘The Aristocrats’, which involves a heterosexual nuclear family unit, engaging in morally deplorable and unlawful acts of incest, rape and bestiality. 

Miller’s version of 'The Aristocrats' involves all that as well ,only he uses a homosexual nuclear family unit instead.

Warning! It is strongly advised that you click the link ‘The Aristocrats’ before proceeding to see if you can stomach this very blue type of comedy or free speech.   

Begin transcript:

------ 

So this guy walks into a talent agency and says, Do I got an act for you.

I’m sorry with the passage of same sex marriage, legalization of marijuana and now transgender bathroom stalls, I’m only accepting family acts. You know, to deal with all the blowback. 

But this is a family act. 

Okay, you got my attention. What do you got?

Well, it starts like this. Two gay men walk onto the stage completely nude and holding hands. 

Hold it right there, buddy. Two gay men? I thought you said it was a family act?

It is. It’s modern family act. 

Yeah, but --

But what?

Well, it’s just that I don’t what to be accused of being homophobic.

Don’t worry. You won’t. Trust me, it’s a classy act.

Okay, go on. I guess.

So, while the gay guy on the floor is getting tea bagged by the other gay man, two teenage boys walk on stage just like their gay fathers.

Hold it. 

Yeah.

Are they naked too? 

Yup. 

Holding hands?

Yup.

And they’re related to the two gay men?

Yup.

Okay, let me save us both sometime here. Let me guess. The two gay men end up having sex with the two teenage boys in every disgusting and illegal manner possible. Right? 

Right.

Now, I’m a little confused here.

About what?

Well, it’s just that earlier you said the act was classy. How is it classy for two adult men to rape two teenage boys? Their sons, no less.

Oh, that. They’re not related to the teenage boys by blood. You see, they’re adopted. 

Oh, I see. And let me guess, you call your act The Aristocrats, right?

Nope.

No?! What then?!

The Democrats!!!

---

End transcript.

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Did You Hear ‘The Talk’ TV Talk Show Has a New Spin-Off Aimed at Prepubescent Girls?

Still funny with 'all-male' producers
removed or still just sexists?

By Robert W. Armijo

Yeah, and they are calling it, ‘The Preview’ ripping off their daytime TV talk show competitor, ‘The View’ in the process. 

The only trouble is that the all-male ‘The Preview’ TV show’s producers are concerned it will be a little too successful at attracting the wrong element of society, as well as your run-of-the-mill perverts, sexual predators, and child molesters.

However, unlike ‘The View’, where women get kicked off or “leave” the TV show for being menopausal or too old, girls on ‘The Preview’ will only be kicked off their show when they get a pimple or become pubescent.

Vote (right sidebar, scroll down) if you think this story is sexists or just funny.

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

‘The View’ or 'The Talk’, Which of the Two Daytime TV Talk Shows is the Most Racially Diverse?

Which TV talk show do you think is the most racially diverse,
'The View' Or 'The Talk'?

By Robert W. Armijo

It’s a tie, because both ‘The View’ and ‘The Talk’ have at least one token white woman in the cast at any given time. 

Vote for the TV show you think is most racially diverse in the funfakenews.com's polling section (Right sidebar, scroll down)


Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Top 10 Things People Thought O.J. Simpson Whispered into Robert Shapiro’s Ear After the Verdict

Oops, Wrong Simpson. Sorry.

By Robert W. Armijo

10) Suckers.

9) Knock, Knock. Who’s there? O.J. Simpson, Bitch! 

8) If I’m innocent like they say, then why do I still feel so damn guilty? 

7) What took them so damn long, don’t they know I got a noon tee time?

6) I feel like I just got away with a double murder homicide or something like that.

5) Now that’s not guilty for both Ronald and Nicole, right?

4) Do you think I can return those gloves without a receipt?

3) I wish Nicole was here to hear this…Oh, yeah. Right. Never mind. 

2) After this, I’m going to Disneyland.

1) I just got this great idea for a book.

Vote for Your Favorite Checkout funfakenews.com’s Polling Section (Scroll Down Right Sidebar).


Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

Kim Kardashian's Cleavage Causes New Cuban 'Missile Crisis'; Fidel Castro Makes 3 A.M. 'Booty' Call to White House to Complain

"At my age. it’s even had an effect on me. 

I had to sit down just to make this phone call. 

If you know what I mean, Mr. President?"

By Robert W. Armijo

Upon seeing Kim Kardashian’s cleavage spill out of a skintight white dress she was wearing during her visit to Cuba, Fidel Castro immediately picked up the hotline to the White House to talk to President Obama.

A transcript of that telephone conversation is as follows:

---------

President Barack Obama: What can I do for you, Presidente Fidel Castro?

Presidente Fidel Castro: I thought the Cold War was over between us, Mr. President.

President Barack Obama: It is, Fidel. What do you mean?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Have you seen what your girl Kim Kardashian is wearing down here?

President Obama: No. What?

Presidente Fidel Castro: A white dress that's so tight it squeezes out her maracas for everyone to see. 

President Barack Obama: Really?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Yes. Right now, as we speak, millions of Cuban men are experiencing their very own 'missile crisis'. If you know what I mean, Mr. President..

President Barack Obama: I hear you, Fidel.

Presidente Fidel Castro: At my age, it’s even had an effect on me. I had to sit down just to make this phone call. If you know what I mean, Mr. President?

"Yup. I just saw the pictures myself. I know exactly what you mean. 
And I too have had to sit down."

President Barack Obama: Yup. I know exactly what you mean. I just saw the pictures myself. And I too have had to sit down. Aw, snap! And I thought that girl only had some booty on her. Looks to me like she has got a great pair of…What do you call them down there in Cuba, Fidel?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Maracas, Mr. President..

President Barack Obama: Right, maracas. Well, Fidel. This was all very informative, but I have to ask what’s the purpose of this call? You know, because I’m very busy with the up coming election. I got to do everything in my power to stop a mad man from winning the presidency in November.

Presidente Fidel Castro: Ah, yes. Senior, Donald Trump.

President Barack Obama: Actually, I was referring to Hillary.   

Presidente Fidel Castro: Well, Mr. President. I just called to make sure Kim Kardashian’s cleavage was not some kind of secret weapon you were deploying to disable the men in my military, while you invaded Cuba. After all, most of my men are immune to big booty, but they have virtually no immunity to cleavage.  And as you know, Cuba has only survived this long this close to a superpower like America by keeping on its toes. 

President Barack Obama: True. By the way, Kim Kardahian is the bomb. But she’s not our secret weapon.  

Presidente Fidel Castro: No? Then whose secret weapon is she?

President Barack Obama: Mother Nature’s, of course.

Presidente Fidel Castro: Of course. 

After President Obama hangs up. 

President Barack Obama: Damn it! We should've cloned and weaponized her when we had the chance.

After Presidente Fidel Castro  hangs up. 

Presidente Fidel Castro: Quick take a DNA sample from Kim Kardahian so we can  clone and weaponize her, while we still have the chance. 

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com