Showing posts with label Justin Bieber. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Justin Bieber. Show all posts

Top 10 ‘Sharknado’ Movie Sequels Countdown: #5

#5) ‘Justin Bieber Fansnado’ – A tornado scoops up thousands of screaming teenaged girls from a Justin Bieber concert, safely depositing them at malls all over the country with their parents credit cards – Oh the horror, the horror, the horror. 

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

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Justin Bieber’s YouTube Look-Alike, Scapegoat for Teen Heartthrob’s Legal Woes?

Melbourne, Australia –

Video of the teen heartthrob look-alike has been posted on YouTube by Justin Bieber’s manager to serve as a warning to unsuspecting fans of the presence of the imposter.

In that YouTube video, "Justin Bieber" walks over to a high-rise hotel window where the real Justin Bieber is registered and waves to the throng of female fans below, sending them into a frenzy. Moreover, it is believed that this is not the first time the Bieber imposter has struck.

The imposter was the one that was stopped for speeding on the 101 freeway in Los Angeles last month,” said Justin Bieber’s manager. “Not Justin Bieber.”

Apparently, when the imposter was pulled over by the police, he fooled them and everybody else into believing that he was the genuine article as well.

According to the Bieber camp, the imposter is also the one responsible for an assault on a member of the fourth estate, which just occurred last month.

“The imposter attacked a paparazzo the month before last, too,” said Justin Bieber’s manager. “All for taking a picture of him with Selena Gomez, can you believe that?”

“If that’s true,” said the police. “Then all charges against Justin Bieber for the alleged assault against the paparazzo will be dropped, and the ticket for the moving violation expunged from the record -- No wait. We tore up that ticket.”

“You know,” added Justin Bieber’s manager. “Come to think of it. The imposter could explain the reason for that paternity suit filed against Justin Bieber a while back.”

In addition to the YouTube video, Justin Bieber’s manager also released a prepared statement to the press.

“Don’t waste your time waving to the imposter,” read in part the Justin Bieber statement. “Ask him for his autograph. Taking pictures of him. Or bother stealing his pillowcases or stalking him. And especially, don’t buy any of his CDs.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Justin Bieber Gives Fake Last Name in 911 Call to Police in High-Speed Paparazzi Freeway Chase

Hollywood, California –

The 911 call made by Justin Bieber, involving him and the paparazzi, while engaged in an illegal a high-speed chase southbound on the 101 freeway was finally released today, under pressure from the media.

The following is a transcript of that emergency audio recording.

A word of caution, however. Some may find the language here highly objectionable, or at the very least very, very juvenile.

Transcript Starts

911: Please state the nature of your emergency.

JB: Ah, yeah [Pause]...I’m driving on the 101 freeway really, really fast right now. And, um, I’m being followed by a bunch of strange men in cars.

911: Are they armed?

JB: Ah, yeah. They got telescopes and everything.

911: You mean rifle-sighting scopes?

JB: No, no. Telescope lenses. Like on the end of a camera.

911: Do you know who they are?

JB: Yeah, um, I think they’re paparazzi.

911: [Irritated] What’s your name, sir?

JB: Justin.

911: Do you have a last name, Justin?

JB: Yeah [Pause]…

911: [Repeating] Justin, your last name?

JB: [Hesitating]. Young…It’s, Young.

911: [Repeating] Mr. Young?

JB: Yeah, ah, I mean, Young-Dong.

911: [Disbelieving] Mr. Young-Dong? Really?

JB: Yes. It’s a hyphenated last name. You see my mother’s last name was, Young. And my father’s was, Dong. So naturally my last name is, Young-Dong.

911: [Silence]

JB: Hello? Is anybody there?

911: Listen, Justin, if that’s really your first name. I don’t know who you think you are, but making a prank call or providing false information to a 911 operator is a misdemeanor. And is punishable by a substantial fine and/or prison. Now, would you care to give me your real last name?

JB: Okay, okay [Pause]…It’s, Ness.

911: Mr. Ness?

JB: Yes.

911: That’s better. Now is there a middle initial, Mr. Ness?

JB: Yes, P.

911: P?

JB: Yes.

911: Okay now we’re getting somewhere. Now tell me, how can I be of assistance to you today, Mr. P. Ness?

Transcript Ends
Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Tina Fey Stands By Justin Bieber in Paternity Suit

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin

New York, New York –

Comedian and actress, Tina Fey, stunned everyone today when at a press conference that she called for, announced her support for the teenaged singing sensation, Justin Bieber in his paternity suit filed against him by a 20-year-old woman, alleging that he is the father of her 3-month-old child.

“Listen everybody,” said Tina Fey as she stood at the podium, her hand shaking a little. “This is not easy for me. I’m a mother for God's sake.”

Tina Fey then stepped back from the podium, asking for a glass of water.

After a few minutes, she regained her composure and continued with the press conference.

“And it’s because I’m a mother,” Tina Fey continued right from where she left off. “That I cannot stand idly by and watch…”

Tina Fey stepped back from the podium again. But this time to signal her assistant to bring out a giant poster of a smiling Justin Bieber, placing it on a stand beside her.

“And watch this fine young man be attacked by that 20-year-old [BLEEP]!” said Tina Fey. “I’m sorry. I’m a little upset.”

Tina Fey paused a moment as she asked for another drink of water, quickly spiting it out.

“Who put water in there?” Tina Fey asked her assistant. “Never mind.”

Once again, after regaining her composer, Tina Fey resumed her position at the podium, addressing the media.

“I guess there’s no other way to say what I’m about to say to you, except just to come right out and say it,” said Tina Fey with a nervous giggle. “Now, what I’m about to say to you will shock you, but I have to say it. I just hope you won’t think any less of me afterwards. It was a one-time thing. Believe me, I’m no slut.”

Tina Fey then pulled out a copy of the Bieber paternity court documents.

“Now, I know for a fact that, that [BLEEP] is lying,” said an obviously obsessed Tina Fey, waving the court pleadings in the air. “See? Right here, she claims Justin Bieber told her she was his first. And that’s impossible, because he told me I was his first.”

Tina Fey paused, nodding her head before continuing.

“That’s right,” said Tina Fey. “I was Justin Bieber’s first. Eat your hearts out, girls. I, Tina Fey, took away his virginity. One Saturday night, live. Now for the rest of his love life, he’ll be comparing y'all hoes to me.”

A reporter then stood up interrupting Tina Fey’s fist pumping with a question.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Fey,” said the reporter. “Mrs. Fey! Mrs. Fey!”

“What?” replied an irritated Tina Fey, as if rudely awoken from a trance.

“Isn’t it possible that Justin Bieber was feeding you and the young lady in the paternity suit a pickup line?” asked the reporter. “You know, just to get older women to sleep with him?”

Tina Fey’s demeanor changed almost immediately.

“Damn that lying little piece of [BLEEP],” said Tina Fey turning to the giant poster of the smiling Bieber, grabbing it off its stand and ripping it up. “I can’t believe I fell for that line, again. When will I ever learn?!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Justin Bieber’s Romantic Bathroom Stall Candlelight Dinner

Hollywood Bowl, California –

Recently at one of his concerts, backstage in a bathroom stall, Justin Bieber hosted a romantic candlelight dinner for the future mother of his child. That, according to pleadings filed with the court in a paternity suit against the teen heartthrob today.

“I wouldn’t say it was crowded,” stated the still infatuated and now impregnated 20-year-old Bieber fan in her affidavit. “I’d prefer to recall it as cozy.”

Justin spared no expense either, as he apparently lined the interior of the bathroom stall with vintage Walt Disney “Lady and the Tramp” movie posters.

“I heard they cost tens of dollars on eBay,” said the young lady.

As the two settled into the bathroom stall, sitting on the floor opposite from each other, across from the toilet bowl and with a single lit candle placed atop a tablecloth draped over it, Justin shared a deep personal secret.

“You know,” said Justin. “When I was a kid growing up, I wanted to be to one of two things.”

“Really, what?” asked the young lady.

“One was an international pop star with an incredible amount of wealth, fame and power at his fingertips,” said Justin. “And I’ve done that, as you can see.”

“Yeah,” agreed the young lady, giggling. “And the other?”

Justin paused a moment, tuning his head to the side revealing that perfect cartoon caricature profile of his.

“And the other?” gently repeated the young lady.

“And the other,” said Justin, as he leaned over the toilet bowl to whisper into the young lady’s ear. “The other…is a father.”

The young lady sighed and softly bit on her lower lip.

“You had me at pop star,” said the young lady.

“I know,” said Justin as he reached into his back pocket pulling out a Japanese headband, which he quickly placed over his forehead.

“What are you doing?” asked the young lady.

“I promised you a dinner, didn’t I?” replied Justin, pulling out a small tray with cold rice, vinegar and seaweed meticulously arranged in a decorative manner.

“Yeah, but here? “Now? How?” the young lady questioned excitedly.

“Sure, why not?” Justin said. “I got a couple of minutes before my second encore.”

Justin then removed the candle and tablecloth covering the toilet bowl lid. Lifting it up, he exposed the interior of the bowl and fish swimming inside.

Reaching into the toilet bowl barehanded, Justin pulled out a fish.

“It was still wiggling in his hand,” said the young lady.

Pulling out a Ginsu kitchen knife, Justin lobbed off its head.

After dinner and just before Justin returned to the stage, the two kissed and exchanged parting words.

“OMG,” said the young lady. “That was the best sushi I ever tasted.”

“Yeah, me too,” said Justin. “Me too.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

A Justin Bieber Paternity Suit Joke

A 20-year-old woman filed a paternity suit against teen heartthrob, Justin Bieber. Alleging that he is the father of her 3-month-old child. In court documents, she even goes so far as to claim that Bieber had sex with her for the sole purpose of getting her pregnant, saying to her: “Oh baby. Will you have my ‘♪Baby, baby, baby, oh♪”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.