Showing posts with label Michelle Obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michelle Obama. Show all posts

Debt Ceiling Crisis Leaves Obama Smoking, Again

Washington, D.C. –

On a personal note, the debt-ceiling crisis has taken its toll on the health of the president lately, as he has taken up smoking again. It is reported that the First Lady, Michelle Obama, was the first to notice her husband’s relapse into his old nicotine habit, one which he had worked so hard to kick since he took office.

“I knew he went back to smoking,” said the First Lady. “He’d makeup some dumb excuse. Go outside, saying he needed some fresh air.”

Later, the First Lady picked out cigarette butts from her bed of flowers in the Rose Garden.

“At first, I don’t say anything to him,” said the First Lady. “Believing it’s really not my place. I mean so long as he doesn’t do it in front of the children, right?”

However, the First Lady expressed concerned that the president’s smoking was getting in the way of his job.

“He use to say smoking helped him relax, cleared his mind. So he could focus on the task at hand,” said the First Lady. “But I doubt that’s the case anymore.”

So the First Lady decided to confront the president with a handful of cigarette butts she found in the Rose Garden.

Only their meeting in the Oval Office was interrupted by a phone call from Speaker of the House Representatives, John Boehner.

“Honey,” said a confident and assertive First Lady. “I know you’re really busy with our nation on the verge of failing to meet it’s financial obligations for the first time ever, but I found these cigarette butts in the Rose Garden the other day. Now I understand you’re under tremendous pressure, but if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re using this debt ceiling crisis as some kind of smokescreen. Just so you can pick up smoking again.”

Just then John Boehner called, the president placing him on the speakerphone.

“Mr. President,” said a weeping John Boehner on the other end of the line. “For the love of God, please okay raising the debt ceiling. I don’t understand, we gave you everything you wanted weeks ago.”

After hearing John Boehner’s plea over the speakerphone, the First Lady looked down at the cigarette butts in her hand and then backup at the president with her mouth wide open.

From behind his desk, the president calmly reached into coat pocket, pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

“I beg you, Mr. President,” continued pleading John Boehner. “There’s very little time left. Approve raising the debt ceiling and put an end to this godforsaken crisis.”

“Are we clear?” said the president to the First Lady as he drew on the cigarette, its glow lighting up his face.

The First Lady just nodded her head as she slowly backed out of the Oval Office, placing the cigarette butts in her skirt pocket.

John Boehner, still weeping over the speakerphone.

“Mr. President…” sobbed John Boehner. “Mr. President…”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

White House to Install Nuclear Power Plant Rooftop

Washington, D.C. --

Like President Jimmy Carter, who used the of the office of the presidency as a bully pulpit to demonstrate to the nation his comment to America becoming energy self-sufficient in the 1970s by installing solar panels on the roof of his then residence, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, President Barack Obama has announced he is installing a nuclear power plant up on the White House rooftop to prove how safe nuclear energy is to Americans.

“President Obama realizes that it would be easier to just reinstall the old solar panels that President Ronald Reagan had removed after President Jimmy Carter lost the 1980 election,” said a spokesman for the White House. “However, Obama feels that he has an obligation as the first family to show the nation that nuclear power is just as green as solar power. In fact, it’s greener.”

“I’m not so sure about moving my garden up on the roof,” said the First Lady as she lay in bed next to the president reviewing the blue prints for the nuclear power plant and her new greenhouse garden. “Especially next to a --”

“Now, now Michelle,” interrupted Obama, putting down a book he was reading. “How many times do I have to tell you? Nuclear power is completely safe. Besides, now on cloudy days your plants will get all the radiation they need. Only, not from sunbeams that have to be imported from halfway across the solar system but from the splitting of atoms, domestically generated just feet above our heads. I know what I’m doing. I’ve done my research. Okay?”

“Okay,” said the First Lady as she rolled up the blue prints, laying them aside. Ignoring the biohazard warning on them. “You do have a way with words.”

“That’s why I’m the President,” said Obama with a smile as he picked up his book ‘How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying’, tuning to the page where he left off reading. “Now, please. Let me get back to my research so I can be ready for tomorrow’s economic summit.”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Chris Matthews Watched as Obama Turned into ‘The Invisible Man’...Not the ‘Invisible Man’

Washington, D.C. --

“Pretty soon Obama lost all his pigmentation,” confessed TV political pundit Chris Matthews as he described watching Barack Obama, the nation’s first Black President deliver his first State of the Union address. “I didn’t even see a Black man anymore…I saw an invisible man.”

Actually, Chris Matthews claims all he saw was just a suit floating in the air, where Obama was standing on TV a moment ago.

“I wish Republicans could have seen Obama as I did. All invisible like that,” continued Chris Matthews. “Then maybe they would get along with him a little bit better.”

“We assure all Americans of every color,” replied a spokesman for the GOP, commenting on Chris Mathews’ colorblind remarks. “We don’t see a Black man when we look at President Obama. In fact, like Chris Matthews, we don’t see President Obama at all. To us he’s not merely invisible like in that book ‘The Invisible Man’ by H.G. Wells, but it’s as if he doesn’t exist. You know, like in that book ‘Invisible Man’ by Ralph Ellison.”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Salahi White House Crashers Turn Down Invitation To Meet Congress

Washington, D.C. --

After posing for international cameras at President Barack Obama's first White House State Dinner and then appearing on the nationally syndicated, the 'Today' show, the world's most famous party crashers, the Salahis, now refuse to appear before Congress, turning down engraved invitations to discuss how they bypassed several security checkpoints manned by the Secret Service.

With their attorney present, the Salahis called for a press conference in the White House Rose Garden to explain their reasons for refusing to appear before Congress.

"Where's the challenge?' said Mr. Salahi as he held up the Congressional invitation to the hearing on White House security up in the air, waving it above his head for all to see.

"Yeah," chimed Mrs. Salahi into the microphone. "If they really wanted us to appear, they should invited us and then immediately uninvited us."

Suddenly the Secret Service appeared, interpreting the Salahi press conference by asking them for proof of authorization to use the Rose Garden from the White House groundskeeper.

As the Salahis' attorney reached out his arm across the table placing his hand over the microphone, he whispers into the Salahis' ears.

Almost immediately, Mr Salahi stands and begins to putdown his pockets, while Mrs. Salahi begins searching her purse, dumping its entire contents on to the conference table.

"I just had it in my pocket a minute ago," says Mr. Salahi. "Did you get it, honey?"

"I thought you had it, dear?" replied Mrs. Salahi. "Wait! I get this email saying we could use the Rose Garden. Will that do?"

As the Secret Service agents confer over the authenticity of the email, the Salahis quietly get up from the press table and sneak into the White House.

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo

Items Missing from The White House, says First Lady, Michelle Obama

Washington, D.C. --

Along with mini bars of soap, facial towels and silverware embossed with the Presidential Seal gone missing from the White House, Michelle Obama reported to the Secret Service today that she discovered the mattress from the Lincoln Bedroom is missing as well.

“Secret Services searched every part of the White House looking for the missing mattress from the Lincoln bedroom,” said a White House official. “But so far it has yet to be recovered. Needless to say, you can only imaging the, um, historical significance it represents to the First Lady.”

The White House went on to say that they did not want to point fingers, but the last ones seen in the vicinity of the Lincoln bedroom were the Salahis, though at a loss of words as to how they smuggled out the twin-size mattress without the hundreds of guests and security noticing.

“One of them must have strapped it to their back,” said the White House.

However, since so many lobbyists were in attendance at Obama’s first state dinner, the Salahis must have been mistaken as one of them and allowed to slip out without question.

In the meanwhile, President Obama has formed a special task force to search and find the missing Lincoln mattress.
Until then, however, it is rumored that the First Lady has ordered him to sleep down stairs on the couch until it is safely returned.

“Listen,” reportedly said the president to the special task force over the phone. “Michelle and I need that mattress back. I can’t tell you the reason why. But let’s just say, the fate of the free world maybe riding on it.”

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo