Obama “BUSTour” Delivers New Campaign Slogan for 2012: Then: “Yes, We Can!” Now: “Yes, You Can”?

Washington, D.C –

While on his “Listing to America” bus tour through the Midwest, President Obama may have inadvertently come up with his 2012 campaign slogan all on his own. When, in a speech, he told Americans that only they, not him, could force the hand of Congress when it comes to creating jobs.

“I can’t force them to do it,” said Obama about creating jobs. “Only you can.”

Obama then went on to say to the audience, “So if you really think about it, the failures of my presidency are not really mine…They are yours.”

A hush came over the crowd.

After pausing a moment, checking the crowd’s reaction, Obama then proceeded to blame Americans for failing to fulfill his 2008 campaign promises as well.

“Why didn’t you do what I promised you, America?” said Obama, as people turned to look at each other somewhat embarrassed.

“What am I going to do with you?” added Obama as people hung their heads in shame. “Well?”

After pausing a few more moments, this time confidently staring down the crowd, as would an angry father his disobedient child, Obama spoke again.

“I’ll tell you what, America,” said Obama. “Not all hope for change is lost. And even though you failed me miserably, I still believe in you.”

Everybody not already on their feet stood up on them, cheering.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” said Obama, wiping his brow. “I guess I must be getting soft in my old age. Or maybe it’s that Nobel Peace Prize I won that finally got to me, but I’m going to give you one more chance, America.”

Obama then lead the throng in a chant -- His new political campaign slogan for 2012:

“YES, WE CAN!” Obama mistakenly yelled out at first. Then pausing a second to correct himself, he continued. “I mean, YES, YOU CAN! YES, YOU CAN! YES, YOU CAN!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Debt Ceiling Crisis Leaves Obama Smoking, Again

Washington, D.C. –

On a personal note, the debt-ceiling crisis has taken its toll on the health of the president lately, as he has taken up smoking again. It is reported that the First Lady, Michelle Obama, was the first to notice her husband’s relapse into his old nicotine habit, one which he had worked so hard to kick since he took office.

“I knew he went back to smoking,” said the First Lady. “He’d makeup some dumb excuse. Go outside, saying he needed some fresh air.”

Later, the First Lady picked out cigarette butts from her bed of flowers in the Rose Garden.

“At first, I don’t say anything to him,” said the First Lady. “Believing it’s really not my place. I mean so long as he doesn’t do it in front of the children, right?”

However, the First Lady expressed concerned that the president’s smoking was getting in the way of his job.

“He use to say smoking helped him relax, cleared his mind. So he could focus on the task at hand,” said the First Lady. “But I doubt that’s the case anymore.”

So the First Lady decided to confront the president with a handful of cigarette butts she found in the Rose Garden.

Only their meeting in the Oval Office was interrupted by a phone call from Speaker of the House Representatives, John Boehner.

“Honey,” said a confident and assertive First Lady. “I know you’re really busy with our nation on the verge of failing to meet it’s financial obligations for the first time ever, but I found these cigarette butts in the Rose Garden the other day. Now I understand you’re under tremendous pressure, but if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re using this debt ceiling crisis as some kind of smokescreen. Just so you can pick up smoking again.”

Just then John Boehner called, the president placing him on the speakerphone.

“Mr. President,” said a weeping John Boehner on the other end of the line. “For the love of God, please okay raising the debt ceiling. I don’t understand, we gave you everything you wanted weeks ago.”

After hearing John Boehner’s plea over the speakerphone, the First Lady looked down at the cigarette butts in her hand and then backup at the president with her mouth wide open.

From behind his desk, the president calmly reached into coat pocket, pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

“I beg you, Mr. President,” continued pleading John Boehner. “There’s very little time left. Approve raising the debt ceiling and put an end to this godforsaken crisis.”

“Are we clear?” said the president to the First Lady as he drew on the cigarette, its glow lighting up his face.

The First Lady just nodded her head as she slowly backed out of the Oval Office, placing the cigarette butts in her skirt pocket.

John Boehner, still weeping over the speakerphone.

“Mr. President…” sobbed John Boehner. “Mr. President…”


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama and Boehner to Settle Debt Ceiling Crisis Over Game of Rock-Paper-Scissors

Washington, D.C. --

The financial fate of the free world was saved today when President Obama and Speaker of the House of Representatives, John Boehner, finally came to an agreement on how to resolve the debt ceiling (raising the nation’s credit card limit) debate between them.

“Now let me be perfectly clear with you,” said John Boehner at a press conference where he quickly denied having come to an agreement with the president. “We haven’t actually come to a negotiated settlement on the debt ceiling crisis, only to an agreement on how to go about settling it. So other then that, you might say I haven’t come to any agreement with the president. In fact, you might say I don’t even agree to disagree with him…ever.”

According to the White House, however, President Obama and John Boehner will meet in the Rose Garden for a game of rock-paper-scissors.

“Whosoever wins two out of three games will decide the fate of our nation and quite possibly the world,” said a spokesman for the White House.

Reportedly President Obama is preparing for the game of chance by practicing with his youngest daughter, Sasha, while John Boehner is preparing himself by getting a manicure at a local tanning salon.

“President Obama is confident that he will prevail,” said the spokesman. “And America’s senior citizens can rest assured that they will get their social security checks come August third…Possibly the fifteenth…or thirtieth, at the very latest. September for sure.”

Wall Street insiders are said to be pleased with the new deal as well.

“Whatever the outcome, we welcome it,” said a hedge fund manager. “After all, America has to continue to exist in order to bet against it, right?”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Tries Building “A Coalition of the Willing” of His Own

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Washington, D.C. --

After two years of disappointing his base of Liberals, Progressives, Independents, some elderly and especially young voters, President Barack Obama announced today, after a failed rally attempt held at an undisclosed stadium at a college back east for a taped political TV commercial to be aired at a later date, that he is building “A Coalition of the Willing” of his own to save what is left of his super majority in both Houses of Congress, come this November’s midterm elections.

“Listen,” said Obama, while addressing a dwindling crowd of mostly youthful supporters. “Not too long ago you people were fainting at my rallies. Now, now you hardly swoon. What’s up with that?”

“In the not too distant past, those people would have broken out into laughter,” later noted an Obama’s staff member. “Now, not even a smile was seen on a single face in the crowd.”

As a somber and awkward silence seized the audience, a heckler spoke up to respond to the President, who once promised he would bring hope and change to the nation.

“What’s up with breaking your campaign promise not to sign a healthcare bill that didn’t have a public option?” the heckler answered the President's rhetorical question. “Let’s start with that!”

The crowd cheered the heckler.

“Look America,” replied Obama as he walked away from his podium and prepared speech on his teleprompter, rolling up his sleeves as he walked across the stage. “I never promised you a rose garden. And I know this may shock some of you out there, but I can’t walk on water, either.”

The crowd broke out into laughter, Obama smiled.

“Now what do you say, America,” continued Obama satisfied he regenerated the faithful as he walked back up to his podium and teleprompter. “What about we start over? And you help me build what I call ‘A Coalition of the Willing’ to restore hope and change to Washington?”

The crowd fell silent once more.

“Now you maybe asking yourself what’s this ‘Coalition of the Willing’ all about?” said Obama as he clearly began reading off his teleprompter again. Not noticing that his audience fell silent once again. “Well, you can breathe a sigh of relief; I’m not going to send you to invade a country. Not like, like that other guy.”

Obama paused and looked out to the crowd from behind his podium and teleprompter, waiting for them to react with laughter. But no one laughed. In fact, people resumed leaving the rally, quietly shuffling out in droves; heads hung low as before. 

Looking puzzled, Obama signaled to someone in his entourage to roll back his speech on the teleprompter.

“I said…,” Obama spoke picking up where he left off as he reread his speech from the teleprompter again, but this time with more emphasis on the punch line. “Well, you can breathe a sigh of relief; I’m not going to send you to invade a country. Not like, like that other guy -- The other guy, get it? Come on, people. That’s funny.”

“Not as funny as your administration,” yelled out the heckler as the crowd continued their exodus.

“Do you really want the other guy back?” said Obama, departing from his prepared speech as he nervously looked out at the people continuing to leave the rally. “Because that’s what is going to happen if you don’t vote for the Democrats in November. It’s either me or the other guy. It’s your choice. It’s that simple.”

The people did not respond to Obama’s threat. And soon all left the rally. Except for one man, the heckler, who sat up front.

“What are you still hanging around here for?” asked Obama, acknowledging the heckler.

"I don’t know,” replied the heckler. “New material?”



Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo