Showing posts with label Kim Kardashian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kim Kardashian. Show all posts

Kim Kardashian's Cleavage Causes New Cuban 'Missile Crisis'; Fidel Castro Makes 3 A.M. 'Booty' Call to White House to Complain

"At my age. it’s even had an effect on me. 
I had to sit down just to make this phone call. 
If you know what I mean, Mr. President?"

By Robert W. Armijo

Upon seeing Kim Kardashian’s cleavage spill out of a skintight white dress she was wearing during her visit to Cuba, Fidel Castro immediately picked up the hotline to the White House to talk to President Obama.

A transcript of that telephone conversation is as follows:
President Barack Obama: What can I do for you, Presidente Fidel Castro?

Presidente Fidel Castro: I thought the Cold War was over between us, Mr. President.

President Barack Obama: It is, Fidel. What do you mean?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Have you seen what your girl Kim Kardashian is wearing down here?

President Obama: No. What?

Presidente Fidel Castro: A white dress that's so tight it squeezes out her maracas for everyone to see. 

President Barack Obama: Really?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Yes. Right now, as we speak, millions of Cuban men are experiencing their very own 'missile crisis'. If you know what I mean, Mr. President..

President Barack Obama: I hear you, Fidel.

Presidente Fidel Castro: At my age, it’s even had an effect on me. I had to sit down just to make this phone call. If you know what I mean, Mr. President?

"Yup. I just saw the pictures myself. I know exactly what you mean. 
And I too have had to sit down."
President Barack Obama: Yup. I know exactly what you mean. I just saw the pictures myself. And I too have had to sit down. Aw, snap! And I thought that girl only had some booty on her. Looks to me like she has got a great pair of…What do you call them down there in Cuba, Fidel?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Maracas, Mr. President..

President Barack Obama: Right, maracas. Well, Fidel. This was all very informative, but I have to ask what’s the purpose of this call? You know, because I’m very busy with the up coming election. I got to do everything in my power to stop a mad man from winning the presidency in November.

Presidente Fidel Castro: Ah, yes. Senior, Donald Trump.

President Barack Obama: Actually, I was referring to Hillary.   

Presidente Fidel Castro: Well, Mr. President. I just called to make sure Kim Kardashian’s cleavage was not some kind of secret weapon you were deploying to disable the men in my military, while you invaded Cuba. After all, most of my men are immune to big booty, but they have virtually no immunity to cleavage.  And as you know, Cuba has only survived this long this close to a superpower like America by keeping on its toes. 

President Barack Obama: True. By the way, Kim Kardahian is the bomb. But she’s not our secret weapon.  

Presidente Fidel Castro: No? Then whose secret weapon is she?

President Barack Obama: Mother Nature’s, of course.

Presidente Fidel Castro: Of course. 

After President Obama hangs up. 

President Barack Obama: Damn it! We should've cloned and weaponized her when we had the chance.

After Presidente Fidel Castro  hangs up. 

Presidente Fidel Castro: Quick take a DNA sample from Kim Kardahian so we can  clone and weaponize her, while we still have the chance. 

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:

Bruce Jenner, Diane Sawyer Interview Unedited

By Robert W. Armijo

The following is an unedited transcript of the Diane Sawyer interview with Bruce Jenner that took the nation by storm, documenting the former Olympian’s decision to go public with his gender reassignment surgery.

The portions published here on were edited out of the original broadcast, as they were deemed too controversial by the producer of the show to air on TV.

Diane Sawyer: DS
Bruce Jenner: BJ 

Transcript Begins Here:

DS: When did you first realize you were a woman?

BJ: Oh, I knew since I was a kid.

DS: That’s really interesting because as you know many gay people say they knew as a child that they were attracted to the opposite sex.

BJ: Well, I don’t know about that because I’m not gay. I’m just woman trapped in a man’s body. All I know is that as a child I was really bad at math.

DS: Really. But I fail to see how that --

BJ: Oh yeah. I had the lowest grades in math class. Right along with all the other girls.

DS: Oh, I see. When do you think your children first suspected you were a woman?

BJ: Oh, they knew. Even before me.

DS: But you just said. Never mind. How so?

BJ: Every time I got behind the wheel.

DS: Really?

BJ: Yeah, they use to tell me all the time.

DS: Tell you what?

BJ: What?

DS: No, what did your children use to tell you all the time?

BJ: Oh, that…

[Bruce Jenner pauses a moment to take a drink of water from a nearby glass]

BJ: Every time I drove them to school or dropped them off at the movies or at their friend’s house. They’d say to me: ‘Dad., you drive just like mom’. And it’s true. I do drive like a woman. To this day, I still can’t parallel park.

DS: But that doesn’t prove you’re a woman.

BJ: Maybe not in of itself. Except for what happened later that same day.

DS: What happened?

BJ: I got lost on the way picking up my kids from the movies.

DS: I still don’t understand what that has to do with --

BJ: Well, I was really moody that day. You know, because it was that time of the month. I was confused so I pulled into a gas station.

DS: Oh, you must mean that you were experiencing a sympathetic ministration cycle? Like many transgender men sometimes report feeling?

BJ: No. My wife was on the rag – It’s okay. I can use that word without sounding offensive because I’m a woman now and it’s our word. We co-opted it. Only we get to use it.

DS: So you were saying you were confused so you pulled into a gas station?

BJ: Yeah.

DS: I’m assuming to fill up on gas, right?

BJ: No, you silly Sally. To ask for directions.

DS: Okay. So when did your first and second wife know you were a woman?

BJ: They didn’t.

DS: Because you were too ashamed to tell them?

BJ: No, because they weren’t in the car with me that day.

DS: You don’t understand. What I asked you is when did they first know you were a woman?

BJ: Oh that. I don’t know. You’ll have ask them.

DS: Did you exhibit any outward behavior at all that would have made them suspicious?

BJ: No. Wait. What do you mean?

DS: Ever give them any clues that they would pick up on that let them know you were really a woman?

BJ: No.

DS: No?

BJ: Not really.

DS: Not really?

BJ: Not unless you count the usual clues.

DS: I’m sorry, the usual clues?

BJ: Yeah.

DS: You mean that they walked in on you one day while you were wearing their clothes? Which is actually a very common way transgendered men are discovered by the way.

BJ: No. I was very careful.

DS: Then how did they find out?

BJ: Their shoes.

DS: Their shoes? You mean they caught you wearing their high heels?

BJ: No.

DS: Then how did they know?

BJ: After I’d wear their shoes. They would complain to me that for some odd reason their shoes didn’t fit them anymore.

DS: Didn’t fit?

BJ: Yeah, because I stretched them all out. I might be a woman trapped in a man’s body. But I’m no petite woman. I wear a size 12 wide.

DS: Did Kris Kardashian find out the same way?

BJ: No.

DS: Why not?

BJ: Because we wear the same show size. Well, close enough anyway.

DS: Because her feet are smaller than yours?

BJ: No. Her feet are actually bigger than mine.

DS: So you could say you have trouble filling in her shoes?

BJ: I guess. I never thought of it that way before.

DS: So when did she begin to suspect that you were a woman?

BJ: What? I’m sorry. I drifted off for a second.

DS: I just asked when did she begin to suspect that you were a woman?

BJ: Probably when I told her I had a great idea for a new reality TV show -- A spin-off show of ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ called, 'Cha-Ching'.

DS: I’m sorry, ‘Cha-Ching’?

BJ: The title is still a work in progress.

DS: Getting back to your surgery. Will you be undergoing the full procedure then?

BJ: What do you mean?

[Diane Sawyer pauses a moment to take a drink of water from a nearby glass]

DS: How do I put this without appearing insensitive?

BJ: Just come right out and say it, Diane.

DS: Okay then --Will you be having anything removed? There! I came right out and said it!

[Diane Sawyer breaks out in nervous laughter]

BJ: Of course. I’m even saving them in glass jar and putting them on the night stand next to my bed.

DS: I’m sorry. Did you just say that you’re going place your severed testicles in a jar and keep them by your bed?

BJ: What?! Good heaven’s no! I thought you were talking about my tonsils.

DS: So you’re not having your testicles removed then?

BJ: Remove my testicles? My dear, Diane. My wife had them removed years ago.

DS: Do you miss them?

BJ: No. Not really.

DS: Why not?

BJ: She keeps them safe place

DS: May I ask where?

BJ: In her purse.

DS: And you really don’t mind?

BJ: No.

DS: Why not?

BJ: Well, whenever they're not in her purse or she’s not wearing them, she let’s try them on. But I give them back to her right of way.

DS: What do you look forward to the most in your new life as a woman?

BJ: Gosh, there’s so much. I just don’t know where to start.

DS: Come now. This is not the time to be shy.

BJ: Well, okay. If you say so.

DS: I say so.

BJ: Let’s see now, umm. I’ll have to go with having doors held open for me, not having to leave the toilet seat down after using it because it’s already in the down position and as night follows day, having to stand up to pee. Taking out the trash, talking my way out of a speeding ticket, never having to pick up the check at dinner, balancing my checking account, never having to worry about being drafted in the army or serving in a active combat zone unless I want to, cleaning up on the women’s PGA tour, shoes of course, never having to be held accountable for my actions – oh, yeah and best of all: breasts! I could play with these things all day long and sometimes I do.

DS: What will you miss the most about being a man?

BJ: My penis.

Transcript Ends Here.

Copyright©2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Kim Kardashian's Butt Selfie Vs. Amber Rose's Butt Selfie Joke and (Umm)...Poll?

Q: How does the Social Media coverage of Kim Kardashian's Butt Selfie Vs. Amber Rose's Butt Selfie contribute to the betterment of the human condition?

A: Social Media provides a new and quicker race to the bottom!

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.