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| CHA-CHING!!! |
By Robert W. Armijo
The
following is an unedited transcript of the Diane Sawyer interview with Bruce
Jenner that took the nation by storm, documenting the former Olympian’s
decision to go public with his gender reassignment surgery.
The portions
published here on funfakenews.com were edited out of the original broadcast, as
they were deemed too controversial by the producer of the show to air on TV.
Diane Sawyer: DS
Bruce Jenner: BJ
Transcript Begins Here:
DS: When did
you first realize you were a woman?
BJ: Oh, I
knew since I was a kid.
DS: That’s really
interesting because as you know many gay people say they knew as a child that
they were attracted to the opposite sex.
BJ: Well, I
don’t know about that because I’m not gay. I’m just woman trapped in a man’s
body. All I know is that as a child I was really bad at math.
DS: Really.
But I fail to see how that --
BJ: Oh yeah.
I had the lowest grades in math class. Right along with all the other girls.
DS: Oh, I
see. When do you think your children first suspected you were a woman?
BJ: Oh, they
knew. Even before me.
DS: But you
just said. Never mind. How so?
BJ: Every
time I got behind the wheel.
DS: Really?
BJ: Yeah,
they use to tell me all the time.
DS: Tell you
what?
BJ: What?
DS: No, what
did your children use to tell you all the time?
BJ: Oh,
that…
[Bruce
Jenner pauses a moment to take a drink of water from a nearby glass]
BJ: Every
time I drove them to school or dropped them off at the movies or at their
friend’s house. They’d say to me: ‘Dad., you drive just like mom’. And it’s
true. I do drive like a woman. To this day, I still can’t parallel park.
DS: But that
doesn’t prove you’re a woman.
BJ: Maybe
not in of itself. Except for what happened later that same day.
DS: What
happened?
BJ: I got
lost on the way picking up my kids from the movies.
DS: I still
don’t understand what that has to do with --
BJ: Well, I
was really moody that day. You know, because it was that time of the month. I
was confused so I pulled into a gas station.
DS: Oh, you
must mean that you were experiencing a sympathetic ministration cycle? Like
many transgender men sometimes report feeling?
BJ: No. My
wife was on the rag – It’s okay. I can use that word without sounding offensive
because I’m a woman now and it’s our word. We co-opted it. Only we get to use
it.
DS: So you
were saying you were confused so you pulled into a gas station?
BJ: Yeah.
DS: I’m
assuming to fill up on gas, right?
BJ: No, you silly Sally.
To ask for directions.
DS: Okay. So
when did your first and second wife know you were a woman?
BJ: They
didn’t.
DS: Because
you were too ashamed to tell them?
BJ: No, because
they weren’t in the car with me that day.
DS: You
don’t understand. What I asked you is when did they first know you were a
woman?
BJ: Oh that.
I don’t know. You’ll have ask them.
DS: Did you
exhibit any outward behavior at all that would have made them suspicious?
BJ: No.
Wait. What do you mean?
DS: Ever
give them any clues that they would pick up on that let them know you were
really a woman?
BJ: No.
DS: No?
BJ: Not
really.
DS: Not
really?
BJ: Not unless
you count the usual clues.
DS: I’m
sorry, the usual clues?
BJ: Yeah.
DS: You mean
that they walked in on you one day while you were wearing their clothes? Which
is actually a very common way transgendered men are discovered by the way.
BJ: No. I
was very careful.
DS: Then how
did they find out?
BJ: Their
shoes.
DS: Their
shoes? You mean they caught you wearing their high heels?
BJ: No.
DS: Then how
did they know?
BJ: After
I’d wear their shoes. They would complain to me that for some odd reason their
shoes didn’t fit them anymore.
DS: Didn’t
fit?
BJ: Yeah, because
I stretched them all out. I might be a woman trapped in a man’s body. But I’m
no petite woman. I wear a size 12 wide.
DS: Did Kris Kardashian find out the same way?
BJ: No.
DS: Why not?
BJ: Because
we wear the same show size. Well, close enough anyway.
DS: Because
her feet are smaller than yours?
BJ: No. Her
feet are actually bigger than mine.
DS: So you
could say you have trouble filling in her shoes?
BJ: I guess.
I never thought of it that way before.
DS: So when
did she begin to suspect that you were a woman?
BJ: What? I’m
sorry. I drifted off for a second.
DS: I just
asked when did she begin to suspect that you were a woman?
BJ: Probably
when I told her I had a great idea for a new reality TV show -- A spin-off show of
‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ called, 'Cha-Ching'.
DS: I’m
sorry, ‘Cha-Ching’?
BJ: The
title is still a work in progress.
DS: Getting
back to your surgery. Will you be undergoing the full procedure then?
BJ: What do
you mean?
[Diane
Sawyer pauses a moment to take a drink of water from a nearby glass]
DS: How do I
put this without appearing insensitive?
BJ: Just
come right out and say it, Diane.
DS: Okay
then --Will you be having anything removed? There! I came right out and said
it!
[Diane
Sawyer breaks out in nervous laughter]
BJ: Of
course. I’m even saving them in glass jar and putting them on the night stand
next to my bed.
DS: I’m
sorry. Did you just say that you’re going place your severed testicles in a jar
and keep them by your bed?
BJ: What?!
Good heaven’s no! I thought you were talking about my tonsils.
DS: So you’re
not having your testicles removed then?
BJ: Remove
my testicles? My dear, Diane. My wife had them removed years ago.
DS: Do you miss
them?
BJ: No. Not
really.
DS: Why not?
BJ: She
keeps them safe place
DS: May I
ask where?
BJ: In her
purse.
DS: And you really
don’t mind?
BJ: No.
DS: Why not?
BJ: Well,
whenever they're not in her purse or she’s not wearing them, she let’s try them on. But I give them
back to her right of way.
DS: What do
you look forward to the most in your new life as a woman?
BJ: Gosh,
there’s so much. I just don’t know where to start.
DS: Come
now. This is not the time to be shy.
BJ: Well,
okay. If you say so.
DS: I say
so.
BJ: Let’s
see now, umm. I’ll have to go with having doors held open for me, not having to
leave the toilet seat down after using it because it’s already in the down
position and as night follows day, having to stand up to pee. Taking out the
trash, talking my way out of a speeding ticket, never having to pick up the
check at dinner, balancing my checking account, never having to worry about
being drafted in the army or serving in a active combat zone unless I want to, cleaning
up on the women’s PGA tour, shoes of course, never having to be held
accountable for my actions – oh, yeah and best of all: breasts! I could play
with these things all day long and sometimes I do.
DS: What
will you miss the most about being a man?
BJ: My
penis.
Transcript Ends Here.
Copyright©2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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