Washington, D.C. --The financial fate of the free world was saved today when President Obama and Speaker of the House of Representatives, John Boehner, finally came to an agreement on how to resolve the debt ceiling (raising the nation’s credit card limit) debate between them.
“Now let me be perfectly clear with you,” said John Boehner at a press conference where he quickly denied having come to an agreement with the president. “We haven’t actually come to a negotiated settlement on the debt ceiling crisis, only to an agreement on how to go about settling it. So other then that, you might say I haven’t come to any agreement with the president. In fact, you might say I don’t even agree to disagree with him…ever.”
According to the White House, however, President Obama and John Boehner will meet in the Rose Garden for a game of rock-paper-scissors.
“Whosoever wins two out of three games will decide the fate of our nation and quite possibly the world,” said a spokesman for the White House.
Reportedly President Obama is preparing for the game of chance by practicing with his youngest daughter, Sasha, while John Boehner is preparing himself by getting a manicure at a local tanning salon.
“President Obama is confident that he will prevail,” said the spokesman. “And America’s senior citizens can rest assured that they will get their social security checks come August third…Possibly the fifteenth…or thirtieth, at the very latest. September for sure.”
Wall Street insiders are said to be pleased with the new deal as well.
“Whatever the outcome, we welcome it,” said a hedge fund manager. “After all, America has to continue to exist in order to bet against it, right?”
Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
