Showing posts with label paparazzi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paparazzi. Show all posts

Top 10 ‘Sharknado’ Movie Sequels Countdown: #6

#6) ‘Paparazzinado’ – Too Hollywood insider to make. Nevertheless, basically a tornado filled with “photojournalists” “stalks” movie stars, reality TV people and pampered rappers filled with inner-city ghetto rage, lashing out at society by taking safe swings at the paparazzi, while their wives shop on Rodeo Drive.  

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Justin Bieber Gives Fake Last Name in 911 Call to Police in High-Speed Paparazzi Freeway Chase

Hollywood, California –

The 911 call made by Justin Bieber, involving him and the paparazzi, while engaged in an illegal a high-speed chase southbound on the 101 freeway was finally released today, under pressure from the media.

The following is a transcript of that emergency audio recording.

A word of caution, however. Some may find the language here highly objectionable, or at the very least very, very juvenile.

Transcript Starts

911: Please state the nature of your emergency.

JB: Ah, yeah [Pause]...I’m driving on the 101 freeway really, really fast right now. And, um, I’m being followed by a bunch of strange men in cars.

911: Are they armed?

JB: Ah, yeah. They got telescopes and everything.

911: You mean rifle-sighting scopes?

JB: No, no. Telescope lenses. Like on the end of a camera.

911: Do you know who they are?

JB: Yeah, um, I think they’re paparazzi.

911: [Irritated] What’s your name, sir?

JB: Justin.

911: Do you have a last name, Justin?

JB: Yeah [Pause]…

911: [Repeating] Justin, your last name?

JB: [Hesitating]. Young…It’s, Young.

911: [Repeating] Mr. Young?

JB: Yeah, ah, I mean, Young-Dong.

911: [Disbelieving] Mr. Young-Dong? Really?

JB: Yes. It’s a hyphenated last name. You see my mother’s last name was, Young. And my father’s was, Dong. So naturally my last name is, Young-Dong.

911: [Silence]

JB: Hello? Is anybody there?

911: Listen, Justin, if that’s really your first name. I don’t know who you think you are, but making a prank call or providing false information to a 911 operator is a misdemeanor. And is punishable by a substantial fine and/or prison. Now, would you care to give me your real last name?

JB: Okay, okay [Pause]…It’s, Ness.

911: Mr. Ness?

JB: Yes.

911: That’s better. Now is there a middle initial, Mr. Ness?

JB: Yes, P.

911: P?

JB: Yes.

911: Okay now we’re getting somewhere. Now tell me, how can I be of assistance to you today, Mr. P. Ness?

Transcript Ends
Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Paparazzi Captures Bruce Willis’ Kutcher Man Crush on Camera -- Demi Devastated!!!

Hollywood, California –

Maybe there is some truth to that old joke about a man complaining to his bartender that his best friend just ran off with his wife…and he misses him. Or maybe it is just a case of déjà vu.

That is because Bruce Willis has just changed residence again. However, this time instead of moving into a house directly across the street from his ex-wife, Demi Moore, he has moved into a house across the street from Ashton Kutcher’s new home.

“Just like he did when Demi dumped him for Ashton,” said a member of the paparazzi staked out in front of the Kutcher residence, waiting for an opportunity to take a picture for the tabloids. “But back then, Bruce said it was so he could be close to his kids. I can hardly wait to hear his excuse now.”

A friend close to Bruce says he has “definitely developed a man crush” on Ashton, though he fears to confront it.

Perhaps believing it will send him into a deep homosexual panic.

“Bruce is beside himself,” continued the female friend with a deep raspy smoker’s voice, asking not to be identified. “And believe me, Demi is not too happy either.”

It appears that Demi Moore went into an outrage when she discovered Bruce followed Ashton to his new home.

“She walked across the street from her house to Bruce’s,” said the friend. “You know, just to get a hug.”

However, all Demi found was moving men packing Bruce’s furniture into the backend of a truck.

“I guess she thought all this time that he was really there for her,” said the friend as she began to cry. “You know, waiting for her to come back to him.”

“It was a real ego boost to Demi. I can tell you that,” said another paparazzo, who along with the others have been documenting the love triangle over the years with their cameras. “I got pictures of her gloating in the review mirror of her car.”

Looking back at Bruce’s house across the street from hers, while she waited with Ashton for the security gate to open up.

“He would be peeking through the curtains at her,” the friend reminisced with great fondness.

“It was a little creepy if you ask me,” commented a paparazzo.

All the while Bruce watched the love of his life, the mother to his children making out with a man half his age in a driveway just across the street a stone’s throw way.

“But way out of reach for him,” continued the now sobbing friend. “Or so she thought, as she foolishly sat in an idling car with her hot young Hollywood producer lover, running her fingers through his full head of silken hair. As her ex-husband, father of her children watched…How stupid could she be, thinking it could last.”

“I got pictures of that too,” said a paparazzo. “We all do.”

However, none of paparazzi had the heart to publish them. Seeing that all had been married and divorced themselves at one time or another. Some more than once, still others more than twice.

“Bruce looked so pitiful. Just standing there, watching his ex-wife from behind those curtains,” said a paparazzo. “A real broken guy, if you ever saw one.”

“I guess you got to be a guy to understand,” said another paparazzo.

“So you see,” said yet another paparazzo. “We’re not the coldhearted money grabbing bastards movie stars and the mainstream media makes us out to be.”

“We’re capable of relating on a personal level,” said another paparazzo. “Not just a professional one.”

“Yeah,” said another paparazzo with a tough New York accent. “We got hearts too, you know.”

Just then Ashton Kutcher, driving a red convertible Mercedes-Benz, pulled into the driveway across the street from Bruce Willis’ new residence.

“Looking back,” continued one paparazzo from behind a camera lens, as he began snapping away photos of Bruce Willis peeking through the curtains like before. “I guess it was a good thing we didn’t publish those photos.”

“Yeah,” added the paparazzo from New York, also busy taking pictures. “Having a heart really does pay off, because now those man crush pictures, along with these man crush pictures are going to make us a fortune.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Rescued Chilean Miners’ 15-Minutes of Fame Over Already?

Santiago, Chile --

A major breakfast cereal manufacturer announced today that it is canceling its plans to place all 33 faces of the rescued Chilean miners on a special collector’s edition of its most popular brand of cereal.

The decision came down from the corporate office when a dispute between the miners arose over whether they should all appear on a signal cereal box cover, or each appear separately on their own respective box of cereal.

“Sometime during negotiations it seems the cereal company, along with the public, simply lost interest,” said a spokesman for the miners at a nearly empty press conference to yawning reporters.

Other evidence that the miners may have exhausted their 15-minutes of fame came when paparazzi style photographs surfaced depicting dozens of the miners in candid moments of domesticity from taking out the trash, picking up after the family dog to sleeping on the couch. While other pictures showed the unmarried miners having to pay for their own drinks and lap dances at the local bar.

Despite the sensationalism of the shots, however, no buyer could be found for the photos.

“I’m going back to Hollywood to see if Lindsey Lohan is out of rehab again,” said a paparazzo who had been stalking the miners since their release. “If I hang around here much longer, I’ll starve.”

“They’re down to a ribbon cutting ceremony at the neighborhood grocery store in the morning,” continued the spokesman for the miners. “After that, they hit rock bottom. And have to star on their own reality TV show, if they expect to milk any more money out of what is left of their last remaining 15-minutes fame.”

No word as to whether the miners will be appearing all together on one reality TV show, or 33 separate ones.

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo